5 possible reasons why a woman will say that to her ex are that…
1. He didn’t understand the type of attraction experience she really wanted
For example: She wanted him to be more ballsy and confident around, but he just offered her the nice, neutral version of himself.
He hoped that she would just accept that and be happy with it, but she wasn’t.
Even though she most likely gave him plenty of warnings that she wasn’t happy, he just kept offering her the same kind of attraction experience as before.
So, she got to the point where she said something like, “I just don’t feel like there’s a spark between us anymore,” and wanted to break up with him.
When a guy is faced with a situation like that, it usually feels like it’s happening all of a sudden.
He doesn’t understand how she could be dumping him, after he’d been so nice to her and tried his best to be a good boyfriend (or husband).
He may think, “She’s saying that there was no spark between us, but I felt it. I know that we have a special connection. I just have to do whatever it takes to make her see that it’s really there.”
Of course, most guys who get dumped for the old, “I don’t feel a spark with you” reason usually aren’t very good at attracting women.
In other words, a guy like that usually relies on getting lucky and fumbling his way into relationships with women, rather than actually knowing how to attract and pick up women that he selects.
Watch this video for more info…
So, when a guy who isn’t very good at attracting women by choice gets dumped by a woman who didn’t feel a spark with him, he will often try to re-attract her in ways that she doesn’t care about.
For example: He hopes that if he makes himself look better (e.g. loses some weight, goes to the gym to build some muscle, wears better clothes, changes his hairstyle), she will feel more attracted to him and feel the spark between them.
Alternatively, sometimes a guy will assume that he’s not being romantic enough in the relationship, which is why his woman is saying that there was no spark.
As a result, he may then start showering her with flowers and gifts as a way of sparking her romantic feelings for him.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Romance is only enjoyable if the feelings are mutual.
Although a woman might say, “You’re looking good. Well done on losing all that weight/building muscle,” or “Thanks for all the surprises,” it isn’t going to make her feel attracted to him in the ways that really matter.
What are the ways that really matter?
How he makes her feel when he talks to her, interacts with her and is around her.
Does he make her feel excited, happy and content when she’s around him, or does she feel bored, stressed out or depressed?
Does he make her feel like an attractive, sexy, desirable woman, or does she feel more like a neutral friend, big sister or roommate?
Does he make her feel rushes of sexual attraction when they talk and interact, or does he always seem to say and do things that bore her, or turn her off?
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t know the answers to these questions, so they hope to spark their woman’s feelings by showing her how willing they are to spend money on her, or by giving themselves a physical makeover to impress her.
Of course, that doesn’t mean a guy should look like a slob, or not bother to spoil his woman a nice gift or romantic gesture every once in a while.
However, if you want to spark your ex’s sexual feelings for you, you need to focus more on changing the things that really matter (e.g. becoming more confident and emotionally masculine around her, being more emotionally dominant than her so she can feel girly in comparison to you).
When she can see for herself that you no longer react to her in the same way you used to, it then feels natural and normal for her to drop her guard and open herself up to you again.
Another reason why a woman might say that there was no spark between her and her guy is because…
2. She felt some lust for him initially, but it faded pretty quickly
Sometimes when a guy doesn’t feel very confident about his attractiveness to women, he might focus on putting on a persona when he interacts with a woman for the first time.
For example: He might…
- Be very nice and attentive towards her to try and impress her that way.
- Use self-deprecating humor as a way of hopefully taking the focus off the fact that he doesn’t feel good enough for her.
- Act like he’s really confident and sure of himself, while on the inside he’s feeling anxious and thinking things like, “She’s so beautiful. I’d be so lucky of a woman like her fell for a guy like me. I’ve got to be on my best behavior and not screw this up!”
- Flatter her with lots of compliments to hopefully get her to give him a chance.
Of course, because he’s displaying a few of the qualities and personality traits that are naturally attractive to women, she will feel some attraction for him.
She may even be thinking, “Hmmm…he seems like a great guy. He’s confident, funny and nice. Maybe I should give him a chance.”
She then gets into a relationship and hopes for the best.
Yet, after the initial thrill wears off and they become more comfortable around each other, his persona begins to wear off and he settles into being his true self around her (e.g. insecure, self-doubting, weak-minded, wimpy, irritable and moody).
When that happens, it’s only natural that the woman begins to wonder, “What happened to the confident, nice, fun guy that I first met? He’s not the same anymore. In fact, all those things about him that originally turned me on are pretty much non-existent now. He’s nothing like the man I fell for. There’s just no spark between us.”
She might decide to hang in there for a little while to see if he can re-spark her feelings for him.
However, when she realizes that the insecure, needy, wimpy version of him is his actual true self, her feelings of lust and desire will begin to fade and she will then break up with him.
Another reason why a woman might say that there was no spark between her and her guy is because…
3. She lost respect for him, so she could no longer feel proper attraction for him
To maintain a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love, a guy needs to be the kind of man she can look up to, rely on and feel proud of.
So, when a guy fails to live up to those expectations over time, a woman’s feelings for him will also begin to change.
For example: Some of the reasons why a woman might lose respect for her man are:
- He displayed unmanly behavior too often (e.g. being too emotionally sensitive).
- He had no strong sense of purpose in life that was actively following through on.
- He placed her needs ahead of his own and always let her get her way, even though she treated him badly and didn’t give much or anything in return.
- He allowed her to dominate him emotionally in the relationship.
- He treated her like a neutral friend instead of his woman.
- He initially presented himself as a confident, ambitious guy, but never really followed through on any of the big plans or dreams he told her about when they were dating.
- He regularly criticized her and made her feel stupid, unattractive or useless.
- He felt shy or anxious around confident men in social situations.
- He became the butt of jokes amongst her friends or family.
- He didn’t ever stand up for her when she was being teased by friends or family and tended to take their side.
- He lost control of his emotions often and either cried, sulked or became very angry.
- He was always so moody and irritable and she had to be nice, sweet and gentle, otherwise he would get upset.
Essentially, he wasn’t being a real man.
When a woman is in a relationship like that, she will often start thinking, “What am I still doing with him? Most of the things I wanted in a man are missing from this relationship. I feel depressed and stressed out all the time with him. There’s no spark between us as well. Instead of wanting him to hold me and kiss me, I just want him to leave me alone. This is not how it’s supposed to be. I want to feel happy and turned on when I’m with my man, not like I want to get as far away from him as possible.”
In most cases, when a woman reaches a point where she’s thinking like that, she has lost pretty much all respect for him.
Without respect, it then becomes very difficult for her to feel sexually attracted to him, which then leads to her thinking, “There’s no spark between us.”
So, even though the guy might be thinking, “That can’t be true. There was a spark between us. I felt it! The sex was amazing at the start. We used to kiss for a long time and be groping each other passionately. There was a spark!” it’s simply not good enough.
You can’t keep a relationship together for life based on a spark that used to be there.
You have to build on it through all stages of your relationship…
Another more reason why a woman might say that there was no spark between her and her guy is because…
4. She thought that she’d be happy with a nice guy, but she now realizes that she needs more than just nice
If a woman has had a bad experience with a previous relationship where the guy was mean, took her for granted, cheated on her or even just generally treated her badly, she will usually then look for a new man who is the complete opposite to her ex (i.e. nice, sweet, gentle, agreeable).
Alternatively, if a woman has been raised in a family where her father was too domineering and treated her mother like an idiot, she might say to herself, “I never want to be in a relationship like that. I want a nice, sweet guy who will always treat me like a princess.”
She might then hook up with a nice guy who matches her picture of the “ideal man” that she has created in her mind.
However, as time goes by, rather than feel happy and content in the relationship with her nice guy, she starts to feel turned off and bored.
Although her man is everything she wanted him to be (i.e. sweet, kind, attentive), she realizes that his niceness is not enough to make her feel sexually attracted to him.
She feels like a neutral friend around him, or feels more emotionally dominant to him and like she has to take care of him.
Initially, she might say to herself, “Why are you being like this? You can do a lot worse than him. Just give him a chance… maybe he will man up one day.”
Yet, when weeks, months or even years pass, her patience will run out.
She might then say to her guy, “I don’t think that I want to be in a relationship with you anymore. There’s just no spark between us, so there’s no point being together” as a way of motivating him to change and give her the kind of attraction experience she really wants from him.
In most cases, rather than ask himself, “What aspect of my thinking and behavior is causing her to say this to me? What can I do to change and spark her feelings for me?” a guy makes the mistake of asking her what he needs to change to make her feel the spark, which only turns her off more.
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for shaping her guy into the man that he needs to become.
If she has to tell him what to do and how to behave, it puts too much pressure on her to be the leader in the relationship, when she just wants to be able to relax and be his girl.
So, a woman will almost always prefer to just cut her loses and break up with her guy, so she can then find herself a man who knows how to be a real man, without needing her to tell him how.
A final reason why a woman might say that there was no spark between her and her guy is because…
5. He didn’t make her feel feminine and girly enough
To maintain the spark of attraction and love that a woman feels for her man, a guy needs to make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to his masculinity.
Sadly, the mistake that a lot of guys make in a relationship is assuming that the initial spark that caused his woman to say, “Yes” to being his girl, will be enough to keep her attracted over time.
So, rather than focus on triggering her feelings of attraction every day (e.g. by making her feel loved, appreciated, desirable, sexy) a guy instead starts to treat his woman like his buddy.
For example: Rather than take her out for a romantic dinner, compliment her on her appearance and make her feel like she’s the sexiest, most desirable woman in the world to him, a guy might get into the habit of always playing video games while she hangs around the house, take her to sports game and essentially hang out with her like he would with any of his other buddies.
In his mind, he might be thinking, “This is so cool. My girl and I are so comfortable with each other that we can just hang out together wearing old tracksuits or denims and be happy forever. I don’t have to do the kind of things that other men do, (e.g. surprise her with flowers or gifts, plan romantic outings, make her feel very girly in comparison to how masculine I am behaving).”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that secretly, she doesn’t feel the same way.
She might like it at times, but not when it feels as though they are more like buddies or roommates than masculine/feminine lovers.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman doesn’t feel feminine and girly in her man’s presence, there’s nothing really there for her to feel continually attracted to, sexually.
She might feel some intellectual attraction and like him as a person, but without the all-important sexual spark in place, it just won’t feel like a proper boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife relationship.
She then will break up with him and hope that she can find a new guy who makes her feel that spark and keeps it alive.
So, if your ex said that there was no spark between you, but you felt it, it may be because you were happy with the way things were (i.e. comfortable, stable, familiar), while she wanted to feel more.
Fortunately, you can change how she feels by making some adjustments to the way you interact with her from this point onwards.
You may not have realized this, but you actually have a lot of control over how much or little attraction she feels for you.
For example: The more you display behaviors and personality traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, charisma, emotional masculinity, humor) the more attracted she will feel.
On the other hand, if you display behaviors and personality traits that are naturally a turn off to women (e.g. insecurity, neediness, emotional sensitivity) she will continue to say, “There was no spark between us and there still isn’t. Please accept that it’s over.”
The way she feels about you is pretty much controlled by how you present yourself to her during interactions.
If you display attractive behaviors, she feels some attraction and opens back up.
If you display unattractive behaviors, she feels turned off and closes herself off even more.
Which approach will you take from now on?
Are you ready to re-attract her and get her back?