When a woman breaks up with you and goes back to her ex, it will be due to one of the following reasons:
1. Her relationship with you was a rebound
Sometimes a woman will leave a boyfriend and immediately get into another relationship (i.e. a rebound) to make herself feel better, help stop herself from missing her ex, or so she doesn’t have to deal with the pain of being broken up and alone.
In many cases, the rebound relationship she gets into is with a nice guy who feels ‘safe’ compared to her ex (e.g. the new nice guy probably won’t break her heart, cheat on her, make too many demands on her and will really appreciate being with her).
While it might seem to be working for the nice guy, she is always planning on leaving him when she is ready.
So, when she feels better about herself, isn’t worried about going back to her and feels like she can be single and enjoy herself, she will then break up with the rebound.
However, if she doesn’t enjoy single life and starts missing her ex, a woman will go back to her ex for a while to see if she can stop the pain (e.g. make him love her, or want her again and then break up with him when she’s ready).
Important: The nice guy could have made the relationship work, but he would have needed to improve his ability to attract her, so her feelings for him became stronger.
Likewise, the nice guy can get her back, but he needs to improve his ability to attract her, so she feels compelled to give him another chance.
Here are some of the ways he can improve:
- He’s still a good guy, but he’s now enough of a challenge that she feels like she has to treat him well and be a good woman to him, or he will lose interest.
- He’s confident around her regardless of whether she’s being interested and affectionate, or cold and indifferent towards him.
- When she’s being an emotional woman (e.g. throwing a tantrum for no reason, crying, being moody), he handles it with humor, rather than getting sucked into her drama and becoming upset, annoyed or feeling insecure.
- He still treats her well and with respect, but he now also adds in a bit of bad boy flirting, which then excites her and turns her on. For example: If she tries to put him down or make him feel insecure about something he said or did, he laughs and in a confident, easygoing, manly way, says, “You love it.”
So, if your girlfriend broke up with you and went back to her ex, it almost certainly means the attraction experience she was getting from you (e.g. nice, comfortable, predictable) wasn’t as strong as the attraction experience she is getting from him.
However, if you interact with your ex and make her feel attracted to you in ways she never felt before, she won’t be able to stop herself from wondering if she’s made a mistake by leaving you for him.
Then, even though she may have previously thought of you as just a rebound, she will suddenly want to give you another chance, rather than regret it later on if she sees you move on and be happy with another quality woman.
2. She was still in love with her ex, hoped you could change that, but you weren’t able to
Sometimes a woman will break up with a boyfriend even though she still has feelings for him.
Some reasons why…
- She wanted more commitment (e.g. move in together, get engaged, get married, have a baby), but wasn’t ready or willing to give it to her at that time.
- Her family didn’t like, or approve of him. So she broke up with him to avoid disappointing them further.
- She needed to focus on her career, or studies and the relationship was taking too much of her time (e.g. he was texting too much, needed too much of her time).
- She was moving to another town/city/country and didn’t want to have a long distance relationship.
- She was hoping that by breaking up with him, he would change and try to get her back. Then, she would have a better relationship with him. Yet, he didn’t try to get her back and got into a relationship with another woman, so her plan backfired. She missed him, wanted him back and ended up going back to him when he became single again.
- She broke up with her ex after a big argument, but still loved him and wanted to be with him.
A woman will then hook up with another guy (you), in the hope that she will get over her ex.
If the new guy is able to attract her in ways that she really wants, then she will fall in love with him and want to keep the relationship together.
Yet, if the new guy doesn’t really know how to attract women and just got lucky with her, then she won’t feel what she really wants and will miss her ex.
3. Her ex manned up, became more attractive to her and took a chance to get her back
Some guys want an ex girlfriend back, but don’t ever do what is required to get her back.
Instead, a guy will often just sit around feeling sad, lonely and regretting how he lost the perfect girl for him.
In some cases, he will plead with her another chance and be rejected, or try to work things out via text and be ignored.
However, in a small number of cases, a guy will man up and do what is required to get an ex woman back (i.e. become more confident, improve his ability to attract her during interactions and then interact with her, re-attract her and get her back).
So, it’s possible that your girlfriend went back to her ex because he did what is required to get a woman back.
You can do that to her now and get her back from him if you want to.
Alternatively, you can try to move on without her.
4. She got back with him out of familiarity
Many women go back to an ex rather than risking the potential pitfalls of the dating scene (e.g. not being able to find a suitable guy, needing to put in a lot of effort to look attractive and compete with other single women for men’s attention, meeting someone who turns out to be weird or even dangerous, wasting more of her youthful attractiveness on a guy who isn’t the one for her).
Also, some women like to have sex with an ex that was great in bed, or at least gave her sex that she enjoyed and felt good about.
Some women also go back to an ex who was a good guy and made her feel happy, loved, warm, safe and taken care of in the relationship, in the hope that he’s changed (i.e. become more manly in his behavior, gotten over his insecurities, become more confident, understands how to be a playful challenge now), so she doesn’t have to go through the stress of finding another man again.
Unfortunately though, in most cases, a woman’s ex hasn’t really changed or improved much since the break up, so the same issues that led to the break up begin to surface once again.
She then breaks up with him again and forces herself to get back into the dating scene to find a new man, whether she wants to or not.
5. She’s using her ex to get over you
After a break up, some women remain single and try to work through the emotions of a break up by themselves.
Other women quickly get into a relationship with any available man they can find (e.g. a guy who has been interested in her all along, a friend who has feelings for her, an ex who still loves her, an ex that she just wants to have sex with again), so she doesn’t have to deal with the pain of the break up alone.
In other words, your girlfriend might be with her ex to avoid missing you.
Yet, that doesn’t mean she will stick with him for life, or for long.
In most cases, a woman will break up with her ex within weeks or months when she is ready and feeling better (e.g. more confident, more in control of her emotions) if he hasn’t leveled up and truly changed as a man.
Remember: She broke up with her ex for a reason (i.e. he wasn’t giving her the attraction experience she wanted) and chances are high, he hasn’t changed very much at all.
So, when your ex realizes that you’re now the man she always wanted (e.g. more confident, more able to create a relationship dynamic that motivates her to be a good woman to you, less needy, more assertive in a loving way), she won’t be able to resist giving you another chance.
After all, if she’s like the majority of women, she is secretly trying to find one man to settle down with for life.
She might not act like that, or admit it, but that’s what women do.
They try to find a man that is going to be good relationship material for life, so they can build a family with him.
Even if a woman says she doesn’t want children, her instincts will still drive her to find a man who would be best for the long term.
6. She needed him for financial reasons
Some guys are very generous towards women and will help a woman pay her bills, give her a place to stay without asking for rent, drive her around, take care of her expenses while studies, or is in between jobs and so on.
Guys like that almost always get used by women, but never truly loved by them.
Sometimes a woman will keep a guy like that in her life, until she finds the right man to settle down with.
While he is helping her, she will occasionally give him sex and act like she loves him, but will keep him confused by saying that she needs space, is recovering from a bad relationship, is scared to commit because of how guys have treated her in the past and so on.
She will play him and he will fall for it.
Before he knows it, she will be with another guy and say that she’s sorry and didn’t mean for it to happen.
Alternatively, she will say that she expects him to respect her new relationship and not interfere.
He will then get out of the way, to avoid upsetting her and wait and hope that she becomes single again.
If she does, she might temporarily use him for financial reasons and then dump him again when ready.
7. She wasn’t being honest to you about why she broke up with her ex
Sometimes a woman will spin a tale about her ex boyfriend being an asshole (e.g. how he treated her badly, the break up was all his fault).
When a new guy hears that, he might see it as his chance to be her knight in shining armor and treat her like a princess.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that she actually liked some of the so called “asshole qualities” of her ex boyfriend and just wanted to be able to tame him, domesticate him a little more and gain some control over him.
After trying for many months or years, she was unable to tame him, so she dumped him.
She hoped that he would change and try to get her back, but he just started dating other women, so her plan backfired.
Then, she started dating a new man (you) and got into a relationship with him to hopefully move on and forget about her ex.
Yet, her attraction for him remained, even though she said he was an ‘asshole’ or treated her badly.
Women often use the word asshole about a guy that they don’t actually think is an asshole, but instead is hard to get, hard to read or hard to tame.
In some cases, saying he is an asshole is also a way for her to try and protect her image.
Essentially, she’s embarrassed to admit that she’s attracted to that kind of man (i.e. an emotionally unavailable, hard to get man), when it’s more logical for her to be drawn to a guy who is nicer, more committed, easier to read and so on.
Yet, the reality is that although a woman might appreciate it when a guy is nice and predictable, it’s not what causes her to have ongoing sexual and romantic feelings for him.
She might like her new guy and care about him as a person, but will feel more attracted to her “asshole” ex because he is more confident, makes her feel the need to impress him and doesn’t allow her to walk all over him with her confident, independent personality.
8. After breaking up with you, she started to believe that she made a mistake by breaking up with him
That happens when a woman focuses on the positives of being with her ex, compared to you.
She realizes that her ex wasn’t all that bad and actually had some hard to find qualities (e.g. he’s a playful challenge at times, he makes her feel girly in comparison to his masculine approach to conversations and interactions with her, he doesn’t get dragged into her drama when she throws a tantrum), which you don’t seem to have.
In other cases, a woman realizes that she probably over-reacted by dumping her ex, or she was being immature or unnecessarily needy.
For example: Her ex wasn’t giving her enough attention because he was too focused on his work.
Yet, now that she’s matured, she realizes how important it is to have a man who isn’t 100% focused on her all the time.
She realizes that a man should be focused on his purpose, goals and ambitions in life, rather than just wanting to hang around with her all the time.
9. She didn’t feel like she had many other options
It’s easy for women to get loads of interest on dating apps.
However, 99.9% of the time, guys don’t know how to properly attract a woman via text, or lack the courage to ask her out.
So, even though it looks like she has a lot of options, it rarely turns into a date.
So, rather than wasting time on dating apps, a woman will often go back to an ex that is still interested in her and wasn’t that bad of a boyfriend.
10. She was using you to make her ex jealous and want her back
Sometimes, a woman will get into a relationship with a man purely to show her ex that she is valuable, attracted and wanted by other men.
She hopes it causes her ex to realize that he’s lost a great girl and then get her back.
So, if your girlfriend was using you to re-attract her ex, it might have worked on him and caused him to contact her and get the relationship back together.
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