1. It’s a rebound if he’s very different to you, but not perfect for her
Essentially, a woman might hook up with a friend after she breaks up with a guy, to try and heal herself by being in a relationship that fills the emotional gaps missing in her relationship with her ex.
For example: If her ex was the jealous type and as a result he became clingy and controlling (e.g. he wanted to do everything together, he refused to let her hang out with her friends all that much or at all), she’s usually going to feel much happier with a guy she already feels comfortable with and who she knows is going to be less jealous and controlling than her ex.
Makes sense, right?
Yet, that doesn’t mean that her friend is going to have other, equally important qualities that she’s looking for in a man (e.g. confidence and emotional strength, emotional masculinity, drive and ambition), to be able to maintain her attraction for life.
So, in contrast to how her ex made her feel near the end of the relationship, her old friend currently seems like a much better option.
However, the good news is that it doesn’t really matter if he’s a rebound or not.
The important thing is that you quickly learn from your past mistakes, so that you can regain her respect, attraction and love for you.
The better you are at making her feel sexual and romantic feelings for you again when you interact with her, the faster she will realize that her friend is not the man she wants – you are.
2. It’s not a rebound if she has been attracted to him for a long time and he is a balanced, all round man
If your ex’s friend not only fills in the gaps that were missing in her relationship with you, but he also makes her feel attracted in other ways that she wants (i.e. because he’s not one extreme or the other), it is possible that he will end up being more than just a rebound guy to her.
For example: He’s…
- Not too nice, nor too arrogant and heartless when it comes to women.
- Able to make her feel strong surges of sexual attraction for him, even though they are also friends.
- Interested in the same things as her, but still maintains his own independence (i.e. follows through on his own goals and dreams, hangs out with his own friends, has his own hobbies and interests).
- Loving and attentive towards her, but doesn’t let her push him around or dominate him emotionally.
- Self-confident and self-believing with or without her in his life.
The more well-rounded he is, the more he will be able to attract her and then keep her in a relationship with him.
This is especially true if she’s been attracted to him for a long time, but because she was with you, she tried to convince herself not to think about him in that way.
However, now that you and her are broken up, she may begin seeing him as being the one for her, rather than just a guy she’s with to get over you.
This is why, if you want her back, you need to quickly transform yourself into more of the man she always wanted you to be (e.g. more confident, emotionally independent, emotionally masculine, driven and motivated in life).
You don’t have to be perfect, only better.
Then you need to actively interact with her (over the phone and even better, in person) and make her feel strong bursts of sexual and romantic feelings for you.
When she feels drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her and also sees that you’re a new and improved man, her guard will automatically start to come down a little bit.
If she then also begins to notice things about her friend that weren’t visible before they started dating (e.g. he gets jealous and controlling), she will naturally begin to question her feelings for him.
You can then build on her initial uncertainty and show her that you are the right man for her, not the other guy.
On the other hand…
3. It’s a rebound if she’s just using him to avoid the pain of breaking up with you and being alone for a while
Some women can’t cope with the emotions of a break up and don’t like the idea of being single for very long.
So, rather than having to deal with the pain, a woman like that might quickly get into a relationship with a friend that she knew before.
Essentially, she’s just playing it safe with someone she knows won’t break her heart, while she can have the benefits of being in a relationship at the same time.
That is why you can’t sit around and do nothing.
Instead, focus on giving her the kind of attraction experience she really wants, to make her start paying attention to you and missing what you and her had.
Don’t try to get her back by comparing yourself to her friend and pointing out all his flaws, because she just won’t want to listen to you (even if what you’re saying is true).
You can’t tell her you’re the right man for her, you need to show her via your actions, behavior and the way you respond to what she says and does.
At the same time, you also need to attract her in ways that her friend can’t (e.g. if he’s too serious, you make her laugh, if he doesn’t show much interest in her dreams and ambitions, you’re more supportive).
The more you highlight her friend’s shortcomings by being a better man than him, the more she will begin doubting her decision to break up with you.
She will then start to look at you in a positive light and realize that you probably are the right guy for her after all.
You can then gently guide her back into a relationship.
Common Problems Guys Experience in This Situation
It doesn’t matter if your ex is in a rebound relationship with her friend or not.
What matters is that you re-attract her and get her back, which is why you need to avoid making these mistakes:
1. Assuming that the ex back process is different based on the uniqueness of the situation
Yes, your situation is unique.
However, the solution remains the same and it works.
Here’s the thing…
Whether an ex woman is dating a random guy, her best friend, or is single at the moment, getting her back requires the same approach.
You need to interact with her and actively make her feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for you.
When she experiences the new and improved you, she won’t be able to stop herself from reconnecting with some of her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking things like, “I might have been able to get my ex back if she was dating some random guy, but she’s not. She’s dating someone who’s been her friend for a long time, so her feelings for him are probably really deep. She may even have secretly been in love with him before she dated me. I just can’t compete with that,” and do nothing.
Instead take every opportunity to make her feel something for you.
The more attracted to she feels to you, the more she will begin to doubt her feelings for her friend.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Staying out of the way and never contacting her in the hope that they break up one day
Sometimes, a guy assumes that if he backs off from his ex (i.e. he doesn’t text, call or interact with her in any way), her relationship with her friend may eventually die out.
If that happens, he can then reappear in her life and work on getting her back.
Yet, that’s the worst thing you can do.
Firstly, staying completely out of your ex’s life is the quickest way to make her forget about you (i.e. out of sight, out of mind).
Secondly, because you’re not actively sparking her feelings for you, her friend probably will be, so she may actually fall more in love with him than she would have if you’d been around.
Lastly, there’s no guarantee that she will even bother contacting you if she breaks up with her friend.
Instead, she will likely just move on to the next guy who sparks her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction, rather than go back to an ex (i.e. you) that she hasn’t had any contact with for weeks or even months.
So, if you really want her back, you need to remain an active part of her life (i.e. by calling her on the phone and meeting up with her in person as often as possible).
Then you need to use those interactions to make her feel surges of respect and attraction for you again.
The more you do that, the greater your chance of getting her back.
However, if you just avoid her and then expect her to come back to you one day if she breaks up with her friend, chances are high that you will lose her for good.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Losing confidence as you wait and imagine her being so much happier with the new guy
Naturally, seeing his ex in a relationship with a guy she knew before getting together with him can really dent a man’s confidence and self-esteem.
For example: He might say to himself, “She seems so happy with her new man that I wonder if she really ever loved me, or if all the time we were together she was thinking about him. I don’t even know for sure if she didn’t just go out with me because she believed she couldn’t get him. I guess she now has the man she wanted all along and I don’t stand a chance of ever getting her back. It’s hopeless.”
Yet, thinking like that only makes him behave in ways that make him unattractive to women in general and his ex in particular.
For example: His body language takes on a more negative slant (e.g. his shoulders are more stooped, his head is bowed).
When he talks in conversation, he subconsciously puts himself down (e.g. he calls himself a loser, makes jokes about his appearance or that he will never find a woman to love him).
Here’s the thing…
If you lose confidence in your ability to make your ex feel attracted, you will likely push her away even more, because women are turned off by emotional weakness and insecurity.
Then, rather than doubt her decision to break up with you, she will feel relieved that she’s no longer with a guy who doesn’t believe in himself and in his value to her.
This is why, if you want to make your ex want you more than she wants him, you must believe that you are good enough for her.
If you don’t, neither will she and then getting her back will be very difficult for you.
So, don’t waste any more time doubting yourself.
By maintaining your confidence and believing in yourself, you can make her want you back.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Thinking that relationships based on a friendship are better
Right now your ex may be dating a guy she used to be friends with, because he was there for her after you and her broke up.
However, just because he might be a really good friend, it doesn’t automatically make him a good boyfriend as well.
For example: As her friend, a guy might be relaxed, laid back, open minded and supportive of her.
So, if she dresses in sexy, revealing outfits, it doesn’t bother him and he will probably encourage her to express herself in whatever way she likes.
However, as her boyfriend, his attitude may drastically change, because he is now invested and he suddenly starts to fear losing her, so he becomes jealous, controlling and clingy.
Also, as a friend, a guy is usually used to treating her as one of the guys.
If he then suddenly becomes her boyfriend, it’s a lot more difficult for him to switch from being neutral and friendly to making her feel attracted all the time.
Yet, if he can’t grow and maintain her feelings of romantic and sexual attraction and he then falls into the habit of treating her like his friend again because that’s what he’s used to, she will eventually grow tired of him and start to look for a man who can make her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with him.
So, as you can see, a friendship is not a guarantee that a relationship will be better or stronger.
That’s why the only thing you need to focus on if you want to get your ex back, is to actively make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you whenever you interact with her.
The more attracted you make her feel compared to her new guy, the more drawn to you she will be.
That’s what counts.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
5. Not interrupting the process of her moving on
Sometimes, a guy makes the mistake of thinking that if his ex is in a new relationship, he no longer has a chance of getting her back.
So, rather than stay an active part of her life (e.g. by texting her, calling her on the phone and even meeting up with her as friends), he instead steps back and waits in the hope that he new guy is a rebound.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you don’t do something to stop your ex from moving on, the relationship with her new guy might become more serious than it would have, if you’d been around.
Alternatively, she might break up with her new guy, but because you haven’t been actively sparking her feelings, she may decide to find another guy, rather than give you another chance.
So, if you want your ex back, you have to be active about it, rather than passive.
If you’re not texting, e-mailing, private messaging, calling and meeting up with her in person and reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you, then she’s going to fully move on with her new guy and getting her back will become very difficult.
Don’t sit around waiting for her to become available again before you make a move.
Get her back now.