If your ex is still attracted to you and in love with you, then No Contact will hurt her and she might want to get you back to feel better about herself.
On the other hand, if she dumped you after losing respect, attraction and love for you and no longer has an interest in you, then she will probably just move on and not look back.
Remember: No feelings for you = no motivation to want to get you back.
What matters the most when getting an ex woman back is her feelings for you.
That fundamental rule applies even if a woman has abandonment issues, or is totally independent.
It’s all about how you make her feel and No Contact won’t necessarily make any women feel drawn to their ex and want him back.
So, if you want to get her back for sure, here are 3 questions to ask yourself:
1. How strong is her love for you?
If a woman is still in love with her ex, then using No Contact can work on her.
When she doesn’t hear from her ex, she may begin to think, “I know that we’ve broken up, but I’m still in love with him. The thought of losing him forever makes me feel sick, so it must be a sign that we should get back together. Not hearing from him is driving me crazy! I just can’t take it anymore. He is the man that I love and I can’t deal with being abandoned by him like this. Maybe I was too hasty in breaking up with him. Maybe if I contact him again, we will be able to work things out. All I know is that I can’t just sit here and live with the thought of losing him. I have to contact him.”
She will then contact him and try to get him back.
Here’s the thing though…
In pretty much every ex back case where a man needs help to get his ex woman back, she isn’t still in love with him.
She is over him and wants to move on, so No Contact doesn’t work on her.
So, when she notices that he’s not contacting her, she may think, “I knew I couldn’t trust him. He’s just like all other men. When the going gets tough, they abandon me. No-one is willing to fight for me and get me back. Well, that’s fine with me. I’ve survived this before and I will survive it again. I’m going to find myself a man who I love, who loves me and who doesn’t ever want to leave me.”
If her ex then contacts her after 30 or 60 days of No Contact to hopefully get her back, rather than running back to him, she will say something like, “How can you even talk to me after the way you behaved after the break up? You knew I had abandonment issues and you just walked away like I meant nothing to you. Don’t you understand how that would have made me feel? Well, it doesn’t matter anymore because it’s completely over between you and I. I can’t be with a man who disrespects my feelings like that. Don’t ever contact me again!”
It then becomes more difficult for the guy to get her to forgive him, re-attract her, seduce her and get her back.
This is why No Contact isn’t an approach that should be used on ANY woman.
It’s best used when a woman is still in love with her ex, can’t find a replacement guy or can’t deal with the pain of a break up.
In pretty much every other situation (i.e. 99% of ex back cases where a guy actually needs help), the woman will move on if her ex doesn’t contact her because she’s no longer attracted to him.
So, if you’re not sure about how much your ex loves you and how she will react if you walk away from her, it’s best not to use No Contact on her.
Instead, you should interact with her every chance you get (e.g. by talking to her over the phone, or meeting up with her to catch up) and reawaken her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, so she actually has a reason to get back with you (i.e. she has feelings for you again).
The more that you make her laugh, smile and feel like a sexy, desirable woman around you, the more she will open back up to you and want a relationship.
As you are getting back together, she will then begin to think something like, “He could have abandoned me when we broke up, but he stuck around and changed and improved so he could be a better man for me. I don’t know if I’ve finally found the man that I can stick with for life, but I do know that he at least deserves another chance. He didn’t abandon me. He truly loves me and I’m starting to think that I truly love him too. Maybe this is it. Maybe he’s the one after all.”
She then opens up to giving the relationship another try.
Another question to ask yourself is…
2. How easily can she move on without you by hooking up with a new guy?
In some cases, even though a woman has abandonment issues, being ignored by her ex might not be that big of a deal to her.
She knows that she can easily find a replacement man (e.g. because she is attractive, she knows how to flirt and make guys interested in her), so she isn’t worried about being ‘abandoned’.
So, rather than feeling sad or panicking about her ex not contacting her, she focuses on finding herself a new guy as soon as possible (e.g. by using dating apps, going to bars or clubs with her single friends or coworkers, taking up a mostly male-oriented hobby or sport, saying “Yes” to a guy that has had a crush on her for a while, flirting with coworkers).
Alternatively, she might decide to go from relationship to relationship to ensure that she is never alone.
She may think, “If I’m never single, I never have to feel abandoned. So, I should always have other guys lined up and ready to date me, in case the relationship I’m in breaks up. That way, I will always have someone ready to love me and I’ll never feel alone.”
While her ex is sitting at home counting the 30 or 60 days of No Contact off his calendar, she may have already moved on by the time he finally initiates contact with her again.
After wasting 30 or 60 days doing ‘No Contact,’ he then has to face up to the fact that she has been happy, having sex and enjoying herself the whole time.
Meanwhile, he will have most-likely lost a bit of confidence in himself and will now have to deal with the potential heartbreak of imaging her having sex and being in love with a new man.
So, if your goal is to get your ex back, it’s usually best not to count on her fear of being abandoned as the way to do it.
Instead, a much easier way to change how she feels is to interact with her and make her feel respect, sexual attraction and love for you again, so she has a reason to get back with you now.
The next question to ask yourself is…
3. Have other guys hurt her in the past and caused her to come running back to them?
Sometimes a woman might have a pattern of running back to an ex who ignores her after a break up, because she fears being alone or abandoned.
If that’s what your ex tends to do, then chances are high that she will come back to you if you cut off contact and wait.
However, just because she does come back, it doesn’t mean she that will stay for long if you continue to think, act and behave in ways that turned her off and lead to the break up.
For example: A woman might break up with a guy because she feels that she’s more emotionally mature than him.
So, while she’s focused on her studies or career, he’s busy living a carefree life (e.g. working in a dead-end job, having no goals or plans for the future, spending too much time partying/watching TV/ playing video games).
As a result, she breaks up with him as a way of hopefully shocking him into becoming more serious about his life.
If he then cuts off all contact with her, she might begin to panic about losing him and then come running back.
Yet, if she discovers that he’s still the same emotionally immature guy that he was before, she will want to end the relationship and move on without him.
So, if you intend using No Contact with your ex because you know it’s worked on her before, make sure that you at least change some of the things that turned her off in the relationship (e.g. become more confident, get clear on your goals for the future and start working towards achieving them, become more emotionally masculine so she feels more feminine around you from now on, become more emotionally mature or emotionally strong).
Then, when she does come back to you and sees that you’re a new and improved man, she won’t want to let you go again.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Using No Contact on a Woman With Abandonment Issues to Get Her Back
If you’re currently thinking about cutting off contact with your ex as a way of getting her back, make sure that you’re clear on all the facts, rather than falling victim to some of the biggest ex back myths out there.
For example: Some of the mistakes that guys make in a situation like yours are…
1. Thinking that because she has abandonment issues, she will run back to him if he simply doesn’t contact her
Regardless of what a woman’s issues might be, when she breaks up with a guy it’s usually because she no longer has enough feelings for him to justify being in a relationship.
So, if a guy then ignores her to make her come running back to him, she may begin to feel like he is abandoning her and it may hurt her a little.
Yet, it won’t necessarily get her back.
In most cases, rather than reacting in the way that he’s hoping (i.e. she comes running back to him), she will just use the time apart to get over him and move on.
She may then think to herself, “Well, I guess he’s just another guy to add to my list of guys who have abandoned me. I’m not worried though because I it’s for the best. I just don’t feel any love, respect or attraction for him anymore, so there’s no point feeling like I’ve been abandoned. I don’t want him back. I can now stop wasting time with a guy who isn’t right for me and focus on finding the kind of man who will not only give me the attraction experience I really want in a relationship, but that I can build a future with as well.”
So, before you use No Contact as your main method of getting your ex back, make sure that she still has strong feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
If she has disconnected from her feelings for you and you then ignore her, she will probably just try to get over you rather than come running back to a relationship that doesn’t fulfill her emotionally.
Another mistake is…
2. Not improving his ability to make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction during interactions
Some guys assume that because their ex woman doesn’t like being abandoned, she will accept him back fairly easy without him having to do anything to improve himself.
As a result, he will interact with his ex and continue to make the same attraction mistakes he made before (e.g. being too insecure, treating her more like a friend than a sexy woman, not having a clear purpose and direction in life, being too emotionally immature, allowing her to dominate him during conversation or always get her way).
So, rather than make her want him back, she feels repelled by him and the old, unattractive and unappealing approach that he is using on her.
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to really want you back, you must interact with her (on the phone and especially in person) and reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Using humor to break down her defenses and make her feel more relaxed about interacting with you again.
- Being confident in your attractiveness to her, while also being understanding towards her (e.g. if she cries and says things like, “I don’t know if we should get back together. I can’t risk being hurt again,” or “This has happened to me so many times before that I can’t trust you not to desert me”).
- Focusing on making her feel safe and protected around you by being emotionally strong and masculine in comparison to her girly behavior, energy and way of thinking.
- Not sucking up to her and trying to jump through all of her hoops to get a chance with her. That is the mistake that pretty much every other guy in her past has made. They take her fear of abandonment too seriously and try to be a knight in shining armor.
The more you reawaken her feelings for you during interactions, the less she will be able to resist coming back to you.
On the other hand, if you continue to turn her off (e.g. by being insecure, tiptoeing around her, sucking up to her), she will decide that it’s probably best for her to be alone and try to move on, rather than being with a guy that she no longer feels attracted to.
Another mistake is…
3. Forgetting that women with abandonment issues are usually sick and tired of being abandoned, so they feel resentment and move on, rather than running back to a guy
You’ve probably heard the expression, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” right?
Essentially, what it means is that a woman who has been rejected by a man can become extremely angry and vindictive.
In a case where a guy uses No Contact to get a woman back who has abandonment issues (e.g. because her father left when she was very young, she’s been dumped by men that she has loved), she starts to feel bitter towards her ex and begins to resent him.
If he then contacts her after 30 or 60 days, rather than saying, “Oh, I’m so glad you called! I thought you had abandoned me like everyone else in my life, but you haven’t! You’re my knight in shining armor! I love you so much! Come and see me right away,” she instead says something along the lines of, “I see now that you’re just like every other guy I’ve known. As soon as you got a chance to walk away, you walked away without giving me a second thought. Well, forget about getting me back! I will never forgive you for abandoning me in the way you did. You could have contacted me and we could have worked things out, but you didn’t. You walked away and now probably only want me back because you can’t find yourself a new woman. Well, I won’t let you use me like that. I hate you now and I never want to see you again.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
In almost all ex back cases, it’s better to interact with an ex and make her feel a strong resurgence of respect, attraction and love for you (via the way you talk, act and behave), than to use No Contact and risk igniting even more negative emotions inside of her.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Not understanding that all women are different
Every woman with abandonment issues experiences it in a completely different way.
For some, the fear of abandonment is strong and causes them to hold onto guys who they don’t even love, rather than being left behind.
For others, it’s a gentle fear that they can overcome by hooking up with a new guy and falling in love.
In the same way, every woman reacts differently to No Contact.
For example: Some women will begin stalking an ex guy who isn’t contacting them (e.g. follow him around, show up at his work, home or favorite hangout, send text messages or call him on the phone, troll him on social media, hack into his email or social media, ask mutual friends about him and what he has been up to).
On the other hand, not being contacted after a break up can be the thing that finally gets a woman to stop having abandonment issues and no longer care about being alone.
She might say, “I need to stop caring about whether I am being left behind. I dumped him. He doesn’t need to come back to me. Besides, he probably thinks I wouldn’t give him another chance. So, I need to just find myself a new man and move on. No need to worry about my ex. He is my ex now. I made that decision and I’m sticking with it.”
So, if you want your ex to get your back into a loving, trusting relationship with you, I don’t recommend playing unnecessary games with her.
Instead, just call her on the phone, or better yet, meet up with her in person, reawaken her feelings for you, seduce her and get her back.
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