Regardless of how close a couple feels or how in love they are, a relationship between a man and a woman consists of two individuals who have decided to be together.
It’s a decision to be together and that decision can change if it no longer feels right to be in a relationship (i.e. if the woman feels smothered by the guy or feels as though he is too controlling).
Although you and her have made a decision to be together in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you always have to be around each other 24/7, 365 days a year for the relationship to stay alive.
Some relationships can function perfectly if the man and woman live together, work together and spend pretty much all of their time together, but that type of relationship isn’t for everyone.
In some relationships, it’s often necessary for the couple to only see each other 1-2 times a week or twice a month, because they are too busy with work or study and aren’t yet ready to be in a fully committed, lifetime relationship.
So, when giving space in a relationship with a woman, the main thing that you need to be sure of is that you’re giving the type of space that is applicable to the unique dynamic between you and her.
6 Mistakes to Avoid
Here are 6 mistakes to avoid when giving space in a relationship…
1. Giving her too much space to the point where she feels as though you don’t care enough anymore
Sometimes a woman will say that she doesn’t really care how often she sees her boyfriend and will be perfectly happy working hard on her career or focusing on her studies.
If she sees him once a week, twice a month or even less than that, she might say that she is fine with it because she really doesn’t care so much about the relationship and is more focused on making progress in her career.
Yet, just because a woman says that kind of thing initially, it doesn’t mean that she is always going to be happy with that type of arrangement.
A mistake that some guys make is giving their woman too much space for too long, to the point where she begins to feel as though he doesn’t really care and is taking her love and commitment to him for granted.
When a woman feels as though her boyfriend is taking her for granted, she will often become open to flirting with other guys so she can feel wanted, loved, appreciated and attractive once again.
Initially, she might not have any intentions of cheating on her man, but if she opens herself up like that, it is possible that she could meet another guy who makes her feel excited to be in love and wants to spend loads of time with her.
Even though she was originally happy with not spending much time with her boyfriend, It doesn’t mean that she can’t ever get to a point where feels bored of her studies or work and wants to focus more on love.
So, when giving space in a relationship with a woman, you must make sure that you don’t follow her lead based on what she used to say. Why? A woman’s word is not something that you can rely on as being an iron-clad agreement.
Generally speaking, men are expected to stick by their word no matter what because we are expected to make decisions based on logic, reasoning and emotional rationality. However, women are generally allowed to make decisions based on how they feel and as a result, they can change their mind later if they feel differently.
This is why women initiate most divorces and why if you ever get married, you must ensure that you get her to sign a prenuptial agreement.
She might be saying, “I promise to stick by you forever. We’ll grow old together and never, ever break up” today, but that doesn’t mean she will stick by that promise for life.
Likewise, your woman might be happy to be in a relationship with lots of space today, but that doesn’t mean she won’t feel differently about it tomorrow, next week or next month.
When it comes to relationships with women, you can’t base your decisions on a woman’s emotional promises or pledges in the moment. You have to be more rational and realistic and decide what you think will help both you and her to develop deeper feelings of respect, attraction and love for each over time.
Regardless of what a woman says, almost all women yearn to be a man’s woman. She wants to relax into being a feminine woman, while her man takes on the majority of the responsibility for guiding both himself and her to a better life in the future.
2. Not giving enough space to the point where you begin taking away her individual freedom
Some guys make the mistake of becoming too controlling of their woman’s life.
He gradually forgets that prior to the relationship, she was an individual who was living her life perfectly fine without him and that she could leave him and be able to survive, thrive and prosper on her own or with a new man.
In other words, she doesn’t necessarily need him, but as an individual, she is choosing to be with him. If she is unhappy, she can easily choose to not be with him in a relationship if he isn’t able to make her feel the way that she wants to feel around a man.
Even when in a long-term relationship or marriage, a man and a woman are still just two individuals who have decided to be together.
They may do a lot together, have a great history together and be so close that they can finish each other’s sentences, but at the end of the day, they are still two individuals in separate bodies.
The relationship will only stay together if both the man and the woman continually decide to remain together. These days, a relationship or even a marriage isn’t a definite, iron-clad contract that cannot be broken.
If a woman is unhappy, she is free to leave.
It wasn’t always that way though.
In the distant past, women were completely dependent on men. A woman had to remain as a virgin until marriage, lose her virginity on the wedding night, bear children for the man, cook and clean and stick by him until the end…even if she was unhappy.
Back in the old days, it was seen as shameful or blasphemous to get divorced, so hardly anyone did it (e.g. in the USA, the divorce rate was less than 10% in 1900).
In today’s world, women know that they have the freedom to break up with a guy if they feel like it. She can find herself a new man who makes her happier and she won’t be branded as being slutty because is no longer a virgin.
So, to keep a relationship together, what a modern man needs to do is spend enough time with his woman to show her that he cares, but at the same time, still allow her the freedom to do what she wants to do.
For example: If she wants to take up dance classes, a modern man needs to allow his woman the freedom to explore that desire or dream, rather than being insecure about her potentially meeting another guy there.
If it’s possible for him to join in (e.g. salsa, ballroom dancing) and he has the time available, then might want to go along and give it a try just for fun.
She might get bored of it after a couple of weeks, but because he did stop her and prevent her from experiencing individual freedom, she will feel a deeper sense of respect, attraction and love for him.
On the other hand, if she stopped her from going to dance classes based on his insecurity about her potentially meeting another guy, she will feel resentment towards him because he is preventing her from being who she wants to be.
Back in the old days, a man could get away with that type of selfish, insecure and controlling behavior, but not anymore.
A woman in today’s world will simply lose respect and attraction for her man and begin to fall out of love with him. If that goes on for long enough, she will eventually begin to want to get out of the relationship and find herself another man.
Here’s the thing though…
While it’s important to allow your woman to have individual freedom, you shouldn’t go too far with it to the point where you just let her do whatever she wants and never care about what might happen.
A woman still wants to see that you care, but she just doesn’t want you to get insecure about it.
For example: If a woman said that she wanted to regularly go out dancing at nightclubs on the weekends with her single girlfriends and not invite you to come along, then it is perfectly fine to object to that.
Essentially, you would need to tell her that she should do things with her girlfriends who are in relationships or married, rather than going out with her single girlfriends and getting drunk in nightclubs where men actively hit on women.
If she refused and wanted to do it, I would break up with her on the spot because it would be clear that she’s not even committed to the relationship. It’s completely unacceptable behavior in a committed relationship or marriage.
If a woman is committed to her man and wants to be with him for life, she will have a completely different mindset compared to a single woman. She will want to do things that always involve her man and if he isn’t there, she won’t want to put herself in a position where drunk guys will be hitting on her.
3. Copying how another couple gives each other space, even though it doesn’t match your relationship
Every relationship is different.
Some couples are very busy with their career and don’t live together, so they only get to see each other once a week or twice a month. If they are truly in love, a truly compatible match and are emotionally secure in their commitment to each other, they can make it work.
However, that amount of space in a relationship doesn’t work for every couple. Some couples function better when they are together all time. They want to live together, get engaged, get married, start a family and practically do everything in life together as a couple.
So, there is no exact answer on how space you should give a woman in terms of hours or days per week. It really depends on the unique dynamic between you and her and the lifestyle you and her live.
For example: When I was dating multiple women at once, I would only see a woman once a week or twice a month because I had plenty of other women coming around to see me. Yet, seeing a woman once a week isn’t a golden rule that needs to be followed for all relationships.
When I met my wife (we’ve been together for 3 years at the time of writing this article), her and I immediately got into a fully committed, exclusive relationship. I got rid of all my other girls and went exclusive with her.
She actually left her apartment and moved in with me 5 days after we met. I would never allow another girl to that, but this was different.
To this day we live together, both of us work from home (she has a cosmetics company) and we always prefer to be together, even when visiting friends. How? Rather than having single friends, we now only hang out with people who are in committed relationships or marriages.
If we catch up with some of our single friends, it’s usually at a party with other people, or some of the single friends join in on a dinner party full of couples.
Personally speaking, my wife and I hate being apart from each other. There’s just something about our relationship that makes life much happier, brighter and more enjoyable. We’re perfectly confident, happy, emotionally stable people on our own, but together, it’s life on a completely different level.
So, if you ever hear people telling you that you should only see your girlfriend, fiancé or wife a couple of times per week because they are able to do it, you shouldn’t blindly follow them. That kind of space works for their relationship, but it’s not a golden rule for all relationships.
To be successful at keeping a relationship together, you need to adjust the amount of space to suit the unique dynamic between you and her. Don’t do what you’ve always done with other women and expect that it will work with her.
Every relationship that you have with a woman will be slightly different, so you need to adapt and do what will work for you and her specifically.
For example: If you are sensing that your girlfriend is feeling smothered and would be much happier if you pushed her to spend one night a week hanging out with her girlfriends who are in happy relationships, then try to make that happen.
She might only want to do it a couple of times, but she will thank you by feeling more respect, attraction and love for you than if you were to selfishly ignore her unhappiness and keep her all to yourself.
Ironically, the more respect, attraction and love you make her feel, the less time she will want to spend away from you. She might even ask her girlfriends to come over to your place, so she doesn’t have to be apart from you and can allow you to feel a part of that part of her life too.
Personally speaking, my wife even misses me when I go to the supermarket for 30 minutes to an hour. (Awww, how sweet).
I usually get a hug and a kiss when I get back and she will smiling and sometimes even say that she missed me.
Here’s the thing though…
I wouldn’t be getting that sort of reaction if I was emotionally selfish and didn’t ever care about making her happy in the relationship.
I only get that reaction because I’ve adapted to the unique dynamic between her and I, while also continuing to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction for me over time.
So, don’t copy how another couple gives each other space or spends loads of time together. To be successful at keeping your relationship together, you need to adapt to the unique dynamic between you and your woman.
You also need to be prepared to grow with the relationship at a pace that is right for you.
For example: Some women are ready to get engaged, get married and settle down for life right away, whereas other women don’t ever want to think about those kinds of things and just want to have fun for a while.
Yet, just make sure that you remain awake and aware to the changes in your woman.
She might start out just wanting to have sex with you for a while and even say that she hates the idea of family or moving in with a guy, but that doesn’t mean she can’t change her mind next month or next year when she realizes that you are the one for her.
4. Growing apart while you give each other space
A mistake that some guys make is to give their woman a lot of space and while they are apart, she makes a lot of progress in her career and life and he is stagnating and going nowhere fast.
Generally speaking, women want to be with a man who is courageous and masculine enough to stand up and go after his biggest dreams and ambitions in life.
A woman doesn’t want to be the leader, the pillar of strength, the breadwinner or the type of woman who has to carry a man throughout life because he is too lazy, scared or incompetent to make something of his life.
She wants a man who can support himself or both of them on his own if he has to. This is important to a woman because most women secretly want to be able to stop working and relax into being a feminine woman (i.e. a man’s woman, girly, free to be emotional, caretaker of the home, mother, housewife, etc).
So, if a couple if spending a lot of time apart and the woman notices that she keeps making huge advancements in her career, emotional intelligence and wisdom about life, while her man is falling behind, she will begin to feel as though they are no longer a match.
If you are giving space when in a relationship, make sure that you are continually moving forward in life, especially if you are her have recently broken up.
When your girlfriend, fiance, wife or even ex can see that you are continually moving forward in life without needing her encouragement, it allows her to feel proud to be your woman, which helps to maintain her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
5. Not giving her emotional space due to neediness
One of the most important things that a man has to do to be successful in a relationship with a woman, is to consistently be an emotionally strong man.
You need to be emotionally strong, happy and secure in yourself with or without her by your side. As a man, your emotional strength and security cannot be reliant on a woman’s reassurance of her love, affection and commitment to you.
You need to be self-sufficient in terms of your happiness, confidence and emotional security.
Women dream of being in a relationship with a man who doesn’t need constant reassurance that she loves him and is committed to him. Instead, he trusts in her love and commitment to him and knows that he is naturally attractive to her because of his confidence and emotional masculinity.
When a woman is around a man with that type of masculine wisdom, it allows her to relax into being the feminine one in the relationship.
She knows that her man is emotionally masculine and will remain emotionally strong no matter what happens, which then allows her to relax into simply being his woman.
6. Giving her space in the hope that it will fix your relationship problems
Sometimes when a guy is looking for information on giving space in a relationship, it’s because his woman has asked for space because she needs time to decide whether or not she wants to be in a relationship.
In most cases, when a woman asks a man for space from a relationship, it means that she wants to end the relationship, but doesn’t have the courage to just come out and say, “It’s over.”
Instead, she may say something along the lines of, “I just need some space to find myself again,” or, “I just need a little space to think things over for a while,” suggesting that she’s not intending to break up with him, but she wants to create a little more distance between them for a while so that she can “find herself” or think about what she really wants out of life.
While giving space can sometimes help a couple to realize that they really do love each other and that a life together is what they really want, in most cases, it will lead to a definite break up.
The only way to stop the break up is to understand what you’ve been saying and doing to cause her to lose respect and attraction for you. Then, once you know that, you need to begin saying and doing the types of things that will make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Watch this video to understand the 3-step process that a woman goes through before breaking up with a guy…
Note: The video above is for guys who’ve already been dumped by their woman.
I hope the advice contained in the video will help you prevent a break up from happening. If she does decide to break up with you, here’s how to get her back…
As you will discover from the video above, the way to get a woman back is to make sure that you stop turning her off and start saying and doing the types of things that will make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When a woman can see that her man really has changed and she now feels differently when she interacts with him, she will naturally begin to feel drawn to the idea of being with him in a relationship once again.
The Right Amount of Space to Give in a Relationship
Every relationship is different, so the amount of space and time that you and your woman will need to spend apart will differ from other people.
Space isn’t always about spending time apart though. It can also be defined as:
Emotional space to have “me time” even when you’re living together.
Space to spend time with friends and family, without always having to include the other person.
Space to work on projects and hobbies without being pestered by the other person all the time.
Some people spend their whole lives together and share as many moments as possible, because their lifestyle allows for it and because they prefer to live that way, while others spend a lot of time apart and still manage to make their relationship work.
To keep your relationship happy, harmonious and passionate, you need to get clear on the right space dynamic that will apply to you and your woman. What works for you and her today might not work in two years time, so you also need to be ready to adapt and change together as your perspective on life changes over time.