Here are 5 ways you can do it:
1. Stop talking about love with her and just make her feel it
If you’ve ever watched a romantic movie or TV sitcom, you will have seen a guy pouring his heart out to his woman after a break up, pleading with her and declaring his undying lover for her.
Initially, the woman will reject him, but if he just keeps trying (and usually saves the world, or rescues her from something), she then opens back up to him and they get back together.
Then they end up living happily ever after.
Yet, it just doesn’t work like that in the real world.
Well, apart from a guy being unable to ‘save the world’ or not having an opportunity to save the woman from an evil monster, a bad guy or some other situation, the reality is that most women hate it when men talk about their feelings all the time.
It’s just not romantic, attractive or appealing at all.
Instead of being swept off her feet, she looks at him as being an emotionally sensitive, weak, confused guy who is so desperate to get her back that he’ll practically say anything to hopefully make it happen.
Basically, he’s going on and on about how much he loves her and how he believes they’re made for each other and that their love is real, but she’s just not feeling it.
Additionally, because she has broken up with him (due to not feeling enough respect, attraction and love to warrant remaining in a relationship), she simply doesn’t care about how strong his love is for her anymore.
It has become way too one-sided, where he is essentially the rejected guy who is still in love with her and she is over it.
So, rather than falling into his arms like a woman will do in a romantic movie (when the rejected guy saves her from something), she pulls away from him and feels turned off by the ‘hopeless romantic’ act that he has been putting on for her.
This is, if you don’t want your ex to see you as being a hopeless, confused romantic, just don’t bother trying to convince her that your love is real with soppy words.
Instead, you have to make her feel love based on the way you now interact with her, react to her, behave around her, feel, think and talk.
Essentially, you have to start behaving in an attractive way, so she has a reason to want to open herself back up to you again.
Without attraction, there is no romantic love between a man and a woman.
There can be one-side love, but it won’t be mutual.
If you want mutual love, then you have to focus on attraction.
Another way you can make your ex see that your love is real is…
2. Start being more of a challenge, so the love feels more exciting and interesting to her
Most guys want to be a good boyfriend (or husband) to their woman, which is great.
Yet, some guys make the mistake of thinking that to be a good boyfriend, all they need to do is be nice, sweet, supportive and loving.
That’s just one side of the coin of attraction.
The other side is cheekiness, being a challenge, making her want to impress you, playfully pushing her away a little before pulling her back to you, occasionally laughing at her when she is being moody, rather than always being Mr. Supportive.
Unfortunately, some guys fear their woman’s potential negative reaction to them being a challenge that they becoming bored, tame, neutral, predictable guys, which just isn’t exciting or attractive to a woman.
With women, you have to have the balls to be a bit challenging, even though women will sometimes pretend to be angry at you about it, to test whether your balls/courage/confidence is real.
If it is real, then she feels so much sexual and romantic attraction for you that her love for you becomes real.
More real than the superficial love that comes from just one side of the coin of attraction (i.e. the nice side).
When both side of the coin are present in a relationship, there is a beautiful balance that results in the woman feeling ongoing and building respect, attraction and love for the man.
The relationship feels so good that it becomes almost impossible to break up, because the woman knows that she would absolutely struggle to ever find anything like it again.
Sadly, many guys don’t ever realize the power they have to attract and keep a woman.
Without that power, a guy will often try to keep a woman by being nice to her, giving her more and more power over him, doing whatever she wants and hoping that it will make her happy.
Yet, rather than a woman thinking, “Wow, my guy is so loving, caring, nice, attentive and kind. He would do absolutely anything for me. I’m so lucky to have him! I will never leave him! This is what real love is supposed to be like. It’s supposed to be all about niceness and sweetness. Awww…I feel giddy” she instead finds herself feeling bored, turned off and restless.
One of the main reasons why, is that women almost always want to be in a position where they feel the need to impress you, rather than being in position where you are always trying to impress them.
Women don’t go around admitting that because if they did, people would look down on her, think less of her or say, “No girl. A man has to impress you! He has to do everything for you! He has to treat you like a princess at all times” and so on.
Yet, if you notice the women who are the happiest and most in love with their man, it’s when the woman feels the need to impress him, maintain his interest and try to win more and more of his love.
That doesn’t mean the man is a bad man who treats her badly.
Instead, when a woman is the happiest with a man, he is a good man who treats her well, but also makes her feel a strong, ongoing desire to impress him and win more of his love.
That is an exciting, ongoing, enjoyable, lifelong challenge for a woman that keeps her addicted to her man and never wanting to be with anyone else.
The same fundamental principle will apply to your ex.
Even though she would probably never admit it to you, she secretly wants to feel as though she needs to be a good, loving, devoted woman to you so that you will feel impressed by her and thereby want to stay with her, rather than feeling like she can treat you badly, take you for granted, disrespect you and just get away with it because you need to be with her.
So, if your main approach to making your ex see that your love is real has been to be a sweet, nice, caring, generous guy to her and do whatever she wants you to do, then you need to become more of a challenge.
Of course, don’t be mean or unkind towards her in any way.
Instead, simply make her feel some need to chase after you for a change.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are…
- If you tend to always respond to her text messages right away no matter what time of day or night she contacts you, from now on, take your time and get back to her when you’re not busy (e.g. reply after 5 minutes in some cases, 30 minutes other times, hours other times and even noon the next day in some cases, such as her texting you late at night).
- If she is being overly dramatic about something, rather than getting upset or fearful, simply laugh at her (in a loving way) and say something like, “You are such a drama queen sometimes.”
- If you want to meet up with her, rather than asking if it’s okay with her and timidly asking when would be a good time, simply be assertive (in a loving way) and tell her which days you are available and suggest one or two of those days with a time (e.g. “Okay, well I can catch up tomorrow or Wednesday. So, let’s catch up to say hi at 8pm”). The part about being a challenge happens if she says no, in which case you can laugh and say (in a relaxed, assertive and slightly playful manner), “Oh, it’s fine. We’re not getting back together. It’s just a catch up to say hi as friends. We’re mature enough to do that, right? Or are you scared I will make you want me and you’ll jump on me and start kissing me?” You essentially don’t take no for an answer and while doing that, you make her want to say yes because of how attracted to you she is feeling (i.e. due to your confidence, assertiveness, ability to still be good to her even though you are pushing for a catch up). This challenges her and makes her feel the need to be alert and ready to interact with you, rather than always knowing that she can walk all over you by being moody or demanding and shut you down with a simple no to your requests.
The more of a challenge you become to her, the more sexual and romantic attraction she will feel for you.
She literally won’t be able to stop thinking about you and wondering why she is so attracted to you all of a sudden.
Why she suddenly feels like walking away from you is a mistake and maybe it’s time she opens up and gives another chance.
Then, when you get her back and she feels rushes of new, exciting love for you and realizes that she doesn’t want to lose you, she will then know that the love you shared is real.
Another way you can make your ex see that your love is real is…
3. Discover the missing pieces of the attraction experience that have caused her to lose interest in the love you share together
If your ex doesn’t feel like she is in love with you anymore, she isn’t going to be wowed by your declarations that you and her are meant to be and that your love is real.
It’s just going to seem out of place to her.
The reason why is that the love isn’t mutual because the two driving forces of her sexual and romantic love (respect and attraction) aren’t being fueled enough by you.
She might feel some respect and attraction, but not enough to feel like she is in love with you.
This is why, you need to understand your ex’s real reasons for breaking up with you, so you can begin giving her the kind of attraction experience she needs to feel like she is actually in love with you.
If you’re unsure what parts of the attraction experience were missing in your relationship with your ex, here are some questions to help you find out…
- Did you remain being the confident, emotionally strong guy that she first fell in love with, or did you slowly become insecure, needy and clingy in the relationship?
- Did you remain emotionally masculine around her, thereby making her feel like a feminine, girly woman in your presence, or did you instead start behaving more like her friend or roommate? Alternatively, did you end up behaving in a fairly feminine kind of way, which ended up causing her to feel like the stronger, more dominant and powerful one in the relationship? Did you forget that a woman wants to be loved, penetrated and supported by a force that is more powerful than her (i.e. an emotionally masculine man)?
- Did you put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way when she behaved badly (e.g. was disrespectful towards you, created unnecessary drama), or did you put up with her bad behavior because you were afraid that she would leave you if you stood up to her?
- Did you try to stand up to her in a confident, loving way, but she then became angry and emotional and dragged you into a heated argument?
- Did you ever realize that a man needs to be able to maintain control of his emotions around a woman, rather than being dragged into the drama she will try to create to test his masculinity and position of dominance?
- Did you have big goals in life that you were aiming for and working towards, or were you just drifting along in life, living a mediocre life and expecting her to be happy with that for life? Did she feel like a future with you would be safe or uncertain, based on your approach to life? Did you realize that a woman wants to feel like she can rely on a man, especially if she ever gets pregnant to him and there are children to raise and take care of? Did you know that a man doesn’t have to be successful or become successful in life to make a woman feel safe and happy, but instead simply needs to be aiming towards his goals and making good enough progress? Did you know that a woman will feel increasing amounts of respect, attraction and love if a man sticks to his word and does his best to succeed in life, rather than coming up with excuses, or wasting time to avoid following through on his goals?
- Did you remain emotionally strong throughout the relationship to the point where you felt confident, secure and happy regardless of what she said or how she behaved, or did you become emotionally sensitive and need her to be gentle and nice to you all the time, or else you would become upset, irritable or moody?
A lot of men don’t really ever understand what you were realizing as you read through the list above.
Women and relationships remain a total mystery to them for life.
A man who doesn’t understand what you’re learning now, will often make the mistake of assuming that women are impossible to please and that relationships cannot work or be happy for life.
Yet, the reality is that when you understand how women think and how relationships work, women become incredibly easy to please and a relationship becomes one of the easiest, most enjoyable parts of your life.
So, if you want to get your ex to see that the love you and her shared is real, start by understanding what kind of attraction and relationship experience she really wants.
When you understand that, you can then make the subtle adjustments and changes that wake her up to the fact that she loves you and only wants to be with you.
Another way you can make your ex see that your love is real is…
4. Blow her mind by attracting her in the new ways you have discovered by understanding what has been missing
Most guys have a general idea of how to make a woman feel happy in a relationship (e.g. treat her well, make her feel loved and appreciated, communicate well).
Yet, even though a woman does appreciate those things in a relationship, quite often there are other, more subtle things she wants from her man that he might not be aware of.
For example: A guy might be a good guy to his woman, but he treats her more like a good friend or a roommate than a sexy, desirable woman.
She knows that other guys would find her very sexy and attractive and as a result, they would look at her and touch her in a way that makes her feel sexy and attractive.
Yet, when she is with her boyfriend (or husband), it seems as though he doesn’t see her in that way anymore.
He might find her attractive, love her and want to be with her, but she just doesn’t feel that from him because he doesn’t seem to show it.
So she feels as though something vital is missing from their relationship (i.e. a mutual spark).
Even though she does love him and was hoping to be with him for life, it has ended up feeling more like a friendship than a romantic relationship, which makes her feel restless and unhappy.
If that goes on for long enough, she will break up with him, or in some cases, cheat on him and then break up with him.
Another example is when a guy is so good to his woman that he ends up being a pushover (i.e. he does whatever she wants, is way too nice and accommodating, is afraid to be assertive in case she gets moody).
Rather than being an emotionally dominant man who leads in the relationship, he becomes timid around her and hopes that she will start treating him better one day if he just keeps on being really good to her (e.g. generous, kind, caring, understanding).
What he doesn’t realize is that a woman doesn’t want a pussy for a boyfriend.
It’s just not attractive to a woman.
A woman does appreciate it when her boyfriend takes her feelings into consideration, asks her opinion about things and cares, but when it comes down to it, she wants him to man up and be in charge, so she can be a feminine woman in the relationship.
If she is always in control, making decisions, leading the way and setting the tone of the relationship, she ends up feeling more like “the man” in the relationship (i.e. the more emotionally dominant one, the more powerful one).
Women don’t want that.
A woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to and respect, not look down on and treat like a boy who needs to be scolded and kept in line by his mother.
If a guy is unable to man up to the point where she can relax and start being a real, feminine woman around him, she will always be unsatisfied, regardless of any good thing he does for her (e.g. how caring, generous, kind, understanding, patient and nice he is).
How about you?
What fundamental pieces of the attraction experience were missing in your relationship with her?
Here are some questions to ask yourself to find out now:
- Did you start out being a confident guy in the relationship, but end up becoming insecure, needy and clingy (e.g. because you began to doubt your value and attractiveness to her over time, you gave her too much power, you feared her reactions if you were confident or assertive, you lost touch with your ability to be ‘the man’ in the relationship)?
- Did you make her your sole reason for living (or main source of happiness, identity and security as a man) and as a result, end up becoming jealous, controlling and overly protective of her? Did you realize that you were turning her off due to your emotional dependence on her (i.e. your neediness for her), but didn’t know how to stop yourself from being that way?
- Did you make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, or did she feel more like your neutral friend or roommate?
- Did you create a relationship dynamic that caused her to want to be good to you, treat you well, be affectionate and be loving towards you, or did you unknowingly cause her to feel like pulling away from you, being closed off and treating you with less and less respect over time?
- Were you a challenge to her, so she felt like she had to work hard to impress you and keep you interested in her, or did she feel as though you would put up with anything (i.e. her bad behavior, lack of respect towards you, lack of affection) just so you could stay with her?
By understanding what was really missing in your relationship with her, you can then blow her mind by attracting her in the ways that she always wanted to experience with you, but never got to.
You can literally make her begin to experience that during a 2-5 minute interaction in person.
When she begins to experience it, she will instantly feel a new kind of respect and attraction for you.
This causes her to drop her guard and open up to interacting with you more, so she can continue to experience more of the respect and attraction you are making her feel.
When she does that, she naturally begins to feel new sparks of love for you, which then causes her to realize that the love you and her share is real and hasn’t died.
In fact, the break up has been what you and her needed to level up your love and both realize that you and her are meant to be.
5. Attract her again and then pull away, so she misses you and knows that her love for you is real
Have you ever heard expression, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”?
It’s true, but it doesn’t apply to every ex back situation.
If your ex doesn’t feel much (or any) respect, attraction and love you and is certain about her decision to break up with you, then you not being in her life probably won’t change that.
She will simply begin to move on by dating new men and will then completely or pretty much completely forget about you.
You might pop into her mind from time to time, but since she will be happy and in love with another man, or enjoying a fun, single life, she just won’t care that you’re not in her life anymore.
So, that’s why you have to do this correctly.
Before you cut off contact with her, you have to interact with her and re-attract her, so she will actually miss you when you’re not contacting her.
Important: Don’t go overboard and act too hard to get by ignoring her for weeks or months.
That doesn’t work in almost all ex back cases.
What works is 3 to 7 days of space after re-attracting her.
She feels attracted to you, begins questioning her decision to break up with you and feels like she wants to see you in person, but you then cut off contact for a few days, or up to a week.
She then feels like she is losing you.
In many cases, a woman won’t be able to stand that for very long and will reach out to her ex (e.g. via text or a phone call) to say hi.
He can can then go ahead and get her back.
However, it’s very important for you to understand if she doesn’t contact you after a few days to a week, it doesn’t mean that she’s not missing you.
In some cases, a woman will avoid reaching out to her ex in case he rejects her.
If she contacts you and you don’t answer, don’t seem interested or worse, tell her that you’re not interested anymore, then she ends up feeling rejected and broken up with.
So, to hold onto her position as the one who broke up with you, she doesn’t contact you and secretly hopes that you will contact her.
This is why, if you’ve done the right thing of re-attracting her before cutting off contact for a few days to a week, then just go ahead and call her.
On the call, make her feel sparks of attraction for you (e.g. by being confident, using humor, flirting with her) and get her to meet up with you in person.
When you meet up in person, make her feel sparks of attraction for you and then progress to a hug, kiss, sex and back into a relationship with her after that.
Avoid These 4 Mistakes to Make Her See That Your Love is Real
When you use the right approach to getting an ex woman back, things just flow and you and her get back together.
She automatically feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and wants to be your girl again.
On the other hand, when you use the wrong approach, it results in the woman putting her guard up, wanting to get further away from you and in some cases, even blocking you from seeing her or contacting her.
If you wan to use the right approach, be sure to avoid the following mistakes that guys often make when in a situation like yours:
1. Trying to explain all the reasons why your love is real
You probably have plenty of great reasons why the love between you and your ex is real and shouldn’t be thrown away.
Yet, if your ex woman has detached from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you (i.e. she doesn’t feel like she’s in love with you anymore, she’s over it, she doesn’t feel the way you feel), then she’s not really going care about your reasons.
What she cares about now is how she feels.
You may be in love with her, but that doesn’t make her be in love with you.
So, if you try to explain why the love you and her share is real, she just won’t connect with it in the same way you do.
In a case like that, she may end up saying something like, “I do care about you and I appreciate everything you’ve said, but I’ve made my decision and you need to respect that. I cherish the time we spent together, but it’s over and we need to move on. I’m sure you will find someone special who loves you as much as you deserve to be loved. I can’t be that woman for you anymore. I wish you all the best.”
Alternatively, in a case where a woman still does feel some love for her ex, she may stop for a moment and consider what he is saying, but she will ultimately come to the same conclusion of wanting to remain broken up from him.
For example: She may think, “I want to believe that our love is real, but I can’t help but wonder – if it is real, then why do I want to break up with him? Surely if it is real, then I will want to be with him and only him. Yet, I think something is missing. Maybe t’s because he just doesn’t understand the subtle things that have ruined my feelings for him over time, like his insecurity, lack of manliness around me or inability to put me back in my place when I’m being bitchy. There have also been way too many arguments, disagreements and misunderstandings between us that never really got resolved properly. We just kept sweeping things under the carpet and hoping they’d go away, but they didn’t. The same fundamental problems between us were always there and he didn’t know how to fix them. It’s like we did love each other and it was real, but he wasn’t ever able to make the relationship work with me. So, now I just want to move on with my life and find a man who understands me, knows how to make me remain in love with him and wants to build a future with me.”
In a case like that, a woman will then close herself off from you (e.g. by unfriending you on social media, blocking your number, refusing to meet up with you in person), making it difficult for you to re-attract her and get her back.
This is why, you shouldn’t waste time trying to explain to her why you believe your love is real, because at the moment, she probably doesn’t care.
If you want her to care, you have to focus on one thing and one thing only: Her feelings for you.
You can make her experience strong, renewed feelings for you by interacting with her and making her feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for you (by being confident, being a bit of a challenge, using humor and flirting, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculine approach to the interaction).
When you do that, she will naturally begin to think about the reasons why the love you and her share is real and shouldn’t be thrown away,
When that happens, she naturally starts to feel as though the relationship is worth fighting for and that she would be losing out if she didn’t give you another chance.
2. Asking her to try and remember how much she used to love you
It doesn’t work.
By getting her to focus on how good things used to be between you and her, it simply highlights how bad things have become.
It reminds her that what she wants to feel is the kind of love she experienced in the beginning and that just doesn’t seem possible with you anymore.
So, what you need to do instead is focus instead on building new, exciting feelings for you based on how you make her feel now.
When you interact with her, does she feel new sparks of respect and attraction for the new and improved you?
Have you made the correct adjustments to how you approach attracting her, or are you essentially using the same kind of approach that caused her to want to break up with you?
3. Asking her what you can do to get her to love you the way she used to
It seems like it makes good sense to ask a woman what you can do to get her to love you.
After all, she knows exactly what she wants, so if she tells you, then you can follow her instructions and everything will be great.
Unfortunately, that’s not how love and attraction works between men and women.
In fact, when a man asks a woman what he needs to do to get her back or what he can do make her love him the way she used to, rather than please her and make feel excited, it overwhelms her and disappoints her.
She feels overwhelmed when she thinks about the amount of work she’d have to put into changing him and transforming him into the kind man she wants him to be (e.g. deeply masculine to his core, a challenge that she wants to impress and win over more and more throughout her life).
When she imagines what she’d have to go through with him to make that happen, it’s disappointing because she knows other women get that without having to teach and mentor their man.
So, don’t make the mistake of asking your ex what you can do to get her to love you the way she used to.
Instead, just start being the kind of man she truly wants you to be.
You don’t have to be perfect and have mastered everything.
Instead, you just have to let her see that you get it now and are already beginning to think, feel, behave and act like the kind of man she always wanted you to be.
When she sees that, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you again.
When she’s feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she will automatically begin to connect with the love she used to feel for you, as well as experiencing the new, more exciting love she now feels for you.
4. Pouring your heart out to hopefully change her mind based on how much you care about her
A woman only cares that you have feelings for her, if she has feelings for you.
If your ex has disconnected from the love, respect and attraction she once felt, then you telling her how much you love her isn’t going to make her suddenly want to be your girl again.
The feelings (of respect and attraction) have to be mutual, or at least close to mutual before a woman will care and be excited that you love her and want to be with her only her.
If it’s a one-sided thing where you are so in love with her, but she feels nothing or little for you, then a woman can even get a bit annoyed and react in an angry way.
For example: She may think, “Why do you keep telling me that you love me and need me in your life? Why are you being so selfish that all you care about is how you feel? What about how I feel? Don’t you understand that I don’t love you anymore? Do you even know why? Do you realize that every time you tell me about your feelings, you make me feel as though you’re disregarding my feelings? It’s like it’s all about you and what you want. You don’t even know what I want.”
When that happens, she closes herself off even more (e.g. ignores your texts, doesn’t reply to emails, unfriends you from social media) so she can begin moving on without you.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want her to realize that your love is real, then make her feel it, rather than trying to explain it to her.