Here’s how to do it…
1. Stop trying to discuss the relationship with her
If you’re wondering something like, “How do I convince my ex to listen with her heart instead of her mind?” it means that you’ve probably trying to talk her into giving you another chance, right?
You may have been saying things to her like, “Look…I know that I stuffed up and I’m sorry. I know that you’re angry with me at the moment and it’s hard for you to see past what happened, but if you just listen to your heart for one minute, you will realize that what we had together is worth fighting for. This is just a bump in the road for us. It doesn’t have to be the end. We can work this out. I promise you that I can be the man you want me to be. Just tell me what you want me to do to make you happy again and I’ll do it. I promise. I am willing to do whatever it takes because I love you. Please don’t throw away what we have.”
It sounds really sweet and sincere, but it’s not what a woman wants to hear.
In fact, discussing the relationship in that way forces her to think logically and rationally.
If you are talking to her about everything that went wrong and how you can make it right if she just gives you a chance, she will focus on how badly you messed up.
As a result, she will begin running through a list of things about you that turned her off (e.g. you were too emotionally sensitive, you needed her emotional support to cope when problems arose in your life or the relationship, you were too clingy and needy, you took her for granted, you didn’t change when she kept asking you to).
Even if her heart says, “He’s right. You did have some good times together. Maybe the relationship is worth saving,” her logical mind will interrupt and she will think, “Yes, but there were more bad times than good ones. Do I really want to give him another chance and then end up being miserable for the rest of my life? What if I get pregnant by him? Will I be able to happily raise a child with him, or will I be miserable because he will just get worse and worse? I know he’s saying that he will change, but he doesn’t even know what to change. He wants me to teach him how to think and behave like the man I need him to be. I’ll end up living with two children instead of one. Don’t be stupid girl! You broke up with him for a good reason. Don’t crumble now. Remain broken up and move on. Don’t look back.”
When she is thinking like that, she’s not going to listen to her heart because her mind’s reasoning is going to be too convincing.
So, what should you do instead?
Don’t put any pressure on her to decide whether or not she is going to give you another chance.
Instead, just focus on making every interaction that you and her have together, feel fun and pleasurable.
Add in humor, be playful and easy-going and get her laughing and smiling, so she can naturally begin to listen to her heart (i.e. listen to her heart that is feeling happy, joyful and open around you now).
So, just try your hardest to forget about all the drama that has happened between you and her and focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you again.
The next thing you can do to convince your ex to listen with her heart instead if her mind, is to…
2. Start creating sparks of sexual and romantic attraction during interactions
If a woman isn’t feeling attracted to her ex, she isn’t going to listen to his attempts to convince her to give him another chance.
Instead, she’s usually going to say things like, “No. You and I aren’t right for each other and the sooner we both accept that, the better off we’ll be. We had our chance and it didn’t work out. Now it’s over and I’m tired of arguing and debating it with you. It’s time for you to let me go and move on.”
Why will she respond in that way?
He’s trying to convince her mind to give him another chance by giving her reasons why she should.
He’s not actively focusing on making her feel sexually and romantically attracted to him again by using an attractive approach.
He’s just pleading with her, discussing things and trying to get her to understand his point of view.
Approaching it in that way only makes her focus more on what her mind is thinking, rather than how her heart could feel.
So, if you want your ex to give you another chance, you have to focus on making her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
When you do that, she will automatically begin to listen to her heart.
How can you make her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again?
One way (of many) that you can do it is by not taking everything she says and does so seriously.
Instead, turn her coldness or rejection into something you can both laugh about together.
Watch this video for some examples…
Another way to make her feel attracted is to show her that you are absolutely confident in your attractiveness to her.
You know that she loved you before and you also know that when you reawaken her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again (by showing her that you’re a new and improved man), she will open her heart to you again.
It’s not a matter of if she opens her heart to you, but rather of when she opens her heart to you.
Here’s an example of how you can do it…
Imagine that you are talking on the phone with your ex and she says something along the lines of, “Stop telling me to listen to my heart instead of my mind. My heart is closed off to you now and I have no intention of letting you back in. Just leave me alone. Can’t you see that I don’t want you back?”
Naturally, hearing her say something like that might make you feel upset and doubt your chances with her.
Yet, if you doubt yourself, it will come through in the tone of your voice (i.e. you may sound sad, disappointed or dejected) and that will turn her off because women aren’t attracted to self-doubt and insecurity in men.
So, instead of letting her angry or cold outbursts get to you, just use it as an opportunity to make her feel attracted to you by using humor in a confident manner.
If she says, “Can’t you see that I don’t want you back?” you can laugh and say in a joking manner, “Actually I can’t. My doctor recently told me that I have unique eye condition. Apparently it’s called ‘seeing the world through rose tinted glasses.’ Essentially, it’s impossible for me to see that you don’t want me back. I can only see you and me happy together. I’m sorry, it’s not my fault. It’s a serious medical condition” and have a laugh.
Then, continue on by saying something like, “I’m afraid that you’re going to have to put up with it, because there’s no known cure for it” and have a laugh.
Then, ask her, “So…when can we catch up for a coffee my love?” and have a little laugh with her about that.
By approaching a potentially serious conversation in a funny way, she’s more likely to relax, smile, laugh and be more open to meeting up with you in person.
Using humor to get her laughing creates some positive feelings inside of her, which stops her from only focusing on the negatives about you.
Even if she tries to fight the feelings in her heart, she won’t be able to fully stop herself from feeling attracted to you for having the confidence to make her laugh and smile in a serious moment like that.
When that happens, her guard will come down and she become more open to interacting with you further.
The next thing you can do to convince your ex to listen with her heart instead if her mind, is to…
3. Be more of a playful challenge during interactions
Up to now, you’ve likely been on your best behavior around your ex and she can more or less guess what you’re going to say or do during interactions with her.
You’re going to listen to her, be caring, be understanding, be nice and be willing to put up with her cold behavior just to get to talk to her.
When a woman knows how a guy is going to react, it becomes very boring for her very quickly.
As a result, she doesn’t feel attracted to him or to the idea of being around him.
She’s rather be doing something else with someone else.
If a woman keeps feeling that way for months or years, she will either break up with a guy or cheat on him and then break up with him.
This is why you should pay attention to the approach that you’re using with a woman.
You need to make sure that, for the most part, you are using an attractive approach.
If you do, your woman will stick with you and if you don’t, she will leave you.
In the case of your ex…
If she doesn’t feel attracted to you, then she’s not going to feel motivated to reconnect with the love in her heart.
As a result, getting back together again becomes difficult, if not impossible.
So, from this moment onwards, you need to try to make some adjustments and improvements to the way you’re interacting with her.
If you’ve been very predictable to her up until this point, you need to start reacting differently to what she says and does.
For example: If your ex calls you on the phone and says something like, “I have a box of your stuff here. What do you want me to do with it?” and you would normally be predictable and say something like, “Oh, I will come over and get it” try to react in a different way.
You might jokingly say something like, “You can bring it right over. I’ll be here for the next hour or so. Oh…and you can pick up a pepperoni and mushroom pizza for me on the way? I’m feeling a bit peckish.”
She might then say, “How rude” and you can then add, “You’re right. That was rude of me. Get a pizza for yourself if you’re hungry as well.”
You can then laugh and say something along the lines of, “I’m only joking. I’ll try to stop by sometime next week when you’re available to pick up my stuff. I’ll let you know when I’m free so that we can make arrangements.”
If you’ve been a predictable guy up until that point, she is going to be full of interesting emotions (e.g. shock that you’re not responding to her in the way she’s expecting you to, respect and attraction for you for being confident enough to tease her in a serious moment like that, excitement about the man you have become since she broke up with you and curiosity about why she suddenly seems to be interested in talking you more).
She thinks to herself, “Hmmm…this isn’t how he normally behaves. He’s usually falling all over himself to please me. Yet, he’s being so playful and cheeky all of a sudden. I like it. Why am I feeling this way? Could there still be something between us? Does it have to be over? Could we give it another chance?” and she then opens herself up to the idea of getting back with you.
That’s what you want.
From there, all you’ve got to do is to continue saying and doing the types of things that attract her and you and her will naturally get back together.
Before you know it, you will be kissing, having sex again and she will be saying, “I don’t know what came over me…I thought I was over you, but clearly I’m not.”
4 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Want Your Ex to Open Her Heart to You Again
When you interact with your ex, you’re either going to be saying and doing things that are sparking her feelings for you, or saying and doing things that will convince her that she made the right decision to break up with you.
In other words, you’re either going to be turning her on or turning her off.
If you want to avoid turning her off, try not to make any of the following mistakes…
1. Explaining your feelings to her in a long letter, e-mail or series of text messages
If your ex won’t listen and give you another chance, you might feel as though writing her a long letter (e-mail or text) to explain your feelings and how much you care, will convince her to change her mind.
Yet, it rarely works out that way with women.
Firstly, when a woman has switched her feelings off for a guy, him telling her now much he cares for her doesn’t impress her.
In fact, many women see the old ‘love letter to an ex’ approach as being selfish, because it’s usually all about what the guy is feeling and what he wants and needs.
Sure, he may be talking about how wonderful she is and how he can’t live without her, but that means nothing to her, because the sexual and romantic feelings aren’t mutual.
Secondly, when you simply write things to your ex, she has no proof that you really have changed.
As a result, she will assume that you’re still the same guy she broke up with (e.g. insecure, needy, emotionally sensitive, afraid to stand up to her) and wouldn’t be able to make her feel the kind of attraction she really wants.
So, the letter really means nothing to her and just turns her off even further.
This is why it’s never a good idea to hide behind letters, e-mails or text messages with an ex woman.
If you really want her to listen, you have to call her on the phone or meet up with her in person so she can experience the new you for herself.
When she can see that she really does feel differently around you now, her guard will come down and she will listen to her heart.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Telling her to listen to her heart and not her mind
Women don’t like it when men get too sensitive and start talking about listening with the heart, being soul mates or anything else like that.
What women find the most attractive is a man who is confident in his ability to attract her and then confidently attracts her (i.e. by being emotionally masculine, using ballsy humor, being a challenge).
Women don’t like it when a man tries to talk like a woman and get all sensitive about hearts, minds and soul mates.
It just doesn’t work for a woman.
A woman will put up with some of that talk when she’s madly in love with a guy, but she will secretly hope that he doesn’t keep going on and on about it.
She hopes that he’s just being sweet and will stop trying to be so sensitive about things to hopefully impress her, or worse, because he actually likes being more feminine and discussing feelings, soul bonds and so on.
That’s one part of it…
The other part of it is the fact that if you keep telling your ex to listen to her heart and not her mind, she will actually see you as being selfish.
She will see that you’re just trying to make her see things from your perspective (i.e. the relationship can be better, you can work things out, you love her and want her, she is special to you and you’re willing to do whatever it takes), but you’re not really interested in hearing her views (i.e. she is turned off by the approach to attraction that you’ve been using in the relationship).
For example: Maybe she wants you to be more confident and ballsy around her, but you just want to be insecure and really nice to her.
That’s what you want and not what she wants.
So, when a woman feels as though she’s not being heard or listened to, the idea of listening to her ex and giving him another chance just doesn’t appeal to her.
Instead, she becomes more closed off and stubborn and refuses to listen to anything he has to say.
He might then try harder to convince her of how much he loves her, how much he’s willing to change and how special their bond is.
Yet, he doesn’t actually understand what she wants.
He knows what he wants, but either doesn’t care what she wants, or doesn’t understand how his approach to attraction has been turning her off.
As a result, she closes up even more.
So, if you want your ex to open up to you, stop telling her that she needs to listen to her heart and not her mind.
What does she want?
What will she get out of listening to what I have to say?
What’s in it for her if we get back together again?
When you look at things from her perspective, you’ll be able to offer her what she wants (e.g. for you to be more manly around her), rather than what you think she wants (e.g. for you to be even more considerate, compassionate, caring and nice).
When she sees that you understand her, feelings of respect, attraction and love will flood back into her heart.
As a result, listening with her heart will happen by itself because she will know that you have her best interests in mind, rather than only trying to get what you want from her.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Asking her to give you another chance because of how much you love her
Sometimes, a guy hopes that if he pours his heart out and tells her how much she means to him, a woman will feel guilty and give him another chance.
Yet, in almost all ex back cases where a woman no longer feels attracted and in love, she doesn’t change her mind based on how her ex feels.
She only changes her mind if she feels differently about him (i.e. if he starts attracting her in new and interesting ways).
So, if you really want to make your ex listen to her heart instead of her mind, make sure that focus on reactivating her feelings for you, rather than asking her to give you another chance because of how much you love her.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Telling her to remember the good times
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, she doesn’t really care about how good things used to be.
She cares about how she feels now.
So, if her ex says, “Just take a minute to remember how happy we used to be and you will realize that our love is worth fighting for,” she isn’t going to suddenly say, “Ohhhh! How silly of me! I forgot!”
Instead, she’s going to think (or say) something like, “Well, that was before and this is now. I don’t feel the same way about you anymore.”
She’s essentially trying to tell him that if he wants her back, he has to change how she feels about him, rather than trying to change her mind by hopefully getting her to remember that things used to be good.
So, if you want to make your ex listen with her heart instead of her mind, don’t waste time and energy trying to get her to focus on the past and how good it was.
What matters is how you make her feel now and from now on.