Here are 5 things that you can do to be more attractive and appealing when speaking to your ex in person, or on the phone:
1. Let Her See That You Are Emotionally Strong Now
Women love emotionally strong men.
Emotional strength makes a woman feel safe with a man, which then makes her feel respect and sexual attraction for him.
On the other hand, women hate emotional weakness.
One of the main reasons why a woman breaks up with a guy is because he just isn’t emotionally strong enough to handle a girl like her right now.
For example: He becomes insecure when she doesn’t show enough interest, he needs her to regularly reassure him that she won’t break up with him and he becomes angry when she throws a tantrum because he can’t control his emotions.
This often happens to guys who aren’t any good at attracting and picking up women and simply rely on luck.
So, when a guy like finally hooks up with an attractive woman, he might say to himself, “I’ve gotten lucky here. I’d better hold on to her tightly because there’s no way that a guy like me would ever find another beautiful, intelligent woman like her. I have to do whatever it takes to prevent her from liking another guy.”
He might then become insecure in his relationship with her ask things like, “Do you still love me?” or “You wouldn’t leave me, would you?” or, “Can I trust you to never cheat on me? I’ve been hurt in the past and I need you to promise that you wouldn’t ever do that to me.”
He might also become clingy by ignoring his friends, interests and hobbies to spend all his time with her and might then become jealous and controlling (e.g. by getting upset when she talks to other guys, checking her private e-mails and text messages).
Yet, rather than making her feel loved, appreciated and wanted, she feels smothered and begins to lose respect for him.
She starts to feel as though he needs her more than she needs him, which is a huge turn off for women.
Women want to be loved, wanted and appreciated, but they don’t want a needy, insecure guy to cling to them for dear life.
She wants a man who is confident, happy and forward moving in life and doesn’t need her to constantly encourage him or give him confidence.
She wants him to be his own man, while also loving, respecting and appreciating her.
So, if one of the main reasons you got dumped was due to emotional weakness or insecurity, you need to show her that you are now a confident, emotionally strong man.
Of course, just standing up to her and being emotionally strong isn’t the only way to make a woman feel some attraction for you again.
Here is another way to be attractive when talking to your ex on the phone or in person…
2. Use Humor to Make Her Feel Good and to Get Rid of the Serious Vibe
It has been said that laughter is the best medicine.
Essentially what this means is that regardless of how bad things are between a guy and his ex woman, a little bit of humor will usually break the ice and take the bite off the negative feelings she is holding onto about him.
For example: If your sitting at a table (at a café or restaurant) and your ex says, “Looks, it’s over. There’s nothing left between us anymore,” she will be expecting you to back down or get upset at her.
So, what you can do instead?
Be emotionally strong enough to risk making a joke in that moment to calm the tension between you, drop her guard and make her feel a spark with you again.
You might say something like, “Well that’s not entirely true, is it? Technically there’s a whole table between us” and then laugh with her about that for a moment.
Or, if she says, “Look, it’s over. We can’t get back together,” you can laugh and say, “Yeah, I know it’s over. I have a girlfriend now and we got engaged the other night, so of course you and I can’t get back together. We’re finished!” and then laugh with her about that.
Or, if she says, “I just need some more time and space,” you can laugh and say, “Okay, how about I give you the next 30 years to think about it. You’ll be old and gray by that point, but that’s okay. We’ll go and have tea or something like a couple of old fogies” and then laugh with her about that.
Essentially, just be strong enough to joke around and not take her comments so seriously all the time.
When you do that, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling attracted to the new, emotionally stronger version of you who has the balls to joke around in moments that you would previously become unsure of yourself, back down or get annoyed and turn it into a stressful conversation.
When you can just relax, be confident and be more easy-going about things as you talk to her, her guard naturally comes down and she becomes more open to the idea of getting back together again.
For example: A woman might be feeling angry, resentful and bitter towards her ex because of what happened between them.
When he calls her on the phone, or bumps into her somewhere, she might be cold and distant towards him and say something like, “Forget about it. I’m never going to forgive you for what you did to me.”
If he then reacts by getting upset, or giving up, he’s likely going to lose any chance he has of re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
On the other hand, if he responds in a way that makes her smile, laugh and feel happy to be interacting with him again, her guard will come down.
So, if she says something like, “Forget about it. I’m never going to forgive you for what you did to me,” you can respond by saying, “Me too! I’m never going to forgive you for what you did to me either!”
She might then look annoyed and say, “What do you mean? I never did anything to you,” and you can reply by saying, “Sure you did! You got me addicted to your delicious lasagne and now I’m having withdrawal symptoms. It’s pure torture! I’ve been eating lasagne when out with friends at restaurants, but it’s not the same. You’ve ruined lasagne for me forever! I can never forgive you for doing that to me” and then have a laugh with her about that.
She will most likely laugh along with you and it will then take away the seriousness of what she was saying a moment earlier.
When you use humor and get her smiling and laughing, your ex is going to feel good around you again.
She will start feeling surges of respect and attraction for you again and her guard will come down, making her more open to the idea of getting back together again.
So, don’t be afraid to make her laugh, especially if she’s being serious, bitchy or mean.
3. Don’t Make it All About Your Feelings
Sometimes, a guy might feel so worried to be talking to his ex again after a break up that he ends up babbling on about his feelings and comes across as being too emotionally sensitive.
Some women even see it as being selfish because it seems to be all about him, rather than how she feels and what she wants.
For example: A man might call his ex woman and she might then ask, “What do you want?” or “Why are you calling me?” in a cold, mean or rude tone of voice.
Rather than just laugh at her coldness (e.g. “Ooh, someone is in a bitchy mood today” or “Gee, you sound nice and friendly today”) and focus on making her feel attracted, he starts saying things like, “Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me, but please just listen! I’m falling apart without you. Don’t you care that I am lost without you? I hate the thought of having hurt you so much that now you don’t even want to talk to me. Being apart from you is killing me. Please just give me a chance to explain. I can make it up to you… I really can. I care so much for you. You mean everything to me. I’ve never loved another woman like you and I never will. I can’t concentrate at work and I haven’t been eating or sleeping properly. Please, you mean the world to me. Don’t give up on us now. What we had was so special.”
Even though he is being sincere and pouring his heart out because he really does love her and truly believes that he would do a better job this time around, she just doesn’t care.
When a woman doesn’t feel respect and attraction for a guy, him telling her all about how badly he’s feeling isn’t going to matter that much to her.
Instead, she will think something like, “Why is he sulking to me about how bad he feels? Doesn’t he realize that he’s just putting me off even more by being so emotionally sensitive and needy? It’s bad enough that he hurt me, but now he is just making things worse by being such a wuss. If he thinks that showing me how sad he’s feeling without me, is going to make me change my mind about him, he hasn’t figured out yet that women are turned off by emotional weakness in men. If he wants me to care that he cares for me, he’s going to have figure out how to be a confident, emotionally strong man. Right now though, that looks impossible because he’s being such a wimp. He just doesn’t get it. I’m going to have to go ahead and find myself a real man because clearly he isn’t one and doesn’t have a clue how to quickly become one.”
Remember: If you want to be attractive when talking to your ex girlfriend on the phone or in person, don’t waste her time or your time letting her know how terrible you’ve been feeling since the break up.
Instead, just focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you by showing her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
For example: If a woman dumped a guy because he was too insecure and self-doubting, he will need to show her that he has become emotionally stronger since the breakup.
Another example is where a woman broke up with a guy because they were constantly fighting and disagreeing over things and she was tired of always feeling stressed out, irritated or annoyed.
To show her that he’s moved past that level, he needs to react differently to what she’s saying (e.g. if she says something that would previously cause an argument, he now remains calm and turns it into something to laugh about together).
By showing your ex that you’re not the same guy she broke up with, you will be able to break down some of the walls she’s put up to keep herself closed off from you.
Even if she tries to stop it, her feelings of respect and attraction will begin to trickle through to her heart and make her feel drawn to you.
Then, as long as you continue saying and doing the type of things that build on her feelings on for you, that initial trickle of respect and attraction will turn into a torrent and she will then be the one saying, “Maybe we made a mistake. Maybe we should give our relationship another chance…”
4. Flirt With Her
A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that flirting is reserved only for when a guy is trying to attract a woman for the first time, or when a man and a woman are in a relationship together.
So, some of the guys who read this section will think, “I can’t do that! It’s not my place to flirt with her anymore, or joke around and make her feel attracted. What if she gets angry and then refuses to talk to me or see me again? I won’t be able to get her back. If I flirt with her, she might tell me to stop being like that and to just treat her like a friend. That would annoy her, wouldn’t it?”
No, it will attract her.
Flirting makes women feel attracted…especially when they are your ex.
An ex woman will act as though it’s not working on her, but it will be.
Yet, because a guy’s confidence has taken a beating after being dumped and he is so worried about annoying his ex girlfriend, he will believe her when she says something like, “Hey, don’t talk to me like that. We’re not together anymore” in response to him flirting with her or even joking around.
So, when talking to his ex on the phone or in person, he will try to please her by acting more like a friend, or worse, acting like he’s no longer interested in her.
However, his friendly, nice guy, non-sexual approach will simply make her feel NOTHING for him.
She’s not going to be thinking, “Wow! My ex is on his best behavior. He must really still love me. I will reward him by feeling attracted and giving him sex, love and devotion now. It’s time to get back together because he’s been such a good little boy! Yayy!”
Instead, she will think something like, “Why am I not feeling anything for him anymore? I know that I said I was cool about being friends with him, but it’s getting annoying now. Maybe the fact that I am not feeling anything for him is a sign that we’re not meant to be together. Maybe he isn’t the one and I was right for breaking up with him.”
She then opens herself up to meeting new guys, having sex and falling in love to get over and move on from her ex.
So, if you want your ex to respect you and feel attracted for you, don’t waste time pretending you just want to be her innocent, non-sexual friend.
Watch this video for more info…
While being her “friend,” you have to actively make her feel sexually attracted to you and one of the best ways to start doing that is by flirting with her.
Flirt (verb): Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.
Flirting is fun for both men and women.
When it comes to getting an ex back, flirting breaks down the walls of mistrust and misunderstanding and it allows a woman to feel attracted without worrying that it means she is agreeing to get back with him.
Yet, when she feels attracted, she then wants him back.
The fact is that when you flirt with your ex on the phone or in person, she’s going to feel good, and you’re going to feel good and she will feel more open to the idea of getting back together again.
5. Have a Positive Attitude, No Matter How Cold or Distant She is Being
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just call your ex or see her in person and she then says, “Hey, we both made mistakes. I forgive you for making me feel the way you did. I love you. Let’s just get back together again!”?
Yes, that would be nice, but it will rarely happen if the guy doesn’t reactivate the woman’s feelings first.
If he just expects her to change her mind because they haven’t been speaking to each other, he will be disappointed when he sees that she’s moving on without him.
To get your ex back, you’ve got to do something about it.
You’ve got to become more attractive to her in the way that you now think, talk, feel, behave and act.
- Are you now very confident and emotionally strong, or are you still fairly insecure and emotionally sensitive?
- Are you now very driven and motivated, or hiding from your true potential as a man?
- Are you now more emotionally dominant than her, or would she still be able to walk all over you by acting cold, bitchy or dominant?
If you want to attract her back for real, she’s going to need to see that you have already improved, fixed, adjusted or changed the things that were turning her off about you before.
If she can’t see that you have change, a woman will usually remain cold and distant until she it becomes more obvious to her that she’s dealing with a new, improved man now.
So, if she is cold and distant towards you, don’t take it too seriously and don’t let it ruin your positive attitude or confidence about getting her back.
If you maintain a positive attitude, regardless of how she’s behaving (e.g. she is unfriendly, keeps bringing up all your past mistakes, flirts with other guys in front of), it will become very difficult for her to keep behaving badly towards you when you’re being such a great guy.
Note: Sometimes when a woman is being cold and unresponsive towards her ex, he might attempt to attract her back by bragging, exaggerating or even lying about what he’s been up to.
For example: A guy might say to his ex, “I’ve been having such a great time lately. I’ve been hanging out with some new friends and we’ve been invited to some of the most exclusive, VIP clubs in the city. I love my new life.”
Alternatively he might say, “I got a promotion at work. I’m making so much more money now that I’m thinking about getting a new car.”
Secretly, he’s hoping that she will be impressed and will then stop being so cold and distant towards him because she wants to be included in on his new, amazing life without her.
Yet, if he’s only lying about getting promoted or having fun without her, she will either sense it right away or eventually find out about it and she will be turned off even more.
So, rather than creating additional problems for yourself, just focus on having a positive attitude, remaining confident and actively making her feel respect and attraction for you again.
When she can see that you’re not the same guy she broke up with, her guard will come down.
She may act like she’s not interested to test if you will become insecure, but just maintain your confident, positive attitude and continue on until you are kissing her, having sex and back in a relationship again.