Most women feel turned off when a man begs her to come back because of the following reasons…
1. Emotional Weakness is Unattractive to Women
There’s no doubt at all that getting broken up with can really suck.
It hurts, especially when you get dumped by the woman you truly love.
Yet, the way that a guy handles the break up is often what determines how quickly he will be able to re-spark his ex’s feelings for him and get her back.
For example: A confident, emotionally strong man who believes in himself and in his value as a man will quickly focus on making some attractive changes to his thinking and behavior, so that when he interacts with his ex again (e.g. on a phone call, or in person), he can show her that he’s at a different level as a man.
If he had become annoying, controlling, jealous or clingy, he will quickly change and start being more easy-going, relaxed, trusting and loving and the woman will then feel relieved by the changes in him.
He will also believe that the changes he has made is enough for her to want him back, which will cause him to appear confident when he interacts with her.
As you may know, confidence is naturally attractive to women, so when she sees the changes and notices that he is confident in his attractiveness to her, she can’t help but feel attracted to him.
On the other hand, an insecure, self-doubting guy will usually try to convince his ex to come back to him by begging and pleading with her and promising her that he will do whatever she wants if she’ll give him another chance.
For example: He might say, “Please, please, please forgive me! I know that I stuffed up, but I’m going to make it up to you. I promise that this time I will really change. Things will be different. I’m not the same guy anymore… I’ve learned my lesson. Please baby! One more chance is all I’m asking for. Do it for the sake of the love we shared. I promise I will do whatever you want me to do. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. You have my word.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman doesn’t want to see her ex falling to pieces and making desperate promises that he’s unlikely to keep.
At this point, some guys might be thinking, “Why not? Wouldn’t a woman feel flattered to see that her guy is falling apart without her? Wouldn’t knowing that she means everything to him make her want him back even more?”
That’s how it works in Hollywood movies (for entertainment purposes), but not in real life.
Although there are some women who like it when a guy begs and pleads with her to take him back, in most cases, a woman actually feels turned off by his emotional weakness.
Remember: Women are attracted to emotional strength (e.g. confidence, high self-esteem) and turned off by emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, low self-esteem).
So, rather than make a woman think, “Oh that’s so damn sweet. My guy must really love me to be reacting in this way. He’s such a great guy that he’s even willing to do whatever I say just to make me happy. I think I’ve been too hard on him. Since that he loves me so much and is willing to do anything for me, I’d be crazy to let him go, wouldn’t I? I’ve just got to give him another chance!” she will likely be thinking, “Why is he behaving this way? Doesn’t he realize that by desperately begging, pleading and losing it like this, he’s actually making himself unattractive to me? It makes me feel like I have to mother him and take care of him because he can’t cope by himself without me. I don’t want to be his mother. Even if I had my doubts about breaking up with him before, his recent behavior has convinced me that he’s simply not the kind of man I want in my life. Besides, all he’s doing is begging, but he doesn’t really understand the real reasons we broke up. He’s just hoping that we can sweep everything under the carpet and pretend that everything is okay just because he’s sorry. It just doesn’t work that way.”
Of course, from the guy’s perspective, he really is willing to do whatever it takes and so he thinks that he’s being a good man.
He is sincere and hopes that it’s enough to show her that the relationship is worth fighting for.
Yet, he doesn’t understand that his emotional weakness and confusion about how to fix the problem is a huge turn off to her.
By begging for a second chance without knowing how to fix the problem, his behavior is basically saying to her, “I don’t really understand why we broke up, so I need you to help with me that. Also, I’m too emotionally weak to cope without you, so I need you to help me with that too. Please give me another chance because I’m falling apart here. I need you to take care of me. Be gentle with me, guide me, protect my heart. I’m so lost without you. Please teach me how to be the man you need.”
A woman doesn’t want to be the one to tell her guy what he’s been doing wrong, because it puts too much pressure on her to be the leader of the relationship.
She just wants to be able to relax and be his woman, knowing that he fully understands how to be the man she needs.
So, rather than begging your ex to come back and promising her that you will do anything she wants you to do, focus instead on figuring out what happened to cause her feelings for you to change.
When you better understand her reasons for breaking up and then make the necessary improvements to yourself, she will be able to see that you’ve learned from your past mistakes and are now a better man.
Then, she will be able to forgive you for temporarily losing control of yourself (and begging) and she will begin to feel respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
Another reason why a woman feels turned off when a man begs for her to come back is…
2. It Makes Her Lose Respect For Him
For example: A guy might try to reason with his ex by explaining how much he cares for her.
He might say something like, “Please don’t do this to us. I love you. I will always love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? I know that things didn’t work out between us, but shouldn’t love be able to conquer anything? For the sake of what we once had, please let’s just try and work things out. Just give me a chance to make it up to you. Please! I don’t want to lose you.”
Yet, if a woman doesn’t have strong feelings for her ex anymore, him telling her how much he cares for her won’t make much difference to her.
Instead, she looks at his actions as another sign that he’s not man enough for her or is being selfish and needy (i.e. by always talking about how he feels and what he wants and needs), so her respect for him will begin to fade away.
If you want to make your ex care that you care about her, you must make her experience the type of feelings she wants to experience when you interact with her (e.g. respect, attraction, excitement, sexual desire, happiness, relaxation, love).
If you just try to reason with her without sparking her feelings of respect for you first, she’s just going to keep pushing you away and saying, “Please just accept that it’s over between us. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.”
On the other hand, if you spark some of her feelings for you first and then build on that, she then starts to care that you care about her.
Another reason why begging a woman to come back is a turn off is that…
3. It Makes Her Lose Faith in His Ability to Handle the Challenges of Life Like a Man
When a guy begs a woman to come back to him (even though he doesn’t know how to improve himself to be more attractive to her), she begins to suspect that he’s clinging on to the relationship with her because he doesn’t know how to cope with the break up.
The more he begs her to come back, the more respect and attraction she loses for him because she realizes that he is lost, confused and doesn’t even know what he needs to do to fix the situation.
Instinctively, she will be wondering, “If he can’t cope with me breaking up with him, what else won’t he be able to cope with? What if I get back with him and something more serious happens (e.g. he gets retrenched, one of us gets ill, we experience financial problems)? Will he expect me to be the one to take care of things for him because he can’t cope on his own? I don’t want that. I want a man I can look up to, rely on, respect and feel safe with, not a guy who is too emotionally weak to cope with the challenges of life. I just don’t believe that he is man enough to handle the challenges of life on his own,” and she feels turned off by him even more.
She might then actively focus on making it more difficult for him to interact with her (e.g. by refusing to answer his texts or talk to him on the phone, unfriending him on social media or avoiding the chance of bumping into him if they hang out at the same places).
When that happens, a guy might ask, “Why is she being so cold towards me? Why is she being so stubborn? I love her so much and we used to have something special. Why is she being like this?”
Here’s the thing…
When a guy begs a woman to come back, the woman instinctively feels turned off by his emotional weakness.
She’s not being stubborn or being a bitch about it.
She’s simply turned off by his weakness.
Without her even having to think about it, her instincts kick in and warn her, “If you get back with this guy, you won’t be safe. He’s too insecure and emotionally weak to be able to protect you and take care of you and a family if you choose to have one together some day. He doesn’t yet know how to be a man. Remain broken up with him.”
Even though she may still love him and secretly hope that things would have worked out, if her instincts kick in like that, she will try to steer clear of him.
The only way for him to get her to forgive him is to let her see that he’s no longer the same guy anymore…
If you want your ex to stop shutting you out of her life and give you a second chance, you have to rebuild her feelings of respect and attraction for you first, by showing her that you are now man enough to handle the challenges of life.
You can do that by thinking, talking and behaving in some of the ways that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. being emotionally strong and confident around her, being emotionally independent by getting on with your life without her, changing her mood by making her smile and laugh when she is being stubborn and cold towards you).
When she experiences the new and improved emotionally strong version of you, it restores her faith in you as a man.
She starts to see you as a man that she can now look up to and respect, which causes her to begin changing her mind about wanting to be broken up with you.
If You Begged Your Ex to Come Back, Don’t Worry. It’s Not the End of the World
If you begged your ex to come back, don’t beat yourself up about it.
It’s not the end of the world and it’s also not an unforgivable mistake.
As long as you have already learned from your mistake and have become a better man as a result, you can hold your head up high from now on.
How you behave from now on is what matters.
Just write it off as a lesson learned and focus on being an emotionally strong man from now on whenever you interact with her.
For example: The next time you’re talking to your girlfriend over the phone, or in person, you can laugh and say to her, “Wow…it’s pretty funny what happened when I look back on. I can’t believe I lost it like that. Who was that blubbering, begging wimpy guy anyway? I suppose I was just a little shocked at the thought of losing you and I overreacted and I guess my main reason for losing it like that was because I still love you and I didn’t want you to leave me. Yet, I know now that it’s not a very mature way for a grown man to behave. I know that now, so I just want to say that I’m really sorry for begging you to come back in the way I did. I wholeheartedly accept your decision to break up. I still love you and I do want you to come back, but I respect your decision.”
Will saying something like that to your ex make her change her mind?
I’ve heard back from some men who’ve gotten their woman back after a phone call like that, but it’s not enough for every ex back case.
Most of the ex back cases that guys come to me for help with are messy break ups where the woman is really turned off and starts out not wanting to give him another chance.
In cases like that, apologizing (like in the example above) is a good start because she can see that you’re being emotionally mature about it, which will make her begin to feel some respect and attraction for you.
When she feels some respect and attraction, she can’t help but relax her guard a little and begin to open back up to you a bit.
She starts to think of you in a more positive way, which then allows her to be open to the idea of talking to you again and meeting with you.
So, from this day forward, when you talk to her on the phone, or meet up with her in person, make sure that spark her feelings for you (e.g. by being more confident and charismatic, making her feel feminine and girly by being more emotionally masculine, taking the lead in the ex back process rather than expecting her to guide you back into a relationship).
When she experiences the new you, her walls come down and she stops holding on to her negative ideas of the man she thinks you are and begins to see you in a more favorable light.
Then, giving you another chance seems like it would be a good thing for her too because you are now the man that she always wanted you to be.