Not every woman is the same. Sometimes, a woman will be nice to her ex for one or more of the following reasons:
1. She wants to let him down slowly, rather than rudely rejecting him and causing him to become angry or violent
Even if a guy is a really good guy who would never do anything to hurt his ex, it’s still a woman’s instinct to protect herself from a potentially frightening and possibly even violent situation.
In a situation where a woman is being nice to her ex, rather than it meaning she actually wants him back, it can sometimes just be a case of her wanting to let him down slowly to avoid the possibility of having to deal with him reacting in an overly emotional way (e.g. he becomes angry or even violent, or alternatively, he breaks down and begs her to change her mind and doesn’t let her leave his home until she agrees to give him another chance).
So, rather than put herself in that kind of situation, a woman might instead say something like, “You really are a great guy and you deserve a great woman. You know that I will always have a place for you in my heart, but right now I’m just not ready to be the best girlfriend (fiancé or wife) that you deserve. I need some space to sort myself out and maybe sometime in the future, when I’m not so messed up, we can get back together again.”
In this way, she’s not rejecting the guy directly, so it lessens the chance of him becoming violent or angry.
Instead, he might even be left thinking, “Okay cool, she just needs a bit of space. She’s being nice to me and isn’t saying that there is no chance, so it must mean she still cares about me and wants me back, but just needs some time apart. I’ll just wait for her to figure things out and then we can get back together. Then, everything can go back to the way it was before.”
However, quite often that isn’t how it turns out.
A woman doesn’t want to be put in the position where she has to defend herself against an angry man, so she usually just tries to get out of the relationship as easily and peacefully as possible – even if that means giving the guy false hope.
2. She wants to lead him on make him think that he has a chance, while she secretly tries to find a replacement guy
Sometimes a woman might want to get revenge on her ex for the pain he caused her, so she pretends to still be interested in him while in reality she is secretly moving on.
She may say to herself, “He was such a jerk to me. Now is the time to give him a dose of his own medicine and see how he likes it when he gets messed around. I’m going to be extra nice to him and let him think I’m still interested in him and in the meantime, I’m going to find myself another guy who will treat me the way I want to be treated. Then, when I am sure that the other guy likes me and wants to be with me, I will give my ex the news and tell him that I’m happy without him now.”
Alternatively, a woman might feel a bit worried about getting stuck without a guy in her life, so she may think, “I’ll just keep my ex around for a while in case I don’t meet another guy. He might not be the guy for me, but having him showing me interest is better than having no guy at all. Then, as soon as I meet someone else to replace him with, he’s out of my life for good.”
She might then pretend to be interested in getting back together again (e.g. texting with him all the time, saying that she sometimes thinks about the good times they had, saying things like, “I don’t know if I made the right decision about breaking up with you,” or calling him up to check how he’s doing).
Yet, she’s only leading him on and because the guy usually isn’t actually doing anything to reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for him, it doesn’t matter to her.
In most cases, guys will just be friendly with their ex woman while texting or talking to her because they don’t actually know how to get the spark back and make her really want to give him another chance.
Either that or the guy will think it’s wrong to act like anything other than a friend. He will think that he should just be patient with her and be a nice friend and hopefully, she will then realize that she wants him and needs him.
The thing is though, a woman doesn’t want to have a serious, romantic that is purely based on friendship.
We all know what happens in those kinds of relationships; no sex.
Sex is an important part of a romantic relationship between a man and a woman and at the very least, there needs to be a strong sexual attraction from both the man and the woman, even if they don’t have sex that regularly.
Without sexual attraction and that all important spark that comes with it, a relationship feels boring and stale.
So, if you want to get your ex back for real, make sure that you are ready and prepared to make her feel attracted to you again.
If you aren’t, she isn’t going to feel very motivated about having a relationship with you purely based on being nice friends.
Another reason why a woman will be nice to her is…
3. She wants him back, but isn’t going to make it obvious
Even if your ex still cares for you and wants you back, she won’t necessarily make it obvious because she wants to see if you have the confidence to get the relationship back without her help.
So, rather than just saying, “Hey, I know that we’re broken up, but I still have feelings for you and if you’re interested, I’d really like to get back together again,” she likely just going to be nice, friendly and wait for you to make the next move.
She wants to know that you have the courage and confidence to make it happen without her help because she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a guy that she has to carry throughout life.
She wants a man who has the confidence, courage and balls to make things happen, without the encouragement of a woman.
Here’s the thing though…
So many guys out there make the mistake of thinking that a woman will be happier if she dictates the pace or if she decides how things should play out.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “Well if she’s being nice to me because she wants me back, I just should wait and let it happen on her terms. After all, I don’t want to come across as being pushy and scare her off. When she’s ready, she will tell me what she wants and then we can get back together again.”
Yet, that’s not what she wants.
She wants him to be man enough to get her back, without her having to hold his hand and lead him through the ex back process.
If he can’t be a man and do that and instead sits around waiting for her to give him the go ahead, she may get to the point where she’s thinking, “Well, it looks like I was wrong about my ex. I thought he was a confident, emotionally strong guy who had the balls to go after what he really wants in life, but clearly that’s not the case. Instead, he’s really just an insecure, nervous guy who’s probably going to waste his life waiting for things to happen. He isn’t a go getter. He is destined to fail at life because he waits for things to be handed to him, rather than taking action and going through the process. I can’t respect a guy like that. It’s a pity because he really is a nice guy, but if I can’t respect him then I won’t be able to feel attracted to him either, so there’s no point being together. I guess I’m just going to have to move on without him. Hopefully the next guy will be stronger than him.”
Don’t let that happen to you and your woman.
Rescue her before she falls into the arms of another guy who will most likely never love her as much as you do.
Just be the man and make it happen.
Show her that you are now confident and emotionally strong enough to go after what you want in life, including her, regardless of how challenging or difficult it may seem.
Show her that you have the balls to be the kind of man that she needs you to be by interacting with her (on the phone, but preferably in person) and making her feel respect and attraction for the new you.
The more that you make her smile and laugh while you’re interacting with her, the more difficult it becomes for her to stay closed off, especially if she secretly wants you back.
When she experiences your confidence and masculinity (in the way you now talk, behave and react o her), her guard will come down and she will open herself up to saying, “Okay, yes, I want to get back together again. Let’s give it a try” when you suggest it.
4. She is a nice, loving person who cares about how others feel
Sometimes a woman is just a nice person.
Even though she might have broken up with her guy and broke his heart in the process, she may still care enough about him to want to ease his pain by being nice to him.
For that reason, a woman might make a point of reaching out to her ex as a way of checking up on him to make sure that he’s okay.
In her eyes, she’s just being a nice, caring person and is doing her best to make sure that he can heal his broken heart.
Yet, it’s understandable that a guy who is still in love with his ex might misinterpret her kindness and mistake as a sign that she fully wants him back right now.
Here’s the thing though…
Even if your ex is only being nice to you because she’s a loving person and currently isn’t interested in getting back together again, it doesn’t mean you can’t change how she feels about you.
When you spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you again (e.g. by making her smile and laugh when you interact with her, showing her that you’ve moved past the level you were at before, making her feel feminine and girly in you presence) she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
It happens naturally and automatically without you having to try to convince her of anything.
5. She wants to remain friends, but currently isn’t interested in anything else with you
Sometimes a woman might say, “I really care about you, but I just don’t want to be in a relationship with you. How about we just remain friends? That’s all I can offer right now.”
A guy might then jump at the idea, because he thinks that by staying friends with her he might eventually cause her to change her mind.
He might say to himself, “That’s okay. I can handle being friends with her for a while. Then, if I’m really nice to her and show her that she can rely on me no matter what, she will hopefully realize that I’m the guy for her and she will change her mind about only wanting to be friends.”
He might then hang around her and be really nice, helpful and reliable to show her how much he cares about her as a person.
Yet, although being friends with your ex is better than cutting off all communication with her, it’s not enough to just hang around her and hope she will someday miraculously come to the conclusion that she still loves you.
It just doesn’t work that way.
The truth is, if your ex is being nice and friendly to you, it doesn’t mean she wants you back sexually and romantically.
To make her feel that way, you have to actively make her feel respect, sexual attraction and romantic love for you again when you interact with her.
If you just hang around her being friendly and not actively making her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again, she will likely enjoy having you around a shoulder to cry on when she’s down, or someone to hang out with when she’s bored.
Yet, that’s not going to make her think, “My ex is being so nice. He’s such a great friend. I think I made a mistake in breaking up with him. I want him back now. All I need is a good friendship! Who needs sexual attraction and romantic love? A friendship is more than enough!”
No, no, no.
That’s not how it works.
While you are being her nice friend, she will be trying to move on by finding a replacement guy (she will tell you that she isn’t looking), while you’re patiently waiting around in the background for her to give you another chance for being so sweet.
So, what should you do instead?
If she wants to be friends, then yes, be her friend, but don’t be her sweet, platonic friend who doesn’t ever flirt with her and make her feel sexual attraction and juicy, romantic love.
To get her back, you need to actively make her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again by using every interaction you have with her (e.g. on the phone, or in person) to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you.
Don’t pretend that you’re not interested in getting her back, or that you don’t find her sexually attractive anymore.
If you only focus on making her feel neutral, friendly feelings for you, there won’t be any strong reason for her to want you back sexually and romantically.
So, make sure that you flirt with her and make her feel sexually attracted to you again.
There’s nothing wrong with flirting with her.
There’s nothing wrong with being a confident, emotionally masculine man who is using every interaction with her to re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
You can do that.
Remember: If you’re not sparking her feelings of respect and sexual attraction, then someone other guy will.
When he does, she will then become fixated on him.
Her hormones will kick in and she will begin to imagine having sex with him and being in love with him.
She will only see you as a friendly ex who she doesn’t have any sexual or romantic interest in anymore, so nothing that you do to be sweet and nice will have any real effect.
You’ve got to make sure that you are making her experience feelings of respect, sexual attraction and romantic love for you, not just friendship and nice, innocent feelings.
Don’t Waste Time Reading Into Her Signals
Sometimes, a guy can waste a lot of time debating whether his ex being nice to him is a sign that she wants him back, to the point where she just moves on without him because he takes too much time to go through the ex back process.
What you need to understand is that a woman can behave in different ways and it can mean different things.
Women aren’t all the same.
You can’t rely on her signals because they could mean something completely different than what you are thinking.
This is why you need to take the lead and get her back, without waiting for her to guide you through the process.
For example: A woman might be nice to her ex and be happy to text with him, but she doesn’t want to get back with him and is actively looking for a replacement guy.
Alternatively, another woman may be a total bitch to her ex because she is testing to see if he will be man enough to pursue her and get her back, despite her not making it easy for him.
Sometimes a woman being nice to her ex does mean she wants him back and she’s hoping that he picks up on that and gets her back.
The point is, women are complicated and if you wait around trying to be sure what your ex really means by her random signals, you may end up losing her because you didn’t act fast enough.
If you want her back, then it’s up to you to be emotionally strong enough to take the lead and actively make her have feelings for you again.
Where some guys go wrong, is by getting overly excited at any sign of interest from their ex (e.g. she clicks like on social media, replies to a text or answers the phone) and then reacting in a desperate way that turns her off.
For example: A guy might text his ex to say hi and she responds by texting something like, “Hey. How have you been?”
He might then start thinking, “She’s not telling me to go away. She initiated the text, so maybe she wants me back.”
He may then start bombarding her with endless text messages hoping to “warm her up,” until he eventually confesses how much he has missed her and wants her back.
Yet, when a guy overreacts to a signal of interest from his ex woman, she can easily feel turned off by that because she might imagine him being lonely and feel desperate at home without her in his life.
Even if a woman was initially thinking, “Hmmm… maybe my ex and I can get back together,” when he goes overboard and reacts in desperation, she will instinctively pull away from what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
She will feel as though getting back with him would be like doing him a favor because he seems to need her back to feel good about himself again.
She might then think, “Obviously my ex still wants to get back with me, but he’s really going about it the wrong way. Why is he texting me so much all of a sudden and confessing his feelings for me over an dover. His desperation is making me doubt whether I want to settle with a man who doesn’t believe that he can get me back by just being confident and guiding me back into a relationship right now. Instead, he’s just talking about his feelings, being friendly and apologizing for everything that happened. Seems kind of desperate. I don’t like it.”
Always remember this:
It is confidence, emotional strength and masculinity that women are attracted to in men.
Insecurity, neediness and desperation turns women off, even if they might say that it doesn’t just to be nice.
If you want your ex to really want you back, focus on doing more of the attractive stuff around her (i.e. being confident, masculine, charismatic, determined, charming) and less of the unattractive stuff (e.g. being insecure, needy, emotionally sensitive, desperate).
When you behave in the ways that are naturally attractive to her, you will automatically trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
She will then start to think, “Hmmm…I like this new version of him. It feels good to be around him again. I’m actually worried about losing him to some other woman now. I should just give him another chance and see what happens.”
Making her feel that way is what makes a woman want you back for real.
When you focus on turning her back on to you sexually and romantically, she will want you back, even if she was only initially being nice to you for other reasons.