5 possible reasons why your ex is giving you mixed signals when you bring up the relationship are:
1. She doesn’t want to discuss the relationship with you until she can see that you have really changed
If a woman gets a sense that her ex man hasn’t changed, won’t be able to change, or doesn’t even know how to change, she will usually avoid getting into discussions about the relationship or the possibility of getting back together.
Instead, she will give mixed signals by saying things like, “I still care about you, but I’m not ready to get back together just yet,” or “Just give me some time to sort myself out and then maybe we can discuss getting back together again at a later stage.”
She’s hoping that by not giving him a definite answer, he’ll put in the effort to figure out where he went wrong in the relationship and then make some changes to re-attract her.
Alternatively, she hopes that he gives up trying to get her back and moves on, without her having to say, “Hey, leave me alone! It’s over!”
Many women avoid being that direct and harsh because they fear an aggressive or even violent response from a man.
You might not be like that, but hey – we’ve all seen those news stories where a boyfriend kills his ex girlfriend because she won’t give him another chance, right?
The fact is that some men just can’t handle being dumped, so many women have an instinctive need to protect themselves by letting a guy down slowly (i.e. giving him mixed signals and not directly saying, “Leave me alone! I will never get back with you!”).
Of course, you’re probably not going to get angry or even violent, but that’s not the point.
Women react in certain ways based on their natural instincts.
So, if you want her to be clear about her intentions with you, don’t count on it.
The real way to get an ex woman back is to make her have feelings of romantic and sexual attraction for you again, based on how you now interact with her.
When you do that, you don’t have to waste time and energy trying to discuss the relationship and work things out because she wants you back as well.
It’s the easy way to get her back.
So, don’t make the classic mistake of asking her to be clear with you (e.g. by saying something like, “Stop playing games with me and just tell me what you want. I love you. Why won’t you just be honest with me and stop messing me around?”).
That approach doesn’t work for many reasons (e.g. she is afraid to tell you the truth, doesn’t want to teach you how to get her back or it makes her feel turned off because it’s like she is being forced into sticking with a relationship).
Instead of giving you the answer that you’re looking for, your ex will think something like, “Why should I explain to him how to be the man that I need? Does he expect me to teach him? That’s not my role as a woman. Doesn’t he understand that? I’ve tried to help him change for so long and I’m now at the point where I’ve given up. I’ve realized that other women have a man who understands how to be a real man and just gets on with it. So, it’s probably going to be easier to just move on and find another guy who can give me what I want without me having to spell it out for him.”
So, don’t expect her to be your savior and teach you the path to get her back.
That’s not a woman’s role after a break up.
If you’re serious about getting her back into a relationship, you must show her by the way you talk, think, act, behave, interact with her and respond to what she says and does (especially if she’s giving you mixed signals when you bring up the relationship) that you really have changed as a man.
You are now the kind of man she can respect, feel attracted to and love.
For example: Some of the changes that a woman might want to see in her ex before she commits to the idea of getting back together with him, include:
- He is more ambitious and forward thinking in his life.
- He doesn’t cling to her and the relationship like it’s his only reason for living.
- He stops being such a loner and starts being more socially confident and open with people.
- He stops allowing his single friends to influence him negatively (e.g. he used to drink too much when was hanging with them, he became careless and irresponsible like them).
- He stands up for himself more now, while still being a good man.
- He takes the lead (e.g. He doesn’t wait around for her to give him the green light that it’s okay to get her back).
- He stops discussing his feelings with her all the time like a woman.
- He is emotionally stronger now.
- He makes her feel attracted in new and interesting ways based on the style of conversation he now uses.
Once you understand what your ex really wants you to change about yourself, you can then quickly make some adjustments and re-spark her feelings for you.
When that happens, her guard comes down and she becomes a lot more open about discussing the relationship with you.
Another reason why your ex might be giving you mixed signals when you bring up the relationship is that…
2. She doesn’t believe you can give her the kind of attraction experience she really wants
Most of the time, a woman won’t break up with a guy before she gives him a several chances to change and make her feel the way she really wants to feel when she’s with him.
This has a lot to do with a woman’s natural instincts.
Even if she doesn’t want children, the couple has been using condoms or she has been taking the contraceptive pill, her instincts will remain the same.
If a guy has been blowing inside or around her pussy, she is going to feel an instinct to stick with him so he could help raise and provide for any potential offspring.
If women didn’t have that instinct, they would act more like men and not care about how many guys they had sex with.
So, before your ex broke up with you, she most likely gave you plenty of time or warnings to change the things that were turning her off.
For example: If a woman feels as though her guy isn’t giving her enough emotional support, she might say something like, “You’re always so cold and unemotional when I’m talking to you. I need you to be more supportive and understanding.”
Essentially she’s telling him (without saying these words), “I’m not getting the emotional support that I need from you and it’s making me lose respect and attraction for you. If you can’t change and give me the kind of relationship and attraction experience that I want, then I’m going to have to break up with you at some point.”
Another example is if a woman feels that her man is displaying unmanly behavior too often (e.g. he gossips a lot, cries when life gets tough, acts a lot like her).
A woman might then say to him, “There’s this guy I work with who is always gossiping and crying about things. Don’t men realize that when a guy does that, women feel turned off? A woman needs a man who is emotionally strong enough to cope with life’s challenges without whining about it like a big baby. As for all the gossiping… don’t guys know we have girlfriends for that? We don’t want to gossip with our guy. That is not sexy at all,” in the hopes that he’ll recognize his mistakes and then change.
Yet, if the guy just ignores her (either because he assumes that their love is strong enough to make her overlook his flaws, or because he just doesn’t realize the importance of being a masculine man), she will eventually lose respect for him.
When respect goes, the sexual attraction also begins to fade and eventually a woman will also disconnect from her feelings of love for him.
When that happens, she will usually decide to break up with him.
If the guy then tries to get her back without changing, she may then give him mixed signals when he brings up the relationship.
She thinks something like, “I’ve given him so many hints and suggestions before, but I never seemed to get through and make him change. To be honest, I just don’t believe he can give me the attraction experience I really want. He doesn’t know how to be a real man. So, I probably just have to let him go. Sure, it would be nice if he could change and we could get back together again, but I just don’t think it’s possible at this point. I know he means well, but we’re better off leaving things the way they are. He’s just not man enough for me at this point in his life.”
In many cases like that, a guy will then begin to beg, plead and seek pity to hopefully get another chance with her, which will just turn her off even more.
If you want to stop your ex from giving you mixed signals and just give you another chance, you need to first ask yourself, “What part of the overall attraction experience was my ex missing out on in our relationship? What are my weak points when it comes to maintaining her respect, attraction love for me? ”
That’s what you need to start improving right now.
When she feels heard and understood (because you’ve changed the subtle things about your approach that had been turning her off), her attitude towards you will also begin to change.
Her walls will come down and she will feel respect and attraction for you once again.
She will then stop giving you mixed signals because her feelings for you will be more certain.
She will want to give the relationship another chance, just as much as you do and you can then get her back much more easily.
Another reason why your ex might give you mixed signals if you bring up the relationship is that…
3. She has feelings for another guy
Sometimes, a woman might find herself stuck between an ex who wants her back and the possibility of a new romance with another guy.
Don’t worry if that applies your situation. You can still get her back.
If your ex isn’t clearly telling you to leave her alone, it means that she hasn’t yet decided whether the new guy is really what she wants in a man.
So, rather than look at the other guy as competition and allow negative emotions such as insecurity and self-doubt to erode your confidence (which is unattractive to women), you should instead focus on re-sparking your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you.
For example: By making her laugh and smile when you interact with her, making her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine vibe or showing her via your actions that you’re confident and more emotionally strong and mature now.
The more you make her feel attracted to the new you, the less appealing the other guy seems and the faster she will become open to getting back together with you.
Another reason why your ex might be giving mixed signals is that…
4. You’re asking about the relationship via text, rather than making moves on her in person
Sometimes, a guy might convince himself that texting his ex about the relationship will be less threatening to her and because of that, she will be more open to giving him another chance.
Yet, most of the time, the exact opposite is true.
Text almost always creates more problems with an ex and makes her close up more and more.
When a guy tries to discuss the relationship via text, it reinforces her negative emotions about him (e.g. anger, disappointment, frustration, annoyance) because it’s just a bunch of words on a little screen.
It’s not him sitting or standing in front of her, talking and making her smile, laugh and feel good as he discusses the relationship with her.
So, she has nothing new to base her feelings on about him, other than words on her phone.
It’s not him; it’s just a text.
It’s just not the same as re-attracting her on a phone call or in person.
So, if he tries to push her to give him another chance via text, rather than say, “Sure, let’s give it another shot,” she may decide to play hard to get or reply with mixed signals because she’s not really feeling it yet.
For example, she might text, “I’m not sure yet. Let me think about it. I need more time.”
So, don’t waste time trying to make your ex talk about the relationship with you via text.
Instead, focus on rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for the man that you are now, by getting her on a phone call right away.
Over the phone, she doesn’t have to guess at your state of mind (e.g. are you confident and self-assured, or are you insecure and nervous?).
She can pick up on the changes based on how you talk, the tone of your voice, how you react to her, the confidence you have to joke around (especially if she is being distant) and your attitude towards her.
When she senses that you really have changed, she will begin to reconnect with her positive feelings for you (e.g. respect, attraction and love) and then she’ll be much more open and happy when you bring up the relationship.
Another reason for the mixed signals…
5. She’s testing your confidence
In a situation where a woman isn’t sure about her feelings for a guy, she might give him mixed signals to test his confidence.
She will act like she is completely turned off by things he says, or as though she is annoyed at his behavior all of a sudden, even though he is just being a normal, good guy.
She wants to see if he will start doubting himself and his value to her (which will then prove to her that he’s not man enough for her), or if he will remain emotionally strong and confident (which will then re-spark her feelings for him and open herself up to getting back together again).
So, don’t keep trying to convince your ex to give you another chance, if you haven’t gotten to the point where you are confident in yourself and in your worth to her.
If she gives you a mixed signal (e.g. agrees to meet up with you and then treats you in a cold, unfriendly way, says things like, “I still care for you, but I can’t be with you”) and you fail that test by becoming anxious and insecure, or worse, demanding that she stops playing games with you, she will just keep stringing you along until she eventually finds a confident, emotionally strong man to take your place.
When that happens, you will hear those dreaded words, “I have something to tell you. Please don’t get angry at me” and she will then go on to say that she’s met someone else and wants you to leave her alone now.
Don’t put yourself in that position.
Focus on making her have strong feelings for you again based on how you now interact with her (i.e. remaining confident and emotionally strong no matter how hard she tests you).
If you do that, she will want the relationship too because her feelings will be back and she will want to explore it with you to see where it goes.
So, the next time she gives you mixed signals when you bring up the relationship, just make sure that you have sparked her feelings of attraction and then go ahead and give her a few days or up to a week of space.
She might call you or contact you during that time because she is missing you.
If she doesn’t, just call her, make her laugh and smile and let her experience the new you.
Before you know it, she will drop her defenses and give you the signal you’ve been waiting for all along (i.e. she wants you back for real now).