It would be nice if a woman just came out and said, “Yes, I still like you and I want to work things out between us,” or “I feel turned off by you now, but if you re-attract me, I will give you another chance.”
That way, a guy would know exactly where he stands with his ex and he wouldn’t have to waste a lot of time trying to figure it out on his own.
Unfortunately, women are usually very unclear when expressing their feelings to a guy after a breakup because they want to test if he will remain confident or become insecure when she doesn’t reassure him or help through the ex back process.
So, if you currently feel confused about where you stand with your ex, look out to see if she is currently playing any of these mind games with you…
1. Pretending to be over the relationship when she still misses him at times
Even if a woman still has some feelings for her ex and misses him at times, she usually won’t come out and tell him.
In most cases, a woman doesn’t want to tell her ex about her feelings for him, because she doesn’t want to make it too easy for him to get her back.
She wants to know that if he still wants her, then he’s going to be man enough to take responsibility for guiding both him and her back into a relationship together.
A woman usually waits for a man to take the lead and guide her through the ex back process, rather than helping him through it.
Essentially, she wants to know that he’s confident enough to go after what he wants in his life (even if that means going after an ex who is pretending to be over the relationship) without losing his confidence and giving up at the first, second or even third sign of difficulty.
If he can show her that he now has the emotional strength to remain confident and not give up until he gets her back (not by telling her that, but by showing it via his behavior, way of talking and how he reacts to her), she will be able to drop her guard and open herself up to him again.
Instinctively, she will know that she can now rely on him to be the man at all times, rather than being stuck with a guy who constantly needs her to help him along and encourage him emotionally.
When she senses that new strength in him, it makes her feel surges of respect and attraction for him even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
So, don’t waste a lot of time sitting around and hoping that your ex will give you a clear sign she misses you and wants to get back together again.
If you want her back, it’s up to you to make it happen.
You have to be the one who calls her up and triggers her feelings of respect and attraction again (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be interacting with you again).
She’s not going to do that for you unless she is totally in love with you, misses you like crazy and can’t move on without you.
Obviously, if that was the case, you wouldn’t be reading this article, right?
In your case, you are totally in love with her and you miss her like crazy, but she’s just not feeling the same way…or at least, not acting like that anyway.
So, rather than getting caught up in pointless mind games that will waste time, just start making her feel respect and attraction for you again.
She then opens herself up to the idea of meeting up with you and seeing where things can go from there.
2. Telling him to give her space so she can consider changing her mind, while she then secretly tries to find a replacement guy
In some instances, a guy might be so persistent and annoying when trying to get back together with his ex, that rather than put up with his behavior, a woman might try to let him down gently and give herself some time to find a replacement guy so he will leave her alone.
She will say something like, “Look, I’m not sure if I want to get back together again right now, but just give me some time to think about it. Let’s not talk to each other for a while. I’ll contact you and let you know when I’ve made my decision.”
The guy might then agree and stop contacting her for weeks, or even months, while he waits for her to make up her mind.
Yet, in the meantime, she is secretly looking to find another guy so she can then say, “I have something to tell you. I’ve met someone else. We’re in love. I don’t want to get back together with you. Sorry, but it’s over. Please don’t contact me. I don’t want to ruin things with my new boyfriend.”
He is then devastated because he’s just wasted all that time hoping and wishing that things will be different after giving her the space she asked for.
This is why I recommend giving a woman a maximum of 3 to 7 days of space before you contact her again to make her feel respect and attraction for you.
If a guy gives his ex woman too much space, she will often use that time to move on.
If she doesn’t move on and he has been giving her space, she might contact him out of curiosity to see if he has moved on.
If he is still waiting around for her and hasn’t really changed, then she’s not going to feel motivated to get back with him.
She might agree to meet up with him if he asks, but if she sees that he hasn’t really changed, then she’s going to stick with her decision to end the relationship.
Alternatively, if she doesn’t call after being given space, a guy will usually then call her to see if she’s changed her mind.
For example: If he calls her after 30 or 60 days and asks, “So what have you decided about us?” she can quickly get rid of him by saying something along the lines of, “Sorry. I haven’t heard from you in such a long time that I’m over us now. I’m seeing someone else and I’m really happy. So, please accept that it’s over between us and stop calling me.”
Thousands of men have contacted me here at The Modern Man to explain that they went through a similar kind of experience after a breakup.
So, don’t waste precious time giving your ex space in the hope that she will change her mind about you and come running back.
In most cases, too much time apart leads to the woman getting over the pain of the breakup, feeling happy again and moving on.
Remember: If you’re not actively sparking your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction, then another guy will.
What matters most is that you interact with her (over the phone and in person) and make her feel some respect and attraction for you again.
The more respect and attraction that she feels for the new and improved you, the more open she becomes to getting back together.
On the other hand, if she doesn’t see or hear from you for weeks or even months and another guy comes along and triggers her feelings of sexual attraction, she will probably forget all about you and move on with him.
Another mind game that women play with their exes is…
3. Giving mixed signals to make him become insecure, so she can get emotional revenge
Sometimes when a woman is feeling particularly bitter or angry about her breakup (e.g. because he treated her badly, cheated on her, became controlling), she might decide to punish her ex for hurting her.
To do that, she will try to stop him from getting over her and moving on, by continually giving him mixed signals about her feelings for him.
For example: Imagine a scenario where a woman might send her ex a text message saying something like, “Hey. I’ve missed you lately. When can we see each other?”
Naturally, the guy might then think, “This must mean she still has some feelings for me. This is great. We’re back on!”
He then tries to call her to arrange a meetup, only to find that she’s not answering her phone.
He might try calling her over and over again without getting through, until he reaches the point where he’s most likely thinking, “Okay, I totally misread her. I really thought she wanted to get together again. I guess I was wrong. It must be over now because she won’t answer my calls.”
Then, just at the point where he’s ready to give up, she might call him on the phone and say something like, “Hey, ex boyfriend. What about that catchup? How long does a girl have to run after you before you give her the time of day?” once again giving him hope that she wants to get back together again.
They then might arrange to catch up and when they do, she acts disinterested and possibly even flirts with the waiter or other guys around her.
If the guy feels confused and frustrated and he asks her, “Why are you doing this to me? Why won’t you just tell me what you want?” she will likely just laugh and leave him hanging, while feeling better about herself for getting emotional revenge on him for the past.
Alternatively, a woman might keep asking for space, but saying that she still loves him and doesn’t want to lose him.
This one is very common.
A woman will say that to keep a guy hanging around until she has fully moved on.
Then, she can hurt him by saying that she is so happy and in love with her new guy and the new guy makes her feel way better than he ever did.
So, don’t let yourself get caught up in a situation like that.
If you allow your ex to mess with your head, it will do nothing to change her negative feelings for you and make her want you back.
Instead, simply take charge of the situation and use it as an opportunity to spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
For example: Using the first scenario above, a way to respond when a woman is being cold towards you and flirting with other guys when you catch up, is to laugh at her behavior or ignore it and see it for the test (of your confidence) that it really is.
You can laugh and say, “Oh, flirting with all the guys now, huh?” and laugh. Then, say, “You really know how to work it, don’t you? You go girl” and just show her that you find it funny and are not threatened by it.
Don’t laugh too much, of course. Don’t come across as though you’re excited about her flirting with other guys.
Instead, just be relaxed, masculine and easy-going and laugh at her, rather than with her.
She will likely feel a bit shocked that you are being ballsy, but still being a good man and standing up to her in that way.
This automatically puts you back in the power position and as a result, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you.
When that happens, her intentions to get emotional revenge, begin to to fade away.
She begins to want you back, or at least to get you back so she can then dump you when you feel like you’ve got her.
So, be prepared for that kind of mind game.
When you get her back, just remain cool, calm and collected.
Don’t let her pull you in too deeply and make you lovesick again.
Just love her, enjoy hanging out with her again and be prepared for the, “I’m not sure I want to be back together again. I think we should break up.”
If she says that, you should immediately say, “Okay, I agree. It’s over” and then leave if you’re at her place, or get her to leave if she’s at your place.
In other words, don’t get dragged into her mind games.
When she sees that she can’t control you that way, you will be in the power position and she will realize that you really have become the strong man that she wanted you to be all along.
Another mind game that women often play with their ex is…
4. Acting mean and bitchy to hopefully make him hate her, so he then moves on
Sometimes a woman will become a completely different person than she was during the relationship, in an attempt to make her ex hate her and move on.
For example: She might…
- Get really angry at him whenever he talks to her.
- Say that she never felt anything for him or that the relationship meant nothing to her.
- Demand that he does lots of nice things to make it up to her for treating her badly during the relationship.
- Talk badly about him to mutual friends, family, coworkers or even to his boss.
- Throw out his favorite things on the sidewalk (especially things that might be important to him).
- Post on social media about what a bastard he was.
- Belittle him in public.
- Disclose personal information about him.
- Lie about him (e.g. that he’s a bad lover, cheats on his tax returns).
Naturally, when a woman is being intentionally mean and is going out of her way to be hurtful, it’s difficult to imagine ever being able to change her mind about getting back together again.
Yet, funnily enough, all it usually takes is a spark of respect and attraction to make her drop her guard.
When you make her feel respect for you where she looks up to you and the more dominant, mature one, she can’t help but feel a bit attracted to the alpha male you’ve become.
Of course, it’s not about being bossy, angry or aggressive.
Instead, it’s about being emotionally strong (no matter what she says or does) rather than being emotionally sensitive and weak.
It’s also about being dominant in a loving way, rather than an aggressive or angry way.
When you do that, she naturally feels respect and attraction for you again, even though she will most likely act like she doesn’t.
If you can then continue building on that spark, it will become a raging fire of desire.
She will then go from being mean and bitchy, to saying something like, “Okay, I’m sorry. I can’t believe that I was such a bitch to you when we broke up. Can you ever forgive me? Maybe we can be friends again?”
Of course, you don’t just want to be friends and neither does she.
So, this is what you need to do…
That way, your so-called ‘friendship’ will immediately become a sexual, romantic, loving relationship again.
5. Ignoring most of his texts to make him worry that he texted the wrong thing and has screwed up his chances Ignoring
If a guy was insecure in his relationship with his ex, she will usually play mind games with him to test whether or not he is now more confident and emotionally strong, or if he is still the same insecure, self-doubting guy that she broke up with.
One of the ways she will do that is by ignoring him when he texts her.
If he keeps hounding her and sending messages like, “Why are you ignoring me? What did I do? What did I say to make you stop talking to me? Did I say something wrong? Tell me?” she will realize that he hasn’t changed at all.
He’s still the same old, insecure guy who is looking to her for answers.
He doesn’t get it that women don’t want to be a guy’s teacher in life about how to be a man.
On the other hand, if he reacts confidently (e.g. stops texting her, focuses on having a good time without her and starts posting photos on his social media pages), she will quickly realize that he’s changed and will start texting him.
I’ve literally heard of that happening for hundreds of guys who’ve contacted me to tell me their ex back story.
Getting an Ex Back is Kind of Like Dancing With a Woman. You Have to Lead
Have you ever noticed that women like a man to lead when they are dancing?
It’s no accident.
That’s how women are.
Women like a man who is confident enough to lead the way, so they can relax into his masculine direction and just be a beautiful, feminine woman.
The same principle applies to approaching and picking up women (i.e. women stand around waiting to be approached in bars and nightclubs) and relationships (i.e. women go along with whatever relationship dynamic the man creates, whether it’s going to be good or bad for them in the end).
So, if you want your ex back, you have to be a man about it and take the lead.
A lot of guys don’t want to do that or they don’t know that they should, so they wait around and hope that the woman makes all the moves and gets him back.
Alternatively, sometimes a guy might allow his ex to call the shots after a breakup because he feels guilty about the pain he put her through.
He might then put up with her mind games (e.g. showing interest and then losing interest) in the hopes that she will eventually forgive him and give him another chance.
Yet, that rarely works.
If you allow your ex to lead you around in circles by playing mind games with you, it will only make her lose even more respect for you because you’re not being a real man.
As a result, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and won’t feel much or any motivation to want to give you another chance.
So, don’t let her mess you around.
Get her to stop playing mind games with you by focusing on making her have strong feelings for you again.
Lead the way and get you and her back into a happy, committed relationship that lasts.
She will want that if you first focus on making her have strong feelings for you again.
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