Have you been making any of these 5 mistakes to cause her to go silent?
1. Texting Her to Discuss Your Feelings
It’s only natural that when an ex is giving a guy the silent treatment, he may find himself feeling confused and lost about what to do.
He might be thinking, “How can I make my ex change her mind about us if she won’t even talk to me? I need to get through to her. I have to make her understand how much I really care about her!”
In desperation, he might then decide that sending her text messages is the only way to get through to her and tell her how he really feels.
For example: He might text something like, “I know that you’re not talking to me right now, but I want you to know I still care about you more than anything. You mean everything to me and I just can’t understand why you’re giving me the silent treatment now. For the sake of the love we had for each other, at least just talk to me on the phone. Please don’t shut me out. I can’t handle not being able to talk to you like this. I love you more than anything. Please respond.”
However, this rarely causes the woman to think, “Awww… I’m being such a bitch to my ex aren’t I? Maybe I should just call him up and make things easier for him emotionally. The poor thing. He’s probably so sad. Even though I’m not his woman anymore, I need to take care of his emotions.”
That’s not how it works.
In fact, when a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy anymore, she just doesn’t care about how much he cares for her.
It doesn’t matter to her because in her eyes, he’s still the same guy that she broke up with and he hasn’t really changed.
Essentially, until her ex shows her the new version of him that has improved what she really wanted him to improve (usually completely different to what she said she wanted him to improve!), all her opinions about him are based on her past experiences interacting with him.
For example: If a guy was needy and insecure in the past and he then sends his ex a text discussing his feelings, she will usually think something like, “He’s still the same. Even though we’ve broken up and I’m not even talking to him, he’s still telling me all about his feelings and how much he needs me and can’t cope without me. Doesn’t he realize that he’s just turning me off even more by being needy in that way? I don’t want a needy, insecure guy in my life who can’t cope without me. I want a man that I can look up to, respect and depend on.”
What most guys fail to understand is that a woman can’t experience the new and improved him via a text message.
It’s just a text message.
It’s not him.
So, when he texts her, she assumes that he’s still the exact same guy that she broke up with, which isn’t going to make her feel motivated enough to want to talk to him again.
She then gives him what he might refer to as the silent treatment, but to her, it’s just that she’s had enough of him not changing the things she really wants him to change (as mentioned above, this is usually completely different to what she said she wanted him to change!).
He might then get annoyed at her for being silent and start texting her things like, “Why are you ignoring me? Do you think that you’re too good to talk to me now or something? You treat strangers better than you’re treating me. At least tell me why you’re giving me the silent treatment. I just don’t get it. How can you just forget about all the good times we had. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
Yet, in most cases, rather than convince her to talk to him again, she usually avoids him even more.
Here’s the thing…
A woman is not a guy’s property.
She doesn’t have to stay in a relationship with him if she doesn’t want to and she doesn’t have to talk to him when the relationship ends.
So, if you ever get annoyed at your ex for not looking after your emotions or caring about the relationship, she’s just going to feel more compelled to stay away from you.
You have to let her feel as though she has the choice not to interact with you, while at the same time, you also need to make her feel attracted and drawn to you again.
If your ex is currently giving you the silent treatment, don’t waste a lot of time texting her about your feelings, or getting annoyed or angry with her for ignoring you, because it’s not going to matter to her.
Instead, only text her as a way to get her on a phone call with you where you can actively make her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you (this will make her feel some respect and attraction for you) again and then get her to meet up with you in person.
In person, you can then fully re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you by showing her (via the way you talk, think and behave around her) that you’re no longer the same guy that she broke up with.
You really are a new and improved man.
You have improved the subtle, secret things about yourself that she wished you would change, but didn’t have the guts to tell you about.
For example: Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy and say, “Sorry, I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I need some time to myself,” but what she really wanted to say was, “I’m breaking up with you because you’re too much of a pushover. You’re insecure and you lack emotional masculinity, so I don’t feel very feminine and girly around you. I need a real man.”
Of course, not all women know how to properly explain what they are turned off by.
If you need help understanding exactly what caused your ex to break up with you and how to get her back, make sure to continue learning from my site.
All the answers are here.
Okay, the next mistake that can cause an ex to give you the silent treatment is…
2. Trying to Discuss the Relationship Via Text
For example: A guy who was previously jealous and controlling during a relationship with his ex might text her and say something like, “I’m really sorry about everything that happened between us. I know that I was always getting jealous about you hanging out with other people, especially other guys, but it was because I was afraid of losing you. I was a fool and the thing that I feared the most (losing you) happened to me anyway. I just couldn’t stop myself from getting jealous around you, but I know now that it was wrong. The thing is, you are so beautiful that when I saw other guys looking at you, I just went crazy. I’m sorry. I really messed up because I care about you so much. I really want to work things out between us. Please, can we just talk about this? I promise you that I’m not like that anymore.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a guy tries to discuss the relationship via text, it usually only makes his ex relive all the negative emotions that she experienced at the time (e.g. anger, frustration, annoyance, fear, disgust, disappointment).
She may then begin to consider what he said and think, “You’re right…you were jealous and controlling. I can’t believe I put up with that for so long… and now you want me to talk to you again after everything you did to me? Fat chance! Now that you’ve reminded me about all the things you did to me and it’s fresh in my mind, I feel like I don’t want to talk to you at all. I’m just going to go silent and not reply anymore.”
You don’t want to make her feel that way and funnily enough, she doesn’t even want you to make her feel that way.
She wants you to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you, rather than making her feel turned off by continually reminded her of the old you.
So, regardless of whether you want to apologize to your ex for what happened between you and her, make sure that you avoid discussing the relationship via text.
Instead, leave what happened between you and her in the past (even if some of the things were good) and focus instead on rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for the man that you are now.
Show her that you’ve moved past the level you were at when you were together (e.g. you’re no longer jealous, insecure, controlling) and make her feel respect, attraction and love for the new you.
If she’s like most women, she will keep her guard up initially to check whether the change is real, but no matter what she says or does on the surface (e.g. “I still don’t want to be with you”), she will definitely change how she feels about you deep down.
She will begin to reconnect with the love that she once felt for you and suddenly, you won’t seem so bad after all.
Many guys are able to make their woman feel that way immediately, so they get her back right away.
Other guys need to actively make her feel respect and attraction over two to three interactions, so it takes a few days or a week.
In other cases, it can take a couple of weeks.
However, one thing is for sure: When you focus on making her feel respect and attraction for the new you, rather than reminding her of the old you, the ex back process is so much smoother and easier.
She naturally feels attracted to you again and is compelled to give you another chance or at least kiss you and have sex with you again to see how she feels.
Another mistake that can lead to an ex giving you the silent treatment is…
3. Trying to Get Her Back Even Though You Clearly Don’t Know How to Give Her the Attraction Experience That She Really Wants
Quite often when a guy reads that he needs to give his ex the attraction experience that she really wants, he makes the mistake of assuming that attraction means physical attraction (e.g. bigger muscles, new hairstyle, improved appearance).
He might then think to himself, “Oh! I can do that. I can make myself look more appealing! That’s easy. If that’s all I need to do, then cool – I will get her back very soon” and he may then rush out and give himself a makeover (e.g. he buys new clothes, gets a new hairstyle, signs up at a gym to lose some weight or put on some muscle).
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman’s attraction to a man’s physical appearance isn’t as powerful as her emotional attraction to him.
In other words, a guy might be good looking, have big muscles and wear the best clothes, but if he makes her feel negative emotions when she’s with him (e.g. unhappy, annoyed, irritable, sad, disappointed, uncomfortable, awkward), then how physically attractive he is won’t matter to her because she just doesn’t feel good around him overall.
For example: A guy might be good looking and be a good guy, but he also has a habit of getting angry every time that something doesn’t go his way.
Whether it’s something small (e.g. his woman forgot to put salt in the food), to something big (e.g. she got carried away talking to her friends on the phone and caused him to be late for something), he reacts by getting angry with her and then ignoring her for hours, or even for days afterwards.
Of course, most people get upset when something goes wrong, but if a guy constantly lashes out at his woman and creates a tense, unhappy environment for her to be in, she will eventually stop getting the attraction experience that she wants from him (i.e. to feel safe, protected and to be able to relax around him vs. being afraid to say or do something that might annoy him).
So, if he wants to get her back for real, he needs to be able to show her that he no longer reacts in the same old, immature ways.
He doesn’t get angry at her for saying or doing things, including giving him the silent treatment.
In the past, he would most likely get angry at her for giving him the silent treatment and would feel as though she just needed to put up with his anger because she was his woman.
Yet, he now realizes that a modern woman is not a man’s property and she will only stay in a relationship if she feels respect, attraction and love for her man.
So, he is now more easy-going and relaxed and can laugh about things without taking everything so seriously.
He understands that even though everyone gets annoyed at certain things sometimes, it’s wrong to take his anger out on his woman or anyone else around him.
When she senses and experiences for herself that he’s no longer at the same level he was at when she broke up with him, she will then be able to feel some respect for him again.
She will then drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of meeting up with him and seeing where things go.
So, if your ex is currently giving you the silent treatment, you need to focus on giving her the things that she felt was lacking in her relationship with you.
- If you were insecure in the relationship and reacted by becoming clingy and needy, you are now confident and emotionally independent.
- If she felt more like a big sister or neutral friend to you near the end of the relationship, you now make her feel feminine and girly (i.e. like a real woman).
- If she felt like you were taking her for granted, you now show her (via your actions) that you are more loving and appreciative and are a man of your word. Important: Going overboard and showing her way too much appreciation comes across as desperate, which is why it doesn’t work to re-attract an ex. You need to be cool, calm and easy-going about it.
- If you lacked direction and purpose in your life, you are now busy setting some goals for yourself and moving forward towards achieving them and fulfilling your true potential as a man.
- If she felt more emotionally dominant than you because you were too nice and weren’t able to stand up to her, you are now more ballsy, but are still a good, loving man.
Those are some examples of the things that you might need to change to actively re-attract your ex.
By showing her that you’ve improved on some of the things that caused her to break up with you in the first place, she begins to see you in a different way and then giving you the silent treatment starts to look unreasonable to her.
She wants to talk to you.
She wants to see you.
She wants to love you again.
4. Expecting Her to Care Because Things Were Good Between You and Her at the Start of the Relationship
No matter how great the past was, it is still the past and if a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her guy, she’s just not going to care about the memories as much as he does.
So, when he is saying something like, “Do you remember how good things used to be between us in the beginning? We could barely keep our hands off each other and when we weren’t together, you used to fall asleep while talking to me on the phone. We had some really great times together, didn’t we? It can’t all be gone, can it? You can’t just give up on our love. We can get all that back if you give us another chance. I believe that we are meant to be together. How we felt at the start is surely a sign that we are meant to be together,” is unlikely to thaw her heart.
If you weren’t able to get her to the 5th stage of a relationship and keep it there, she’s not going to believe that you suddenly have that knowledge if you’re acting like you did around the time of the break up and haven’t really improved on the things that really turned her off about you.
So, telling her to remember the good times doesn’t help a guy get his woman back.
Instead, she will usually feel annoyed with him for reminding her of how good things used to be before, compared to how badly everything is now.
She will remember how horrible she felt before breaking up with him, how difficult it was to get rid of him after the break up and how annoying it is now that he still doesn’t understand what she really wants and needs from him.
So, if you want to make your ex stop giving you the silent treatment and get her back, you need to start a new, fresh relationship with her based on who you are now.
Don’t bother wasting time going over all the good times from the past and expecting her to care about.
Instead, focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you based on who you are right now.
She doesn’t need to feel attracted to some guy that she dumped in the recent past; she needs to feel attracted to you, now.
5. Trying to Convince Her to Change Her Mind, Rather Than Triggering Feelings Of Respect and Attraction For the New and Improved You
Sometimes, when a woman is ignoring a guy after a break up, he might try to convince her to change her mind about him by sending her a long e-mail or text message.
For example: He might say, “I’ve tried everything to get hold of you, but you just keep ignoring me. After everything we shared, can you at least talk to me on the phone? Please just talk to me. I know that we can work things out because I have changed. I really need to see you, or at least be able to talk to you. I want to show you that things will be different now, but how am I supposed to make it up to you when you are giving me the silent treatment like this?”
If convincing her doesn’t work, a guy might then try to make her feel pity for him by saying things like, “Why are you ignoring me? You mean so much to me. Can’t you see that? How can I prove to you how sorry I am if you won’t even talk to me? I am lost without you. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat properly for weeks. Please just give me a chance to make it up to you.”
Yet, making a woman feel guilty for ignoring you at a time when she doesn’t feel much respect or attraction for you is only going to annoy her even more.
She may then start to think, “I can’t believe he trying to use emotional blackmail on me. How immature. How pathetic. Doesn’t he realize that women are turned off by emotional weakness in men? Doesn’t he realize that saying he is lost without me makes me feel sick as a woman? I want a man, not a boy.”
So, don’t put yourself in that position.
The only way that your ex will consider talking to you again, is if you trigger her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you from now on.