Here are 5 ways to calm yourself down, so you can get her back quickly:
1. Understand that emotional desperation is unattractive to your ex, so it will literally prevent you from getting her back
Sometimes, when a guy is obsessed with his ex after a break up, he might start doing things that make him appear desperate, needy and out of control to his ex.
For example: A guy might…
- Bombard her with endless walls of text messages, or long e-mails apologizing to her and promising to change.
- Spy on her via social media (and in some cases, in person) to see what she’s doing, who she is hanging out with and if she is moving on.
- Pester her friends, coworkers and family to help talk her into giving him another chance.
- Show up uninvited at her place of work, home or the places she likes to hang out at and try to discuss the relationship with her.
- Send her long love letters declaring his love for her, “You’re my reason for living and without you nothing feels right,” or “You are my one and only soul mate and a break up will never change that.”
Sometimes, a guy will hope that when his ex woman sees how lost he is without her and how desperate he is to get her back, she will change her mind and give him another chance.
Yet, in most cases, rather than convincing a woman to take him back, obsessive behavior only turns her off even more.
She then starts thinking things like, “His behavior since the break up has spiraled out of control. I am now seeing him in a way that I never did before and it’s creeping me out. I’m suddenly very aware that he’s not an emotionally strong man after all. Instead, he’s somewhat emotionally wimpy and weak on his own. His desperation has proven to me that my instincts were right about wanting to break up with him. So, I have to now focus on moving on without him.”
Here’s the thing…
Feeling a little desperate to get your ex back is understandable, but you can’t let that show up in your behavior, conversation style, body language or vibe.
If you let her sense that you’re feeling desperate, you will be doing the opposite of what a man needs to do to get an ex back (i.e. get her respect back, make her feel attracted again, cause her to fall back in love with him).
2. Calm down by knowing that there is a quick, easy to use process that you can follow to get her back
One of the main reasons why you feel obsessed about your ex is because, somewhere in the back of your mind, you’ve convinced yourself that there’s no chance of getting her back.
You may have even thought something like, “I screwed up big time and there’s no coming back from this. I ruined the relationship with the woman of my dreams and I’m on my own now. I don’t think I would ever be able to get her back after how I acted and how much I turned her off. She even said that she never wants to see me again, so there’s nothing that I can say or do to make her change her mind. Her decision is final and I’ve lost her forever.”
Naturally, when you think like that, you are going to begin to feel stressed out by the whole break up.
You will lost, out of control, left behind and dejected by the whole thing.
Don’t do that to yourself.
You’ve got to know that there is a quick, easy to use process that you can use to get her back…
When you focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she will naturally begin to think about you and look at you in a completely new way.
She will begin to see that there is still hope for you and her because she feels a spark with you again.
When that happens, she will begin to worry that if she doesn’t give you another chance, or at least hook up with you sexually one last time to see how she feels, she will end up regretting it for the rest of her life.
As a result, she will open back up to you and you can get her back.
On the other hand, if you make the mistake of allow your emotional state to spiral out of control because you believe that you have no chance of getting her back, then you won’t be able to overcome your obsession and desperation and it will end up turning into depression, self-doubt and anxiety in regards to women in general.
So, if you want her back, make a decision today to get your emotions under control and prepare to get her back.
3. Get clear on exactly what you really need to improve before you start the ex back process
To make your ex want to give you another chance, you first need to understand her real reasons for breaking up with you.
Why is this step important?
If you don’t understand her real, secret reasons for breaking up with you, you will likely end up offering her things that she doesn’t want (e.g. a guy will offer to spend more time with his ex and not be so focused on work, but what she really felt turned off by was his lack of emotional masculinity when they did spend time together. She never felt like his girl and felt more like his friend. She didn’t feel enough of a difference between him and her and she wants a guy who thinks, feels, behaves and acts in a more masculine manner, rather than being so soft, friendly and nice).
So, if you offer to fix, change, improve or adjust the wrong things, your ex may think something like, “This is exactly why I broke up with him in the first place. He just doesn’t get it! He keeps making promises to change things about himself that I don’t really care about. He still doesn’t have a clue what turns me off about his approach to the relationship. It highlights to me that he’s probably a lost cause. So, I need to move on and find myself a guy who gets me, rather than wasting my time with him.”
This is why you need to know exactly why she broke up with you.
At this point, you might be wondering, “Should I ask her to tell me?”
The answer is definitely, “No!”
If you ask her, you will turn her off even more because women don’t want to be responsible for shaping you into the man that you need to become.
Essentially, a woman doesn’t want to be your teacher in life and tell you how to think, act and behave to make her respect you, feel sexually attracted to you and love you.
That’s why I am here.
I’m here to help you get her back and keep her in a relationship.
So, to help you understand why she might have broken up with you, here are some questions to ask yourself…
- What aspects of my thinking and behavior initially attracted her to me (e.g. my confidence, my belief in my attractiveness to her and other women, my great sense of humor, my emotional masculinity)?
- Did I continue to act, think and behave in those attractive ways throughout our relationship, or did I slowly slip into behaving in unattractive ways (e.g. I started doubting my attractiveness to her and as a result became more needy, clingy, jealous or controlling. I began giving in to her demands more and more and she started feeling more emotionally dominant that me. I stopped making her feel desirable and sexy and started treating her more like a neutral friend or roommate)?
- Did I try to get her to accept things about me that just weren’t attractive to her (e.g. I displayed annoying habits that she clearly didn’t like. I became too emotionally sensitive and she ended up feeling like she had to be gentle and take care of me emotionally, otherwise I would get angry, sulk or give her the silent treatment)?
By answering those questions, you will begin to feel aware of what you need to adjust in order to properly re-attract her.
If you haven’t done so already, make sure that you…
4. Give her 3 to 7 days of space to miss you
This is an important step if you’ve been pestering your ex and making her feel annoyed by your approach to getting her back (e.g. you’ve been calling, texting or messaging her too much, begging and pleading with her to listen to you, crying and asking her to give you another chance).
So, if you haven’t done so already, stop all interactions with her for a few days and allow for things to calm down between you and her.
During that time, she will have a chance to stop focusing on things that she doesn’t like about you and begin to miss the things she does like about you (e.g. the way you make her feel like a princess when she’s with you, how you’re so ambitious and hard-working, that you always treated her friends and family well, that you’re a really good guy, that you honestly love her and care about her, that you make her smile and laugh a lot).
Important: The old saying of, “More is better” doesn’t apply when it comes to giving an ex space after a break up.
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking, “If 3 to 7 days of space will make her miss me, then cutting off contact for 30 or 60 days will make her really miss me and want me back. Then, when I eventually contact her after a month or two, she will jump at the idea of getting back together again.”
Yes, that can work if a woman is still in love with her ex guy.
Yet, in the majority of ex back cases where a man is trying to get an ex woman back, she is no longer in love with him and feels as though she made the right decision to break up with him.
So, if a guy then cuts off contact for 1-2 months, she doesn’t care.
She just moves on.
This is why you shouldn’t give your ex any more than 3 to 7 days of space.
If you’ve been very annoying and needy, then give her the full 7 days.
Once you’ve done that…
5. Contact her and start the ex back process
To show your ex that you’re a different man now, you have to interact with her on a phone call or in person.
When you do, so she can hear the tonality of your voice, assess your behavior and see for herself that you really have changed.
If you have been obsessing over her and that ended up causing you to be needy and annoy her, then you can show that you’ve changed by being more relaxed, easy-going and adding in some humor to let her see that you’re not freaking out anymore, or trying to pressure her into giving you another chance.
Once she has dropped her guard a little is feeling more relaxed and happy to be talking to you, say something along the lines of, “Anyway, it’s been good talking to you again. It’s nice to see that we can actually talk as friends, without it being about us getting back together or anything like that. For the record, I accept that we’re broken up and I’m fine with it. So, I think it would be best to put the past behind us and just be friends.”
When she agrees, go ahead and say something like, “Cool. Well, I think if we’re going to part ways as friends, it would be the right thing to do to catch up as friends one last time and wish each other the best. So, let’s meet up for a quick coffee to say hello this week. I’ll be busy on Monday and Tuesday, but I’m free on Wednesday or Sunday this week. Which of these two days suit you best?”
If she disagrees about the meet up, just say, “Hey, it’s just a quick catch up as friends to say goodbye in a mature way. When we catch up, if you decide that you don’t ever want to talk to me again, I promise that I will respect that 100% and never contact you again. So, this catch up can simply about us parting as friends and wishing each other all the best. So, let’s do it. Let’s catch up to say hi this week.”
Then, when you meet up with her, focus on fully re-attracting (e.g. by showing her that you’ve understood her real, secret reasons for breaking up with you and have already made some changes based on that).
When she senses the changes in you, she will naturally begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
She will realize that you aren’t so bad after all and when that happens, her guard will come down and she begin to open up to the idea of giving you another chance.
3 Mistakes That Some Guys Make When Obsessed About an Ex Woman
As you may have realized by now, what you say, do and the way you behave around your ex will either reawaken her feelings for you, or convince her that she made the right decision to break up with you.
So, if you want to reawaken her feelings and get her back, try not to be one of the guys who make the following mistakes:
1. Assuming that acting like a desperate ex boyfriend who needs her, will impress her and make her feel lucky to have him
Sometimes, a guy will try to get his ex woman back by saying things like, “I’m so lost without you in my life. I need you so much. Please give me just one more chance. I promise I will do whatever it takes to make you happy this time. I need you. You are everything to me. Please!”
Essentially, he’s hoping his ex will think something like, “Oh, well…that’s so sweet. I feel so lucky to have a man who feels lost and hopeless without me in his life. Every girl dreams of having a guy who is obsessed with her and needy of her. So, for that, I have to give him another chance.”
That might happen in romantic movies just to entertain the audience, but in real life, women don’t respond well to seeing their ex guy fall apart emotionally.
What makes a woman feel attracted to her ex, is seeing that although he still wants her back, he is absolutely confident, happy and positive about his life with or without her.
He doesn’t shove it in her face by saying, “My life is great without you.”
Instead, he lets her sense that he is confident and happy without her, based on the way he talks to her, behaves and acts around her.
She can sense it for herself and when she notices that he’s not trying to rub it in her face, she will also feel respect for him for being a good guy about it.
So, don’t go to either extreme of showing desperation or acting like you are so happy that you and her broke up.
Instead, just let her see that you are interested in getting her back, but at the same time, you feel confident, happy and are making progress in life with or without her.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Hoping that staying on her mind by constantly texting or calling will save the relationship
When a guy is unable to meet up with his ex woman as frequently as he did when they were in a relationship, he will often start to worry that she will forget about him and move on if he doesn’t stay on her mind.
So, to prevent that from happening, he will send her daily texts, social media messages or call her on the phone as a way of remaining part of her life.
Yet, rather than make him unforgettable to her in a good way, his constant pestering turns her off more because he comes across as a needy, clingy, desperate guy who is obsessed with his ex.
There’s nothing wrong with getting in contact with your ex, but you have to be calm about it.
Use the interactions that you have with her to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you again.
Then, make sure that you meet up with her in person, re-attract her, get to a hug, kiss and then sex.
Once that happens, you and her will get back together naturally.
Yet, if all you’re doing is texting her or messaging her to stay on her mind, she’s going to get annoyed and may end up blocking you or telling you to leave her alone.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Not knowing that he can easily turn things around and make her want the relationship too
When a woman is being closed off and saying things like, “It’s over between us. I don’t love you anymore and nothing that you can say or do will ever make me change my mind” a guy might start believing that getting her back will be impossible.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because your ex doesn’t have feelings for you right now, it doesn’t mean she will feel the same way a week from now after you’ve reactivated her feelings of respect and sexual attraction.
So, don’t give up.
You really can change how she feels and get her back, if you want to.
You can take control of the ex back process by focusing on re-attracting her and seducing her back into a relationship that she wants.