It depends what you mean by mind games.
To get an ex back, you sometimes do need to make her feel jealous by showing her that you’re living a fun life without her and maybe even dating another woman.
However, in many cases, you don’t even need to go to that extreme because you can get her back by reactivating her feelings for you by letting her experience the new and improved version of you on a phone call or in person.
All it usually takes is a spark of respect and attraction for the new you and a woman will drop her guard slightly.
She will then become open to meeting up with you in person, hugging you and even kissing you again.
When that happens, it obviously leads to sex and when that happens, you and her will be back together if you play your cards right from then on.
However, apart from making her feel jealous, you should be careful with playing mind games because…
Playing Mind Games With a Woman Can Quickly Backfire
Sometimes, a guy will try what he thinks is everything (e.g. begging, pleading, promising to change) to get her back and when that doesn’t work, he will think that the only answer must be to play mind games (e.g. not contacting her, lying about being with other women) to try and “trick” her back into a relationship with him.
Yet, if the she realizes what he is up to, she just loses even more respect and attraction for him and then it becomes more difficult for him to actually get her back.
Alternatively, on the slim chance that a guy actually gets his ex back by playing mind games with her, when she sees that he really hasn’t changed, she just breaks up with him again.
3 Common Mind Games That Many Guys Try to Use on Their Ex Woman
When all else fails, some guys will begin…
1. Using the No Contact Rule
When a woman is saying things like, “Just accept it, it’s over between us. I don’t have feelings for you anymore and nothing that you say is going to convince me to change my mind,” a guy might start feeling desperate.
He may then start to think, “Well, if she’s saying that I can’t convince her, then hanging around her and trying to change her mind might cause her to get even more annoyed with me. Yet, if I cut off communication with her and ignore her for a long time, she will hopefully realize that she misses me. She will then contact me and we can then get back together again.”
He might then stop contacting his ex for 30, or even 60 days in the hopes that this will do the trick in getting her back.
Yet, that almost never works.
Using the No Contact Rule on a woman who doesn’t have strong feelings for you is usually a waste of time.
In most cases, rather than miss a guy who is ignoring her, a woman will think, “Cool! I’m so happy my ex got the message and is now leaving me alone. I would hate to have to deal with a guy who doesn’t know when over means over. At least now I can move on with my life and make a fresh start.”
Why does she react in that way?
Unless a woman still has feelings for her ex and is secretly hoping that they will get back together again, or she is having a difficult time finding herself a replacement guy, cutting off communication with her isn’t going to matter to her that much.
He has strong feelings for her, but she broke it off with him and doesn’t want to be with him anymore, so not contacting her just makes it easier for her to move on without him.
Of course, she may become curious about why he hasn’t been contacting her and then contact him to check that he is still missing her, but that doesn’t mean he gets her back.
She’s just checking to see if she is still in the power position and if she is, it reminds her that she made the right decision to break up with him.
Although women don’t go around admitting it in public, they actually want to be in a relationship with a man who is in the power position.
A man who takes and maintains the power position by being a masculine man who faces life (and her) head on, rather than hiding behind cheap tricks (like the NC rule) or expecting her to lead the way and be the strong one.
Women won’t want to be in the power position and feel like they have to take care of their guy emotionally.
So, if she finds out that he’s been ignoring her to trick her into missing him, she will realize that he lacks the balls required to actually get a woman back by going through a natural, ex back process.
What is that process?
Here’s what you need to remember…
If a woman is beautiful, or even just attractive, she will be more than capable of finding herself another guy who wants to have a relationship with her.
All she has to do is say, “Yes” to the guys at work (or university) who would love to date her and have sex with her.
Alternatively, she just needs to get on an online dating site or use a dating app and she will have 100s of guys overnight who are eagerly lining up to meet her for a date.
It’s easy for women to get laid because a man’s initial attraction for a woman is mostly based on her looks and pretty much every guy is willing to have sex with a woman to see how things go after that.
He doesn’t care what her interests are, what fashion she wears or even what her name is.
He just wants to stick it in and see if a relationship happens after that.
So, if you want to give your ex some time apart as a cooling off period, one week is enough.
Anything longer than that is usually too much and can potentially lead to her…
- Getting over the pain of losing you and realizing that she’s actually fine without you.
- Believing that you don’t care about her anymore.
- Feeling attracted to other guys (and liking it).
- Moving on with another guy.
- Getting annoyed that you didn’t have the balls to get her back and make the relationship better this time around.
So, rather than ignoring her and hoping that it messes with her head and makes her come running back to you, it’s usually better to just call her and actively make her have feelings for you again.
Let her experience the new you and like you again, rather than leaving her to focus on how you behaved near the end of the relationship and shortly after the break up.
You don’t want her to think like that about you.
If you want her back for real, you need to actively replace her negative thoughts and memories about you (e.g. anger, resentment, indifference), with new, positive feelings (e.g. respect, attraction, joy).
…and you can’t do that if you’re not talking to her.
Another mind game that some guys like to try and play on their ex woman is…
2. Lying about being with other women when he really doesn’t have any other options
Sometimes, a guy might say to himself, “If my ex thinks that I’ve found myself a new woman, she might get jealous and come running back to me. I’m going to tell her that I’ve been dating other women (even though I haven’t) and I will see what happens. Hopefully she freaks out, cries and says that she wants me back.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman doesn’t have strong feelings for her ex (or if she is turned off by him), finding out that he’s seeing other women won’t really matter to her at all.
In fact, she will usually feel relieved that his attention is focused somewhere else and not on her anymore.
Then, she will move on as quickly as she can to prevent him from trying to hurt her by telling her that he’s with another woman now.
Additionally, even if a woman initially feels a twinge of jealousy and it hurts her a little, when she stops to remember all the reasons why she broke up with him in the first place, she will usually realize that she’s not jealous at all.
In cases where a woman still has strong feelings for her ex, finding out that he’s seeing other women might cause her to feel anxious about losing him forever and she may consider giving him another chance on the spot.
However, if she finds out that he is playing mind games with her and is only lying about having another woman, she will dump him again and not want anything to do with him.
If she sticks with him, she will secretly find a new man to replace him with and then break the news to him by saying something like, “I have something to tell you. I’ve met someone else. You and I are finished now.”
Note: Something to bear in mind is that women are not stupid!
If a guy lies to a woman about being with other women, all she has to do is test him to find out.
For example: A guy might be talking to his ex on the phone and she asks him, “So what have you been up to lately?”
To make her jealous, he says something like, “Oh, I’ve been pretty busy. I’ve been going on dates with a few women and I’m kind of getting into the swing of being a single man again. It’s actually quite fun.”
She might then test him to see if he’s being honest by saying something along the lines of, “Oh, really? That’s a pity…I’m sad to hear that…I was kind of hoping we could meet up for some coffee sometime and try to work things out between us. I guess I’m too late then. You’ve already moved on. Oh well, good for you. I won’t be bothering you anymore.”
If the guy then panics and says, “No! No! Wait. It’s not like that. I’m not serious about any other woman besides you. If you want to work things out, I want that too! It’s what I’ve been hoping for all along,” she will begin to wonder whether he was being honest with her, or if he was just playing mind games to try and get her back.
She will then likely close herself off from him even more (e.g. refuse to answer his text messages or calls) and she may then quickly find another guy to get revenge.
So, if you want to get your ex back, I recommend doing it without lying to her.
In that way, not only do you stand a much better chance of getting her back, but she will also respect you for doing it like a real man, rather than like a sneaky little boy who needs to lie to get his way in life.
Another mind game that guys will use on their ex is…
3. Saying that he no longer cares about her or the relationship when he really does
For example: She says something like, “You know it’s really over between us, don’t you? It’s fine talking on the phone sometimes, or when we bump into each other somewhere, but I don’t want to get back together again. I just don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
He might then try to shock her into realizing that she still cares about him by responding with, “Hey, what makes you think I want to get back with you? What we had is in the past. I’m over you now. You’re really full of yourself if you think I’m sitting around pining for you and hoping you’ll take me back. I’ve already moved on with my life, so don’t flatter yourself.”
Yet, once again, when a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, she’s not going to feel worried that he doesn’t care about her anymore.
In fact, she will likely be thinking, “That’s a relief. For a while there I thought he was trying to get me back. At least I know where we stand now. I’m going to say yes to that guy at work who wants to take me out.”
Remember: If you still care about your ex and want her back, don’t tell her that you don’t.
There’s no need to play games with her like that.
What you need to understand is that getting a woman back is easy if you reactivate her feelings by being attractive when you interact with her (e.g. being confident and charismatic, making her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine vibe, making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be around you.
Even if a woman has feelings for a guy and falls for his trick of acting like he doesn’t care, if she then gets back together with him and discovers that nothing about him has changed and that he’s still at the same level he was at when she broke up with him (e.g. insecure, emotionally immature, lacking in drive and determination) she will usually just break up with him again.
The Solution: Be Real, Be a Man
In most cases, playing mind games with your ex is a waste of time, doesn’t really work and also makes you look insecure and immature.
If your ex picks up on the fact that you’re trying to trick her back, she will lose even more respect and attraction for you and it will then become even more difficult to get her back.
So, if you want her back, it’s always better to just be honest and emotionally courageous about it, rather than wasting time playing mind games.
When you take full responsibility for the ex back process by focusing on making your ex feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you when you interact with her (e.g. on the phone and in person), getting her back becomes easy.