If your ex is saying that you are too emotionally immature for her, it could be that you’ve been making one or more of the following mistakes.
Here are 5 examples of immaturity in a guy that cause a woman to feel turned off in a relationship and want out:
1. Lacking Purpose in Life
One of the main things that women find attractive in a man is his ability to be loving, attentive and caring towards her, while at the same time having a very clear purpose and direction in his life that is separate from his relationship with her.
Knowing that a guy has an important purpose in life that he’s working towards (e.g. to become something, make something, achieve something) makes a woman feel deep and ongoing respect for him as a man.
She thinks something like, “This guy is a keeper. Not only is he loving, supportive and caring, but he is also someone that I can look up to and feel proud to introduce him to my family and friends. I know that if I stick with him, he should be able to take care of both of us in the future. It’s highly likely that we will have a good life together, so I’m going to stick with him and support him.”
Now, compare that to a guy who remains stuck in a dead-end job for years and years, possibly lives at home with his parents, has no big goals or ambitions in life and spends most of his time hanging around his woman just “chillin’ out.”
He may justify his actions by thinking, “I’ve got everything I could possibly want and need. I don’t have an important job to impress my woman because she loves me for who I am, not for what I do. That’s why I don’t care about anything else other than being with her and showing her how much she means to me. She is everything to me. I don’t care about my place in the world or achieving things. I just want to be with her. She is what makes me happy.”
Yet, although a woman wants to be loved and appreciated and likes the idea of being with a guy who is fully devoted to her, she doesn’t want to be his reason for living.
Some guys mistakenly think that a woman will be flattered if he doesn’t have anything else going on in his life other than her.
Yet, rather than make her happy, she sees his lack of purpose as a sign that he’s insecure, emotionally immature and hasn’t yet grown up and become a real man.
She might then begin to wonder, “What is he hiding from? Why isn’t he doing anything with his life? Is he going to hide behind me and this relationship forever? Will I have to be the strong one always? Will I have to make us feel safe by focusing hard on my career and ensuring that we will okay in the future? He certain seems to not really care about that and is just focused on me. That’s so immature” and she begins to lose respect for him as a man.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman doesn’t respect her man, she will find it difficult to feel attracted to him and if she’s not attracted to him, she will start doubting her love for him as well.
Of course, there are women who like the idea of being with a lost guy who has no purpose in his life other than being devoted to her, but the majority of women aren’t like that.
Most women like to be in a balanced relationship with a man who is 100% loving, caring and devoted to her, while at the same time 100% focused on his big purpose in life and is always making progress as he works towards achieving it.
She can then look up to him, respect him, feel sexually attracted to him and love him because he is a man who isn’t afraid to rise up and reach for his true potential.
He is a man who is brave, courageous and emotionally strong, which then allows her to feel like a vulnerable, sensitive, emotional woman.
…and that’s heaven for a woman.
Women yearn to be with a man who allows them to truly be a woman (e.g. feminine, girly, emotional) because he is so emotionally strong, mature and focused.
It’s the perfect relationship dynamic for a man and a woman because it naturally deepens your feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for each other over time.
In other words, the spark doesn’t die out.
You are always attracted to each other, respectful of each other and totally in love.
On the other hand, if a woman can’t look up to and respect her guy because he’s too emotionally immature to do anything important in his life, she will find it difficult to respect him and her feelings of sexual attraction and love will begin to fade over time.
So, if your ex has been saying something like, “You are too emotionally immature for me. You need to grow up” and you want to show her that you’ve changed, how can you do that?
Start by finding out what you really want to do with your life and then begin taking steps to make those goals a reality.
This should be a goal that spans out longer than 10 years from now.
You should try to imagine 20-40 years into the future and think about what you really want to do and how you really want your life to turn out.
Get really clear on it and then start making progress towards it immediately.
Obviously, you won’t achieve the big, long term goal immediately, but what’s important is that you start making progress towards it.
By doing that, not only will you spark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you, but you will also become a better man for yourself.
Another sign of immaturity in a guy is…
2. Being Too Emotionally Sensitive
For example: A guy might feel as though he got lucky when he picked up his girlfriend and as a result he eventually becomes clingy, needy and insecure around her.
He might need her to regularly reassure him of her love by asking things like, “You wouldn’t break up with me, would you? You know that I couldn’t live without you, right?” or “Do you still love me? Are you still glad you agreed to go out with me?” or “Do you ever regret being my girlfriend? Do you ever wonder if you could find another guy that is better than me?” or “Would you ever cheat on me? I would be destroyed if you did. Can you promise me that you will never do that to me? I’m very fragile emotionally. I don’t think I could handle something like that happening to me.”
Initially, most women will respond by being loving and saying things like, “Of course I love you!” or “I would never look at another guy. I’m with you because I want to be with you. Don’t worry about it.”
However, over time, she will get very tired of always having to reassure him and take care of him emotionally.
The more she has to do that, the less respect and attraction she feels for him as a man.
Here’s what you need to remember…
It’s a man’s emotional strength that attracts a woman and allows her to relax and be the girly, feminine woman that she really wants to be in a relationship (even though most women don’t openly admit that).
If her guy is always falling to pieces around her and being emotionally weak and insecure, she won’t be able to feel safe and protected in the relationship with him.
She won’t be able to look up to him as her emotionally strong, courageous man and instead will look at him as a guy that she needs to take care of and protect.
Women hate that.
The thing is, even though a modern woman is perfectly capable of taking care of herself financially, she still wants to be able to look to her man for emotional strength and support.
If he can’t be the emotionally strong man that she needs him to be and instead needs her to support him emotionally, she just won’t be able to respect him.
As a result, her feelings of attraction and love will fade away and she will want to get out of the relationship and away from the guy who is leaning on her emotionally.
So, if your ex currently thinks you are too emotionally immature for her, what you need to do is re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you again by showing her (via the way that you now talk, think and behave) that you are an emotionally strong man that she can look up to and respect.
Let her see that you have changed and she will begin to believe that you are no longer the same guy she dumped.
When she can see for herself that you’re no longer at the same level you were at when she broke up with you (i.e. emotionally sensitive and insecure), it becomes more difficult for her to keep pushing you away, because you’re not the guy that she remembers.
You are different now.
You are emotionally strong and mature.
You really have changed and it now feels so much better for her to interact with you because she can respect and attraction, rather than feeling annoyed and turned off.
Another sign of immaturity in a guy is…
3. Not Following Through on Promises
The love between a man and a woman is something that needs to be taken care of, so that it can grow and deepen over time.
Yet, when a guy gets into the habit of breaking his promises to his woman, it will inevitably lead to her losing respect for him and she may even start to change herself and become a completely different person that she used to be.
For example: When a guy doesn’t follow through on his promises, a woman might find herself feeling angry all the time, sulking, nagging or throwing tantrums.
She may then say to herself, “What’s going on here? I don’t like who I have become in this relationship. I used to be so calm, relaxed and happy, but now all I seem to do is sulk and complain. I don’t want to be that person anymore. He is emotionally immature and is bringing me down to his level of thinking, which is driving me crazy. I need to get away from him,” and she will then break up with him.
Here’s the thing…
It’s fine for a guy to break his word once or twice (e.g. he promises to go with her to her sister’s wedding, but has to cancel at the last minute because something important came up at work, or he forgets to call her when he says he will).
It’s not the end of the world and even though a woman might feel a little bit upset or annoyed about it, it won’t matter to her that much in the long term, as long as she sees that he will try to avoid doing that to her again in future.
However, when a guy breaks his word frequently about important things (e.g. constantly promising to get a job, starting projects and never finishing them, treating her badly and promising to change but never changing) she will start to lose respect and attraction for him and eventually break up with him.
Another sign of immaturity in a guy is…
4. Still Wanting to Think, Act and Behave Like a Boy or Teenager
Sometimes, a guy likes the idea of going through life without any responsibilities as though he is still a young boy or a teenager.
For example: A guy might spend most of his time playing video games and ignoring all other areas of his life.
His woman might then say to him, “Why don’t you stop playing games and think about what you want to do with your life,” but he doesn’t seem to care.
He got her into a relationship, she enjoys the sex and they’ve had plenty of good times, so he just expect her to put up with it now that she’s his girl.
Yet, while he is being lazy and not making any progress in life, he doesn’t realize that his woman is gradually losing all of her respect and attraction for him.
Why? Mainly because he’s not achieving anything, which makes her feel unsafe about the future.
Women have a natural instinct to make sure that they are going to be able to provide for offspring if they happen to get pregnant.
This applies is a woman hates children or doesn’t even want children. The instinct is still there.
So, when her guy is just sitting around with no big dreams or goals in life other than getting past the next level of the game, she starts to feel unsafe.
Here’s what you need to know…
A man is supposed to rise through the levels of life, reach for his true potential and go after his true purpose in life without fear.
If he doesn’t do that and just lives his life like a boy would, his woman simply cannot look up to him and respect him.
Without respect, she doesn’t feel attraction and without attraction, the love begins to fade.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with playing video games (I play them at times), but making progress in life has to come first, she has to come second and everything else is up to you after that.
Women don’t go around explaining that to guys, but it’s what they want.
They don’t want a guy who focuses all of his attention on her, or focuses all of his attention on wasting time (e.g. playing video games).
They want a man who is making progress in life as his main priority and then giving her love and attention as his second priority.
I know that it might sound bad or politically incorrect to say that, but just think about the couples you’ve seen where the woman is mighty proud of her man and totally in love with him.
He will have a strong purpose in life and be pursuing that as his main priority, while she hugs into his arm, looks at him with loving eyes and feels safe and happy that she has a man who isn’t afraid to reach for his true potential.
In the media, women will say that they want a man who puts them first, but you always have to remember that women usually SAY one thing and DO a completely different thing altogether.
Watch this for some examples…
So, if you want to do boyish things, you can, but just make that your main priority is making progress in life like a man.
Women will often say that you should play video games or do boyish things, but you don’t have to listen to them.
Women usually say one thing and happily accept a completely different thing altogether.
Okay, the final sign of immaturity in a guy is…
5. Needing Her to Mother Him
For example: He might expect his woman to pick up after him, make all the decisions and take care of him the way his mother used to do when he was a boy.
Yet, a woman doesn’t want to be a man’s mother.
If she has to take on that role, she will feel like she is the more dominant one in the relationship and then won’t be able to respect him and look up to him.
When that happens, she will lose interest in sex and start finding other guys attractive, which will lead to her cheating on him or breaking up with him.
In most cases, a woman hates it when she has to take on the role of mothering her guy because it means that she just can’t relax and be a real woman (i.e. girly, feminine, emotional) around him.
Instead, she has to be the strong one, which once again, ruins her desire for sex and makes her want to cheat or break up with her guy.
The thing is, she might accept an immature guy in the beginning of the relationship because she is enjoying the lust and sex, but after the novelty of being with someone new wears off, she will realize that she made a mistake and then want to get out of the relationship.
Almost all women want a man who is more emotionally mature than they are.
When a man is more emotionally mature than a woman in the way that he thinks, feels, behaves and takes action in life, it allows her to relax into thinking, feeling and behaving like a feminine woman around him.
She can then look up to him and respect him as her man.
Of course, some unattractive women do like to keep an immature guy under their control by constantly threating of a breaking up with him.
Unattractive women do that because they are afraid that he will gain too much power in the relationship, realize that he can do better than her and then leave if he isn’t living in fear.
So, she will continually threaten to break up with him if he doesn’t do this or that for her.
He obeys because he knows that it will be difficult for him to find a beautiful woman who would accept his immaturity, so he just puts up with it.
Here’s the thing though…
Most women know that they can easily find a replacement guy, so they won’t stick around for very long with an emotionally immature guy, unless he changes his ways fast.
Don’t Tell Her That You’ve Changed. Show Her
What you do now, is much more important than what you say you will do.
If you want to show your ex that you’re no longer emotionally immature, you need to do that when you’re talking to her on the phone or in person, not via text.
She has to be able to experience you while talking to you, not texting with you.
When you’re talking to her on the phone or in person, she will be able to sense that you’re now so much more confident and emotionally mature than before.
Don’t worry, a woman can pick up the changes in a guy without him having to explain that he has changed.
It comes through in how you talk to her, what you say and how you react to what she says.
So, don’t worry about trying to prove to your ex that you’ve changed by telling her all about how you’ve become a more mature man since the break up.
Just be the new, improved, more mature version of yourself when you talk to her and she will pick up on it.
When she sees for herself that you really are emotionally strong, confident and mature now, something really cool happens…
She can’t stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
You are so much more interesting now.
You have transformed so quickly and you are way more attractive to her now, so the idea of getting back with you is very appealing.