Yes, show her that you care, but not in a needy way.
Showing her that you care in a needy way means continually talking about your feelings and how things are affecting you.
The way to show her that you care is to actually change the things that were turning her off about you, so she feels better about who you are now.
For example: Some of the things a woman might want her guy to change are that:
- He doesn’t make her feel girly and feminine. She feels like more of a neutral friend or worse, like she is more of “the man” in the relationship.
- He expects her to lead and decide most things while he just relaxes and takes her for granted.
- She can’t trust in him to follow through on his big goals and ambitions in life because he’s always wasting time on other things (e.g. video games, watching TV, browsing social media, hanging out with his buddies).
- He is too emotionally sensitive, which makes her feel like she needs to take care of him like a big sister or mother would for a boy.
Those are some examples of things that women really want a guy to change before she actually cares that he cares about her.
If he’s not willing to change the things that really matter to her, then she sees his attempts to get her back as being all about getting what he wants.
So, the first step in getting her back is truly understanding what she needs you to change and then interacting with her on a phone call or in person, so she can start to pick up on those changes in you.
A woman doesn’t even need you to explain to her that you’ve changed.
She just needs to talk to you on the phone or interact with you in person and she will pick up on it based on how you talk to her, behave and react to her.
Only when you’ve done that will she then care to hear about your feelings.
However, if all you want to do is tell her about your feelings, but you don’t care enough about her and the relationship to change, then she’s not going to care about your feelings.
Okay, let’s assume that you know what you need to change and have already changed it.
Now, you can get onto telling her that you still care about her.
For example: Say something like, “I love you and do want you back in my life, but I accept that you don’t want that. So, I will let you go as a girlfriend. Maybe we can just be friends from now on. How does that sound?”
Most women will agree, but if you have really changed and are now making her feel respect and attraction for you, she will want to be more than just your friend.
However, if you don’t make any changes after telling her that you still love her accepting the break up, she’s almost certainly not going to come running back to you (only about 20% of women do. The remaining 80% move on).
In 80% of the ex back cases that I’ve helped clients through, I’ve found that if a guy doesn’t actively make an effort to re-spark a woman’s feelings of respect and sexual attraction for him, she will just keep him around as a friend while she dates other guys, or she will simply cut off contact and move on.
So, don’t let that happen to you.
If you still care about your ex, then tell her that.
Don’t hide it from her.
However, you must remember: She is only going to care that you care if you actually do understand what she wants you to change and then let her experience the changes for herself.
If you have changed things about yourself that really aren’t important to her (e.g. she wants you to be more manly, but you’ve become even nicer in the hope that it impresses her), then she’s not going to care that you care.
Getting Caught Out in a Lie
Sometimes, a guy might think to himself, “It’s probably better if I act like I’m over my ex, so it hurts her. She will then realize that I’m a cool, valuable guy and she will feel like she has to get me back.”
He may then start ignoring his ex and hope that she comes running back.
Yet, that doesn’t work in approximately 80% of ex back cases.
Watch this video to understand why…
Alternatively, he might try to act like he is over her when she says something like that herself.
For example: If she says, “I’m over you. I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I’m glad that we’re broken up,” he might reply with something along the lines of, “Yeah, I agree. What we had was cool while it lasted but it’s over now. I’m glad to see we both feel the same way. Well, anyway. Good luck. I wish you the best of luck for the future.”
Secretly he’s hoping that she will think, “Damn…that’s not really how I feel. I was just putting on a brave face to act cool. I still love him. Maybe I should give him another chance” and she then texts him to ask to catch up in the person or talk on the phone.
Of course, it can work like that sometimes, but it’s very rare that a man will arrive at my site looking for help to get an ex woman like that back.
Almost all the men that I help to get their woman back are dealing with a woman who no longer has feelings for them and doesn’t want anything to do with them anymore.
So, he has to actively make her have feelings for him again.
Watch this video for more info…
When your ex has feelings for you again, the ex back process is much smoother and easier.
However, acting like you’re over your ex as a way of tricking her back into a relationship rarely (if ever) works because she can easily catch you out in that lie.
For example: Here are some of the ways she can do find out that you’re just acting to be over her, rather than really being over her…
When a guy tells a woman that he’s over her, she might respond by saying something like, “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. I know that I previously said that I didn’t have feelings for you, but I was just checking to see if you still had feelings for me. Well, I guess I’ve lost you then. I won’t be bothering you again from now on, so have a good life. Good bye.”
If he then hastily tries to stop her and says something like, “No! No! I didn’t really mean it. I really do still care for you. This is great! We both still have feelings for each other. We can get back together now,” she will know he was lying to her by acting like he was over her when he really wasn’t.
Anther example is when a woman asks her ex to do favors for her (e.g. she might ask him to help her with homework, pay her rent, help her paint her house, take her car to a mechanic to be fixed).
When he helps her, she flirts with him a little (e.g. hugs him, looks at him as though she finds him attractive, brings up their private jokes, gives him a kiss on the cheek) to see if he becomes excited and feels like he has a chance with her.
If he falls for it and starts running around her like a puppy dog catering to her every whim, she will be able to see that he does still care about her and has only been acting like he is over her to get her back.
Another way a woman can find out if her ex is lying to her about being over her, is by saying things like, “I’m so glad you don’t have feelings for me anymore. I’ve been asked out on dates many times by several guys that I know, but I’ve always said no because I thought we could maybe get back together again. Now that I know for sure there’s no chance of that happening, I feel good about dating again and I will say yes to them.”
If he reacts by getting upset, jealous or angry, she will have the proof she needs that he’s been lying to her and was only acting like he was over her.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman catches a guy out in a lie like that, she usually won’t be thinking, “Oh, it’s okay…he was only lying to me because he still cares about me and just doesn’t know how to tell me.”
Instead, she will lose respect and attraction for him and will feel annoyed, or even angry with him for trying to trick her.
This is why lying to your ex about your feelings is not a good idea.
A much easier way to get her back for real is by reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by interacting with her (e.g. over the phone and in person) and behaving in ways that are attractive to her (e.g. being confident and charismatic, making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, making her laugh and smile).
That’s what works.
When you are not afraid to interact with her and make her have feelings for you again, not only does she drop her guard and open up to the idea of getting back together, but she also feels impressed with you for having the balls to be honest around her and go after what you really want (i.e. to get her back).
Getting Her Back For Real
Here’s the thing..
You can waste a lot of precious time acting like you are over her and hoping that it will make her want you back.
Yet, the reality is that when a woman doesn’t feel respect and attraction for a guy, him moving on and being over her is actually a good thing for her.
She doesn’t really and actually feels relieved about not having to go through a long, drawn out, messy break up with him.
In a case where a woman still has some feelings for her ex and is waiting for him to make a move, she will be disappointed with him for getting over her so quickly.
She will think something like, “I can’t believe how quickly my ex got over me. Well, I obviously didn’t mean much to him at all, so I’m not going to bother feeling sad and depressed about our failed relationship anymore. I’m going to find myself another man and get on with my life. I’ll show him.”
That’s not what you want her to be thinking.
Instead, you want her to change her mind about being broken up and just get back together with you to give the relationship another shot.
The fastest way to do that is by actively making her have feelings of respect and attraction for you again, rather than acting like you are over her when you’re really not.
When you interact with her and she can see and experience the changes in you (e.g. you are now more confident and self assured, you make her laugh and smile, you’re more driven and focused in life), she will instinctively feel drawn to you again.
You don’t have to put on an act around her to make her change her mind.
You simply need to show her the man that you have become since the breakup (i.e. you’ve learned from your past mistakes and have moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you) and let her reveal her feelings for you instead.
Here’s how you can do that…
1. Call Her and Get Her Laughing, Smiling and Feeling Good to Be Interacting With You Again. Then, Get Her to Meet Up With You
Rather than acting like you’re over your ex and hoping that it causes her to have feelings for you and come running back, focus instead on actually making her have real, strong feelings for you again by interacting with her.
One of the quickest ways to melt a woman’s resistance and make her begin to have feelings for you again is by making her smile and laugh when she’s talking to you.
Laughter takes off the edge off being broken up and stops you and her acting like strangers.
It also stops her from focusing on the past and thinking things like, “My ex really stuffed up. He hurt me so badly,” or “Our relationship was a disaster.”
When she’s smiling and laughing while talking to you, she will instead think something like, “This is nice. I’m actually enjoying myself talking to him. I feel like we could actually do this again and I would enjoy it.”
She then becomes open to getting back together with you for real.
So, get her on a phone call with you right away.
By the way…
You can’t do all this via text messages (most guys try to and it doesn’t work).
You need to get her on a phone call where she can hear the tonality of your voice and get a sense of your confidence and emotional strength.
Only use text to break the ice and then get her on a phone call with you.
When talking on the phone, make sure to keep the conversation light and easy-going and keep clear of heavy discussions about the relationship, or about how she feels that you stuffed up.
Here’s an example of how to make her laugh and open her up to the idea of meeting you for a catch up…
After the initial “Hello, how are you?” you can then ask her, “So what have you been up to lately?”
She will likely reply with something like, “Oh not much, how about you?” or, “I’ve been busy with studies/work. What have you been doing?”
You can then say in a joking way, “Nothing. I’ve literally been sitting by the phone waiting for you to call. I’ve grown a long beard. It goes all the way down to my lap.”
She will most likely laugh and you can then say, “Just kidding. I’ve been…” and then quickly tell her what you’ve been up to in a sentence or two.
She will feel attracted to the fact that you have the confidence to joke around with her like that.
She will also realize that you haven’t been sitting around waiting for her call and are happily enjoying your life without her, which will make her feel respect and attraction for you.
When that happens, she stops focusing on the things about the past version of you that she didn’t like, and starts focusing on all the things about the new version of you that she does like.
When that happens, her guard comes down and she becomes open to meeting up with you to see what happens.
You can say something like, “Anyway…let’s have some coffee together just as friends. It wouldn’t be about us getting back together – just a coffee to say hi to each other.”
If she says, “No, I don’t think we should,” just be relaxed and easy going when you say something like, “Hey, look – if you don’t want to talk to me again after that, I will be cool with that and we can part ways as friends. It will just be a coffee and that’s it and it can be the last time we ever catch up in person if you want. So, what do you say? Are you in for a coffee tomorrow or the next day?”
She will likely say “Yes,” to that and you can then go ahead and arrange a suitable day and time.
2. Show Her the Way Back to Real Love With You
When you meet up with her, don’t rush into telling her that you still care about her (e.g. by telling her directly, by being on your best behavior, paying for everything).
If you do, you stand the risk of destroying all the good feelings you have created inside her up to this point.
Instead, just continue saying and doing the types of things that will build on her initial feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. being confident, charming and charismatic, making her laugh, making her feel feminine and girly).
That way, it’s about her feelings rather than yours, so she doesn’t see you as being selfish and only wanting her back to make yourself feel better.
If you focus on how you’re making her feel (e.g. attracted, happy) rather than how you feel (e.g. that you want her back), things will naturally begin to change.
She will begin to look at you differently and might even be the one says it first by saying, “I still care about you. Do you think we can get back together again?”
That’s what you want.
Make her want to get back with you because she now has strong feelings for you.
That is what works for real.