A woman might say that to a man for one or more of the following 6 reasons:
1. She fears that he will eventually cheat on her or dump her
If a woman doesn’t feel like she can completely trust her guy (e.g. because he lies to her often, he flirts with other women, he’s too much of a ladies man, always seems to checking other women out in front of her) and she gets a sense that he won’t be able to change, she will often just break up with him, even if she still has feelings for him.
She will think something like, “He’s a sexy guy and I’m still attracted to him, but I just don’t believe that he could stay faithful to me in the long term. If I stick with this relationship, I might fall even more in love with him and then if he cheats on me, or dumps me, it will destroy me. So, it’s better to get out now on my own terms, while I can still handle the pain of leaving him behind, rather than wait until it’s too late and then have to suffer being cheated on or dumped by him. Besides, I’d rather invest my energy in a relationship that I know will last.”
Women have this instinct because of their biological clock.
Even if a woman hates babies and swears to never want any, she will still have a natural instinct that makes her want to be with a guy that will stick by her for life.
Her instincts also push her to find a guy that she could have children with and be happy, safe, protected and provided for if she needed it.
So, if you’re serious about getting your ex back, you have to show her (via the way you think, act and behave) that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
For example: If your ex felt that you would cheat on her because you were often flirting with women in front of her, you need to be more respectful of her position as your number one woman from now on.
When she can see for herself that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with, her trust in you will begin to come back and she will open up to having a serious relationship with you again.
Another reason why a woman might say to her ex, “I’m attracted to you, but I can’t be with you” is that…
2. She wants to be free to party with her single girlfriends
Sometimes, when a woman is really young, or is in her first serious relationship with a guy, she might start to feel a little jealous of her single girlfriends who can do whatever they want, whenever they want.
Alternatively, if a woman has been with a guy for a long time and their relationship has grown stale and boring (e.g. watching TV together every night, sex once a week, if at all) with no excitement, or prospects of it improving in the future, she might think that life would be better if she left the relationship and did her own thing.
She might look at her girlfriends living a carefree life (e.g. going out and partying, picking up different guys and having new experiences, traveling) and think to herself, “I really do care for my guy, but I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I also want to party and go traveling on a whim, but I can’t do that while I’m in a relationship. I also want to flirt and maybe even have sex with some other guys. Maybe I’m just not ready to stay with one guy right now.”
Important: A woman will rarely, if ever think like that or follow through on it if the relationship is good.
A woman will only start to feel drawn to that if a guy hasn’t been able to get the relationship to what I call Blissful Love.
If the relationship was good at the start, but has lost its spark, a woman doesn’t have to stick around if she isn’t feeling it anymore.
As a man, it’s your role and responsibility to ensure that you’re building on your woman’s feelings over time, rather than destroying them.
If you don’t, she will start to drift and may end up breaking up with you, cheating or becoming so annoying (because she’s unhappy with the relationship) that you end up breaking up with her.
So, if your ex left you because she wanted to party and live like her single girlfriends, how can you get her back?
You have to actively spark her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you whenever you interact with her from now on.
When you make her feel more attracted to you in new and exciting ways, she will realize that her love for you is stronger than the idea of being single and she will want to be with you again.
Of course, it’s possible that she might meet a guy who makes her feel more attracted and want to be with him.
You can get a woman back if she has moved on, but if your ex hasn’t moved on yet, don’t make it more difficult for yourself.
Just get her back now.
Another reason why a woman will say that she can’t be with her ex, even though she feels attracted to him is that…
3. He lacks financial stability and she can’t see him fixing that anytime soon
Although most modern women are now perfectly capable of taking care of themselves financially, the idea of being with a man who is going to struggle to put food on the table and take care of her and any children they might have together in the future, is not very appealing to a woman.
So, even if a woman feels very attracted to a guy (e.g. because he’s confident, cool, charismatic, fun to be around), if she gets a sense that he is financially unstable and is probably going to stay that way for most or all of his life, she might want to just cut her losses and move on, rather than stick around and face an uncertain future with him.
Here’s the thing…
A woman wants to be with a guy who knows how to confidently lead the way to a better future for them both.
He doesn’t have to already be successful in life to give her that feeling.
He just has to have a plan or vision for his future and be actively working towards it.
He can still have fun and enjoy himself along the way, but he needs to be able to give his woman a feeling of security about her future.
If he doesn’t, her natural instincts kick in and start to change her thinking, behavior and feelings.
She might feel attracted to him, but she will also feel as though something just isn’t quite right.
Her gut instinct will tell her that she’s probably going to experience a lot of stress, strain and struggle if she sticks with him, which isn’t at all appealing to a woman’s breeding instincts.
Again, even if she hates babies and never wants children, the instinct will still be there.
A woman’s natural instinct is to find and stick with a man who takes charge of the direction of his life and thereby allows her to relax into feeling safe about the future.
However, if a guy is just wandering through life without a clear purpose or direction (e.g. he keeps changing jobs all the time, is stuck in a company with no future prospects, doesn’t have any savings and prefers to squander his money on useless things, uses most of his spare time distracting himself with video games, alcohol or drugs, chilling with friends or watching TV), it will cause his woman to feel insecure about her future.
When a woman gets to the point in her relationship where she feels like she can’t rely on her guy to be the man and take care of them both, she may then decide to cut her losses and leave, even if she still feels attracted to him.
Another possible reason is the opposite of not being financially secure enough…
4. He is wealthy, successful and comes from a great family, but she hasn’t achieved much in life and comes from a poor family
Sometimes, when a man and a woman are at different levels socially, it might be difficult for her to remain confident and feel worthy of him in the relationship.
For example: She might think to herself, “I’m attracted to him, but why is he with a girl like me? He’s rich and educated and he comes from a close family. I’m just a poor girl who isn’t very smart and doesn’t really have much to offer him. I feel like his family and friends look down on me or think I’m stupid because I’m just not like them. Even though he might be willing to overlook our differences now, eventually the thrill of having sex with me and being with me will wear off and he will lose interest. He’ll probably hook up with a smarter or more successful woman and I’ll be left behind with nothing. So, it’s best if I just make a clean break now, before I fall too deeply in love with him and can’t let go.”
Another possible reason for the old, “I’m attracted to you, but can’t be with you line” is that…
5. She doesn’t feel safe with him anymore because he has been mentally, emotionally or physically abusive towards her in the past
Sometimes, a good guy might change in a relationship with a woman and become abusive towards her (e.g. because he had a difficult childhood and doesn’t know how to behave like a man in a relationship, has been dumped before, doesn’t believe she will remain faithful to him or wants to make her feel insecure and unattractive so she doesn’t ever leave him).
In a case like that, even though a woman might still feel sexually attracted to the guy and possibly even be in love with him, she will often decide that it’s better for her to just break up with him before he does something that might cause her permanent emotional, psychological or physical damage (e.g. she loses her confidence and self-respect, is left with scars on her face after being hit, or possibly even loses her life).
Yet, rather than come out and say, “Look, it’s over between us. I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” and risk making him angry and possibly even violent, a will usually just try to let him down easy by saying something like, “I’m still attracted to you, but I can’t be with you. It’s not you, it’s me. I am messed up in the head and don’t know what I want. Please just give me time to think. I need space.”
By saying something like that, she’s hoping that he won’t react badly and that she’ll be able to get away from him without any further abuse.
She will use the time away from him to quickly find a replacement guy, so she can feel a bit safer.
Another possible reason why a woman will say that she’s attracted to her ex, but can’t be with him is that…
6. She’s just saying that to make him feel better about the break up
Sometimes, a woman is so nice of a person that she doesn’t want to hurt a guy’s feelings when she breaks up with him.
So, rather than saying something along the lines of, “I don’t love you anymore. Leave me alone!” or “I don’t want to be with you anymore! Deal with it!” she will try to make him feel better about the break up by telling him that she still finds him attractive, but can’t be with him.
She hopes that he will think she is just crazy and confused, or suffering from childhood issues and he will then move on.
However, in reality, she doesn’t actually feel attracted enough to him to want to stay in a relationship.
She’s only saying that she is to let him down light and avoid the potential consequences a bad break up.
In a case like that, a guy simply has to start triggering her feelings of attraction (e.g. on a phone call and in person) by making her feel attracted in the ways that really matter to her.
For example: He might be a good guy and she may appreciate that. Yet, to feel attracted to him, she also needs to see that he is emotionally masculine (i.e. he has balls) and is able to make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to him as a result.
If he’s just a good, neutral guy, then she’s not going to feel the spark she needs to want to give him another chance.
3 Common Mistakes That Men Make When in Your Situation
Some guys are able to easily get their woman back in your situation, while others make it unnecessarily difficult for themselves by making one or more of the following mistakes…
1. Trying to make her feel attracted by being extra sweet, romantic and nice
For example: A guy might think, “If she’s still attracted to me, it means that she’s just confused about what she wants right now. So, if show her how special she really is to me (e.g. send her roses, buy her some of the things she really likes like perfume, jewelry, chocolates, make her feel like a princess), she’ll realize that we’re meant to be together and will forget all about this nonsense of breaking up. I’ll show her how nice I really can be. I’ll make her feel like it would be a huge mistake to leave such a good guy as me. No other guy is going to treat her as well as I do. I will show her.”
Although the guy has good intentions, it can so easily go wrong and make things worse.
If he seems like he is trying too hard to be nice and sweet, she will see that as him feeling desperate and insecure, which is a turn off.
Women are attracted to men who remain in control of their emotions (e.g. he remain confident, relaxed and feels worthy of her) and turned off by men who start acting weird because they have lost control of their emotions (e.g. he panics about losing her and desperately starts sucking up to her).
What matters the most to her is how you make her feel when you interact with her.
For example: Does she feel like you’re the kind of man she can look up to, respect and feel proud of, or does she feel a bit embarrassed about being your girl these days?
Does she feel like you and her have a future together, or does she feel like she can do better?
Does she trust that you can give her what she wants in a relationship, or does she feel like you and her want different things?
That’s what really matters to a woman.
Another mistake that men make when in your situation is…
2. Trying to get her to focus on their good memories together to remind her that she used to love him and want to be with him
Another mistake that some guys make when trying to get their ex to change her mind about breaking up, is to bring up all the good times they had together.
For example: A guy might say something like, “Remember all the times we left the movies early because we couldn’t wait to be alone? Something magical happened every time we touched each other. You have to admit that you and I were good together. We can have that again. It’s not too late for us. Just remember what we had.”
He’s hoping that by saying something like that to her, he will reawaken the attraction and love she feels for him and they will get back together again.
Yet, although it’d be nice if that is all a man needed to do to get a woman back, it isn’t.
In most cases, bringing up the good memories usually only highlights to her the reasons why things didn’t work out in the end.
She begins to think, “Yeah, we did have something magical between us, but there were also many other things you did that ruined the magic between us. Things that you’re still not even aware of to this day because you’re so blind to it. So, even though I’m still attracted to you, it’s just not enough to make me want to stay in the relationship anymore. It will take more than attraction and good memories to change my mind. You need to understand what really makes me feel like I have to get out of this relationship and then change that. If you don’t, I walk.”
So, don’t bother bringing up the past in the hopes that it will change her mind.
How you make her feel right now and from now on is what really matters.
She needs to feel respect and attraction for you based on who you are now, not who you used to be.
Have you changed?
Are you now able to give her the kind of relationship experience she really wants?
While trying to show her that you’ve changed, are you being desperate or appearing insecure in any way?
Those are the little things that count.
Another mistake that some men make in your position is…
3. Improving his physical appearance, but not focusing on what is really important to her
Sometimes, when a woman tells a guy that she is still attracted to him, but can’t be with him, he might think to himself, “Maybe if I make some improvements to myself (e.g. lose some weight, build some muscle, change my dress style) she will feel even more attracted to me. Then, she won’t be able to resist me and we can get back together again.”
Yet, that approach rarely, if ever, works.
Essentially because what matters most to a woman is how a guy makes her feel when he’s interacting with her.
Looks are only superficial and if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, her fascination about how you look no longer holds so much power over her (especially if you were turning her off in the relationship).
What matters to a woman is how her ex man makes her feel when he interacts with her.
For example: Does he behave in ways that are attractive to her (e.g. takes the lead and makes most of the decisions, listens to her without becoming emotionally sensitive, is loving and devoted, but also has a big purpose in his life apart from his relationship with her), or does he turn her off with his actions (e.g. he allows her to dominate him emotionally, is too needy and clingy, he has no sense of purpose in life that he is actively following through on)?
Is he the kind of man she can see herself sticking to for life, or does she feel unsure about her future with him (e.g. because he lacks financial stability, he’s immature and childish)?
Is his way of thinking in line with hers, or do they have very different opinions and ideas about the fundamental things in life (e.g. she wants to settle down, get married and have a family, while he prefers to remain single and not take on any responsibilities)?
Can she look up to him, respect him, trust him and feel proud of him, or does she feel like she’s too good for him?
Those are some examples of the things that attract a woman to a man, more than his looks ever will.
So, if you want to attract your ex girlfriend (fiancé or wife) back to you, you have to give her what she really wants, not what you think she wants.
When you show her (via the way you talk, think, act, behave, interact with her and react to what she says and does) that you’re now the kind of man she always wanted you to be (e.g. confident, determined, emotionally independent, emotionally masculine), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
She will then begin to feel the pain of losing you and won’t want that pain to continue, so she will get back with you.