Here are 8 common reasons a woman will tell her ex boyfriend that the breakup was his fault:
1. She believes he made more mistakes than her
Of course, women make mistakes too.
However, although a woman might sometimes make more mistakes than her guy, she believes he is to blame.
For example: Common mistakes that guys make that can cause a woman to feel that he is, is…
- Being emotionally selfish (e.g. only being nice to her when he wants something, always putting his needs, wants and desires ahead of hers).
- Expecting respect from her, but not giving it in return.
- Always trying to be right in a discussion and not listening to her opinions, thoughts or feelings.
- Regularly hurting her feelings rather than being more considerate or loving.
- Not trusting her and becoming a jealous, angry or controlling boyfriend, even though she never gave him any reason not to.
- Being too emotionally withdrawn (i.e. never fully expressing his feelings for her so she always feels uncertain in the relationship).
- Breaking his promises to her all the time and then getting annoyed with her for being upset about it.
2. She fell in love with the old version of him, but he then changed
For example: A woman might fall in love with a guy because…
- He compliments her and makes her feel pretty, valued and loved.
- He is confident and self assured and believes in himself and in his attractiveness to her.
- He takes the lead and allows her to relax into being a feminine, girly woman around him.
- He treats her well but not too well, so she never takes his interest for granted. Instead she continuously feels motivated to be a good woman to him and put on the charm to keep him interested in her.
- He is able to handle her moods in a way that brings them closer together, rather than result in a fight (e.g. he uses humor and teasing to make her laugh and smile and change how she feels).
That’s the old version of him.
Yet, over time, that version fell away and he changed into a version she didn’t like or feel attracted to.
For example: A guy might change in some of the following ways…
- He begins to take his woman for granted (e.g. stops complimenting her or noticing the nice things she does for him, or stops saying “I love you” and expects her to just ‘know’ that he loves her because he used to say it).
- He becomes more insecure over time (e.g. because he worries about losing her) which results in him displaying clingy, needy or controlling behavior.
- He allows her to take the lead in the relationship because he thinks that will make her happier and will prevent them from having arguments or disagreements, but instead it makes her lose touch with her feminine side because she now has to be the boss.
- He begins giving in to her and always lets her have her way.
- He starts to take her moods too seriously and gets upset, angry or he ends up sulking for hours and in some cases even days.
As a result, she blames him for their breakup and says it is all his fault.
3. She felt trapped or overprotected
Some guys struggle to trust their girlfriend to be faithful, or to take care of herself in life.
A guy may behave like that because:
- He secretly knows that he got lucky when he got his girlfriend, so he is worried that she’ll dump him for another man if she gets the chance.
- He’s had previous relationships where his girlfriend cheated on him and that has caused him to have trust issues.
- He never had a good male role model growing up (e.g. his parents got divorced when he was very young, or they had a horrible relationship that lacked trust and mutual respect).
Unfortunately though, this lack of trust results in all sorts of negative, unattractive behaviors, such as:
- He needed her to behave in a certain way in order to feel reassured (e.g. text him every day, show him affection in front of others, only speak nicely to him).
- He became controlling and started preventing her from hanging out with her girlfriends.
- He stopped having interests, friendships or even a purpose outside of his relationship with her, which resulted in him being clingy and needy all the time.
- His feelings of insecurity and worry that she might cheat on him led to him needing to know her whereabouts all the time.
- He made her feel guilty for his bad behavior (e.g. if he blew up at her over something, he would say, “If you had just stayed home instead of going out with your friends/not worn that dress liked I asked you to/stayed here instead of insisting on going home, this wouldn’t have happened. Why do you make me do crazy things?”)
- He often treated her like a child who needed to be protected (e.g. stopped her from making her own decisions without his input, tried to make her feel incapable and dependent on him).
- He became suspicious and demanded to have access to randomly check her phone, email and social media.
So, she broke up with him and blamed him for it.
4. She didn’t like how he tried to turn her against family and friends, or didn’t want to build more of a relationship with them
Family and what they think about her relationship and her boyfriend is important to some women, but not all.
Some women don’t have a good relationship with their family so it’s not a big deal if her boyfriend doesn’t want to get to know them, or even tries to pull her away from them.
In some cases, that is even welcomed (e.g. if a woman’s family is toxic and they always criticize her and make her feel as though she’s not good enough).
However, when a woman has a good relationship with her family, her boyfriend’s relationship with them will matter to her.
Sometimes a woman will initially put up with being pulled away from family and friends, especially at the beginning of the relationship where she’s totally absorbed with the exciting feelings of lust and falling in love.
Eventually, she will start to miss her relationship with her family and start to blame him for keeping her away from them.
She may also see his behavior as selfish and as a sign that she doesn’t mean enough to him to make the effort to become a part of something (i.e. her family) that is so important to her.
5. She tried to give him warnings, but he never seemed to listen or change
Some women take responsibility and actively try to change and shape their boyfriend into an ideal man.
A woman like that will be clear about what is bothering her and probably even make demands of the changes she wants to see in him.
Yet, others will only ever give hints, suggestions or warnings.
For example: If a woman doesn’t like how clingy and overprotective her man is becoming, rather than just say that to him she may start off by saying, “You know I love you, right? There’s no reason for you to ever feel insecure or worry that I would leave you or cheat on you. I’m not that kind of girl.”
If that doesn’t work she may then hint that he should go out with his friends more (as a way of getting him to be more emotionally independent).
Eventually, she might even warn him that if he doesn’t stop smothering her she’s going to leave him.
If he picks up on her hints and warnings and quickly transforms himself into a better man, it will automatically renew her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for him.
She will then relax in the relationship and put in even more effort to be a good, loving, devoted woman to him too.
However, if she notices that he never seems to change or improve, she will eventually get fed up and follow through with her warnings to break up with him.
She will also blame him for it, because in her mind she tried to get him to change and even gave him plenty of chances.
6. He ruined her trust in him
Trust is one of the most important components of a relationship.
Without trust, a relationship will erode away in fights, accusations, lies, revenge, anger and other negative emotions, until there’s nothing left but a feeling of, “Why are we even together? This relationship isn’t working.”
Of course, issues of trust can arise from different things, not just from one person cheating on the other.
It can also be about…
- Trust in him as the leader of the relationship who is guiding them both to a better future together, rather than leaving it all up to her, or just ‘going with the flow’ and hoping everything will turn out okay in the end.
- Trust in him as someone who will love her unconditionally (e.g. when she picks up weight due to pregnancy, loses her job, has mental health issues), rather than only love her when things are going well or when she’s doing things to please him.
- Trust in him to be a man of his word, rather than say he’ll do something for her (e.g. run an errand, go to a work function with her, attend a special or traditional get together with her family) and then forget, or change his mind at the last minute.
- Trust him to be fully present in the relationship and not put his focus on other irrelevant things (e.g. spending time on social media talking to other irrelevant people and neglecting the woman sitting right next to him).
So, if a guy keeps breaking his woman’s trust in him, she will eventually break up with him and say that it’s his fault.
7. He checked out of the relationship and expected her to just put up with it
For example: Some of the ways that a guy might do that are…
- He watches sports, hangs out with friends, or plays video games all weekend and ignores her.
- He no longer initiates any type of affection (e.g. they don’t hold hands, touch or hug when they’re together unless she initiates it first).
- He no longer cares what she thinks, or may want or need. If she tries to get him involved in something she’s doing he might brush her off with, “Yeah, whatever,” or “Good for you.” Alternatively, if he’s busy with something and she tries to offer a suggestion, he shuts her down and tells her to not get involved.
- He becomes too distant when around her, rather than being present and making her feel noticed, wanted, heard and valued.
Eventually, the relationship begins to feel as though it’s between two strangers rather than a loving couple.
It becomes stressful and too much hard work for her, so she breaks up with him.
8. He didn’t know how to handle arguments with her in a loving way
Arguments pushed them further apart, rather than being something that allowed them to grow, become closer and more harmonious as a couple.
For example: Most arguments led to him…
- Losing control of his temper, shouting and insulting her.
- Walking away and refusing to talk about it.
- Throwing her past mistakes in her face to make her feel as though she’s the main reason they have relationship problems.
- Putting her down and making her feel like she’s incompetent or stupid.
So, rather than put up with it any longer she broke up with him.
From his point of view, he may not understand what went wrong and why she had to break up with him.
Yet, from her perspective, his use of an ineffective, selfish or vindictive style of communication during arguments made the relationship too stressful and caused her to believe that she’d be better off alone, or with another man.
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