Here are 3 possible reasons why your ex is dating a guy who isn’t as nice as you:
1. She doesn’t actually need a man to be as nice as you were to her
There’s nothing wrong with being a good man.
Almost all women definitely do prefer a good man over a man who doesn’t treat them well.
However, almost all women also prefer a good man over a man who is super nice to her all the time, even if she doesn’t treat him well.
In other words, women want a good guy, but they don’t want a pushover.
You’re most-likely a good guy, but you may have gone a little too far and become too nice to her.
It might seem like that would make her even happier, (after all, women do say that they want to be treated like a princess), but it doesn’t.
Most women cannot admit that they want a guy who doesn’t suck up to them all the time.
If women did say that, many guys would get confused and start treating women badly to impress them.
Yet, that’s not what women are looking for either.
A woman doesn’t want a man who treats her badly.
Instead, a woman wants a good guy who doesn’t suck up to her all the time and place her above him in terms of importance and value.
This is frustrating for some guys who like the idea of being a romantic, sweet guy to a woman and being rewarded for it.
Yet, that’s just not how a woman’s attraction for a man works.
Women do want the niceness and sweetness at times, but only if it’s coming from a guy who also has emotional masculinity (i.e. balls) and can be the man around her.
So, if you’re in a position where you have noticed that your ex is dating a guy who isn’t as nice as you, don’t worry.
You can still get her back.
You’ve just got to be willing to change your approach to her a little.
If you’ve read this far, then you are most likely one of the rare guys who doesn’t want to blame women for his lack of success with women and instead, wants to learn, improve and get her back.
So many other guys feel like it’s just not fair, or that it’s wrong that she is dating a guy who isn’t as nice as him.
He is so confident about her being wrong that he believes she will soon realize it and come running back to him because he is nicer.
Yet, she doesn’t.
He then loses confidence in his attractiveness to her and to other women and is more confused than ever.
After all, he doesn’t know what else to do to make a woman happy in a relationship other than be nice, supportive, generous, helpful and caring.
He’s lost, confused and irritated at what she is doing and why she isn’t coming running back to him.
He may think to himself, “I don’t understand what she sees in that new guy. I did everything for her. I put her on a pedestal and treated her like a princess. She always got everything she ever wanted from me. I spoiled her with gifts and surprises, I did most of the housework, ran her errands and I even cooked for her. Yet, she just walked away and now she’s with some guy who treats her like crap and she actually likes it. I just don’t get it. Why wasn’t I good enough for her? Can’t she see that he’s not as nice as me? Why would she actually enjoy being treated badly over being treated like the most important woman in the world?”
In some cases, a guy might try to get his ex to see that the new guy isn’t as nice as he is, in the hope that she will suddenly realize her mistake and come running back.
Yet, she doesn’t.
She knows the real reason why she broke up with him (i.e. he was a good guy, but he lacked the kind of emotional toughness and emotionally masculinity that she wants in a guy), so she doesn’t care that the new guy isn’t as nice as him.
Sexual and romantic attraction is the most important element of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Although women do appreciate a good man and want a good man, niceness level isn’t what attracts a woman to man sexually.
It’s nice, but it’s not the thing that makes her wet and makes her want to be a man’s woman.
A woman doesn’t think, “That guy is nice, but this guy is so much nicer, so I’ll pick him.”
That’s not how it works.
Instead, a woman is going to ask herself:
- Which guy makes me feel the way I want to feel when I’m with him (e.g. sexually attracted, romantically attracted, happy, feminine)?
- Which guy is emotionally masculine enough to take the lead in the relationship, so I can relax into being a feminine woman around him?
- Which guy can I look up to and respect the most because of his confidence, emotional strength and emotional masculinity?
- Which guy makes me feel feminine and girly in his presence?
These are the types of things that matter more to woman than whether one guy is nicer than another guy.
So, if you’re wondering why your ex is dating a guy who isn’t as nice as you, you need to understand that her attraction to him is based on how his approach to her makes her feel and not on how nice he is.
If you haven’t been making your ex feel sexually attracted to you, she’s almost certainly not going to think, “It’s okay that he doesn’t make me feel sexually attracted, aroused and respectful towards him. As long as he’s really nice to me, I’m going to stick around him for life.”
I know, I know.
You probably hate reading some of this.
Most nice guys hate anything that suggest they shouldn’t be so nice.
In the mind of a nice guy, he is right and everyone else is wrong.
If you are one of those guys, I can’t help you.
You will unfortunately have to learn the hard way, by not being able to get her back, getting dumped by other women in the past and eventually realizing, “Damnit! Niceness isn’t the answer. I get it! I will be normal now and stop trying to suck up to women to get them to like me and not leave. I will be a more balanced man. I will be emotionally masculine. I will give a woman the kind of attraction experience she really wants.”
Then, and only then, will you begin to experience easy and natural success with women.
Yet, before you make that change, you will always struggle to make a woman like you or not leave you.
It’s not about you though.
It’s your approach.
You just got to change your approach to your ex and to women in general.
You can stay the same, but you’ve got to be willing to not be such a nice guy pushover type to women.
If you’re not willing to do that, you’ve got a lot of bad times ahead of you.
Rejection, lack of attraction in relationships, getting cheated on, being dumped and so on.
On the other hand, if you are willing to change your approach to your ex, then you have a lot of great times ahead of you.
So, if you want your ex back, change your approach to her and start making her experience strong feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you again.
When you do that, she will begin to appreciate how much better of a guy you are compared to him.
On the other hand, if you try to get her back by trying to convince her that you’re the nicer guy, she’s likely just going to say something like, “I appreciate that you always treated me so well, but I just don’t have romantic feelings for you anymore. Maybe we can be friends, but I can’t be in a relationship with you anymore. I’m sorry. Please accept it.”
Another possible reason why your ex is dating a guy who isn’t as nice as you is that…
2. He just doesn’t put up with her tantrums and instead puts her back in her place in an assertive, but loving way
Women hate it when a guy lacks the balls to put her back in her place in a loving way.
It suggests to her that if he can’t handle her, he’s not going to be able to handle challenging people throughout life as well (e.g. at work, amongst friends and family).
She will have to be the stronger one and lead the way to fight any battles that come their way, because he clearly doesn’t have the balls to stand up for himself in an effective way.
Note: I’m not talking about standing up for yourself in an aggressive way and getting into fights.
I’m talking about being a good man, but not allowing assholes or dodgy people to take advantage of you in life.
As you may have experienced at work or amongst friends, there is always a bad person or two who will try to deceive you, get you into trouble, take what is yours or hurt you.
If a woman senses that you are unable to stand up for yourself and protect yourself against people like that, she just won’t feel safe with you.
It doesn’t matter how nice you are, how many things you buy her to make her feel safe or how much you promise that you’d take a bullet for her.
That isn’t what she’s looking for to feel safe.
What makes a woman feel safe is seeing you in action with her or around other challenging people and noticing that you don’t get flustered or get taken advantage of.
You remain confident, calm and in control and are able to handle the situation effectively, without having to get into a fight or heated argument.
So, if your ex was able to make you become insecure or get you to do whatever she wanted by getting angry or throwing a tantrum, then it will have been a turn off for her.
If the new guy doesn’t put up with her drama and instead puts her back in her place in a loving, but assertive manner, then she’s going to feel attracted to that about him.
It might not make much sense to a guy who believes that niceness is the key to success with women, but that’s the reality.
In fact, one of the main reasons why a woman will date a guy who doesn’t seem as nice as her ex, is because the new guy doesn’t let her get away with bad behavior.
She feels like she has to be on her best behavior around him, otherwise she will lose him.
…and she likes that feeling!
Women prefer a guy who is a challenge, as long as he isn’t being so challenging that he is an arrogant asshole.
It’s never about being on one extreme or the other (e.g. too nice or too much of an asshole).
Instead, it’s about being a balanced, good man who doesn’t take crap from her or anyone else, but doesn’t need to get into a fight about it or a heated argument to solve the issue.
So, let’s have a look at an example…
Guy #1 is nice and sweet and no matter how badly his woman behaves around him, he tries his best to please her (e.g. because he’s afraid that if he stands up to her, she will stop having sex with him or break up with him).
If she throws a tantrum about something irrelevant, rather than see that her behavior is irrational and laugh at her for being so silly, he becomes upset and starts to tiptoe around her, doing whatever he can think of to please her (e.g. buys her an expensive gift, apologizes repeatedly, gives in to her unreasonable demands, is even nicer to her).
This makes her feel like she can push him around and treat him badly without him even standing up to her and getting her to respect him, which is a huge turn off.
He might also say things like, “I’m sorry. Please don’t get so annoyed. You know that I hate seeing you like this. Just calm down and I’ll make it right. I’ll do whatever you want me to do to make you happy. Just tell me what to do and I will do it. I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry.”
Yet, rather than making her feel happy that she’s got herself such a nice and loving guy, she starts to realize that he is willing to put up with her treating him like dirt, just so he can get to be with her.
She then loses respect for him because she perceives him as being emotionally weak and unable to protect her.
When a woman can’t respect her guy, she also can’t feel sexually attracted to him and without those two emotions, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to want to be his girl.
On the other hand…
Guy #2 is a good guy, who is confident in himself and in his value to a woman.
So, when his girl throws a tantrum, rather than buy in to her drama, he smiles and asks, “Hey, what’s this crap?” and then if she continues throwing her tantrum and becomes even more difficult, he laughs at her for being such a drama queen.
If she doesn’t stop the drama, he gets her to leave, or he simply hangs up on her if they’re talking on the phone.
Of course, a woman will usually then act like she’s annoyed, but secretly she will be thinking, “Now this is what I’ve always wanted; a man who can stand up to me in a loving, but dominant way and doesn’t buckle under my fake pressure. I can look up to him and respect him as my man and relax into being a woman around him. I know that he’s emotionally strong enough to lead the way in our relationship, rather than be a wimp who allows me to dominate him emotionally. I’d better be on my best behavior, otherwise I will lose him to another girl.”
So, if your ex is dating a guy who isn’t as nice as you, it can mean that he’s simply not letting her get away with bad behavior the way that you used to do.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should now show your ex that you are willing to treat her badly.
That’s not what she wants.
In many cases, a guy in your position will make the mistake of thinking, “Okay, if she doesn’t like it when I’m too nice and that’s why she’s dating a guy who isn’t as nice as me, then I should be even more of a bad boy than him. If I start treating her badly and acting like I don’t care about her, she will respect me and want me back.”
That’s not how it works.
Women don’t want to be treated badly.
They just want a good man who has balls (i.e. emotional masculinity, emotional toughness) and doesn’t try to suck up to them as the main way of keeping them in a relationship.
Besides, in your case, if you suddenly stop being a nice guy around your ex, she will almost certainly act hurt and confused and accuse you of being mean to her.
What are you going to do then?
If you are used to being the nice guy and were just trying to act like a bad boy (which you don’t need to be anyway), then you’re most likely going to get nervous, apologize and tell her that you didn’t mean it.
Then, she is going to lose even more respect for you for believing that she was genuinely hurt.
She was just testing to see if would crumble and revert back to being the same nice, sweet pushover she broke up with.
…and if you did, you lose.
She now knows that nothing about you has really changed and as a result, she will close herself off to you and feel even more attracted to the new guy.
On the other hand, if you continue treating her badly because you don’t want her to think she can walk all over you, she will feel hurt and turned off by your lack of respect for her.
So, don’t pretend to be something that you’re not (i.e. a bad boy) as a way of hopefully getting her back.
Instead, you just need to get to the point where you’re a good guy who treats her well, but also makes her feel respect by being more emotionally dominant than her.
When she feels like she can look up to you and respect you as a man, she will start to look at you differently and feel drawn to you in a new, interesting and compelling way.
She will experience feelings for you again and will be curious to explore those feelings by agreeing to meet up with you and then being open to hugging you, kissing you and even having sex with you.
Other guys have done that and you can too.
So, if you want to get her back from the new guy, don’t be saying to yourself, “Oh, I don’t think I could do that. She wouldn’t like it.”
If that’s your mindset, then yes – she won’t like it.
Women want confidence in a man, not self doubt.
Another reason why your ex might be dating a guy who isn’t as nice as you is that…
3. Niceness is great, but there also needs to be a sexual spark in a relationship for it to stay together
Wouldn’t it be awesome if being nice to a woman was the main thing that made her feel attraction for a guy and stick with her for life?
All we’d have to do as men is be nice and we’d own a woman’s heart and loyalty for life.
She would think, “When he bends over backwards to please me and even puts up with my drama, I just want to rip his clothes off and make wild, passionate love to him. His niceness is driving me crazy with desire. Niceness is so damn sexy! Be nicer to me! Nicer! Nicer! Oh yes! Niceness!”
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.
So, let’s get back to reality here…
The reality is that although a woman might appreciate it when a guy is being nice to her, it’s not what causes her have ongoing sexual and romantic feelings for him.
She might like him and care about him as a person, but without that extra spark of sexual attraction, the relationship is just a friendship, not a romance.
So, when a guy is being nice and sweet to his girlfriend (fiancé or wife), it’s never going to be enough if there is no sexual spark between them.
Nothing that he does will be enough.
There will always be the secret dissatisfaction she feels due to the lack of a sexual spark with him.
So, if a woman is dating a guy who isn’t as nice as her ex, it can be because her new guy is making her feel sexually attracted in important ways that her ex was not (e.g. he is more ballsy around her, he makes her feel feminine in comparison to his emotional masculinity and vibe).
To get her back, a nice guy might try to change his ex’s opinion of her new guy by suggesting that he is only using her for sex.
For example: He might say, “I know things between us weren’t perfect, but at least I loved you and respected you. Your new guy is just using you. He’s just with you because of the sex and when he gets tired of you, he’ll dump you and move on to the next woman he can find. Is that what you want? How can you do that to yourself? I love you more than anything. I have always treated you so well.”
Yet, rather than make her think, “Hmm, he has a really good point there. I was a total fool to leave my nice guy for the new guy who is only using me,” she will think something like, “What makes him think he has a right to judge who I’m going out with and why? He’s just jealous because we never had this kind of sexual spark between us. How immature of him to even say something like that to me.”
Worse still, his complaints about the new guy actually make the new guy seem more attractive to her.
Her ex seems like an insecure, clueless guy who doesn’t understand what women really want and is simply feeling inferior about the new guy.
On the other hand, the new guy probably doesn’t even care what her ex says or thinks because he is confident and knows that women find him attractive.
Remember: Women are not attracted to self doubt and insecurity in men. Women are attracted to confidence and self belief.
It’s not about being arrogant.
It’s about being a confident, good man who knows that he is more than good enough for a woman.
Being a nice guy who sucks up to a woman and treats her extra nice because he is afraid she will leave, is not the answer.
That approach leads to endless heartache and frustration with women, where you get dumped, cheated on, treated badly and don’t get the sexual affection you crave from her.
You’ve got to understand what women really want and start being that kind of man so your ex can feel the difference for yourself.
Stop comparing yourself to the other guy and trying to convince her that you are better than him because you’re nicer.
Focus instead on reactivating her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you by thinking, talking, acting and behaving in some of the ways that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confident, emotionally masculine, self-assured, charismatic, funny, ballsy).
When she can see for herself that you are the kind of man who can make her feel attracted on a deep emotional level now, she won’t be able to stop herself from seeing you differently.
All of a sudden, she starts to doubt her feelings about the new guy and open back up to wanting you.
At that point, you’ve just got to be confident and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Other guys do that every day all over the world and you can do it too.
You can do it.
Get her back!