Here are 4 possible reasons why your ex won’t give you a reason why she broke up with you:
1. She doesn’t want to teach you what you need to change to get her back
When a woman decides to break up with her man, he often feels like she’s made the decision all of a sudden.
He might say, “I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?” or, “Just tell me why this is happening. What is going on?” or, “Why are you doing this? I love you. How can you just leave me like this?”
Yet, as nice as life would be if a woman told you exactly why and what you need to change to get her back, it just doesn’t happen that way.
In most cases, a woman will say something along the lines of, “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “Just accept that it’s over. I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.”
She doesn’t want to teach him and give him the exact instructions on how to get her back, so she makes it vague, which only confuses him more.
Here’s the thing though…
Leading up to the break up, she will have given him hints for a long time, which he didn’t pick up on or simply ignored.
So when he starts asking her why she’s breaking up with him, it annoys her and shows her that he is clueless about what she really wants in a man to feel happy in a relationship.
Rather than making her think, “Oh, okay – my mistake! I need to spell things out even clearer for him now. He will then understand and be the man I want him to be,” she think something like, “He obviously wasn’t paying attention to anything that went on between us. He probably thought I was just being a nagging, whiney girlfriend (or wife) when I told him his friends were being too much of a negative influence on him/I got angry with him for leaving all the decisions up to me/I got upset because he cancelled his plans with me one time too many/I felt turned off because he was being too insecure. Now he wants me to hold his hand and tell him what went wrong. No way. I’ve already told him and he just wasn’t paying attention. So, if he wants a reason why I’m breaking up with him, he’s going to have to figure it out on his own. I’m not helping him and giving him a way to get me back. He has to figure it out, become and be that man and re-attract me. Otherwise, we are finished.”
It would be nice if women just took on the role of teacher and explained (to the man that they were breaking up with) how to re-attract them.
Yet, that’s just not a role that women want to take on.
A woman wants to be with a man who understands how to be the kind of man she needs, without her guidance and teaching.
A guy might say, “Women are crazy! How can I give her what she wants if she won’t tell me what that thing is?”
Women aren’t crazy.
If a woman takes on the role of teacher for a guy, she stops feeling like his girl and therefore, stops feeling respect and sexual attraction for him.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like a big sister, teacher or mother figure in her man’s life.
It’s a turn off.
So, it’s not women being crazy or unnecessarily being a pain in the ass.
Instead, she is just following her natural instincts and knows that if she becomes a guy’s mother, sister or teacher figure, it will feel horrible for her.
She just wants a man who understands how to be a man, or a man who can learn about it elsewhere and start being that kind of man for her.
Additionally, in most cases, a woman will feel as though she’s given her ex enough information in the past to be able to work it out by himself anyway.
In her female mind, the hints she gave him, the tantrums she threw and the threats she made to break up with him should be enough for him to understand where he was going wrong.
If he can’t figure it out, then she feels as though she’s just wasting her time with a guy who doesn’t yet understand how to be the man she needs.
She doesn’t want to be his guide and mentor.
Moreover, if she has to tell him how to be the kind of man that she needs, she will lose respect for him because he’s not being his own man.
He is simply doing what she’s telling him, which then puts her in a position of dominance with him.
Women don’t want that.
If a woman feels emotionally more dominant she can’t respect him and if she can’t respect him, she won’t feel sexually attracted to him.
Without those two fundamental emotions, a relationship cannot survive and a woman cannot remain in love.
Respect and attraction are absolutely essential, fundamental parts of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Thankfully, they are both emotions that you can control.
The fact is that the amount of respect and attraction your ex feels for you is based on what you say and do around her and in life.
If you are being the kind of man that she can feel respect and attraction for, then she will automatically feel that way about you.
Likewise, if you’re not, she won’t.
So, if your ex won’t tell you why she broke up with you, it’s probably because she feels that she’s given you way too many clues along the way to figure it all out on your own.
If you can now fix some of your issues and improve yourself without her help, it will regain a lot of her respect and attraction for you.
Her guard will then come down and she will open herself back up to interacting with you, having feelings for you again and getting back together with you.
Another reason why your ex might be closed up and not giving you details about why she broke up with you is that…
2. There are several reasons for the break up and she doesn’t believe you can change them all quickly enough
For example: Some of the reasons why a woman might break up with a guy are:
- He displayed unmanly behavior too often and she lost respect for him (e.g. he was too emotionally sensitive, cried in front of her on a number of occasions or ended up behaving a lot like her).
- He became too annoying (e.g. because he was indecisive, he was immature or couldn’t get much of a reaction out of her unless he annoyed her).
- She dumped him before he could dump her (e.g. because she felt insecure in the relationship with him and feared that he was too good for her).
- She felt like he was dragging her down (e.g. because he was a negative person).
- She couldn’t see herself in his future because they wanted different things in the relationship (e.g. she wanted to settle down and get married, buy a house together, start a family and he wanted to live the single life, party and get drunk with friends and have no responsibilities).
If a woman realizes that there are just too many issues driving the relationship apart, she may become tired of trying to make things work with him and just end the relationship.
Naturally, a guy might then quickly try to make her change her mind by saying things like, “Please baby, don’t just walk away from what we have together. I know I stuffed up, but I can change. I promise… whatever you want me to do, I will do it. I just want you to be happy. Believe me, this time I really will change.”
Yet, in most cases, it’s not the first time a guy is promising to change, so she isn’t going to easily fall for it.
Instead, she might say something like, “Look…it’s over okay? I’ve heard your promises before, but they mean nothing to me. You’ve had plenty of chances to show me that you can change and you haven’t. I don’t believe that you know how to change, want to change, or even that you know what you need to change to make me happy. This time it’s really over between us. Goodbye.”
That’s a horrible experience for a guy to go through.
He really loves his woman and wants to be with her, but his usual bag of tricks just isn’t working on her anymore.
She’s leaving him for good.
If he wants her back, he has to man up and make real changes, rather than trying to BS his way through his relationship with her.
He has to understand why she is really breaking up with him and start making real changes to those things about himself.
If he does, she’s not necessarily going to say, “Wow! You’ve changed. Okay, I want you back!”
Instead, she might keep her guard up a little and wait to see if the changes are real and more importantly, if she continues to feel sparks of respect and attraction for him now.
If she notices that her feelings for him are coming flooding back, then her guard will come down and she will open back up to being in a relationship with him again.
So, the first step to getting your ex’s respect and attraction back is to figure out her real reasons for breaking up with you.
Then, the next time you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call and especially in person) she will be able to see for herself (via the way you talk, think, behave and interact with her) that you truly understand where you went wrong and are no longer the same guy that she broke up with.
When she experiences the new you, it makes her drop her guard.
She then begins to feel more open to interacting with you again, because she feels that you’ve actually made an effort to figure out where you went wrong and then put in the work to make some attractive adjustments to yourself.
Another reason why your ex might not be willing to tell you the real reasons why she broke up with you is that…
3. She wants to get emotional revenge on you for treating her badly during the relationship
Sometimes, if a woman feels like a guy treated her badly in the relationship (e.g. he took her for granted, was too jealous and controlling, was too critical of her and belittled her), she may break up with him without telling him why to put him through months of misery and confusion.
For example: She might say to herself, “He doesn’t have a clue what he did wrong. He thinks he’s the best boyfriend (or husband) a woman can hope for He always saw himself as being better than me. Well, I’ll show him. I’m not telling him a thing. He won’t know how to get me back and he’ll most-likely mess up his future relationships by making the same mistakes. Then we’ll see who is smarter. Good luck you asshole!”
As you may know, women can get pretty nasty after a break up.
It’s pretty weird how it happens, but it does.
By the way…
Some of the reasons she might not have wanted to tell him are:
- She hated how he became insecure when she stopped showing interested to test his confidence.
- She felt turned off by how he often acted like her (a girl!), rather than continuing to be a manly man.
- She despised how much power she was able to gain over him simply by throwing a tantrum or rejecting him sexually.
- She felt disappointed that he always put her needs in front of his own, even though she was treating him badly. She wanted him to stand up to her in a loving, but dominant way and not put up with her crap.
These are some of the things that women just don’t want to admit.
As you can imagine, if a woman told that kind of truth to a guy that she was breaking up with, what would he do?
In almost all cases, he’d promise to start being like that.
Then, what would happen?
She would see the changes as fake or forced and he would most likely go overboard with the changes and end up treating her badly.
For example: He’d become arrogant, selfish and domineering because he’d assume that if she likes a confident guy who takes on the position of power, then she’d really like an arrogant guy who takes all the power and makes her feel less than.
That’s not what a woman wants.
Since it’s so complicated for women to explain to men, they often just dump a guy, move on and hope that the next one has a clue about what women really want in a man.
Finally, another reason why your ex might not have given you a clear, honest reason for the break up is that…
4. She cheated on you and didn’t want to admit it
In some cases, a woman might be feeling guilty about the fact that she cheated on her guy and end the relationship without getting into a big discussion about it.
Rather than confess her infidelity to him and possibly have to deal with him getting angry with her (and in some cases even violent), or alternatively, break down in front of her and cry, she might just say something like, “I need some space,” or “I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”
That way, she gets a clean break and can leave without all the focus being on the fact that she cheated and broke his heart.
So, if you suspect that your ex may have cheated on you, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Is my ex a woman of high moral character who would never cheat in a relationship, or is she a woman of low moral character?
- Was she always trustworthy in our relationship, or did she do many things that caused me to feel suspicious of her loyalty to me?
- Was she always respectful of me in social situations around other men, or did I often see her flirting and showing interest in men right in front of me?
- If I found out today that her reason for breaking up with me was because she cheated on me, would I still want her back?
- Would I need to sleep with another woman first (to even the playing field), before I would feel okay about having my ex back?
If you don’t believe that she cheated, then what you need to do is focus on what other reasons may have lead to the break up (e.g. you became too insecure, gave her too much power, took her for granted, ended up acting a lot like her).
Then, you need to make some attractive adjustments to your thinking, behavior and attitude, so that when you interact with her again, she can think to herself, “He is so different now. Why am I feeling attracted to him all of a sudden? What is happening? I love him. I want him back.”
4 Mistakes to Avoid if You Want to Get Her Back
In most cases, getting an ex woman back is fairly easy and straightforward.
However, if you make any of the following mistakes, she will keep rejecting you away and saying things like, “Just accept it, we’re not right for each other. It’s over.”
Mistake number one is…
1. Begging or pleading with her to give you a reason
When a guy honestly can’t figure out by himself why his woman broke up with him (e.g. because they didn’t have a big fight beforehand and she just suddenly broke up with him out of the blue), he might say to her, “Please just tell me why. We didn’t have a fight, so why are you doing this? I thought we were happy together. Why won’t you tell me?”
Although he feels justified in asking for an explanation, it usually doesn’t work for 2 main reasons:
- It’s annoying for her to have to explain what women feel attracted to and how he can change.
- She perceives him as being emotionally weak for begging and pleading with her, which turns her off more.
So, even if you don’t know the reason why your ex broke up with you, don’t beg and plead with her to tell you why.
If you do, you will cause her to lose even more respect and attraction for you.
2. Telling her that you are willing to change whatever she wants
To get an ex back, a guy might say to her, “I know I stuffed up, and I’m sorry. Just tell me what you want me to change and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to make you happy and get us back together again.”
In his mind, he thinks that he is doing the right thing and showing that he cares, loves her and is willing to change whatever she wants.
Yet, rather than make her think, “Now that’s what I’ve been waiting for! Yayy! Not only is he willing to change for me, but he’s also prepared to do whatever I ask him. What an amazing man! I would be crazy to let him go. He will do whatever I want. He will be my willing slave. I own him! Yes, bow down to me you little piece of dirt! Yes! Finally, a guy who will submit,” she will usually be thinking, “I guess I was right about breaking up with him. He still doesn’t have a clue what he did wrong. He just expects me to tell him so that he can feel better about it. If I tell him how to be the man that I need, he will simply be following my instructions like a robot, rather than learning from his mistakes and becoming a man on his own. I don’t want to be his teacher or guide in life about how to be a man. I want to be a man’s girl, not a mother figure for him. I have to stick with my decision to break up with him and try to move on as soon as I can.”
3. Seeking pity from her
A guy might sometimes try to make his ex woman feel pity for him, in the hope that when she sees how miserable he is without her, she will feel bad about leaving him and will then agree to give him another chance.
Yet, that tactic usually only makes a woman even more determined not to give in to what she perceives as his emotional blackmail.
Instead of giving him another chance, she focuses her energy on moving on and finding a new man as quickly as possible, so he can’t guilt her back into being in a relationship with him again.
Here’s the thing…
A woman doesn’t want to be with a man because she feels sorry for him or is doing him a favor.
She wants to be with him because she looks up to him and respects him, feels attracted to him and loves him.
4. Getting angry at her and e-mailing or texting emotional rants
Some guys just can’t accept the fact that they have been dumped for no reason.
He feels betrayed, frustrated, angry, sad, rejected and hurt all rolled into one.
Not knowing what else to do, he unleashes his feelings in long-winded rants via text or e-mail, which just turns her off even more.
So, if you want to get your ex back, one of the most important things to remember is: Don’t lose your cool.
When you focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you (e.g. by being confident and emotionally strong around her, making her laugh and smile, showing her via your actions and behavior that you’re really changed), it will be a lot easier for her to begin thinking about you in a more positive light.
She will drop her guard and naturally become more open to seeing you again and seeing where things go from there.
Remember: Don’t try to get answers from her.
What she wants now is for you to re-attract her (by changing the subtle things about you that were turning her off) and if you can do that, she will open up to giving you another chance.
However, if you keep trying to get her back by wanting to discuss things with her, she will remain closed up and you will lose her.
Focus on making her have romantic and sexual feelings for you again, rather than trying to get her to help you understand how to get her back.
That is what works.