The quickest way to stop your girlfriend, fiancé or wife from breaking up with you, is to get her to forgive your mistakes and make her feel a sudden and renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Right now she is probably feeling certain that she wants to break up with you, and she’s probably thinking that nothing you can say or do is going to change her mind.
This is why it’s important to get her to agree to see how you and her feel together for just a few more days, before she makes a final decision.
She may initially be resistant to the idea, but if you remain calm and say to her, “I know you’re fed up with me, but all I’m asking is for you to give me a few more days before you make your final decision about us,” most women will agree, because deep down she could still be hoping that you can convince her that things can be different between you and her.
Then, no matter what she says or does, you need to remain calm and be emotionally strong, so that she doesn’t lose respect for you during this time.
If you behave in a desperate way (e.g. beg and plead for her to stay, tell her that she’s ruining your life, shout and lose control of yourself), it will make her want to break up with you even more.
Attracting Her vs. Turning Her Off
It’s difficult to not panic and feel worried if she is talking about breaking up with you, but the most important thing to remember right now, is that everything you are saying and doing is either persuading her to want to stay together, or convincing her to break up with you.
This is why it’s important that your words and actions are attracting her to you, and not turning her off.
So, if you’re unclear about what types of behaviors will push her away even more, here are a few examples to help you.
1. If you beg and plead with her, she will lose respect and attraction for you.
What most guys do when they realize that their woman wants to break up with them, is immediately try to convince her to give them another chance by begging and pleading with her.
However, in most cases, rather than make her change her mind, a woman feels even more repelled by him and by what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
In fact, the more a guy begs and pleads, the more respect and attraction a woman loses for him as a man, because he is behaving like a little boy in her eyes.
Essentially, women are attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, determination) and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, neediness, desperation).
So, when a guy is going around crying, begging, pleading and saying things like “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. If you give me one more chance I promise I’ll change,” or “I can’t live without you. You mean everything to me. Just give me a chance to show you that I can change,” rather than convince her to stay, it turns her off even more.
Yes, sometimes this tactic might work, especially if it’s the first time a woman is considering breaking up with her guy and she still has some feelings for him, but eventually, if he doesn’t do anything to change and be the guy she needs him to be, she will reach the same point again.
Then, because he hasn’t actually done anything to gain back her respect and attraction, when he tries to beg and plead with her again, she won’t fall for it a second time.
Even though, in his mind, he might be trying to reason with her and explain to her that he can change, she’s usually not going to believe him because her feelings of respect, attraction and love are not there anymore.
Instead, she going to be saying things like, “I know you mean well, but I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “My feelings for you have changed,” or “I need some time apart to think about what I really want in my life,” or “I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”
Essentially what she’s saying is that she just doesn’t have feelings for him and that he doesn’t even know how to make her have feelings for him. He’s just begging, pleading, crying and going on and on about the same old things, but that’s not triggering her positive feelings for him.
So, if begging and pleading is a bad idea, then what should you do to stop the break up from happening?
When you understand that a woman’s attraction to a man is based on how he makes her feel when she’s with him, you will then focus more on triggering her feelings of attraction for you, and less on trying to change her mind by begging, pleading or trying to convince her.
For example: Every time you’re interacting with her from now on, ask yourself things like…
- Am I making her feel good to be interacting with me, or is she feeling upset, annoyed or uninterested?
- Is she feeling turned on, or is she turned off?
- Does she feel like she can look up to me and respect me as a man (i.e. because you’re portraying the types of personality traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women, e.g. confidence, masculinity, determination), or is she feeling turned off (i.e. because you’re portraying the types of personality traits and behaviors that naturally turn women off, e.g. insecurity, self-doubt, clinginess, neediness).
- Am I the dominant one in the relationship, or does she feel like she’s emotionally stronger than me?
By asking yourself these questions every time you interact with her, you will automatically begin to make some changes and improvements to the way you are talking to her and interacting with her.
For example: If every time you interact with your woman from now on, you make a point of asking yourself, “Am I making her feel good during this interaction with me, or is she feeling upset or annoyed?” and you notice that she is feeling upset, you can then adjust the way that you’re talking to her.
You can react differently to what she says.
You can respond differently, and you can behave in ways that will make her stop and think to herself, “What is going on here? This isn’t how my boyfriend usually reacts. He’s being so grown up. He’s changed,” and she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a sudden and renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
2. She doesn’t want to hear you promise that you will do anything, or change anything, for her.
It’s only normal, that when a guy is faced with the possibility of a break up, to want to say and do anything to stop that from happening.
So, what often happens, is that he rushes into saying the things that he thinks his girlfriend wants to hear, in the hopes that she will then change her mind about breaking up with him.
For example: A guy might say to his girlfriend, “I know it’s not your fault that you want to break up with me. I deserve it, but please don’t do it! Just hang in there a little bit longer… I’ll do anything. I’ll change whatever you want me to change if you just give me another chance.”
However, that’s not what she wants.
She wants him to change because he wants to, and because he’s suddenly grown up and realized that he should have changed all along.
If she has to tell him to change, or if he doesn’t fully understand what he needs to change by himself, then she will end up feeling like he hasn’t really understood why she wants to break up with him.
When a man desperately promises to change for a woman, she loses respect for him because she doesn’t want to be the director of his life.
She doesn’t want to tell him what to do and be his boss.
If she has to take on the more dominant role in the relationship, she will stop feeling feminine and girly in his presence, and that will kill her attraction for him.
Without respect and attraction, it’s very difficult for a woman to maintain her feelings of love for her man, causing her to focus more and more on the negative things about him (e.g. he is too clingy and insecure, he has no motivation to better himself in life, he takes her for granted).
Eventually, if a woman finds herself in a relationship with a guy that she cannot look up to, respect and feel attracted to, she will see no other choice but to break up with him.
If you want to stop the break up from happening, you need to understand what is causing her to want to leave, and then change those things about yourself.
You don’t have to put yourself in a position of weakness, or promise her the world, to convince her to stay.
It’s only by understanding her reasons for wanting to break up with you, that you can then make the right changes that will show her that you have grown up, and that you understand what she’s been needing you to change.
If you try to get her to stay by making promises and offering things that don’t even matter to her, she is just going to keep saying, “No. I can’t do this anymore.”
3. She doesn’t want you to ask her what you should change about yourself, because she wants you to figure that out on your own.
It’s a natural reaction for a guy who is about to be dumped to be saying to his girlfriend (fiancé or wife), “Please don’t break up with me. Just tell me what you want me to change and I’ll do it.”
In his mind he’s probably thinking, “If she tells me what to change, then I will know what she wants, and then everything will be okay between us.”
However, that’s not how it works.
A woman doesn’t want to be a man’s teacher in life and have to teach him how to be a better man.
She wants him to be able to figure out for himself what he is doing wrong (e.g. by talking to friends or getting help) and then start being the type of man she wants, and needs, him to be.
If he can’t figure out what’s causing her to want to break up with him on his own, it means that she has to teach him, and in most cases a woman doesn’t want to take on the role of being a guy’s teacher or mother.
When a woman has to take on the role of being a man’s teacher the relationship dynamic goes out of sync, and she stops feeling feminine and girly around him.
She stops feeling feminine in his presence, and eventually her feelings of attraction begin to fade.
If you try to get your woman to teach you how to be the kind of man she needs you to be, she will close up even more.
This is the main reason why it is so important that you figure things out by yourself.
When you can do that, she will be able to see for herself that you are the kind of guy she wants you to be, and she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a sudden and renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
It’s Not Too Late to Make Her Change Her Mind
Right now, she probably believes that it’s in her best interests to break up with you.
She might have even thought up a big list of reasons why it’s the best possible solution to her unhappiness.
However, just because she is feeling like that now, it doesn’t mean that if you present her with a better, more grown up version of yourself, she won’t want to change her mind.
In fact, when she sees that not only have you taken her concerns seriously, but have also taken the necessary steps to change, she will not be able to stop herself from feeling more attracted to you than she ever has before.
She will begin to see you with new eyes and she will begin to feel attracted in new and exciting ways.
So, don’t waste any more time thinking, “I don’t know how to stop her from breaking up with me.”
When you get her to forgive your mistakes and make her feel a sudden and renewed sense of respect and attraction for you via the way you behave, talk and interact with her, she will be the one who is holding on to you, in case you decide to break up with her.