What should you do to get your ex back. Should you:
- Ignore her in the hope that she’ll come running back, or;
- Agree to remain friends with her and see what happens from there.
Remaining friends with her always works better, because you get a chance to actively re-attract her.
Ignoring a woman with the No Contact Rule (i.e. not contacting her for 30-60 days) usually leads to her moving on, or making her feel like you don’t care, so she then hooks up with another guy to make herself feel better.
Don’t Waste Time Ignoring Your Ex
Ignoring an ex doesn’t work in most cases, but it can work for some guys when the woman still loves him and wants to be with him.
She will feel the pain of losing him and will miss him when he doesn’t contact her.
However, if she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore or is very turned off by him (about 95% of ex back cases), she will just use the time that he ignores her to move on.
Watch this video for more info…
Your ex will only feel tremendous pain if you ignore her and she still has strong feelings for you.
Is that the case in your situation, or is your ex turned off by you and currently doesn’t even want you back?
If she is turned off and doesn’t want you back, what you need to do is actively re-spark and rebuild her feelings for you.
You can choose to ignore her and risk never getting her back if you want, but I don’t recommend it.
I recommend that you actively get her back.
Deep, Strong, Unforgettable Feelings
In a relationship, it is the man’s responsibility to guide both himself and his woman to deeper feelings of respect, attraction and love over time (i.e. by being the kind of man she can look up to and respect, feel attracted to and feel grateful to be in love with).
If he fails to do that, a woman will slowly start to lose respect for him and she will eventually break up with him or cheat on him and then break up with him.
Now imagine this…
A woman has broken up with her boyfriend who had ruined her feelings of respect, love and attraction for him and she feels relieved to be out of the relationship.
She doesn’t want him back at all and he then tries to get her back by ignoring her for 30-60 days.
Will she be thinking, “It’s been so long since I heard from my ex. Why isn’t he calling me? What is he doing? I miss him so much. I just can’t live without him!!! I need him!” and want to get back together with him, or might she be thinking, “It looks like my ex has moved on. Good, I can now get on with dating and having sex with other guys who can make me feel the way I want to feel in a relationship.”
Naturally, if a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex anymore, she’s not going to feel like she’s missing out on much when he doesn’t contact her, so she’ll usually just move on.
Alternatively, if a woman is having second thoughts about breaking up with her man and he then ignores her for weeks or months, she might think, “Well, I guess didn’t mean that much to him if he isn’t even calling me to say hi or see how I’m doing, so I will find someone else who does appreciate me.”
She will usually then hook up with a nice, caring guy who treats her well so that she can feel better about herself.
So, if you’re considering trying out the No Contact Rule on your ex, here are 3 main reasons why you’re better off remaining friends with her instead.
1. Ignoring her doesn’t change how she’s feeling right now
Some guys ignore their ex for 30-60 days and then contact her and don’t get a response, so they give up.
He might then begin to wonder, “What’s going on here? Why isn’t it working? Isn’t she supposed to be missing me and wanting to come back to me by now?”
However, ignoring her just doesn’t work in most cases because he has done absolutely nothing for weeks, and even months, to actively re-attract her and regain her respect for him.
He has done nothing to change and he’s still stuck at the same level he was when she broke up with him.
He is still the same guy.
So, not only has the guy lost a lot of time while ignoring her and giving her space to get over him and move on with her life, he’s also done nothing active to change how she feels about him.
In most cases, he doesn’t even know what he could do to re-attract her.
If you don’t know how to re-attract your ex, here are 5 examples…
It’s only when you actively re-attract your ex that she will actually begin to care, miss you and want you back.
If your ex doesn’t see you or hear from you for a long time, there is nothing stopping her from moving on.
There is nothing attracting her back to you.
When a woman breaks up with a guy, most of her positive feelings of love, respect and attraction get pushed into the background and replaced by negative feelings such as anger, disrespect, annoyance and indifference.
If a guy then actively makes an effort to re-attract her and re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love (e.g. by making her smile, laugh and feel happy when she interacts with him, showing her that he’s moved beyond the level that he was at when she broke up with him), she will begin to feel good about being around him again.
Her negative feelings will start being replaced by the positive feelings of love, respect and attraction again and her guard will come down.
On the other hand, if he ignores her, she will usually just continue to focus on her negative feelings for him, and in some cases, a woman might get even angrier the longer she doesn’t hear from her ex.
Then, if he calls her up after 30-60 days, she’s usually not going to be happy to hear from him and will speak to him rudely or in a cold, distant way.
She may think, “If you really wanted me back, you should have done something about it long ago. I’m over you now and I’ve moved on, so leave me alone now!”
If you want to get your ex back, the best approach to take is to actively make her have feelings for you again. You can’t wait around hoping that if she misses you enough she’ll want you back.
Don’t wait around hoping her negative feelings will change on their own. You have to be the one to actively do that for her if you want her back now or in the next few weeks.
If you want to wait years for her to hopefully think positively about you, then go ahead and waste all that time.
However, if you want her back now, you’ve got to actively do something about it.
You have to make her feel so good to be interacting with you that she then starts to wonder, “Why am I missing him all of a sudden? Why am I worried he might meet another woman?”
Remember: In most cases, a guy cannot re-attract a woman if he’s not even talking to her.
If you remain friends with your ex, you can regularly interact with her and then use that time to actively regain her respect and attraction for you.
Another reason why you should avoid ignoring your ex is that…
2. She gets more time to meet and hook up with a new guy
Some guys hope that by ignoring their ex, she will somehow change her mind, but if she is an independent woman or can easily attract a new guy, she will usually just move on and start to forget about her ex.
You’ve probably heard the old saying, “Out of sight, out of mind,” right?
If her new guy is emotionally stronger that her ex (e.g. her ex was jealous and insecure while her new guy is confident, or her ex was clingy and needy while her new guy is driven and full of purpose) then not hearing from her ex for 30 or 60 days isn’t going to be too much of a problem to her.
She will be too busy getting on with having sex, going out and enjoying her life with the new guy or with new men and usually won’t even give her ex a second thought.
Of course, the No Contact Rule works in some cases.
For example: If a woman lacks relationship experience, is insecure about her attractiveness to men and is worried about finding another guy, or she’s struggling to find a replacement guy and she’s afraid her ex will hook up with someone else before she does, then she will likely call him up if he’s been ignoring her.
However, if she decides to come back to the ex who has been ignoring her (this happens in about 5% of cases. 95% of women just move on), it is almost always just a temporary thing, and as soon as she finds another guy, or becomes confident enough to be without him, she will break up with him again.
The only proven, high success rate way to get an ex back is to actively re-attract her during any interactions that you have with her.
One of the best ways to achieve that is to accept a friendship with her that allows you to interact with her.
3. Her calling you doesn’t mean that she wants to get back with you.
Sometimes, a woman will call up her ex after he has been ignoring her for a while, but that doesn’t mean she wants him back.
For example: A woman might call her ex because…
- She wants to gloat about getting on with her life without him (e.g. she has been dating and having fun, while he has been grieving and hiding away pining for her and not going out much).
- She wants to find out how much he misses her, or to see if he’s still trying to figure out how to get her back.
- Her ex was once a big part of her life and she simply wants to know how he is doing.
Of course, her contacting him might also mean that she’s been missing him or that her feelings of anger or hurt are no longer as intense as they used to be.
However, until your ex is back in your arms, kissing you, loving you and telling you how grateful she is to have you back in her life, you have not gotten her back.
Even if she is the one who is contacting you, she will feel turned off if she senses that you’re still the same guy and haven’t yet changed or improved enough to meet her standards or make her happy.
For example: You still feel insecure, she has too much power over you or you’re not happy and emotionally strong with or without her.
If she senses that nothing has really changed, she will instantly reconnect with her negative feelings about you and the relationship and think that it was a bad idea to get in touch with you again.
If you want to get your ex back, you have to actively make a point of re-attracting her every single time you’re interacting with her…and you can’t do that if you’re ignoring her.
Being Friends is a Great Way of Making Your Ex Feel Attracted to You Again
If you show her by the way you talk, your behavior, actions, attitude, body language and the way you respond and react to her, that you are at a different level from the one you were at when she broke up with you, she will naturally feel drawn to you as more than just a friend.
Watch this video for more info…
As long as you let her experience the new and improved you, she will begin to think and feel differently about you.
She will begin thinking, “I don’t know what’s happening to me now, but I feel so good when I talk to him now. I thought that I just wanted to be friends with him, but now I’m worried that he might meet another woman and I’ll probably lose him forever. Maybe I should just get back with him for a bit and see how I feel.”
Remember: A woman’s attraction to a guy is based on how he makes her feel when he interacts with her.
That’s what is most important to women.
When you trigger enjoyable feelings of attraction for you every time you’re interacting with her, it makes the negatives of your relationship seem less important to her, because she now feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
She can’t stop herself from wanting to interact with you more and more, even if she had told herself, friends or family that she was not going to give you another chance.
You’ve brought her guard down by making her feel like it would be a good idea to get back, rather than trying to get her to give you another chance because you need her or love her so much.
It’s about her and her feelings and she feels about that.
From there, you just need to build on that spark of attraction and show her that things really are different now.
However, don’t make the mistake of falling into the friend zone.
Mistakes to Avoid When Being Friends With Your Ex
If you want to get her back into a committed, sexual relationship with you, make sure you don’t make these classic ex back friend zone mistakes:
1. Being too neutral around her.
Some guys make the mistake of thinking that they have to be on their best behavior around their ex in order for her to give him another chance.
A guy like this will avoid doing the things that actively attract women (e.g. flirting, making her feel attracted via his personality and behavior), and will instead play it safe by staying neutral (i.e. by never saying or doing anything to suggest that he finds her attractive and wants to be more than friends again) in the hopes that she will realize all by herself that she still has feelings for him, and will then suggest to him that they get back together again.
However, that’s not how it works.
If you’re not actively re-attracting her by making her feel respect, sexual attraction and love for you, then some other guy will.
She needs to be flirted with and to feel sexual attraction, so rather than making her feel like she needs to get that elsewhere, let her experience it with you.
Don’t be afraid to flirt with her, make her laugh and make her feel attracted every chance you get.
Don’t look at her as being your ex.
Look at her as being your girlfriend (or fiancé or wife – whatever applies to you) and feel welcome to flirt with her and make her feel attracted.
She will actually feel respect and attraction for you based on having the confidence to interact with her in that way even though you’re currently broken up.
2. Being her shoulder to cry on.
The trap that a lot of guys fall into while being friends with their ex, is making themselves available to her as the person that she can rely on and call when she’s feeling upset.
A guy will hope that if he’s there for her when she’s feeling vulnerable, or has been hurt emotionally by another man, she will suddenly realize that he’s dependable and reliable and that she can count on him no matter what.
She will then want to get back with him.
It sounds like such a sweet Hollywood movie, but that’s not how life works in the real world.
In the real world, if a guy doesn’t actively make his ex woman feel attracted to him (e.g. via his behavior, communication style), she might appreciate him for being a good friend to her, but she will easily hook up with another guy if he comes along and makes her feel sexually attracted.
3. Being at her beck and call.
Being available to your ex 24/7 is not a good idea, because it can make her begin to disrespect your time and expect you to be ready to help her at a moment’s notice.
If she a woman feels that she can call her ex up at any time and he will drop whatever he’s doing to rush over to her, she feels like more dominant and powerful than he is.
She will then lose respect for him and as a result, she will find it difficult or impossible to feel any sexual attraction and desire for him.
Women are instinctively attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, determination) and repelled by emotional weakness (e.g. self-doubt, insecurity, neediness, clinginess, being a pushover).
So, if her ex is always available to her and she feels she can make him do whatever she wants, she won’t feel much or any respect for him.
The main reason for being friends with your ex is so that you can use interactions to attract her back and a good way to do that is to make it a little bit difficult for her to get your attention.
Don’t push it too far where you ignore her texts and phone calls, but simply take your time replying sometimes and don’t always be willing to do whatever she wants when she calls.
Turning a Friendship Back Into a Relationship
Based on the 100s of ex back cases I’ve worked on, remaining friends with your ex almost works better than using the No Contact Rule in 95% of cases.
Almost every guy who comes to me for help to get his woman back has already made the mistake of ignoring her and it hasn’t worked.
I rarely hear from a guy who says, “I got my ex back using the No Contact Rule.”
I’ve probably heard that 5 or so times, but the guy then explains that he lost her again because he still hadn’t changed or improved in the ways that were important to her.
For example: He was still insecure, didn’t know how to attract her in the ways that she wanted, made the same old communication mistakes and wasn’t able to get her to respect him.
He then needs to learn how to do that to get her back.
So, if you want your ex back in the quickest, easiest, least painful way possible, don’t waste time ignoring her and thinking that it will change and fix everything.
What you need to do is start re-attracting your ex to the new and improved you in every interaction that you have with her as a “friend.”
She will begin to think, “Something has changed. Even though I thought it was over him, I don’t like the idea of being without him in my life anymore. I at least want to give it one more try. Who cares what anyone else thinks. I want to be with him again.”
Based on the changes you have made, your ex will begin to feel good when she interacts with you, and will naturally become open to giving your relationship another chance or at least just having sex with you again to see how she feels afterwards.
That is how to approach getting your ex back.
Don’t make the classic mistake of wasting loads of precious time ignoring her and hoping she will decide all by herself that she wants you back.
If you want her back and are deciding between accepting a friendship or ignoring her, go with the friendship and then use the interactions you have with her to re-attract her and get her back.