Making an ex feel guilty for breaking up with you sometimes works to get her back for a day or two, but it doesn’t last, because a woman doesn’t want to stay with a man out of pity.
She wants to be able to respect you and look up to you as her man, not feel as though she is obligated to be with you because you’re hurting now that she’s gone.
If a guy can get his ex back through guilt, he has to then wonder, “How long will her guilt last for? What happens if she stops feeling guilty? Will she leave me again?” or “Even though she’s with me now, I’m not sure if it’s because she really loves me or if it’s just out of pity. How long can I keep making her feel guilty for breaking up with me?”
Building a relationship on guilt and pity is never a good idea, because these are negative emotions.
Lasting and committed love cannot grow and flourish from negative emotions.
If you really want to get your ex back and at the same time build a relationship that is strong, long-lasting, healthy and loving, then you need to focus on making her feel the positive emotions that she needs to feel, so that she can start to look up to you, respect you, feel attracted to you and feel love in her heart for you again.
If she comes back to you because she feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you as a man, then you can be sure that her love for you will be genuine and deep.
On the other hand, if she comes back to you out of pity or guilt, she will slowly begin to resent you, and eventually, the love in her heart will go cold.
A Woman Doesn’t Have to Be With a Guy if She Doesn’t Want to
Sometimes, a guy can make his ex feel guilty for leaving him by:
- Begging and pleading with her.
- Showing her how lost he is without her.
- Pretending to be dating, or having sex, with other women to try and make her feel jealous.
Yet, she won’t remain stuck on a feeling of guilt for long, because she will eventually realize that you don’t own her and that she doesn’t have to be with you if she doesn’t want to.
A relationship stays together when both people in it are happy and want to stay together; not because one person wants it and is forcing the other person to want it too.
So, when a guy is trying to convince a woman to be in a relationship with him by making her feel guilty, regretful, or any other negative emotions, he is behaving as though it is his right to stay in a relationship with her.
He is assuming that because he has been her boyfriend (fiancé or husband), she owes it to him to come back.
However, that’s not how a healthy, strong and happy relationship works.
A man doesn’t own a woman, and a woman doesn’t own a man. They are a couple because it is something that they both want, and because it feels good to both of them to be together.
In the past, men had authority over their woman and could treat her any way they wanted, without her being able to leave, but in today’s world things are very different.
Modern women are a lot more independent, can make their own money and can take care of themselves.
They don’t have to stay stuck in a bad relationship out of feelings of guilt; especially when there are so many other guys out there for them to choose from.
If you want a woman to stay with you, you’ve got to be the sort of man that she desperately wants to stay with and is afraid of losing.
If you focus on getting your ex back through guilt and other negative emotions, you are not giving her the opportunity to experience the amazing feeling of falling back in love with you because of who you are as a man.
Ultimately, the best way to get an ex back is to make her feel the positive emotions that she needs to feel to look up to you and respect you, feel attracted to you and feel the warmth of real love in her heart.
That is the power of actively making her have feelings for you again, rather than wasting time and energy trying to convince her to give you another chance by making her feel guilty for leaving you.
Love is More Powerful Than Guilt
Making an ex feel guilty by begging and pleading with her, and telling her things like, “How could you do this to me?” or “I’m broken without you. Are you happy with what you’ve done to me?” usually doesn’t work, because women are turned off by emotionally weak men.
Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by the emotional weakness.
So, in moments like that it simply makes a woman look at the guy, and feel like he’s behaving more like a child that she has to take care of, rather than a man she can look up to and respect.
Even if she does feel some level of guilt (e.g. if she was harsh and unkind during the break up, or she said some hurtful things to him), she will likely still be thinking to herself, “If I go back, he’s probably going to be the same guy he was before I broke up with him. Nothing has really changed. He hasn’t done anything about fixing the things that were a problem in the relationship,” and that’s not very attractive to her.
As for trying to make her feel guilty in other ways, for example:
- By pretending to be dating other, attractive women.
- By working out in the gym and improving his physical appearance.
- By posting lonely, look what you’ve done to me photos on Facebook and other social media sites.
That doesn’t work either, because if a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, she’s going to be thinking, “Good for you buddy. I’m feeling great, and I’m getting on with my life. Bye!”
On the other hand, if he actively makes her feel positive emotions of attraction and respect again, then she’s naturally going to start thinking, “Hmmm, he seems so different now. What’s changed? Why do I suddenly miss him so much? Why am I worried about losing him all of a sudden?”
Sounds better than making her feel guilty, doesn’t it?
So here are 2 simple steps you can take, that will make your ex want to get back together, without forcing her to do it out of feelings of guilt or pity.
1. Understand what really went wrong with the relationship.
The only way you’re going to make your ex feel the positive emotions she needs to feel (e.g. look up to you and respect you, feel attracted to you) to want to get back together again, is by facing up to what really went wrong in your relationship.
For example: When a woman decides to break up with a guy, she usually has a very good reason.
However, in most cases, she’s not just going to come out and say what’s bothering her, because it’s in a woman’s instincts to let a guy down gently.
So, rather than come out and tell him what went wrong, she will give him some kind of excuse like, “I just don’t feel the same way anymore,” or “My feelings have changed. You’re just not the guy I fell in love with.”
For some guys this can be confusing. They might even say, “Why doesn’t she just tell me? Why does she have to be so vague? At least if she told me what went wrong between us, I would know what I have to fix.”
However, that’s not how it works.
A woman doesn’t want to have to be a man’s teacher.
She doesn’t want to have to spell things out for him and teach him how to be the kind of man she needs him to be.
Also, in her mind she usually feels like she’s given him enough clues along the way.
For example: In the relationship a guy might have become clingy, needy and insecure.
Yet, rather than tell him directly, his woman might say to him, “You know I love you, but you have to trust me. I need to do my own things once in a while,” or “Why don’t you go out and see some of your old friends? It’s been ages since you had a boys night out.”
She’s hoping he will get the message and change his clingy behavior.
If a woman dumps a guy because he is being insecure, needy and clingy in their relationship, she’s naturally going to interpret any attempts by him to try and make her feel guilty, or to push her to get back together because he’s hurting, as another sign of his insecurity and neediness.
She’s going to assume that nothing about him has really changed, and she’s not going to want to get caught up in his drama again.
Yet, if instead of trying to make his ex feel guilty for leaving him, a guy focuses on understanding the reasons why she left him, he would then be able to change the way her interacts with her (i.e. when talking on the phone with her, at meet ups).
By making her feel the types of positive emotions she needs to experience, she can look up to him, respect him, feel attracted to him, and once again feel love in her heart for him.
When he makes her feel this way, wanting to get back together will feel good to her.
So, if you want to get back with your ex, don’t waste time trying to make her feel guilty.
Let her see that you really have changed and allow her to experience what it feels like to interact with the new and improved you. Her perception of you will then automatically change, whether she wants it to or not.
It’s so much easier to get a woman back when you understand what really caused her to leave you, because you then focus on making her feel understood when you interact with her (e.g. via your tonality, body language, attitude, conversation style and how you react to what she says or does) by letting her see that you have changed the things about you that mattered most to her.
If you don’t have a clear idea about why your ex really broke up with you, ask yourself these questions:
- Did you make her feel loved, appreciated and taken care of, or did she feel like you were taking her for granted?
- Did you have goals and a purpose in your life outside of your relationship with her, or did you make her the focus of your life?
- Were you confident in yourself and in your value to her, or did you feel like you got lucky when you hooked up with her?
- Were you emotionally strong in the relationship, or did you become clingy, needy, insecure and jealous?
- Did you focus on maintaining and growing the attraction between you and her, or did you stop making her feel feminine and girly in your presence?
These and many other reasons are what cause a woman to break up with a guy.
When you fully understand the reasons applicable to you and your ex, you can then interact with her in ways that make her feel the types of positive emotions she wants to feel.
She begins to feel heard and understood and these positive feelings cause her to feel drawn to you.
2. Stop saying and doing things that are turning her off when you interact with her.
When a guy gets broken up with, it’s only normal that he will experience many different emotions (e.g. hurt, anger, confusion, sadness).
So, when he is going through these different emotions, what may happen is that he responds by saying and doing things that, rather than convince his ex to give him another chance, actually continue to turn her off.
For example: A guy might use every interaction he has with his ex to beg and plead with her to give him another chance.
He might tell her things like, “I promise to change if you give me one more chance,” or “Please don’t do this. I can’t live without you. You mean everything to me,” or “Let me explain. I can change, if only you’ll give me another chance to prove it to you.”
However, begging, pleading or being made to feel guilty usually doesn’t work, because women are not attracted to the emotional weakness in men.
Women are attracted to the emotional strength in men and turned off by their emotional weakness.
So, in moments like that, it simply makes any negative feelings she is having about him become even stronger.
Also, a woman wants to be able to respect and look up to her man, not feel as though she is obligated to be with him because he is hurting and can’t cope in his life without her.
Another way guys go wrong after they break up with their woman, is by spending weeks and even months ignoring her, in the hopes that she will come back.
However, if a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, she’s not going to feel like it’s that much of a big deal that she’s not hearing from him.
She might even feel relieved to be free of him, and she’ll usually just move on.
The fastest way to get an ex back is by actively making her feel the positive emotions that she needs to feel so that she will want to be with you again.
Yes, in some cases a woman might get back with her ex after he’s been ignoring her for 30 and even up to 60 days, but usually, if a woman comes back and sees that the guy hasn’t really changed, she will break up with him again.
So, not only has the guy wasted a lot of time ignoring her, by doing that he’s also given her more time to move on.
Then, if he somehow does get another chance with her, she will usually break up with him when she sees that he really hasn’t changed, and that he’s still unable to make her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with him.
The main thing you need to remember, is that after a break up, you will likely not be interacting with your ex as regularly as you did before.
This is why it’s very important that when you do interact with her, you are saying and doing things that are attracting her to you, not turning her off.
Rather than wasting a lot of time begging, pleading, convincing, asking, or trying to make her feel guilty for leaving you, focus instead on making her feel good around you every time she interacts with you.
When you actively make your ex feel positive feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again, she then starts to wonder, “Why am I missing him? Why am I always thinking about him and wondering about who he’s with and what he’s doing?”
She is feeling like this because you have triggered her feelings of attraction for you again in a positive way.
From that moment on you’ve got to continue saying and doing the types of things that are going to keep turning her positive feelings on for you, rather than saying and doing the types of thing that were turning her off in the past, or that have been turning her off since the break up.
Make Her Reconnect With Her Positive Feelings For You
Right now you might be feeling hurt and angry because your woman broke up with you, so it’s only natural that you might think, “I want to know how to make my ex feel guilty for leaving me. I want her to see how badly she hurt me.”
However, trying to get an ex back through negative feelings of guilt or pity is not how you’re going to build a long-lasting and loving relationship with her.
Think of it this way…
Would you want to be forced into being in a relationship with a woman who keeps doing things to upset you and turn you off, simply out of some misguided feeling of obligation, pity or guilt?
No, you probably wouldn’t, because that would suck, and you would likely be waking up every morning thinking, “I hate being here. I hate being stuck with this woman when everything about her is turning me off, and I can see that nothing is ever going to change.”
So, don’t waste time trying to make your ex feel guilty for leaving you, and focus on making her feel all the positive emotions she needs to feel so that she can look up to you, respect you and feel attracted to you again.
Once she feels that she can respect you again, she will automatically feel drawn to you.
She will begin to realize that her love for you is more powerful than she ever knew, and she will choose to be with you again because it will feel good to her.
Getting back together will feel like the right thing to do for her. She will feel drawn to you and want to experience it.
That is the power of love vs. getting her back via feelings of guilt or pity.
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