If you’ve been trying to talk to your ex so that you can patch things up with her, but she doesn’t want to open up and listen, it’s only natural that you’d be feeling annoyed with her right now.
After all, you and her used to have something great together and you still really care about her, so what is her problem?
To get her to listen to you from now on, you must first understand why she hasn’t been interested to hear what you have to say.
Essentially, the reason why she is being so stubborn is that she’s just not feeling enough respect, attraction and love for you right now; but you can change that.
By making her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that will make her pay attention to you.
For example: A guy might be calling up his ex and saying things like, “I need to see you. Just give me a chance to talk to you,” or “I’m sorry. Why won’t you let me explain?” or “Things will be different this time, I promise. Please just hear me out.”
Yet, if she’s not feeling much respect and attraction for him, she won’t care that he wants to talk to her or apologize.
It doesn’t matter to her because her feelings are switched off.
Even though he’s trying to explain to her that he still loves her and will change if she gives him another chance, she’s usually going to say something like, “Look, I know you mean well, but you just have to accept that it’s over between us,” or “Please just stop bothering me, I don’t want to talk about it anymore” or “Move on. Leave me alone.”
Essentially what she’s saying is that she just doesn’t have feelings for him, and him trying to force her to listen to his explanations, is only making her lose respect for him even more.
So, if your ex doesn’t want to listen to anything you have to say right now, it means that the way you are talking to her, interacting with her, and coming across to her, isn’t making her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that she needs to feel so that she will start paying attention to you again.
Most guys know that they need to apologize, but what should they do after that?
Ask for another chance? Plead with her? Ignore her?
You’ve got to actively make her feel respect and attraction for you again when you interact with her.
When you do that, she then starts to think about you and look at you in a more positive light and her guard comes down.
You can then guide her through the rest of the ex back process and get her back.
If you go through that process, she will feel like SHE wants you back, rather than feeling like she will be doing you a favor by giving you another chance.
You must understand that…
She Doesn’t Have to Be With You if She Doesn’t Want to
Some guys feel entitled to their girlfriend.
A guy will feel as though because he’s been her boyfriend (fiancé or husband) and has invested his time and energy in loving her, she somehow owes it to him to listen to him, forgive him and stay in a relationship with him.
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman doesn’t have to be with a guy if she doesn’t want to.
Essentially, when a woman agrees to be in a relationship with a guy, she’s not handing over all her rights to him, she’s not saying, “Okay, I’m your girlfriend now, so no matter what happens between us, and no matter how bad I feel in the relationship with you, I will never leave you because I initially said “yes” to being your woman.”
That’s not how it works.
The fact is, a man doesn’t own his woman and she doesn’t own him.
In most relationships, a man and a woman simply choose to be together and therefore, can also choose not to be together.
For a woman to continue wanting to be in a relationship with a guy, she has to feel like she is getting what she wants from him.
She needs to feel that she’s with the kind of man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love.
If those feelings begin to fade, she might:
- Begin to withdraw her affection and not be as interested in sex.
- Initiate a break up to hopefully scare him into changing.
- Cheat on him and then dump him, rather than trying to fix the relationship.
- Stick around for a while until she finds a replacement guy.
- Begin to treat him badly to hopefully cause a break up.
Some women will put up with an unhappy relationship for a long time (e.g. to keep a guy around to pay half the rent or mortgage, or because she’s afraid of being alone), but most modern women will usually break up with a guy if the feelings just aren’t there any more.
If a woman breaks up with her guy and he then behaves in ways that are unattractive to her (e.g. insists that she owes him another chance, begs and pleads with her, accuses her of being stubborn if she doesn’t want to listen to him), rather than convince her to come back, he is effectively pushing her further away.
What you need to understand is that if you try to force your ex to listen to what you’re saying, you will actually be achieving the exact opposite of getting her back because you will be pushing her away further.
A woman is an individual and is allowed to make her own decisions regardless of whether you’ve just met her, are on a date with her or in a relationship with her.
You don’t own her and she can choose to be in a relationship with you or ignore you if she wants to.
It may suck to hear that, but it’s the reality of modern life. Men don’t own their women.
If you want a woman to stay with you for life, you’ve got to be the sort of man that she actually wants to stay with or at the very least, the sort of man that has the potential to quickly become the type of man that she wants.
So, if you’ve been asking, “How do I get my ex to listen to me, rather than being so stubborn?” the answer is simple…
She will only want to listen to you and want to be with you, if you make her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that will make her pay attention again.
When you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, everything changes.
She stops being so stubborn and it feels good for her to open up and interact with you again.
Different Day, Same Mistakes
One of the main reasons why a woman might be acting stubborn with her ex, is because he’s using the same old mistaken approach on her that he’s used so many times before.
For example: Before the break up a guy might have been in the habit of begging and pleading with his woman for a second chance, every time she threatened to break up with him.
He might have said things like, “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I promise this time I will change… just give me one more chance.”
If she kept giving him chances and he continued to revert back to his old behavior, she would eventually sick of hearing his empty promises.
In his mind, he might think, “Well it worked before, so it should work now as well,” but she’s not going to fall for his old tricks over and over again for life.
Now that she has closed up and is being stubborn about not giving him another chance, his old approach isn’t going to work.
So, if you are trying to get your ex back by saying and doing the same old things that you’ve done in the past, it’s only natural that she will be acting stubborn and won’t be willing to listen to you.
To get her to listen to you, you have to start saying and doing things that actively trigger her feelings of respect, attraction, and love for you.
When you change your communication style to be more attractive and appealing, her guard will come down and she will naturally open up to you again.
For example: Imagine a guy whose main style of communicating with his ex was begging, pleading, whining or nagging.
If he then happens to bump into her (e.g. while out shopping, at a party) and doesn’t beg, but instead focuses on making her smile, laugh and feel good, her feelings for him will automatically change.
Even if her mind is telling her, “Stop! Remember what he’s done to you in the past,” she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling good in those moments.
She might then begin wondering, “Why do I have feelings for him again all of a sudden?” and she may start to feel confused, but she’s not going to be able to stop herself.
So, if you want your ex back, forget about using the same old approach on her that you’ve been using all along because it isn’t going to work this time.
Instead, focus on making her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that will make her pay attention you again and actually want to be around you.
Avoid Making These 3 Mistakes
When a guy is wondering, “How do I get my ex to listen to me, rather than being so stubborn?” he’s usually willing to say or do anything to get her to pay attention to him.
It’s great to be that enthusiastic, but just understand that not every approach that he might come up with will actually work.
1. Trying to get her back by making her feel pity for him or guilty about leaving.
Sometimes a man will get so frustrated with his ex because she is being stubborn and refuses to hear what he has to say, that he might try to make her feel guilty for leaving him by threatening to hurt (or even kill) himself if she doesn’t listen to him.
Alternatively, he might try to get her to feel pity for him by letting her know how lost and miserable he is without her.
He might cry to her over the phone or in person, send her sad texts, tell her friends or family how upset he is or post sad status updates on social media.
Yet, rather than making her think, “Wow! My ex must really love me if he is so sad about the break up and can’t seem to cope without me. Maybe I should give him another chance,” his desperate, insecure, emotionally weak behavior only makes her lose even more respect and attraction for him. Why?
The majority of women are sexually attracted to the emotional strengths in men and turned off by the emotional weaknesses.
So, when a guy is threatening to hurt himself, seeking pity or trying to get her back by making her feel guilty for putting him through so much emotional pain, a woman will instinctively feel sexually turned off by him.
Her instincts will tell her that he has become or is the type of guy that needs a strong woman to take care of him, because he’s not emotionally strong enough to take care of himself.
A woman doesn’t like to feel like she’s doing a guy a favor by being with him and she also doesn’t want to feel like a big sister, mother figure or teacher in his life.
This is not sexual attractive to her.
In fact, it’s a direct, instinctive turn off and unless the guy stops acting like that, her instincts will keep making her feel turned off by him.
No matter how much a guy loves his ex, or how desperate he is to get her back, if she doesn’t feel enough respect and attraction for him as a man, she simply won’t care about any of those things.
The harder he tries to hold on to her by making her feel guilt or pity for him, the more she will pull away and refuse to listen to him.
He will look at her as being stubborn and even betraying the promises they once made to each other (e.g. to grow old together), but he’s missing the point.
She’s just not feeling it and he’s making it worse.
Trying to seek pity or make a woman feel guilty for dumping you is not how to get her back.
It can sometimes work to get a woman back for a day or two, but she will just break up with the guy again when she realizes that he just doesn’t get it and won’t be able to change what she really cares about, unless she becomes his teacher in life about how to be the type of man that women actually want.
Don’t put her in that position with you.
You’ve got to get clear on what you need to start saying and doing to be the sort of man that she can look up to and respect.
When you begin to trigger your ex’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again, you won’t have to play useless mind games (i.e. making her feel guilt, pity) in the hope of somehow, magically getting her back.
When she’s feeling attracted, respectful and reconnecting with her original feelings of love for you, she will want to listen to you because it will feel good to her; not because she feels like she has to.
2. Trying to convince her to change her mind, rather than focussing on changing how she feels.
When a guy is feeling desperate and is all out of ideas on how to get his ex to listen to him and give him a second chance, he might try to convince her to change her mind, by offering to change certain things about himself.
Yet, if he’s offering to change the wrong things, she will feel as though he doesn’t understand her and it will make her lose even more respect and attraction for him.
For example: A guy might say to his ex, “Why won’t you just listen to me? I promise if you just give me another chance I’ll take better care of you. I’ll take you out more often, and you can ask for whatever you want and I’ll do it for you.”
However, if that’s not really what caused her to break up with him, and she is actually turned off by something else entirely (e.g. his lack of purpose and direction in life, his inability to make her feel feminine and girly during interactions), she’s going to feel that he hasn’t been listening to her all along and she will then refuse to listen to him when he wants to discuss fixing the relationship.
If you don’t know what caused your ex to want to break up with you, you‘re probably going to be offering to change all the wrong things.
So, rather than try to convince her to change her mind by promising to change all the wrong things, focus on figuring out the real reasons why she broke up with you.
Then, when you interact with her, you will be offering her what she really wants, not what you think she might want, and she will begin to pay attention to you because you are making her feel respect and attraction for you once again.
3. Being extra nice to her in the hopes that she will realize how good of a man he is.
Another common mistake guys make when their ex is being stubborn and won’t listen to them, is to be extra nice to her (e.g. let her get away with being rude or unfriendly behavior towards him, acting like a really good friend who just wants to help her and see her happy, buying her gifts, paying for her rent or bills) in the hopes that she sees how much he cares and then changes her mind.
However, a woman doesn’t care how much a guy cares for her if she doesn’t have sexual and romantic feelings for him.
If you allow your ex to treat you badly, or let her think of you as her doormat that she can walk all over, you are simply helping her to feel good about herself while she finds herself a new guy.
She will realize that even though she’s treating you like dirt, you’re willing to put up with it because you desperately want another chance with her.
This won’t make her feel sorry for you to the point where she thinks, “Wow, he’s such a great guy. Why have I been so bitchy towards him? I’ve got to be nicer and return the favor to him. He’s being nice to me, so I should be nice to him.”
That’s not how it works.
When a woman feels way more valuable than a man, she can’t look up to him and respect him, which then makes him seem less attractive in her eyes.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but if you’re letting your ex treat you badly because you’re desperate to get her back, you are actually pushing her further away from you.
To get your ex to listen to you rather than being so stubborn, you have to actively make her feel respect and attraction for you by behaving in the ways that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confident, self-assured, masculine, determined, charismatic).
If your main approach to get her back is to suck up to her and try to show her how much you care, I can guarantee you that she will lose more and more respect for you every time she interacts with you.
Don’t put yourself in that position.
Be the type of man that she can naturally look up to and respect, feel attracted to and fall back in love with.
Getting Her to Listen to You Again is Easier Than You Might Think
If you want your ex to listen to you rather than being so stubborn, you need to interact with her in ways that make her feel respect and attraction for you again.
When you adjust the way that you’re interacting with her right now by making some changes and improvements to the way you are talking to her, and responding to what she says, she will begin to see you in a different light.
Even if she has recently been saying, “Leave me alone. It’s over and I don’t want anything more to do with you,” she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you when you interact with her in a way that sparks her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
She might try to fight it at first, but something inside of her will switch back on and she will begin to wonder why she suddenly feels drawn to you.
Then, all you need to do is guide her through the rest of the ex back process and she will be yours once again.