If your ex girlfriend has lost all respect for you at this point, you need to get clear on the real reasons why and then show her that you’ve changed.
Don’t plead with her to take your word for it and believe that you’ve changed, just show her by how differently you think, talk, behave, feel and take action from now on.
Remember: Actions speak louder than words and if you can show her that you’re not the same guy she remembers (e.g. a guy who was unreliable, a guy who didn’t keep his word), she will slowly stop feeling so closed up and defensive towards you.
You need to be able to show her that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you, and then actively make her have feelings for you again.
Here’s how you can start doing that…
1. Identify What Caused Her to Lose All Respect For You
Some guys are very clear about what caused their girlfriend to lose respect for them, but there are also some guys who will be saying, “My ex girlfriend has lost all respect for me and I don’t know why. I know that things weren’t perfect between us, but I just don’t understand why she stopped respecting me or how I can change the way that she sees me now.”
If you’re feeling unsure about what caused your ex girlfriend to lose all respect for you, don’t beat yourself up about it.
You can turn this around and get her to respect you again.
The first thing you need to understand is that most women will rarely come out and say exactly what is bothering them about a guy’s behavior.
A woman might hint, or even make suggestions to him about changing certain things about himself, but she usually won’t tell him the real, more subtle reasons why she has lost respect.
For example: A guy might be in the habit of always complaining to his girlfriend about his job.
Every day when he gets home from work, he might say to her, “I hate my job! My boss is such a pain…he’s always on my case about something. My co-workers are just as bad…most of the time they don’t do what they’re supposed to do and I end up having to pick up their slack! I’m really tired of working there, but I have no other options. I’m stuck in a dead end job. I hate my life.”
Yet, he never does anything to change his situation (e.g. by asking for a transfer to another department, finding a new job).
Instead he prefers to whine about his situation like a victim, rather than making the effort to face the problem head on and fix it.
If a woman sees that her guy isn’t facing his problems she might then say things like, “You can’t let them treat you like that; you deserve better. Why don’t you find another job?” or “You can’t keep telling me about this every day without doing anything about it. If you’re feeling unhappy at work, then you need to do something to change it.”
Alternatively, she might listen to him complaining, and then the next time she gets the newspaper or browses online for available jobs, she might let him know about the great job opportunities that are out there.
Essentially, she is trying to tell him that she needs him to stop the whining and get on with fixing his problem.
If he can do that, her respect and attraction for him will grow, and she will feel good about being in a relationship with him.
She will feel proud to be with a man who faces a challenge in life, takes action to overcome that challenge and then lives a better, happier and more fulfilling life as a result.
Yet, if a guy continues to complain and act like a victim in his life, no matter how many hints or suggestions his woman throws his way, in most cases, she will lose respect for him, and eventually her attraction and love will also fade, and she will break up with him.
Sometimes a woman will tell her man that she needs him to change and she will tell him exactly what is bothering her.
However, most women won’t explain it directly by saying something like, “You’re being whiny and you’re not facing your problems head on like a real man. Your behavior is making me lose respect for you. If you don’t stop doing that, I’m going to break up with you because I cannot be with an emotionally weak man who doesn’t have the courage to stand up for himself and succeed at life when things get a little tough.”
Instead, she might just say, “Stop whining about it. Do something about it” or “I’m so stressed in this relationship. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
Why doesn’t she just come out and say what the exact problem is and how he can fix it?
The main reason is because most women don’t want to be a man’s mother, teacher or big sister in life and have to teach him how to think, behave and face the problems in his life.
She doesn’t want to have to show him how to be the kind of man she needs him to be.
If she has to teach him once how to behave like a man, what is going to stop him from acting like a victim again and again in the future?
Will she then have to keep on holding his hand and teaching him how to be a man in his life?
She doesn’t want to do that.
She doesn’t want to feel like she’s taking care of him like he’s a little child.
That is the main reason why a woman won’t come out directly and tell a guy why she is losing respect for him.
So, if you want to make your ex girlfriend have feelings for you again, you need to be able to show her that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
If you’re unclear about why your ex girlfriend has lost all respect for you, start by asking yourself, “Did I do any of these things in my relationship with her?”
- Did you take her for granted (e.g. stopped being a man of your word, stopped letting her know how much you love and appreciate her)?
- Were you too insecure and clingy (e.g. stopped having interests and friends outside of your relationship with her, felt jealous when she made plans that didn’t include you, or talked to other guys)?
- Did you have goals and a life purpose (e.g. something big you were working towards achieving vs. sitting at home watching TV or playing video games)?
- Did you criticize or belittle her in any way (e.g. make fun of her in front of others, disregard her opinions or ideas)?
- Did you allow her to be the more dominant one in the relationship (e.g. let her make all the decisions, let her win every argument or disagreement)?
Basically, by understanding what caused your ex girlfriend to lose respect for you, you can make some adjustments to how you interact with her (e.g. via your behavior, body language, the way you talk to her, the way you respond to her).
She will then be able to see for herself that you’re not the way she remembers you any more, and her feelings for you will begin to change in a positive way.
However, if you don’t fully understand what you need to change, when you get the opportunity to interact with her (which right now is probably not often), you will simply keep making the same old mistakes in your communication style, or be offering to fix the wrong things about yourself, and she will close up even more.
For example: A woman might lose all respect for a guy, because he is insecure and allows her to wear the pants in the relationship.
If he doesn’t fully understand that, he might then be telling her things like, “I’ll do anything you want me to do. Just tell me what it is and I’ll do it, as long as you can forgive me,” when he interacts with her.
Yet that’s not what she wants.
By trying to get her back with the wrong reasoning, a woman will feel as though the guy doesn’t really understand her and it will make her feel even less respect and attraction for him.
2. Make the Most of Every Interaction You Have With Her
When a woman has lost respect for her ex, chances are she’s not going to want to interact with him much, if at all.
If you’re going to make your ex girlfriend see that you’re no longer the same guy you used to be when she broke up with you, you have to make sure that every chance you get to interact with her (e.g. via text message, on social media, on a phone call or in person), you’re showing her that you’ve changed.
By showing her that you’re now at a completely different level than before (via your thinking and how you talk, behave, feel and take action) and then focusing on actively making her have feelings for you again, it will make the negatives of your relationship seem less important to her because she will naturally be feeling drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
Remember: If you keep making the same old mistakes in your communication style, she will end up losing even more respect for you, and then it will make it even more difficult to get her to drop her guard.
So, to avoid doing that, here are some do’s and don’ts to bear in mind when you’re interacting with her.
- Don’t plead, beg, whine or try to convince her with words that you’ve changed.
Consider that, right now, everything your ex girlfriend thinks about you is negative.
If you then get an opportunity to communicate with her, and you overwhelm her with begging, pleading, whining and trying to convince her that you’re different now, she’s naturally going to shut you out even more.
Women respect the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, self-belief, determination) and feel turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, neediness, wimpiness).
When she sees that you are displaying the types of behaviors that turn her off (e.g. begging, pleading, crying, giving her power over you), her lack of respect for you is naturally not going to change because she will be perceiving you as being emotionally weak.
The main thing to remember when you are interacting with her is that you need to use that time wisely.
Focus on actively changing her feelings for you by letting her see how different you are from when she broke up with you via the way you talk, think, behave and take action.
- Do apologize in a sincere, yet confident way for past mistakes.
One of the quickest ways to start proving to your ex girlfriend that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you, is by showing her that you are more mature and emotionally stronger than you were when in a relationship with her.
By giving her a sincere apology for past mistakes (without whining, pleading or begging), she can see for herself that you have started to change and she will slowly start to open up.
For example: A way for a guy to apologize to a woman who has lost all respect, is to say to her, “I know that right now you don’t have much or any respect for me as a man and I accept that. After having taken a good look at myself and my actions in the past, I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I just want to say I’m sorry for how I behaved. I now see that my behavior was wrong. I just want to apologize to you so that we can both move forward on our own in a more positive way.”
She might respond by saying something like, “I don’t know. I don’t believe that you’ve really changed,” and he might then say, “I know you don’t believe me right now and that’s okay. I know that I was a fool to behave like I did before, but I just didn’t know how to express myself in a better, more mature way. That’s just not how I am anymore.”
Then, by also showing her that he is really different (e.g. via his body language, behavior, and the way he talks and he reacts to her) the walls she has built around her heart will begin to break away.
Of course, you need to bear in mind that each guy’s apology will be different and has to be relevant to him and what caused his ex girlfriend to lose all respect for him.
- Don’t bombard her on social media or with endless text messages.
Desperately trying to get her attention by bombarding her with messages on social media or via text, is not the best way to go about re-gaining her respect for you.
Remember: If a woman is currently not feeling any respect or attraction for her ex, she’s not going to be happy to be hearing from him all the time. In fact, the more pressure he puts on her to talk to him, the more she will want to avoid him.
Think of it this way: When a woman cannot see the guy or hear his voice, she cannot pick up on his emotional state.
So, even if he’s really changed and is being a confident, mature and emotionally strong guy, because she cannot experience that through the tonality of his voice or by seeing his actions and body language, even a simple, “Hey, how are you? Just let me know that you’re doing okay,” will potentially be seen by her in a negative light.
So, although his intentions might be good, her interpretation will likely be more negative.
For example: Rather than think, “That’s sweet. How nice of my ex to be concerned about me,” she will likely be interpreting his message as saying, “Hey, where are you? I’m so lost without you. I need you. Please talk to me,” and she’s going to switch off from him even more.
If you want to show your ex girlfriend that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you, regain her respect for you, and then actively make her have feelings for you again, then the best way to do that is by getting her on a phone call so that she can experience the new you first hand (e.g. via your tonality, by making her laugh, by being positive and confident).
Then you need to arrange a meet up where you can continue to actively change her feelings for you.
People Can Change the Way They Feel About Someone
Feelings change all the time.
Consider that when you first met her, your ex girlfriend was just a stranger to you and your feelings towards her were neutral.
Yet, over time as you got to know her a bit better, your feelings began to change from neutral, to like, to love.
In the same way, your ex girlfriend’s feelings also went from neutral, to like, to love, but then they changed again.
Right now she might be saying, “Go away! I have lost all respect with you and I don’t want you in my life anymore,” but that doesn’t mean she has to stay stuck feeling that way.
Just like she didn’t stay stuck feeling neutral towards you in the beginning, but grew to love you, when you actively change the way she feels, her feelings for you will change too.
By identifying the reasons why she has lost respect for you, and showing her that you’ve changed (e.g. via the way you talk to her, behave, take action), you can actually make her feel differently right away.
You don’t have to keep sitting around wasting time and thinking, “My ex girlfriend has lost all respect for me and there’s nothing I can do to change that,” because you can actively change how she feels. It’s really up to you.