If you got dumped for being too nice in your relationship, you might now be feeling confused about what women really want in a man.
You may have asked yourself, “Do I have to treat a woman mean to keep her interested in me? Is that what she wants?”
Luckily, the answer is “No.”
You don’t have to be a mean guy to your woman to make her want to stay with you.
In fact, being nice to a woman in a relationship is essential, but it’s not enough on its own to keep the relationship together for life.
To keep a relationship together, a woman has to be able to look up to you and respect you as her man, rather than feeling as though she can treat you badly, never do anything nice for you and you will still continue to be super nice and generous to her all the time.
If she senses that you are just putting up with her bad behavior to stay with her, she will lose respect for you and begin to feel like she needs to find a guy with more of a backbone.
Be Nice, But Don’t Be a Pushover
If you’re wondering, “I really don’t understand why I got dumped for being too nice,” it could be because you believe that “niceness” is the main thing that women need from a man, to be happy in a relationship.
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with being nice to your woman.
Nothing at all.
However, being nice is not the main thing that’s going to maintain her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love over time.
For example: When a man is too nice in his relationship, he might eventually fall into a habit of allowing his woman to get away with treating him badly (e.g. she always gets her way, she treats him disrespectfully, she expects him to do everything for her).
If she continues to get away with her bad behavior, the dynamic between him and her will go out of sync, and she will become the more dominant one in the relationship.
A woman who feels more dominant than her man might eventually resort to treating him worse and worse (e.g. disregard his opinions, treat him disrespectfully, expect him to do everything/pay for everything, ignore him), so that she can see how far she can push him, and whether he will be man enough to stand up to her.
If he simply takes her bad behavior and continues to be extra nice and sweet to her, she will perceive him as being emotionally weak and she will likely begin to lose respect and attraction for him as a man.
Eventually, if a guy continues to be nice to her regardless of how badly she behaves, she will stop feeling like she wants to stay with him and she will dump him. Why?
It’s a woman’s natural instinct to be attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, determination) and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, self-doubt, letting her push him around).
The truth is, you don’t have to be a jerk to a woman to keep her in a relationship with you, and you also don’t have to be a super nice guy who gets pushed around.
As long as you can maintain a relationship dynamic between you and her where she feels like she’s the lucky one to be with a great guy like you, rather than you are lucky to have her, she will be able to look up to you and respect you as a man.
When a woman respects her man, she also feels attracted to him and her love for him grows stronger over time.
You Don’t Have to Be Mean to Her Get Her Back
After being dumped for being too nice, some guys mistakenly think that the best way to get their ex back is by making a point of being mean towards her.
For example: A guy might behave arrogantly, sarcastically and by putting down his ex when he gets the chance to interact with her.
In his mind he is likely thinking, “If she dumped me for being too nice, then it makes sense that if I treat her badly, she will want to get back together again.”
However, that’s not how it works.
If you stop being as nice to her as you used to, she will accuse you of being mean to test whether or not you’ll go back to being Mr. Nice Guy.
For example: A woman who is testing her ex might say something like, “How can you be so cruel to me? You know I still love you and I’ve been thinking about getting back together again, but you’re just a bully!”
Then, if he crumbles and says something like, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean any of it. I will do anything for you. You know that I can never be horrible to you. I love you so much,” she will be able to see that nothing about him has really changed, and she will not be very interested in getting back together again.
On the other hand, if he continues to treat her badly and stays stuck in being mean towards her, she will feel hurt and turned off by his lack of respect for her, and she won’t want to get back together with him.
To get your ex back, you need to have a more balanced approach with her from now on, where you treat her well, but you also make her feel respect for you.
When she feels like she can look up to you and respect you as a man, she naturally feels drawn to you, because you are giving her what she has been looking for in a man all along.
You Can Get Her Back, But Avoid Making These Mistakes
Being dumped for being too nice isn’t a death sentence for your relationship.
You can get your ex back, but you first have to make her feel respect and attraction for you as a man.
Growing her feelings of respect for you happens every time you interact with her (e.g. via text message, on social media, on the phone or in person).
However, that’s not going to happen if you make any of these mistakes:
1. Asking her what she wants you to do differently.
It’s only normal that when a guy gets dumped for being too nice, he’s going to be wondering why.
He’s going to be asking, “What happened here? Why did I get dumped for being too nice? Why don’t women like nice guys?”
Yet, where some guys go wrong, is by turning to their ex hoping that she will spell it out for them.
For example: When a guy is being dumped, in desperation he might say to his ex, “Okay, so what should I do? Just tell me how you want me to be and I’ll be that way. I can change. I can be whatever you want me to be. Just give me a chance to show you that I can be different. Just tell me how you want me to be and I’ll do it.”
In his mind he might be thinking that if she can tell him what to do and he does it, she will be happy and then everything can go back to being the way it was before.
Yet, by saying that sort of thing to her, he is simply confirming to her that he will bend to her will and change for her, just to keep her. She will most-likely see that as him just being extra nice to her as usual.
Although some women might respond to a guy who is willing to do anything to keep her, the majority of women won’t. Why?
A woman doesn’t want to take on the responsibility of teaching a man how to grow up and be the type of man she needs. She doesn’t want to be his teacher in life and then have to teach him how to be the kind of man that will be attractive to her.
She wants him to be able to figure out by himself what he’s doing wrong and then take action, without her telling him what to do or how to behave.
If he can’t figure out for himself what she wants him to do differently, it means that she has to teach him.
Yet, most women don’t want to be man’s teacher in a relationship. If she has to take on the role of being his teacher or mother, the relationship dynamic will change.
She will become more dominant and this will make her feel less feminine and girly in his presence, and that’s not how she wants to feel when she’s with her man.
If a woman cannot feel feminine around her guy and be able to look up to him and respect him, there will be no point to sticking with him.
These days, women don’t put up with that type of situation and simply dump the guy and move on.
However, if you’ve already asked your ex to tell you what she wants you to do differently, don’t worry about it.
It is fixable.
As long as you change what you are saying and doing when you interact with her, from this point onwards.
Remember: The best way to change her mind is to change how she feels.
You can do that by making sure that you are saying and doing the sort of things that make her see you as being emotionally strong (e.g. being confident, being nice but assertive, not letting her push you around or get away with bad behavior) when you interact with her.
By having a more balanced approach towards her when you interact with her, you can re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
2. Pleading with her to give you another chance.
Another normal reaction that some guys have when they get dumped, is to beg and plead with their ex for a second chance.
For example: A guy might be thinking that if his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) sees how much he really loves her, she will change her mind.
He might then say something like, “Please give me another chance. I love you so much. I know we can work things out if you stay,” or even, “I can’t live without you. How can you do this to me? All I want is to make you happy; why won’t you let me do that?”
Yet most of the time, begging and pleading doesn’t work.
One of the reasons why pleading with a woman doesn’t work, is that women aren’t attracted to the emotional weakness in men (e.g. insecurity, emotional neediness, low self-esteem).
Women are instinctively drawn to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, emotional independence, high self esteem), so when a guy is pleading with a woman and behaving in other emotionally weak ways (e.g. crying, begging, threatening to harm himself), she’s not going to feel attracted.
Her instincts will be telling her, “This guy is not emotionally strong enough to hold his own in life. He won’t be able to take care of me if life gets challenging for him. He needs me to protect him like a mother or big sister” and she feels turned off by him.
The fact is, no matter how strong and independent women have become in the modern world, that majority of women still like to feel taken care of and protected by their man.
However, unlike in the past where protection meant a man with big muscles and a club in one hand, in today’s world, protection means that a guy is emotionally strong enough to stand up for himself and to go after what he really wants in life without fear.
So, when a man is pleading or begging, it usually doesn’t make a woman think, “That’s so sweet. He loves me so much that he’ll even plead with me to stay. Maybe he’s the one for me after all…”
To get an ex back after being dumped for being too nice, you have to behave in the ways that make her see you as the emotionally strong man she really wants.
She has to be able to look up to you and respect you as her man, rather than feeling like she has to give you another chance because she feels sorry for you.
3. Thinking that you need to start treating her badly.
You don’t have to suddenly become a bad guy and start treating your ex badly (e.g. ignore her, say hurtful things to her in front of other people) in the hopes that she’ll be convinced that you’re not too nice anymore, and she’ll then come back to you.
In any case, this approach doesn’t work most of the time, for several reasons…
- If a woman tests a guy (e.g. by accusing him of being mean, acts hurt and breaks down and cries in front of him) and he then crumbles and reverts back to being his nice, sweet self, she will realize that it was all only an act to try and get her back, and she will feel even more turned off by him.
- If she was having second thoughts about breaking up with him and he treats her badly, she might then make up her mind that he’s not really the right guy for her, and then he will have to work twice as hard to make her feel respect for him again.
- If he tries to get her back by ignoring her (e.g. taking weeks and even months to contact her, not answering her calls/text messages) she’s not really going to care that much about it, if she doesn’t respect him and isn’t attracted to him. If she doesn’t have feelings for him she’s going to be thinking, “This is great. He’s making it so much easier for me to move on.”
However, if instead of wasting time ignoring your ex, or treating her badly in other ways, you were to take a more balanced approach with her from now on, where you treat her well, but you also make her feel respect for you (i.e. via the way you interact with her, e.g. by remaining confident even when she tries to test you, you don’t agree with everything she says and does), she’ll begin to feel drawn back to you out of her own free will.
She will message you on social media, call you up to say “Hi,” click like on something, show up where you like to hang out, or find some other way to get in touch with you.
From there you just need to continue to say and do that things that will keep making her look up to you and respect you as a man.
4. Feeling afraid to be more confident and assertive around her.
Probably one of the most attractive qualities that women look for in a man is self confidence and the ability to stand up to her when necessary.
Most women will test a guy, whether they have only just met him, or are in a relationship with him for a long time, as a way of testing his confidence and to see if he’s man enough to handle her.
Regardless of how good a relationship is, a woman will always test her man’s confidence. Why?
No, it’s not because some women are mean and like to be hurtful.
It’s simply a woman’s way of checking to see that her man has, or still has, the emotional strength to handle her.
She feels that if he can handle her when she’s behaving in a challenging way towards him (e.g. throwing a tantrum, being sulky, being demanding and petty), then it is also likely that he will be able to handle other challenging people and situations in life.
This makes her feel safe and like she’s with a man she can truly look up to, feel proud of, and respect.
Yet, some guys feel that if they say no to their woman, stand up to her and refuse to accept her bad behavior, she will stop loving them and she will want to break up with them.
In fact, the opposite is true.
The more confident and assertive you can be around your woman, the more she will be able to look up to you, respect you and feel attracted to you.
She will then want to get back together again because it will feel like it’s the right thing for her.
Nice Guys Can Attract Women
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but it’s not what makes her feel sexually attracted to you.
If you want to stop saying, “I got dumped for being too nice,” and convince your ex to want to get back together, you have to focus on making her feel so much respect and attraction for you as a man, that she cannot help herself from wanting to be with you.
You don’t have to be a bad boy, or treat her in a mean way to get her to see you differently.
When you trigger her feelings of attraction and respect for you again, it makes her see you in a new light.
She feels drawn to you because you are making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with you. She can look up to you and respect you, and that feels good to her.