If you are saying, “My girlfriend dumped me for being clingy,” it’s understandable if you are feeling hurt, alone and lost right now without her.
She was your girlfriend and you used to be in love, but now she’s on her own and possibly thinking about being with other guys.
If you want her back, the first that thing you need to get clear on, is that clingy behavior can be forgiven.
Watch this for an example of how to recover from begging and pleading for another chance…
To get her to see that you’ve learned from the experience, all you need to do is laugh at how you were behaving, apologize and let her see that you are now a better man.
You were clingy a clingy boyfriend before, not now.
Being clingy is not something you have to be stuck with.
It is something you can change.
When you understand what causes a guy to become clingy in his relationship, you will also see that it’s possible and often easy to quickly change and get rid of clinginess.
Here are some of the main reasons why a guy might become clingy in his relationship:
1. He Lacks Purpose and Direction Outside of the Relationship
Although being in a relationship is great, and is something that most people strive for, it cannot be a man’s main purpose in life.
When a man makes his woman the main reason for his existence and really only cares about her and not much else, it’s only natural that he will begin to behave in a clingy way.
She is his main reason for living, so worries that if he loses her he will then have nothing valuable left in his life.
He will try to explain to her that she means everything to him and that his life would not be worth living without her, but she will be thinking, “That’s not what I want.”
A woman wants to be loved and appreciated, but not needed for a man’s emotional security, sense of identity or reason for living.
Some guys mistakenly think that clingy, insecure and over-protective behavior is a sign that they are being loving and supportive towards their woman.
He assumes that the more that he shows her how much he loves, cares and needs her, the more she will love him, care about him and need him.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
For example: A clingy, insecure and overprotective guy might…
- Stop pursuing his goals, and focus most or all of his attention on supporting his woman and trying to make her happy.
- Give up all his friends and other interests so that he can spend every spare minute he has with her.
- Do whatever she wants him to do, as long as she stays with him.
- Need her to reassure him of her love and devotion all the time (e.g. ask her “Do you still love me? You know I would die without you don’t you? You wouldn’t leave me would you?”).
- Constantly text or call her to see what she is doing.
- Repeatedly tell her things like, “I love you so much. I would be so lost without you. You are my everything. You are my reason for living.”
- Help her out with everything (e.g. pick her up and drop her off wherever and whenever she needs him to, run errands for her, cook and do the housework for her).
On the other hand, a real man who is loving and supportive will:
- Have a life purpose that he is striving towards outside of his relationship with her (i.e. a big, long term ambition that is extremely important to him).
- Have some friends and hobbies out of his relationship with her.
- Strive to reach his true potential as a man.
- Work hard on the things that are important to him (e.g. his purpose, career) while at the same time be emotionally supportive and loving towards her.
- Lead the way as the man, while also taking her opinions, needs, wants and desires into account.
- Maintain her respect and attraction by being confident, masculine, driven, focused and self-sufficient.
There’s nothing wrong with texting or calling your woman, but a real man doesn’t waste his time worrying about whether or not she is still interested.
He knows that she is still interested, attracted and in love with him because he’s a real man.
A clingy guy needs to constantly be shown that he is loved by her, otherwise his whole world begins to come crumbling down because she is what his life is about.
As you can see, there is a clear difference between being the kind of man a woman can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, and being a clingy guy she feels smothered by.
Most women understand that a real man is someone who can be 100% devoted and loving towards her, while also working hard at achieving his own dreams and goals in life that are independent of their relationship.
Naturally, there are some women who like to be with a man who has nothing else going on in his life other than her (usually unattractive women or women who plan on cheating on or leaving the guy eventually), but the majority of women like to be in a balanced relationship with a man they can look up to and respect.
When a woman feels respect for her man, she will also feel attracted to him, and her love will grow and expand.
On the other hand, if a woman feels like she can’t look up to her man and can’t feel proud to be his girl because he is too emotionally weak to stand on his own two feet in life, she will lose respect for him, and her feelings of attraction and love will soon begin to fade.
If your girlfriend is no longer impressed by the man that you have become, that is something that you can change today.
Another reason why a man might become clingy in a relationship is that…
2. He Feels Unworthy of Her
Some guys go through life always comparing themselves to other guys.
Even when a guy has a really beautiful girlfriend (fiancé or wife), and even if she’s always telling him how much she loves him, often, it doesn’t help settle his insecurities, because deep down he doesn’t believe he deserves her.
For example: When a guy feels insecure about himself in some way (e.g. because he is overweight, bald or has a modest income) and then sees his woman talking to a guy who has six-pack abs, a full head of hair and a flashy sports car, he might start thinking, “Why is she talking to him? It must be because he’s so much better looking and richer than me. I knew my luck wouldn’t last forever…she finally decided she can do better than me.”
In his mind, he is creating a problem that isn’t really there, because deep down he simply doesn’t believe he is worthy of his woman.
He doesn’t know how to be an attractive, real man for her, so he panics and feels like pretty much any other guy is a threat and might be able to steal her from him.
He then starts to become clingy and needy around his girlfriend because he is afraid of losing her and wants to hold on as tight as he can, in the hopes that it will make her realize how important she is to him.
Here’s the thing…
If your girlfriend chose to date you, it was because she initially found in you the types of behaviors and personality traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, masculinity, determination, humor, charm, charisma).
However, if you have doubted your attractiveness and value to her during the relationship and allowed your insecurities to overshadow those great qualities in you, it’s only natural that she would then begin to feel turned off and eventually dump you.
Women want to be with an emotionally strong man and if a guy is unable to grow up and become that man, a woman will almost always lose interest and dump him.
Another reason why a guy might become clingy in a relationship is that…
3. He Didn’t Get Enough Love As a Child
Unfortunately, not every guy grows up in a loving and nurturing environment.
For example: A guy might be raised by a single parent, and then goes through life feeling like he missed out on the love from his absent mother or father.
Alternatively, a guy might grow up in a home where his parents are emotionally closed off from him (e.g. don’t give him a lot of attention, are critical and judgmental, miss all the important events in his life), or they seem to love one of his brothers or sisters more than him.
There are also guys who struggle to make friends in school and grow up feeling left out and lonely.
Whatever the case, if a guy grows up feeling like it is difficult for him to be loved by others, it’s only natural that when he finds a woman who wants to be his girlfriend, he might cling to her like she’s his love lifesaver.
Yet, no matter how much she reassures the clingy guy that she really loves him and wants to be with him, if he is going through life believing he’s not loveable, nothing that she can say to him will convince him that he is truly loved and will not be dumped by her.
He tries to take more and more of her love in the form of compliments, reassurance that she loves him, affection and attention.
However, no matter how much of her love that he takes and stores up inside his mind, it’s never enough to fully put his insecurities at ease.
He can’t stop himself from being clingy because, deep down, he knows that he needs her love to feel good about himself and stop being so affected by the painful memories of his childhood.
Yet, the more that he clings to her, the more that she will want to pull away from him.
Think of it this way…
Have you ever been in an elevator where people kept coming in at every level and no one ever got off?
It became jam-packed and you could hardly breathe without feeling a bit nauseous.
What did it feel like to be crammed in a tight space with so many people?
Did you feel relaxed and calm, or did you begin to feel smothered and even a little bit panicky?
If you’re like most people, the idea of feeling trapped and not able to ease the stress probably doesn’t appeal to you.
In the same way, a woman who feels trapped in a relationship can’t feel happy for very long.
Love is something that has to flow freely between a man and woman in order for it to grow and expand.
You can’t force a woman to love you.
You have to create the love based on how you think, talk, feel, behave and take action around her and in life.
If you are displaying traits that make a woman feel respect, attraction and love (e.g. confidence, masculine mindset, charisma, charm, calm under pressure), she will naturally love you and want to be with you.
However, if you’re displaying traits that turn a woman off (e.g. clinginess, insecurity, neediness, stressed under pressure), a woman will be unable to maintain her feelings for you for very long.
The good news is that you can turn it around.
You can get her to have feelings for you again. Here’s how…
You can get her to stop looking at you as the clingy, insecure guy that she dumped.
You are different now.
You are a better man and you are now able to make her feel respect, attraction and love for you once again.
Another reason why a guy might become clingy in a relationship is that…
4. He is Insecure About His Ability to Attract Another Quality Woman
Some guys know that they got lucky when they hooked up with their girlfriend, so the idea of having to go out and find someone else if she breaks up with him is very scary.
If a guy has been going through life believing that it’s very difficult to attract a new, beautiful woman for sex or a relationship, he will have that insecurity in the back of his mind when in a relationship.
He may think, “I got lucky with my girlfriend, I’d better hold on tight to my girl, because I don’t believe it’s possible for me to get this lucky again. In fact, it will probably be even more difficult than it was before because I’ve been out of the dating game for so long.”
He might then react by becoming clingy and getting jealous if his girlfriend happens to go somewhere without him, or talks to other guys at work or through friends.
If she happens to comment about his clingy behavior and tell him to relax and trust her, he might then say, “I’m acting this way because you mean so much to me. I don’t want to lose you. I know what these other guys are like. They just want to have sex with you.”
Here’s the thing though…
Although initially a woman might think he’s being sweet, and that it’s cute that her guy is so possessive over her, she will eventually begin to feel that he doesn’t trust her and his insecurity and self-doubt will start to annoy her.
If his insecurity becomes an ongoing an issue in the relationship, a woman will slowly start to lose respect for him as a man, and then her attraction will also begin to fade.
The truth is, without respect and attraction, a long-lasting love cannot be maintained over time.
A woman needs to be able to look up to her man and feel like she is lucky to have him, not like she’s doing him a favor by being his girlfriend, because he believes he can’t get anyone else other than her.
You’ve got to be able to maintain her respect for you.
If you’ve lost her respect, you can get it back. Here’s how…
When your girlfriend sees that you really have changed and are not just saying that you will change, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
5. He Doesn’t Know That Women Are Disgusted By Clingy Behavior
It’s a fact of nature that women are attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, determination, high self esteem) and turned off by emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, clinginess, self-doubt).
This is why, when a man becomes clingy in his relationship with a woman, she instinctively starts to pull away, because she his sensing his emotional weakness and that is very unattractive to her.
For a woman to maintain sexual attraction for her man, she has to feel as though he is the man.
If she begins to feel like she has to be his mother, or big sister, who has to keep saying to him, “It’s okay sweetie, I still love you,” or “Don’t worry babe, I won’t leave you,” or “I’m here for you honey. I won’t let you go,” she will begin feeling like she’s the emotionally stronger one in the relationship.
Essentially, it is a man’s ability to be the more emotionally dominant one in the relationship that makes her feel feminine around him.
She can relax into being an emotional, vulnerable woman rather than having to be strong and take care of him and her.
If a woman feels like she has to hold her boyfriend’s hand and guide him as though he is a lost little boy, she will not only feel turned off, but she will usually feel disgusted by who he has become.
6. He Doesn’t Know That Love is Meant to Be Shared Not Taken
A relationship stays together when both the man and woman continually decide that they want to be together.
Each day, they feel happy to be in a relationship together because there is mutual respect, attraction and love.
The man makes her feel loved and appreciated and the woman makes the man feel loved and appreciated.
It’s the perfect balance that keeps a relationship happy, healthy and forward moving.
However, if it’s only the woman who is giving love, being supportive and caring about her man’s feelings, the relationship will begin to fall apart.
For example: If the man gets to a point where he feels like he is entitled to her love and demands that she gives it to him, a woman will wonder why the relationship feels like so much work all of a sudden.
She might not know why she is feeling stressed around him or what he needs to do to fix the relationship, but she will know that it doesn’t feel right.
She will then try to break up with her guy and he will become clingy or possibly even angry at her for wanting to break up with him.
Here’s the thing though…
A man can’t convince a woman to stick with him just because he loves her, any more than she can convince him.
For example: A guy might think, “She knows how much I love her, and I’ve given her my all. She owes it to me to give me another chance. After all, isn’t that what love is all about? Isn’t it about sticking together through both the good and the bad times?”
Yes, only if the love is equally shared.
Some guys ruin a relationship by constantly taking love and emotional energy from a woman and not giving enough back to her, which leaves her feeling exhausted and empty.
She then doesn’t feel like he deserves any more effort from her because she’s already given him so much, only to end up with an emotionally weak (i.e. clingy) boyfriend, which is naturally unattractive to women.
In the distant past, a woman was considered to be her husband’s property and she was forced to stay in a marriage for life, regardless of how miserable she felt.
Yet, that just isn’t the case anymore.
In today’s world, women are free to leave a relationship if they aren’t feeling the way that they want to feel (i.e. loved by an emotionally strong man, respectful of her man, feminine and girly, protected, happy).
If a woman does feel like she is with an emotionally strong man who she can look up to and respect, she has no reason to want to leave him or cheat on him.
Couples like that are the reason why approximately 50% marriages and relationships last an entire lifetime.
However, the emotional weakness of men is one of the main reasons why couples split up, even if the relationship was great at the start.
If a woman doesn’t feel like she can respect her man, she begins to feel unsafe and like she might be better off just leaving him and trying to find a new guy who is more of a man.
If you want a woman to stay with you, then you have to be the sort of man that she wants to stay with, and that means someone she can look up to, depend on, respect and feel attracted to, and love, over time.
Being Clingy is Not Something You Have to Be Stuck With For Life
Right now, it might be true that your girlfriend dumped you for being a clingy boyfriend, but that’s what happened in the past.
You don’t have to get stuck with the label of being her clingy ex.
People change all the time, and by understanding what caused you to behave in a clingy way in your relationship, you can change too.
When you meet up with her your ex and let her see that you have changed, she will let go of the label of you being her clingy ex and she will see you as a man that she can now respect and feel positive emotions towards.
Start Making Her Feel Attracted and She Will Open Back Up to You
If you are serious about getting your ex back, you have to understand one thing: Her emotional attraction for you is based on how she feels when she’s interacting with you.
In other words, she is either feeling attracted while talking to you, or she’s feeling turned off and saying things like, “It’s over between us. Please leave me alone,” or “I just don’t believe you can change” or “I don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t change how she feels.
The reason why she doesn’t have feelings is that you haven’t been making her feel respect and attraction for you.
When you begin to make her feel respect and attraction during interactions, her feelings will come back quickly and naturally.