To show your ex that you truly have changed as a man, you need to allow her experience the changes when she interacts with you.
It’s only on a phone call or during in-person interactions that she can truly assess the new version of you and decide for herself if you have changed or not.
She won’t listen if you try to convince her that you’ve changed – you have to let her experience it on a phone call or in person.
How can you do that?
Remember: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
When a woman is saying things like, “You’ll never change. No matter what I say or do, you’ll always be the same guy. I’ve had enough of our relationship and I don’t want you anymore. Just leave me alone. It’s over between us,” it’s only natural that a guy will want to prove to her that she’s wrong.
He might say, “No, you’re wrong. Listen to me. I’m not the same guy anymore. I promise you that if we get back together again, you’ll see for yourself that I truly have changed as a man. Just give me a chance to show you. All I’m asking for is one more chance, that’s all.”
Yet, a woman will likely just say, “Whatever…you have promised to change before and you didn’t. I just don’t believe you anymore. I’m not interested. Leave me alone.”
So, don’t bother telling her that you have changed and trying to convince her with your words that things will be different this time around.
Instead, just let her see that you have already changed based on how you now interact with her and the way that you now respond to difficult situations that would have negatively affected you in the past.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was insecure and jealous, she’s not going to fully believe him if he tells her, “I’m not jealous anymore. Really! I’m a changed man.”
To test him, all she has to do is say something like, “I don’t know if I want to get back together. I’m dating other guys now and it’s really a lot of fun being single again” and see the sudden look of sadness and rejection all over his face.
If she hasn’t started dating anyone else yet, she might agree to meet up with her ex and exaggerate how much fun she has been having going out to clubs with her friends and talk about other guys who are now interested in her.
If her ex is only pretending to have changed his jealous ways, it will be very difficult for him to hide it when she’s behaving that way in front of him.
He might then get upset and possibly say, “Huh? We’ve only just broken up and you’re already dating? How can you do that to me? Here I am trying to make things right between us and all you’re doing is behaving like a tramp” and she will instantly know that he hasn’t really changed after all.
On the other hand, if she tries to make him jealous and he simply remains calm and relaxed and maybe even teases her by saying something like, “I’m glad to see you’re finally letting your hair down and having some fun. You were actually quite a bore when we were together,” she will feel a bit shocked (in a good way) that he’s now so confident and isn’t getting angry and jealous like he did in the past.
She will then begin to believe that he truly has changed as a man and will start to feel some respect and attraction for him again.
Making her feel respect and attraction for you again is absolutely essential if you want to get her back for real.
When you trigger your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for the new you, her guard comes down and she starts to believe that you truly have changed and that it’s possible for her to love you again.
She then opens her heart to you and opens up to hugging, kissing and possibly even having sex to see how she feels afterwards.
On the other hand, if your actions don’t match your words (i.e. you say that you’ve changed, but you still react in the same old ways that were turning her off), she will just keep pushing you away and saying, “I don’t care that you’re saying you’ve changed. It’s over between us. You have to move on.”
Understand Her Real Reasons For Breaking Up With You, Not What You Think Her Reasons Are
Before you try to show your ex that you truly have changed as a man, are you absolutely, 100% sure that you know what really caused her to break up with you?
For example: Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy because he doesn’t make her feel feminine (i.e. she feels more dominant than him, or just feels like a neutral friend rather than a woman who looks up to him and feels girly around him).
Yet, she doesn’t tell him that.
Rather than spelling things out for him, she will often say something like, “You just don’t understand me and what I want. We’re not a good match.”
What she really means is that he isn’t masculine enough in how he thinks, talks, feels, behaves and takes action around her and in life.
Even though he might be a good guy and have great intentions with her, he just doesn’t know how to take charge and confidently lead the way so that she can relax into feeling totally feminine around him.
For example: If she throws a tantrum, he gets flustered and argues with her, rather than being the man and guiding her girly tantrum back into laughter, smiling and feel good emotions.
He might say things like, “Why are you acting like this? I love you. Just tell me what you want me to do to make you happy and I’ll do it. What do you want? Just tell me! I’m trying my best!” or “You’re crazy. You always get angry like this. You need to go and see a psychologist.”
However, what he doesn’t realize is that she actually needs him to not take her tantrums so seriously.
He needs to understand that a woman isn’t scary when she throws a tantrum. She’s cute, sexy, silly or funny.
He doesn’t have to feel angry, flustered or intimidated when she acts like that.
Instead, he needs to just let her rant and then guide her back to love, laughter, smiling and other feel good emotions.
That’s what a real man does and until a woman finds a real man, she will never be happy and she will always want to break up or get divorced.
Most women don’t know how to explain what a real man is and how he behaves, but they know it when they find it.
The example above of not taking her tantrums so seriously is just one of the things that a real man does.
When a woman finds a man like that, she never, ever wants to let go because it allows her to be a real feminine woman (i.e. girly, emotional, sexual, loving and caring all mixed into one), which is what women want.
So, most women won’t be able to tell you what they really want you to change.
Even if she does know how to explain it, she rarely wants to explain it because she doesn’t want to be your teacher in life about how to be a real man.
If she did that, she would end up feeling more like your mother or big sister, which would destroy her feelings of sexual attraction for you.
So, if you don’t already know the real reasons why your ex broke up with you, it’s important for you to find out before you try to show her that you’re a changed man.
You can’t just guess and hope that you understand her.
You need help.
You must discover the real reasons why she really broke up with you, which in most cases, is going to be completely different than the reasons she gave you.
Put it this way, if you don’t know the real reasons why she broke up with you, you might change all the wrong things about yourself (e.g. you might think she wants you to be more loving and attentive, but what she really wants is for you to be more assertive and not let her or others push you around, or you might think she wants you to spend less time working, but what she wants is for you to be more confident and emotionally strong).
If you have no idea how to figure out her real reasons for breaking up with you by yourself, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Were you confident and emotionally strong around her, or were you insecure, needy and clingy?
- Did she feel feminine and girly in your presence, or did she feel more like a platonic friend, or big sister?
- Did you have a strong life purpose outside of your relationship with her, or did you make her your sole reason for living and as a result you became jealous, over protective or controlling?
- Were you more emotionally dominant than her, or did she wear the pants in the relationship?
- Did you start out confident and then end up becoming insecure and childish?
- Was she able to continually look up to you and respect you as her man, or did she lose respect for you over time?
- Did she feel loved and appreciated, or did she feel like you were taking her for granted?
When you fully understand where you went wrong with her, you can then change the things she really wants you to change, rather than changing what you think she wants you to change.
When you then interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person), she will be able to see for herself that you truly have changed as a man.
When that happens, she will automatically begins to feel respect and attraction for you again, her guard comes down and it becomes possible for her to believe that you really are different now.
You Can’t Show Her Via Text That You Have Truly Changed
To show your ex that you truly have changed as a man, you have to have the courage to do it face-to face (even if you’re afraid that she might tell you to get lost).
So, you need to call her and get her on a phone call to start with (if you don’t already see your ex in person on a regular basis of course).
When you get her on a phone call, make her feel respect and attraction for you at the start of the call, have a quick chat for about 10-20 seconds and then get her to meet up with you in person.
When you meet up with her in person, you can then show her that you truly have changed as a man and are no longer the guy that she dumped.
Where many guys go wrong is by hiding behind text messages because they are too afraid to face their ex and possibly be rejected by her.
Many guys say, “She doesn’t seem like she would be open to talking on the phone” or, “She probably doesn’t want to meet up with me.”
That’s not good enough.
You’ve got to be a man about this and get her on a phone call and get her to meet up with you in person.
When a guy doesn’t understand that, he will often send his ex feeler texts to see how she will respond (e.g. “Hey, how are you doing?” or “I just wanted to say hi and see how you are.”)
He is hoping that she will respond with something like, “Hey!! How have you been? I missed you. How about we get together to catch up?” or that she replies a few times and eventually says something like, “So, want to catch up sometime?”
Yet, if a woman already has a low opinion of her ex, how do you think she will feel when she just gets a feeler text message from him?
Will she be thinking, “Oh, how sweet. My ex is reaching out to me. That must mean that he’s changed as a man. I think I’ll call him up and arrange a catch up right now,” or will she be feeling annoyed and thinking, “Why is he texting me? What does he want? I bet he’s been sitting around missing me all this time and hasn’t changed a damn thing about himself.”
Remember: Nothing that you put in a text can convince a woman that you’ve changed and that she should forgive you and give you another chance.
It’s just a bunch of words on a little screen to her.
When a woman can’t see your body language or hear the tone of your voice, she just won’t believe that you’ve changed for real.
So, if you want to show your ex that you have truly changed as a man, start by being man enough to get her on a phone call and make her feel respect and attraction for the new you, rather than annoy her by sending her pointless text messages.
An Example Of What to Text When She Doesn’t Answer Your Calls
If your ex currently doesn’t answer your attempts to call her, here is an example of what you can text to get her to talk to you on the phone:
Call her and then wait until the next day.
If you still haven’t heard back from her, text her and say, “Hey, Jenna. I tried to call you yesterday, but I couldn’t get hold of you. I know that you’re really busy so I won’t take up a lot of your time, but there’s just something quick I want to ask you over the phone. I’ll call you again some other time so I can ask you this question.”
Most of the time a woman will be curious about what you want to ask her and she may then text back and ask, “What do you want to ask me?”
Don’t text her back though.
Just pick up the phone and call her right away.
She will want to know what the question is, so she will answer her phone.
Once you have her on the phone, don’t waste time making pointless, polite conversation, or she might get annoyed and assume you tricked her into answering your call.
Instead focus on making her laugh and smile and getting her to the point where she is feeling good talking to you and wondering, “What is going on here? How did my ex get me to relax like this? Could he really have changed?”
When you make her laugh, she drops her guard and becomes more open to seeing you as you are now, rather then how she remembers you from the past.
Once you break through her walls, get her to meet up with you in person so that she can really see for herself that you truly have changed as a man.
Just ask her (this is the question you wanted to ask), “Hey, so how about we catch up for a quick coffee to say hello. I’m going to be busy on Monday and Wednesday, but I have Tuesday or Thursday free at (whatever time would suit you and her the best). Which of those days would be better for you?”
She will then choose a day and you can then agree to meet up at a certain time.
Of course, your ex might be resistant to meeting with you at first.
So, if she initially says no to catching up, you can say something like, “Hey, it’s just 10 minutes for a cup of coffee. We can do that. We can have coffee and be civil with each other. Surely we don’t hate each other that much that we can’t catch up for 10 minutes and say hello.”
Most women don’t want to come across as being unreasonable when you’re being so mature and will say something like, “Okay, just this once,” or “Okay, as long as you promise to leave me alone after that. I’m not promising that we are getting back together just because I am saying yes to a coffee.”
Then just go ahead and arrange a good time for you both to meet up.
Be the Man and Get Her Back
At the meet up you need to be bold enough not to let her intimidate you with her cold and distant attitude (most women put on that act at the meet up).
As the man, it’s up to you to take the lead and not let your ex try to dominate you with her confident personality or confuse you with her distance and coldness.
For example: She might say something like, “Hurry up. Let’s just get this over with and then I never have to see you again.”
Rather than let her get to you, just use her hostility or aloofness as a way of sparking her feelings of respect and attraction and showing her that you truly are a confident, emotionally strong, masculine man now.
When she realizes that you remain confident and easy going no matter how mean she is towards you, her walls begin to crumble and she finally starts believing that you truly are a changed man now.
She realizes that you are now a man that she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
Best of all, she realizes that it feels good to be around you now.
She likes who you have become so quickly.
It turns her on.
She starts to reconnect with the loving feelings that she used to have for you and you and her naturally begin to get back together right then and there.