The 5 steps to follow when you’re taking things slow with an ex to get her back are…
1. Reactivate Her Feelings
Your ex has most likely been trying hard to fully disconnect herself from any feelings she once had for you.
When she does that, it makes it easier for her to move on and open herself up to falling in love with another man.
Of course, that’s not what you want!
You want to get her back and the fastest way to do that is to actively re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
In other words, switch her feelings back on and get her start reconnecting with the love, respect and attraction she used to feel for you.
If you do that, she will naturally open herself up to getting back with you.
Yet, if you just sit and wait in the background and hope that she somehow reactivates her feelings all by herself, you will most likely be disappointed.
These days, most women are experienced enough with relationships to know that the pain after a break up will go away soon enough.
So, they don’t usually come running back to a man that they’ve dumped, unless he first makes her reconnect with her feelings for him, so she actually wants to be with him again.
Yet, sometimes a guy might say to himself, “I really just want to take things slow with my ex to get her back. I don’t want to be pushy and cause her to panic and close herself off to me. I think I’m going to just give her some space to cool off and then, when I get in touch with her, she will feel happy to hear from me, because she will have had time to get over her negative feelings about me and the break up.”
Then, because he wants to take things slow, he cuts off all communication with her for 30, or sometimes even 60 days (or more).
As I explain in this video, taking things that slow is a huge mistake in most cases…
When a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex, not hearing from him for a few weeks, or even months, isn’t going to matter that much to her.
Rather than make her think, “Oh wow…how considerate of my ex to take things slow and give me some space to feel better about what happened between us. What a nice man! Just for that, I’m going to reward him by getting back together again,” she will likely be thinking, “I’m so glad my ex is leaving me alone. Now I can move on with my life without having to deal with him trying to get me to forgive him and give him another chance.”
Remember: It’s totally fine to take things slow and give her some space, but anything longer than a week usually causes problems, such as:
- She moves on.
- She stops feeling bad about the break up and realizes that she’s actually fine without you.
- She starts to believe that you don’t care about her anymore, because you’re not even trying to get her back.
- She gets annoyed at how slow you are taking things and tries to hurt you (and hopefully get you to make the reconciliation between you and her happen quicker) by hooking up with another guy.
- She starts going out more, meets new guys, feels attracted to them and likes it.
So, don’t make the mistake of leaving it up to her to contact you when she feels like it.
She might say to you that she wants to take things slow, but you always have to remember that women usually SAY one thing and WANT a completely different thing altogether.
Watch this video to see what I mean…
If your ex is saying that she wants to take things slow, it is highly likely that she is the sort of woman who hates it when guys follow her instructions.
She wants a man to simply laugh at her suggestion and confidently guide her through the ex back process until they are in a relationship once again.
Remember: You are the man and it’s up to you to take the lead and not wait around for your ex to give you the green light that it’s okay to contact her and get back together again.
Don’t waste a lot of time not interacting with her and hope that she will come running back to you because you’re being a good boy and giving her space like she asked.
If you want to take things slow with your ex, that’s perfectly fine, but you must ensure that in every interaction you have with her, you make her feel a spark of respect and attraction for you.
Reactivate her feelings and she won’t want to take things slow anymore.
Once you’ve done that…
2. Agree to See Each Other Whenever You and Her Feel Like it
A woman might not be open to meeting up with you right away and she may be saying things like, “I don’t know if we should see each other again,” or “I just don’t want to rush things. I don’t know if I’m ready to see you again.”
A woman rarely wants to make it easy for a guy to get her back, even if she still has feelings for him.
Most women don’t want to come across as being too desperate to meet up with their ex, so she will likely just play a little bit hard to get.
If your ex isn’t being very open and eager about meeting up with you, don’t worry about it.
Just be assertive (in a friendly, easy-going way – not an angry, sulking way) and get an in-person meet up with her.
When you meet up with her in person that is when she will have the best chance to experience the new you and feel attracted to you.
So, make sure that you don’t settle for just being her texting buddy or waiting around for her to hopefully call you one day and say, “I’m ready now. Let’s get back together!”
That’s not how the ex back process works.
The ex back process for men who want to get a woman back requires that you take action and lead the way.
If you do that correctly, a woman will naturally follow along and before she knows it, she will be kissing you, having sex with you and telling you that she loves you again.
So, get the meet up no matter what.
For example: If your ex says something like, “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to see each other,” you can say to her, “It’s okay. We don’t need to rush things. We can be friends. There’s no pressure about getting back together again. We can just catch up and see each other when we feel like it and see what happens. It will be fun chatting to each other based on the people we have become since the break up, rather than focusing on past mistakes. We can meet up for a cup of coffee without it being a big deal. That’s what friends do.”
She will most-likely relax a little bit after that and she may say, “Okay. I guess we can do that,” and you can then arrange to meet up with her right away.
If she doesn’t, you just need to say something like, “If you don’t want to talk to me ever again after we catch up this time, I will accept that. So, let’s just catch up this once and see how we feel.”
She will almost certainly say yes to that because if she doesn’t want to see you again, she will see a way to make that happen.
Of course, when you re-attract her in person, she will want to see you again, so don’t worry.
When you meet up with her, focus on making her laugh and smile and feel happy to be around you again.
The happier she feels when she interacts with you in person, the more she starts to believe that you’re not going to suddenly revert back to being the same guy that she broke up with.
It then becomes difficult for her to say no to the idea of getting back together again because she’s feeling good around you now.
3. Don’t Go Without Seeing Her For More Than 5 Days
Sometimes a guy will think to himself, “My ex and I agreed to take things slow and only see each other when we both feel like it. I don’t want to be pushy and scare her off, so I’m going to let her make the next move.”
He might then wait for weeks (and sometimes even months) to hear from his ex again after meeting up with her.
Yet, that’s not how the ex back process works.
If a woman is feeling nervous or unsure about getting back together again with her ex, the longer she doesn’t see him, the more time she has to talk herself out of the usefulness of staying in contact with him at all.
She might then just focus all her efforts on getting over him and moving on by flirting with or having sex with another guy.
So, no matter how slow you and your ex have decided to take things, make sure that you don’t go for longer than 5 days without seeing each other.
Remember: The best approach is to be active and get her back by making her have feelings for you again.
You can’t make her have feelings for you again if you’re not in front of her letting her experience the new you.
5 days of space is enough time to make her miss you and look forward to seeing you again without feeling pressured, but usually not enough time to give her the option to meet someone else and move on.
After 5 days, just call her up again, make her smile and laugh some more and arrange the next meet up.
This time when you meet up with her, focus on taking things up a level.
For example: When you see her you might say, “Hey, you’re looking pretty today. Come here and give me a hug you sexy thing,” then hug her and pull away after a couple of seconds.
Then, spend the rest of the interaction with her building up the sexual tension between you and her so that she gets to the point where she’s thinking, “Where is this going? I’m feeling so excited again. Why am I feeling this way? Is it a sign that we are meant to get back together? I should follow my heart. My heart is telling me that we should try again.”
If she’s open to it, you and her can then escalate to kissing and sex that day or night.
However, if she’s still a bit nervous, just continue taking things slow with her while rebuilding her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you.
4. Make Sure That the Sex is Better Than it Used to Be
One of the reasons why a relationship sometimes fizzles out is because the spark dies out.
The sex becomes routine and monotonous (e.g. once a week in the missionary position, on Friday nights after dinner and movies) and a woman becomes bored.
Some women will happily put up with that if the rest of the relationship is awesome, but if the relationship also makes her feel bored, uncomfortable or annoyed, then the lack of sexual excitement is going to become more of an issue for her.
So, when you and your ex hook up again sexually, it’s important that the sex is better than it was before.
For example: Some mistakes to avoid making are…
- Asking her if it’s okay to touch her or kiss her: Most women feel turned off by this because the guy comes across as being insecure. A woman wants to know that the man she’s with is confident enough to take the lead and lead them both to touching, kissing and sex without her having to guide him.
- Becoming nervous if she seems to be a little bit resistant or not enjoying herself: If you can’t relax, neither can she. It’s up to you to do that (e.g. by reassuring her a couple of times in between kisses that you find her sexy and attractive, by touching her on places that you know will turn her on).
- Being afraid to try something new: If you are just sticking to what you’ve always done, it won’t be an interesting, exciting new experience and she will likely feel as though she made the right decision by breaking up with him.
You don’t have to be super amazing when you have sex with her again for the first time, but make sure that you are different in how you move, touch her, behave and look at her.
She will notice and she will love it.
5. Give Her an Improved Attraction Experience
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she generally has a good reason for doing it.
Usually, it’s because somewhere along the line, the guy stopped giving her the attraction experience that she really wants (e.g. he became an insecure boyfriend or husband, whereas she feels attracted to confidence), which caused her feelings for him to fade.
If you want to convince your ex to give you another chance, one of the most important steps you have to take, is to improve on the flaws that she really broke up with you for, so that when you interact with her, you can then make her feel attracted in the ways she always wanted.
Where a guy might sometimes make a mistake is by focusing all of his attention on getting his ex back and forgetting to make the adjustments to his thinking, behavior and attitude in ways that will actually impress her and attract her back.
He might then keep offering her things that she doesn’t really want (e.g. to take care of her better, handle her expenses, improve his appearance to become physically more attractive to her), when what she really wants is for him to be more confident, not put up with her bad behavior and put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way.
Of course, she’s not going to tell him that because he might take it the wrong way and be aggressive rather than dominant, but loving, so she just lets him make the mistake and continues to feel turned off by him.
To get your ex back, you need to know what was really turning her off and then make the necessary adjustments to your way of thinking and behavior so that when you interact with her, you will be giving her the attraction experience that she actually wants.
For example: Some of the things that destroy a woman’s attraction experience are when a man…
- Lacks purpose and direction in his life so he makes her the center of his world.
- Stops being the man around her and lets her dominate him with her confident personality.
- Lacks confidence and emotional strength and go through life doubting himself and feeling negative and insecure.
- Wants different things in life to her (e.g. he wants to party and have a good time, while she wants to settle down and buy a house or start a family).
- Is jealous and controlling.
- Treats her like a friend or a big sister rather than making her feel feminine and girly when she’s with him.
- Takes her for granted.
- Is emotionally immature and expects her to mother him.
Do any of those apply to you?
When you understand where you went wrong in your relationship with your ex, you can then show her (by the way you talk, think, behave and interact with her now) that you’ve learned from the experience and have become a better man as a result.
Then, when you interact with her and she sees for herself that you’re no longer the same guy that she broke up with, her feelings start to change.
She starts to respect you again for having the balls to man up and admit your mistakes, rather than try to disguise them or get her to forget about them as though they never happened.
When she can respect you, she will feel attracted to you and when she is attracted to you, she opens herself up to getting back together again.
6. Keep Busy By Making Progress On Important Goals or Ambitions That You Have in Life Other Than Being With Her
Just because you might have decided to take things slow with your ex, it doesn’t mean you need to put the rest of your life on hold.
In fact, one of the things that will speed up the ex back process is that if she sees you having a great life without her.
Where a guy might go wrong (and end up losing his woman as a result), is that he thinks making a woman the center of his world is what she actually wants.
For example: He might give up his interests or hobbies, stop catching up with his friends and possibly even give up on his goals and dreams in life just to completely focus on her.
He might try to justify his actions by thinking, “She’s more important to me than anything else in life. I don’t need other things to be happy. I have her now. The love that her and I share is more important than career, friends or family. I just want her. She is what matters to me.”
However, a woman doesn’t want to be a man’s main focus in life and be responsible for his mental and emotional well being.
She wants him to love her, look after her and appreciate her, but if he allows himself to become emotionally dependent on her, she will feel smothered and then begin to lose respect for him as a man.
So don’t make the mistake of making your whole purpose and reason for living about getting her back.
Instead, focus on getting to the point where you have a strong life purpose, goals, interests and friendships that are separate from your relationship with her.
Quickly get yourself to the point where you are happy with or without her.
When she sees that you don’t need her to be happy and fulfilled, you suddenly become the kind of man that she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
She then becomes anxious about losing you and instead of wanting you to take things slow, she wants you to hurry up and get her back.