Getting an ex back when you work with her might seem tricky or impossible, but it’s actually a lot easier than you think.
I know this because I’ve heard back from so many men who’ve used the following approach to get their ex woman back that they were working with.
Here are 8 tips to help you get her back…
1. Tell her that you accept the breakup and just want to be friendly coworkers now
Don’t worry – you’re not actually going to be friends with her.
It’s just a way of getting her to drop her guard and open up to interacting with you, so you can then re-attract her and make her want you back.
Re-attraction is the most important part of the ex back process, regardless of whether you work with her or not.
You’ve got to make her have feelings for you again and when you do, she then feels like it’s not over between you.
She now has reasons to want to get back with you (i.e. she is feeling drawn to you again, she likes the new you, she can’t stop thinking about you and her while you’re apart, she feels like it’s not over).
Offering to just be “friends” gets rid of a lot of the stress of interacting with each other as ex’s in a working environment.
She doesn’t have to worry about you potentially causing a scene or creating trouble in the workplace.
You are being emotionally mature about it and she is feeling good around you, so it’s all fine.
There’s nothing for her to worry about or have her guard up about.
Where many guys go wrong when trying to get an ex back that they work with, is by trying to convince her to give him another chance via e-mail.
A guy might then e-mail her while at work and say things like, “I can’t bear seeing you here every day and not be able to hug you or kiss you like before. Just having you so close, but you not being mine anymore is killing me on the inside. I can focus on what I’m doing anymore because all I can think about is you. When I see you walk past my desk and you ignore me, it really hurts me. I’m afraid that this is going to cause me problems here at work. Please just give me one more chance. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”
Yet, that approach rarely (if ever) works.
Firstly, by sending that kind of e-mail, he risks getting himself into trouble with management or the HR (Human Resources) department, if she decides to report him for harassing her.
Secondly, a woman doesn’t want to feel pressured into giving a guy another chance at a relationship if she doesn’t have sexual or romantic feelings for him anymore.
So, the best approach is to just put her at ease around you by saying something like, “Hey Samantha, I know that we’ve broken up and it can feel a bit awkward seeing each other at work every day. So, rather than trying to avoid seeing one another – which is obviously impossible under the circumstances – wouldn’t it be better if we just are friendly coworkers from now on? I know we’re both mature enough to be able to do that and it would make seeing each other every day so much more natural and easy. So how about it? Friends?”
Essentially, by saying something like that to her, not only are you taking the awkwardness out of a difficult situation, you’re also showing her that you’re being an emotionally mature, confident man, which will make her feel respect for you again (this is a good thing).
Then, you need to…
2. Use the friendly coworker interactions to let her experience the changes in you
Agreeing to only be friendly coworkers with your ex doesn’t mean you’re going to be on your best behavior around her and act like a good little boy who isn’t allowed to make her feel attracted anymore.
Instead, you’re just going to use the friendship as a platform to show her that you’ve changed based on how you communicate and interact with her.
For example: If one of the reasons why a guy got broken up with was because his woman felt he was too submissive around other men (especially in the work environment), he needs to change that about himself now.
If she can see that he’s now standing up for himself and taking on a more assertive, but professional role when he interacts with other guys, she will naturally begin to feel some respect for him again.
When she can respect him, she can also feel sexually and romantically attracted to him again.
Then, getting her back becomes easier because she’s now feeling more open to the idea of being in a relationship.
The feelings are becoming mutual again, rather than just him wanting her and her feeling turned off and closed off to him.
To get your ex back, the main thing to remember is to use every interaction that you have with your ex, to reawaken her feelings of respect and sexual and romantic attraction for you.
What you don’t want to do is appear emotionally weak and hurt at work (e.g. beg and plead with her for another chance at every opportunity you get, eat lunch by yourself every day while looking sad and lonely. When she asks you how you are, say things like, “How do you think I am?” in a tone where you are clearly seeking pity).
Additionally, if other people begin to notice your pain and start feeling sorry for you, it will make her feel even more turned off by you.
A woman doesn’t want to be with a man who is at the bottom of the social ladder because he doesn’t feel good enough, or because he needs everyone to pat him on the back and say, “It’s okay boy. Don’t cry. You will find another girl one day.”
She wants a man who remains in control of his emotions, remains strong and doesn’t crumble under the pressure of whatever he is going through at the time.
You can be that man and if you are, she will naturally feel sparks of respect and attraction for you again.
The main reason why you want to be friends with your ex at work is to show her (via your actions and behavior) that you’ve changed, so that you can get her respect and attraction back.
One of the best ways you can do that is to…
3. Make her smile, laugh and feel good when she interacts with you, while also being professional
Some workplaces are a lot stricter than others, but generally speaking, most managers or bosses don’t mind a bit of smiling and laughter, as long as the employees are getting their work done and being professional.
You have to make that judgment for yourself based on what you’ve seen in your workplace.
For example: Have a think about the coolest people at your workplace (who everyone seems to love) and pay attention to how they behave.
They’re most likely getting their job done, while also adding in some humor and being light-hearted to make people smile, laugh and enjoy themselves at times, right?
Of course, an exception might be your boss, but what about the coolest people at your workplace?
They most likely don’t mind having a laugh or two, while still being professional, right?
So, don’t avoid trying to get her to smile and laugh because you think it would be unprofessional or frowned upon, when the coolest people at your workplace are already doing it.
As long as you are being professional and getting your job done, there’s nothing wrong with having a few laughs along the way to make people around you feel good.
Additionally, getting your ex to smile, laugh and feel good around you (at times) is an important part of getting her to open back up to being in a relationship with you outside of work.
When you make her smile, laugh and feel good every time that she interacts with you, you are helping her to let go of the negative feelings about you that she’s been holding on to since you broke up (e.g. anger, resentment, disillusionment) and replace them with more positive feelings such as respect, attraction, intrigue and excitement.
When that happens, she naturally feels drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
Interacting with you at work becomes something she enjoys and possibly even looks forward to, rather than something she dreads.
So, make sure that when you bump into her at the photocopier/printer, or have to drop something off at her desk, you’re not being way too serious all the time.
Just be confident and focus on using every opportunity you have to interact with her at work, to make her laugh, or at the very least, smile.
For example: If she says, “So, how have you been since we broke up?” you can jokingly say, “Oh terrible! I haven’t had a decent home-cooked meal since you left. I’m starving! I should report you to the Humane Society for abuse. I’ve lost so much weight. Look at me, I’m a skeleton!” and have a laugh with her about it.
Remember: When she laughs, it eases the tension between you and her and she starts to see you as the man that you are now, rather than the guy you used to be before.
Even if she doesn’t laugh (e.g. because she’s playing hard to get), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you for having the confidence and emotional maturity to handle the break up with a smile and good attitude.
She then drops her guard and becomes more open when you…
4. Get her to catch up with you for lunch as friends
Once you re-spark some of your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you during interactions, you can then ask her out for lunch with you.
For example: You might say to her in person (not via e-mail), “Hey – How about we catch a bite to eat in the office cafeteria tomorrow? It would be fun to sit down and really catch up as friends.”
If she’s been feeling good every time she interacts with you, she will be open to having lunch with you.
However, if she’s a little bit resistant to the idea at first (e.g. because she doesn’t want to come across as being too easy), you can say something along the lines of, “It’s just a friendly lunch between two coworkers. No strings attached. We can do that. We’re mature enough to do that, right? It’s just lunch as friends.”
In most cases, a woman will say yes to an offer like that because it seems relaxed, friendly and non-threatening.
Then, at the lunch, make sure you continue to say and do the types of things that will build on her feelings of sexual and romantic for you.
5. Get her to forgive your mistakes for her benefit
A very important part of getting your ex back is making her forgive you.
Yet, rather than making the classic mistake of saying something like, “I’m so sorry about what happened. I feel so bad. I need you to forgive me so that I can get over the way I messed things up,” you need to get her to forgive you for her own sake and benefit.
(Don’t worry – it will benefit you too. Her guard will come down big time after she sincerely forgives you. It’s standard human psychology).
So, when you’re having lunch with her, you can say something along the lines of, “Hey – I know that I stuffed things up between us and I’m really sorry about that. However, it’s not something you should allow to cast a dark cloud over any future relationship that you might have. Everyone makes mistakes, but carrying around the baggage of our relationship for life will only prevent you from moving on and being happy again. So, for your sake, as well as mine, I hope you can forgive me for the mistakes I made and how I treated you. Not all men are like that and I certainly am not going to be like that in the future. I accept the breakup between us. So, if you can forgive me, it would be a huge weight off your shoulders.”
When she forgives you, she stops thinking of you as the guy who messed up and she starts seeing you as you are now.
Her guard comes down and she feels surges of respect and romantic and sexual attraction for you again.
Then, if she seems interested (e.g. she tells you she genuinely forgives you, wants to give you a hug or a kiss, is laughing, smiling and looking happy to be interacting with you), get her to agree to give the relationship another chance at that lunch.
If she isn’t giving you those signs, don’t worry about it.
Just reconfirm that you and her will only continue on as friends. Then…
6. Continue building on her newfound respect and attraction for you
Even if she’s not ready to give you another chance right away, it doesn’t mean that you can’t change her mind in a few days or a week or two.
The key is to continue saying and doing the types of things that spark her feelings of respect and sexual and sexual attraction for you.
For example: If you ask her to forgive you for her own benefit and she then tries to test you by saying something like, “Just because I have agreed to forgive you, don’t get your hopes up. I’m not going to forget what you did that easily” just remain calm and in control of your emotions.
Rather than getting upset, use it as an opportunity to build her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Say to her (in a joking way!), “I can’t believe you’re being so cruel! All I ever did wrong was burn the toast that one time when we were making breakfast. That was my only mistake. I’m soooo sorry for being such a bad boyfriend. The burning of the toast was just an accident. I promise to make better toast from now on, okay?”
She will most likely laugh and maybe even say, “You know that’s not what I meant,” and you can laugh with her and say, “Yeah that’s what you say now, but how can I be sure? I mean, I know how important a good breakfast is to you in the mornings and I totally screwed that up. What a horrible boyfriend I was.”
She may then begin to think something like, “He’s changed. He’s so confident and easy-going now. Nothing that I say makes him get angry or lose confidence. I like it.”
When that happens, she just won’t be able to stop herself from automatically feeling some respect and attraction for you again.
That’s what you want.
The same rule applies whether you are getting an ex back outside of work or in the workplace.
You’ve got to reawaken her feelings for you so she has reasons of her own to want to give you another chance.
7. Catch up with her again and at least get a warm hug from her to help reactivate her feelings further
If you’ve been building up your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction during your first lunch together, she will most likely be giving you signs that she’s feeling open to catching up with you again.
However, the next time you meet up with her for lunch, or a quick cup of coffee, just make sure that you get a hug from her (and if possible, also a kiss) to reactivate her feelings for you.
For example: You might say in a relaxed, easy-going way, “I’m glad we’re not like those couples who break up and then have to quit their jobs because they can’t be normal around each other in the workplace anymore. I’m impressed with how relaxed you and I have been about this. Don’t you agree?”
She might then say something like, “Yeah, it’s a relief not to have to avoid each other and feel awkward about the breakup,” and you can then say, “I think we should hug on that. Come here.”
Initially, she might be a little reluctant and she may say, “Don’t push your luck,” but just stay relaxed and say, “It’s just a hug. I promise I won’t bite…too hard. Besides, we’re friends now. We can hug without it being a big deal, right? So, come here and give me that hug. Bring it in for a hug.”
She will then most likely come closer to you for a hug.
Calmly and confidently pull her in close and give her a nice, long squeeze.
From there, the final step is to…
8. Meet up with her outside of work hours, hook up with her sexually and get the relationship back together
If it looks like she enjoyed the hug, go ahead and get her to agree to meet up with you after work.
Alternatively, let her feel attracted to you and want you so much that she starts showing obvious signs of interest over the next few days.
Then, suggest a catch up.
For example: You might say to her, “We should catch up sometime this week outside of work to say hi and chill out together” and then arrange a place and time to catch up.
When you catch up, continue focusing on making her feel sexual attraction and respect for the new you.
Then, when it feels like an appropriate time, give her a kiss.
From there, if she’s open, you can go to her place or yours and hook up with her sexually.
After sex, just relax, be confident and let her bring up the idea of having a relationship again.
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