To show your ex that the relationship really will be different this time if she gives you another chance, you must do the following 3 things:
1. Change the Things That Turn Her Off, But She Isn’t Telling You About
A woman won’t always tell you the real, secret reasons why you have been turning her off.
She might tell you that she doesn’t want a relationship or that she needs time apart, but that doesn’t tell you what you actually need to change to get her back.
So, here are some of the real, secret reasons why a woman will feel turned off by a guy:
- He believes that because his woman loves him, he can do whatever he wants (e.g. not pull his weight around the house, criticize her, break his promises to her) and it won’t matter. This causes her to feel taken for granted, unloved and unappreciated.
- He thinks that being nice and sweet and letting his woman make all the decisions is what she really wants, when in reality what she needs is for him to man up and be in control.
- He becomes insecure in the relationship (e.g. He feels lucky to have hooked up with his woman in the first place and is afraid of losing her. He doesn’t believe he can find another woman as beautiful as her) and as a result becomes clingy and needy, rather than remaining confident in his attractiveness and value to her.
- He treats her like a neutral friend, rather than making her feel feminine and girly by being emotionally masculine in her presence.
- He lives day-to-day (e.g. spends most of his time partying or playing video games, drifts from job to job, still lives with his parents or shares accommodation with his single friends, doesn’t really care about grown up responsibilities) rather than having big goals and ambitions and continually working towards those like a real man.
- He doesn’t understand that women sometimes get emotional and throw tantrums, but secretly wish that her guy wouldn’t take it so seriously. He doesn’t know that, so he becomes annoyed or gets upset when she throws a tantrum, which annoys her and makes her wish she could find a real man who understands women.
As you can see, there are many subtle and obvious things that can cause a woman to lose respect and attraction for a guy and then make her break up with him.
In most cases though, a woman won’t just come out and say, “I need you to change these specific things about yourself, or else I’m going to break up with you.”
Instead, she will usually just hint, nag, argue, or if she feels that the guy isn’t paying attention to her, throw a tantrum, in the hopes that he’ll figure out what is really bothering her and make some changes.
Yet, a lot of guys just don’t get it.
They don’t understand that women are completely different to men and do not think, talk and behave like men.
If you want to be successful with women, you have to understand that men and women are very different.
You also have to not take what women say so seriously, because they usually say one thing and do another.
Watch this for some examples…
As you will discover from the video above, women generally don’t communicate like a man does (i.e. he gets to the point, means what he says).
Instead, they say things that they have to say (i.e. to be politically correct, or test a guy’s confidence), rather than what they really mean.
So, when a woman finally breaks up with him, a guy might then ask her, “Why? What did I do wrong? Please tell me. I can change if you tell me what you want me to do.”
He will be expecting her to give him a straight answer, but in most cases she won’t because she doesn’t want to teach him how to re-attract her.
She wants a man who has it figured out or who will learn and then start doing it, not a guy who needs her to explain everything to him in clear, man-to-man language.
Additionally, when a woman has gotten to the point where she has decided to break up with a guy, she is usually in no mood to help him anymore.
So, she will think something like, “Really? You’re asking me now? Don’t you realize that I’ve already told you hundreds of times before, but you just weren’t listening? Obviously you don’t understand women and how we communicate.”
However, she will avoid saying that to him because she doesn’t want to give him any clues on how to get her back.
Instead, she will often say something like, “I just need some space,” or “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now,” to let him down easy and prevent a big scene (e.g. prevent him from begging and pleading with her, becoming angry or violent or trying to talk her out of leaving him).
If you want to show your ex that the relationship really will be different this time if she gives you another chance, you need to fully understand her reasons for breaking up with you and then make adjustments to your way of thinking and behavior.
Then, when you interact with her again (on a phone call, or in person) she will be able to see for herself that you really have changed and she will feel understood.
You don’t have to tell her that you’ve changed because she will pick up on it automatically based on how you now think, talk, behave and react to her.
When she notices the changes, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for you again, especially because you figured it out and changed without her having to help you.
Another way to show her that things really will be different this time is to…
2. Laugh at Your Previous Mistakes, Rather Than Continually Apologizing For Them
Most guys are good guys, so it’s only natural that you would want to apologize to your ex for causing her pain.
You’re a good man and you want to do what is right.
So, if you haven’t already done so, make sure that you do apologize to your ex and tell her that you’re sorry for behaving in the way you did.
However, if you’ve already apologized, don’t make the mistake of thinking that more is better.
Apologizing once is enough.
Sometimes a guy might need to apologize a few times before his ex will accept his apology, but any more than that and the apology will begin to lose it’s power.
It will go from being an apology to seeming like a desperate, confused ploy to hopefully get her back by making her feel pity for him.
That doesn’t work because women are turned off by desperation and insecurity in men.
So, once you’ve said “I’m sorry,” to your ex in a sincere and loving way, don’t waste any more time apologizing to her.
Instead, help you and her get past the old mistakes by laughing at them and seeing them as who you used to be, not who you are now.
For example: Imagine that you’re talking to your ex over the phone and have sincerely apologized to her for what happened between you.
She might then say something like, “It’s okay…don’t worry about it.”
If you leave it at that, she will usually hold on to her negative feelings and possibly even think to herself, “I hope he doesn’t think that just because he apologized I’m going to forget what he did. Nothing has really changed between us and he can forget about getting back together again if that’s what he’s hoping for.”
So, the best way to ease the tension between you and her is to get her to laugh at how silly you used to be before.
If, for example, your ex broke up with you because you became clingy in the relationship with her, you can show her that you’ve changed by making a joke about it and getting her to laugh at the things in the past that turned her off about you.
You might say something like, “I can’t believe how clingy I used to be. I’m amazed that you stayed with me for a long as you did, but I get a feeling you like being squeezed tight by a clingy guy” and then laugh about it with her.
She will most likely laugh and see that you obviously have begun to change because you can see that your previous behavior was unattractive.
However, if she decides to be cold towards you and test your newfound confidence, she might say, “No, I didn’t. That’s why I broke up with you, remember?”
You can reply in a joking way, “Yeah, I know. Of course. I now know that the only clingy thing that is sexy is when you wear tight, clingy jeans” and then laugh with her about that.
She will most likely laugh and feel a little flattered that you think she is sexy in tight jeans and have the confidence to tell her even though you’re broken up.
So, not only are you making her feel understood (by admitting you used to be clingy), but you’re also taking the pressure off of the situation and showing her that you really have changed.
Then, by making a playful joke about her jeans, you are getting her to smile and laugh, which makes her enjoy talking to you rather than looking for ways to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
When you use humor and get her smiling and laughing, your ex is going to feel good around you again and her feelings of respect and attraction for you will be reignited.
She will then begin seeing you with different eyes and will start to see that that a relationship really would be different this time around if she gave you another chance.
So, don’t be afraid to make her laugh because it’s one of the best ways to show her that you’ve changed.
Another way to show her that the relationship will be different is to…
3. Make Her Feel New Emotions With You
Right now, all the decisions she has made about whether or not to get back with you are based on the things she remembers about you.
For example: If you used to make her feel sweet, calm, loved and wanted and she could always predict how you would treat her, she’s going to expect that you’d be the same again.
So, to make her see you differently, you need to now create new emotional states inside of her like:
An easy way to make her feel excited is by being a little unpredictable and not reacting in the ways she expects you to react.
For example: If she is being cold and aloof towards you and is expecting you to get upset or annoyed with her because that’s what you used to do in the past, you now remain calm and relaxed and laugh about it.
Since you are no longer reacting in the same way that you used to, it becomes more exciting and interesting for her to interact with you.
If you ex tries to dominate you with her confident personality (e.g. if she tries to control an interaction with her by deciding where you and her will meet up, or talks down to you) rather than accept it like you might have in the past, you now challenge her.
For example: You might say in a firm but joking way, “My, my… you really are a Little Miss Bossy Boots now aren’t you? I don’t like that coffee shop you’re suggesting. Let’s meet up at that little coffee shop we used to go to near my house instead,” or “Wow…you sound just like my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Roberts. She was also very bossy like you,” and then have a laugh with her about it.
If you were a pushover before, she will feel a bit shocked that you’re standing up to her and she will like it.
As long as you are being positive, playful and cheerful when being challenging, it means that you’re not being an asshole or jerk.
However, if you try to become a challenge by being aggressive, difficult to talk to or controlling, then she’s not going to feel attracted to you.
So, just relax and playfully be more of a challenge for her and she will love it.
Women know that most guys who get dumped don’t have the balls to stand up to their ex in a playful way and instead get on their best behavior (e.g. are extra nice to her, extra patient).
So, when she sees that you can be a challenge while also being a good man, it is very attractive to her.
She knows that other women find that kind of behavior incredibly attractive, which makes her feel like she should meet up with you and maybe give you another chance before another girl steals her from you.
Another emotion to make her feel is…
Making a woman feel submissive around you is not about putting her down, or disregarding her opinion or her point of view.
It simply means that when you interact with her, you need to be the one who is more masculine than her.
For example: You are emotionally stronger, you are more confident, you aren’t emotionally sensitive like a woman, you make decisions or lead the way by getting her to decide on some things with you.
When you do that, she can then relax into feeling like a real woman around you (i.e. girly, feminine, submissive, emotional).
Most women won’t ever openly admit that they want to feel that way around a man, but just look at the women who are the happiest with their man and you will see that they feel that way.
At the end of the day, most women secretly want to be a man’s girl.
They don’t want to be your equal partner or friend; they want to be your woman or girl.
Making her feel submissive around you is one of the quickest, easiest ways to do that.
Of course, if she’s like most women, she’s not just going to submit without a little bit of resistance.
Women always test to see how real a man’s confidence is, so when you suggest doing something, prepare for her to say, “No” initially as a way of testing your confidence.
She wants to see if you are going to submit to her simply because she said, “No” to one of your suggestions or if she is being cold, distant or giving you one or two word answers.
If you don’t submit and instead remain confident, she will automatically feel respect and attraction for you and will know that the relationship would really be different this time if she gave you another chance.
Another emotion to make her feel is…
Instead of doing what most guys do (i.e. begging, pleading and promising to change, which just turns her off even more), you need to build up the sexual tension between you and her so that she is full of anticipation of what will happen next.
For example: Interact with her, on a phone call, or in person and make sure that you get her smiling, laughing and feeling good to be around you again.
Then, pull away and don’t contact her for a few days.
After about 3 to 7 days (not longer than that), contact her again and spark her feelings of attraction for you even more.
If necessary, don’t contact her again for another 3 to 7 days.
In this way, you build up intense feelings of anticipation inside of her and she starts to wonder, “When is he going to call me again? I can’t wait to hear from him again. What’s taking him so long to call me? I want to see him.”
In most cases, a woman will then start contacting her ex and wanting him back.
However, if she doesn’t, you simply have to repeat the process until she is willing to meet up with you and get back with you.
Don’t Write to Her to Explain How Things Will Be Different
When a guy has reached the point where he desperately wants to show his ex that the relationship really will be different this time if she gives him another chance, he might then decide that the best way to get through to her is by writing to her.
He might then write her a long letter, e-mail or message explaining what he has learnt and how much he believes things could be different this time.
Yet, that rarely works.
Women feel bored and turned off by a guy who uses long letters, e-mails or messages as a way of communicating his feelings to her, because it shows that he’s unable to gain control of his emotions and handle the situation like a man (i.e. apologize, change the things he needs to change, re-spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love and guide her back into a relationship).
Instead, he just plays it safe and uses letters, e-mails or messages to hide behind, so that he doesn’t have to face her and potentially risk being rejected.
Many women also perceive long e-mails and letters from a guy as being a feminine thing to do, which makes her feel turned off even more.
Women are naturally attracted to masculine men, so if you are acting like a woman would after a break up (i.e. pouring your heart out in a long letter or e-mail), it’s not going to make her feel attracted to you.
Additionally, if she’s currently thinking something like, “I don’t really believe that things will be different if I give my ex another chance,” getting a long-winded letter, e-mail or message from you is not going to prove to her that you’ve really changed.
Your letter to her is just a bunch of words on a screen or piece of paper.
It’s not you.
It’s just words and potentially promises to change things that you don’t yet have any idea how to really chance.
The thing is, when it comes to convincing a woman to give you another chance, actions speak louder than words.
So what should you do instead of writing to her?
Focus on making her feel differently, by letting her experience the new and improved version of you on a phone call or in person.
For example: If a guy was insecure and became needy or clingy in his relationship with a woman, then a long letter or e-mail is only going to prove to her that he’s still way too emotional.
If he is going to send an e-mail, text or letter to her, he needs to keep it short and to the point and only add in whatever will show her that he has changed.
An example of how to do that is by writing something like, “Hey Melissa, I hope you’ve been well. Just thought I’d e-mail you as a friend to say hello and that I hope you’re having a great day. I’ve landed a new job at that firm I was telling you about, which has been awesome. Life is looking better each day. Of course, I still miss you and I love you, but I accept that we’re not getting back together. Anyway, I hope you’re well and enjoying life. Your ex, Steve.”
Getting an e-mail or letter like that is much easier for a woman to handle because it’s short and to the point.
Compare that to a 10-page e-mail full of emotions, reasoning, convincing and bringing up old memories in the hope that it makes her want to give him another chance.
Women hate that kind of reaction from a man and usually don’t even read past 250 words before thinking, “Hhhh…he just doesn’t get it. He’s writing to me about all of his emotions and feelings and things that he wants to get through to me. He’s like a woman. I’m not even going to finish reading this. It’s over!”
So, don’t put yourself in that position with your ex.
Be short and to the point if you’re going to write to her.
However, if you want to get her back for real, just know that the best way to do that is by actively making her feel attracted on a phone call and in person.
The Time For Waiting is Over
If you sit around hoping that she will realize that the relationship will be different and then come running back to you, the chances of it happening are slim to none.
Watch this video to understand why…
The time to take action is now.
Interact with her (e.g. via text, on the phone and in person) and actively make her have feelings for you again, by showing her the new, improved version of you.
She will automatically begin to realize that things really could be different between you and her this time around.
She might not tell you that though, so you need to be the strong one and make the reconciliation happen.
So, make sure that you continue pushing forward and get her back into a relationship with you, where she can see for herself that things already are different now.