These days, most women who dump their man go online and search for advice on how to get through the break up, which means they usually come across all the standard tricks and techniques that guys use to get an ex back.
So, when he behaves in one of the tricky ways she read about online, rather than just assume that he’s dealing with the break up in his own way, she starts thinking, “I see what he’s up to. He’s trying to manipulate me into getting back with him. Well, I’ll show him who can play games” and she then becomes (even more) cold and distant towards him.
For example: Some of the tricks that guys use to manipulate an ex woman back into a relationship are:
1. The No Contact Rule
The No Contact Rule is essentially about ignoring a woman for 30-60 days after a break up in the hope that she misses him and comes running back.
Of course, not all guys are trying to be manipulative when they use the NC rule.
Most guys are good guys, so when they use the No Contact Rule on an ex woman, it’s simply because they don’t know what else to do.
A guy might have already tried to convince her that he would change and has asked for another chance, but she’s saying no.
So, he goes online and searches for “how to get an ex back” and finds out that pretty much everyone (except me) recommends that he should use the No Contact Rule to ignore her.
Watch this video to understand why I don’t recommend it for guys who want to get a woman back…
Ignoring an ex with the NC rule usually doesn’t work if she has little to no feelings for you anymore.
Instead, it just helps her have time and space to move on without you.
Of course, not every guy is able to think that clearly when he’s been dumped by the woman he loves, so he will usually just go ahead and try the NC rule.
For example: When she is being cold, distant and stubborn about not giving him another chance, he might then say to himself, “Maybe if I give her some space, she will calm down. Hopefully the time apart will make her realize that she really does miss me and then she will start talking to me again. In fact, she will probably be so impressed that I gave her time to figure things out without harassing her that she will want to get back together with me again. Well, that’s what everyone says works, so why not. I don’t know what else to do.”
He then avoids interacting with her for 30, or even 60 days or more, while he patiently waits for her to contact him and tell him that all is forgiven and she wants him back.
Yet, that rarely happens and in most cases, rather than miss him, the woman is feels more and more annoyed with him and starts putting in extra effort to get over him and move on with someone else.
If he then tries to contact her after 30 (or more days), she will suspect that he has been using the classic NC rule.
She may then think, “Oh, are you finished using the No Contact Rule on me now are you? Do you think I’m stupid? I know what you’ve been up to. Well let me tell you, I haven’t been sitting around waiting for you to come back, I’ve moved on. So, you can take your manipulative self right back to where you’ve been for the last month and leave me alone. I’m over you!”
Of course, she won’t necessarily come out and say that because she doesn’t want to give the chance to say, “No, I was just giving you space like you asked me to” or, “No, I wasn’t. I needed time to think about where I went wrong. I thought it would be best if I didn’t try to contact you until I was ready to be the man you need me to be.”
She doesn’t want him to be able to talk her back into being with him for one of those or many other reasons or excuses he will use for ignoring her for 30-60 days.
Here’s the thing…
Even if a woman still has feelings for a guy and secretly wants to get back with him, she doesn’t want to feel as though her guy is manipulating her.
Trickery always backfires and in most cases, it just makes it more difficult to get her back because she stops trusting you.
Then, no matter how sincere you’re being with her from then on, she will always have to wonder, “Is this another one of his tricks to get me to do what he wants?”
Alternatively, if a guy ignores a woman for a long time when she doesn’t have feelings for him, she will then likely lose even more respect and attraction for him for not having the balls or the skills to re-attract her and reconcile the relationship.
As a result, she might hook up with another guy just to get emotional revenge on her ex for what she believes is his attempt to manipulate her.
Don’t put yourself in that position.
The best approach to getting an ex back, is to be active, rather than inactive.
Essentially what this means is that you need to stay in limited contact with her, so that you can re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you on a phone call and in person.
That’s what works to get a woman back.
Sure, in some cases, ignoring a woman does work, but it’s only when she still has feelings for you and secretly wants you back, or if she can’t deal with the pain of the break up and move on without you.
Yet, if she can deal with it and doesn’t really care about you anymore, she’s just going to move on.
Likewise, if you’re nowhere to be seen or heard for weeks or months, you’re giving her time to stew in her negative feelings for you and at the same time, find a new guy to fall in love with and move on with.
If she feels as though you are trying to manipulate her by using the NC rule, her negative feelings for you will intensify and she will try even harder to get over you and get revenge on you for attempting to trick her back.
So, what should you do instead?
If she needs it, give her 3 to 7 days of space to allow for things to calm down between you and her before you contact her.
Don’t wait any longer than that because there is no real benefit to you (i.e. she will just have more time to get over you and move on).
Remember: You have to stay in touch with her so you can reignite her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, rather than just sitting around hoping that she comes running back to you when the 30 days are up.
When she can see that you’re handling the break up in a mature way, she drops her guard and begins to see you with different eyes.
You then just need to show her by the way that you behave around her that you’re no longer the same man she broke up with.
When she sees that, her guard will come down, she will open up to you and you can then guide her through the rest of the ex back process.
Another technique that guys might use to manipulate an ex woman back into a relationship is…
2. Sending her texts about the good memories they shared together
Quite often, a guy might make the mistake of thinking that by reminding his ex about all the good times they shared together, she will suddenly realize that their love is too precious to lose and come running back to him.
He might then send his ex a text saying something like, “I was in the mall today and I saw a woman wearing a knitted pink hat just like the one you used to wear. It made me think of you,” or “I was watching TV last night and they were showing ‘The Conjuring’ again. It made me think of the time we watched it together and you got so scared that you jumped in my lap” or, “I just passed by the restaurant we went to on our first date and thought of you. Hope you’re having a great day. Maybe we can chat sometime?”
He is hoping that by bringing up some good memories they shared together, she will respond by saying something like, “We sure did have some good times together didn’t we? Maybe we should forget about the bad stuff that happened between us and try to make some new memories together. I miss you so much. Let’s start again!”
It would be nice if that was how a woman would react, but human psychology just isn’t that basic.
Women can see through attempts to manipulate them and in most cases, she will just get annoyed and think, “Oh please! Does he really think he can sweet talk me into forgetting what really happened between us by bringing up some good times we happened to have together? It’s not going to be that easy. He stuffed up and I’m not going to forget about it just because he is bring up good memories.”
Then, if she also happens to search online and discover that guys use the “good memory” text method to try and trick their ex back, she will get very annoyed with him for trying to manipulate her.
She may then think, “I can’t believe he’s trying to manipulate me like this. Does he think I’m so stupid enough to fall for the ‘Look how great things used to be between us’ routine? Well, he can forget about tricking me into giving him another chance. It’s not going to happen!” and she closes herself off even more.
In other cases, a woman will just roll her eyes and think, “Lame. He got that text message from the internet. If that’s all he can do, then he ain’t getting another shot with me. No thank you and good bye!”
So, what should you do instead?
Be real and give her what she really will respond well to.
What is that?
A new and improved you who is not making the same old communication and behavioral mistakes that causes her to break up with you in the first place.
That’s what works.
When you spark her feelings based on letting her experience the new and improved you, she starts to pay attention.
She will then begin remembering some of the happy times that you and her shared and it will actually make her feel good.
She will then start thinking, “We did have some fun times. Maybe we can do it again. He is different now, so it would be different. Should I? Maybe I should. I like who he is now.”
On the other hand, if you don’t spark her feelings for you first and just send her a “remember the good times” text that she’s read about online, it will just make her close off to you even more.
Additionally, what you need to understand is that a woman has to be able to feel respect and attraction for you who are now, not who you used to be.
She has broken up with the guy you became and is going to think of you in that way until you show her the man you’ve become.
It’s Always Better to Be Real
If your ex feels as though you are trying to manipulate her, it could be because you’re trying to get her back by using widely known tricks found on the internet, rather than doing it properly by giving her the attraction experience that she really wants from you.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too nice, too sweet and lacked balls around her, she’s going to need to see that he is now more of a real, authentic, ballsy man who isn’t afraid to joke around with her in a ballsy way.
If she being stubborn and not listening to his suggestion to meet up for example, he needs to show her that he doesn’t react like her used to.
If he would normally say something like, “Please give me a chance to explain” or “I’ll do anything to make it up to you,” he needs to remain calm and make a joke about her behavior by saying something like, “Whoa! I’ve met bulldozers that are less pushy than you,” or “I think you missed your calling in life. You should have been a drill sergeant in the army. You want everything your way. Yes Mam!” and he can then have a laugh with her about it.
Another example is if a guy became insecure in the relationship and was dumped for that.
To open herself up to the idea of getting back together with him again, she’s going to need to see that he is now emotionally secure, confident and can handle her confidence tests during interactions.
She might test him by pretending to be interested in getting back together again and then pulling back her interest to see how he will react.
If he gets upset about it and starts begging or pleading with her and saying things like, “Please baby! Just give me one more chance to make it up to you. Please don’t push me away. I really need you,” she will see that he’s still the same insecure guy that she broke up with and will remain closed off to him.
On the other hand, if he just remains confident and relaxed and doesn’t let her get to him, she will start believing that he really has changed.
Her feelings of respect and attraction for him will come flowing back and then the idea of getting back together again will begin to feel incredibly appealing to her.
Just Give Her What She Really Wants
As long as you give your ex what she really wants (i.e. the kind of attraction experience that was missing in your relationship with her), it’s not manipulation because you’re being a loving man who has listened, adapted and is now able to give her what she wants.
Yes, you might have made some mistakes in the past, but that was the old you.
You are not that guy anymore.
You are new man today and you will be an even better man tomorrow.
So, don’t beat yourself up over the mistakes you made with her.
You have become a better man as a result of making those mistakes and you can hold your head up high as you go through the ex back process and get her back.
You have nothing to feel ashamed of and nothing to fear.
If a relationship breaks up, it doesn’t mean that you will never be able to get your woman back.
Guys all over the world get their women back every day.
You can do it too.
When you make some attractive adjustments to your way of thinking, talking and the way you behave and interact with her, your ex will begin looking at you with new eyes.
Even if she tries to hold back her feelings for you, they will come flooding back when she realizes that you make her feel so differently now.
Then, rather than think that you’re trying to manipulate her, she will feel happy that you took the time to fully understand where you went wrong in the relationship and then made the necessary changes to give her what she really wants.
She will see that you’re no longer at the same level that you were at when she broke up with you and then getting back together becomes her idea.
It becomes something that she wants and feels good about.
She wants to hug, kiss, have sex and be in love with you the new you, even if she originally thought that the break up was final.
When that happens, she might even say, “Let’s try again,” or “I think I want to get back together again.”
You can then make sure that this time around you do a better job of deepening your woman’s respect, attraction and love for you over time, so that she will never want to break up with you ever again.
That’s not manipulation.
It’s real, mature, honest love.