Here 4 possible psychological reactions a woman might have, if you use No Contact (i.e. don’t contact her for 30 to 60 days) after a break up:
1. She doesn’t care because she’s not even attracted to you anyway
It would really be nice if all a guy had to do to get his girl back after a break up is ignore her for 30 or 60 days.
She would then realize how much she misses him and she would come running back, desperately begging him to give her another chance.
However, although that scenario might work well in a Hollywood movie, in real life it almost never turns out that way.
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she has usually disconnected from her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
So, when she then doesn’t hear from him for a month or more, rather than think, “Oh no! Why isn’t he calling me? Could this mean he’s over me? Is it possible he’s met another woman already? I can’t bear the thought of losing him! This time apart has convinced me that he’s truly the man I want to be with. I better call him right away before I lose him forever,” she’ll usually feel relieved instead that the break up turned out to be so easy.
Using reverse psychology on a woman (i.e. No Contact) when she’s not even attracted to you anymore, almost always backfires.
Sexual and romantic attraction is what makes a woman want to be together and stay together.
Hang on…what about love?
Romantic love only exists on top of sexual and romantic attraction.
If a woman isn’t sexually and romantically attracted to a guy, she isn’t going to be in love with him.
You have to understand that attraction comes first and everything else flows on after that.
So, rather than no contact make an ex (who isn’t attracted to you) miss you like crazy, it simply gives her the time she needs to fully get over you and move on.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give your ex any space whatsoever.
Instead, just make sure that you re-spark her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you first and then give her a little bit of space (3 to 7 days) to miss you.
Then, arrange to meet up with her in person, fully re-attract her in person and get her back.
That’s the best way to approach it.
On the other hand, if you ignore her before you reactivate her feelings for you, she’s just not going to care that you’re no longer contacting her.
Instead, you stand the risk of losing her to another guy who is actively making her feel attracted by flirting with her, hitting on her or hooking up with her sexually.
Another possible psychological reaction your ex might have to No Contact is…
2. She feels sad and rejected that you’re not contacting her and trying to get her back
Imagine that a woman is sitting at home alone after a break up, thinking about her ex and missing him.
She is feels like she made the right decision, but can’t help but wonder whether or not she might change how she feels and give him another chance.
So, she remains open to the idea of getting back with him if he interacts with her, creates a spark and makes her want him again.
Yet, rather than doing that, he instead decides to use the No Contact Rule and ends up totally ignoring her for 30 to 60 days.
As a result, she feels sad and rejected.
She begins to wonder, “Why is he ignoring me like this? I can’t believe he hasn’t even sent me one text, or made one call to see how I’m coping? Did our love mean nothing to him? How can he be over me so quickly? Obviously I mean nothing to him after all! I’ve been such an idiot, sitting here hoping that he would actually do something to get me back. Clearly I’ve just been wasting my time pining for a guy who is just a cold, hurtful jerk! Well, that’s over now. I’ve seen his true character and I’m not going to waste another second thinking about him or waiting for him. From this moment onwards I’m going to focus on moving on with my life and finding myself a real man who will love me and treat me the way I deserve!”
She then puts all her effort into completely switching off her feelings for him and moving on (i.e. she goes out with her single girlfriends and finds a guy to hook up with, gets on online dating or uses a dating app to line up a bunch of dates and have with one or two guys to get over her ex).
Meanwhile, her ex is sitting around missing her and hoping that by cutting off contact, she will do all the work by coming running back to him and asking for another chance.
This is one of the biggest ‘ex back myths’ out there and it causes so many guys to completely mess up their chances of getting their ex woman back.
So, if you want your ex back for real, forget the mind games (i.e. No Contact) and focus on re-attracting her now, so she has a reason to get back with you now.
Another possible psychological reaction a woman might have to No Contact from you is…
3. She knows what you’re trying to do and isn’t impressed
With the internet available to almost everyone these days via smartphones, all a woman has to do is search online and she will see that pretty much everyone says not to contact your ex after a break up to get her back.
The old No Contact Rule, which used to be seen as the best idea on how to get an ex back.
BTW: It works great for women who want to get a man back, but it doesn’t work the same way for men who want to get a woman back.
When a man uses the NC rule on a woman who isn’t attracted to him anymore, she usually just moves on.
This is especially true if she has the brains to check out online posts or videos about how guys try to get an ex girl back.
If she notices that it’s pretty much all about cutting off contact, then she might decide to make herself feel better by hooking up with a new guy and moving on, rather than sitting around and potentially missing her ex.
So, when you completely stop contacting her and don’t even send her the occasional text to say “Hi,” or to check how she’s doing, she might assume that you’re using the No Contact Rule on her to hopefully make her miss you and come running back.
She will then naturally feel as though she can no longer trust you, because you’ve been trying to manipulate her in that way.
She might then seek revenge on you by continually ignoring your attempts to contact her, or continually rejecting you whenever you try to request a meet up or even just a phone call.
By the way…
Even if a guy isn’t using the No Contact Rule and is simply feeling too nervous and insecure about contacting her, the longer he waits to contact her (i.e. more than 7 days), the more likely she will assume he’s playing mind games with her.
Then when he does finally pluck up the courage to text or call her, she might make it really difficult for him to get her back (e.g. by ignoring his texts or calls, being bitchy to him over the phone, refusing to meet up with him).
This is why it’s usually better to focus on getting an ex back right away (i.e. within a week or so), rather than ignoring her for weeks or months and risk causing her to want to seek revenge by playing hard to get, or by hooking up with new guys to make you jealous or hurt.
Another possible psychological reaction a woman might have to the No Contact Rule is…
4. She seeks to get revenge on you for not contacting her by hooking up with a new guy
If a guy ignores his ex for too long (30 to 60 days) she may start thinking things like, “He’s ignoring me now? Oh, really? After everything he put me through, he doesn’t even have the decency to call and see how I’m doing. What a jerk! Well, if that’s the way he wants to be, that’s fine by me. I’m not going to waste another minute worrying about whether I was too hard on him or if I made a mistake by breaking up with him. Any chance he might have had with me is gone now. In fact, his silence has just made it that much easier for me to fully get over him and move on… starting right now!”
She then goes out of her way to find a replacement guy (e.g. by going out to bars, clubs or parties that she was previously avoiding, taking up a new hobby that attracts mostly guys, getting on Tinder or online dating, opening up to a guy who has a crush on her at work or at university, hooking up with one of her ex’s male friends who she always secretly liked).
Then, when her ex finally contacts her after a few weeks or months to get her back, she simply says something along the lines of, “Sorry, but you’re too late. You had a window of opportunity to get me back, but you wasted that time ignoring me. Now it’s too late. I’ve met someone else and I’m happy. Goodbye and good luck.”
Read This First Before You Use the No Contact Rule
In life, smart people learn from their mistakes.
However, the smartest of all people learn from their mistakes and the mistakes of others, so they can improve and succeed twice as fast.
So, before you decide whether or not to use the No Contact Rule on your ex woman, take a moment to understand where other guys mess up when using it.
4 common mistakes that guys make when using the No Contact Rule, are…
1. Not understanding that most women don’t desperately chase their ex guy back after dumping him just because he isn’t contacting her
To begin with, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she has lost respect and attraction for him over time.
Essentially, she’s had enough, wants out of the relationship and has every intention on moving on and finding a new guy.
She doesn’t care if her ex contacts her or not.
She is planning to move on without him.
So, here’s what you need to understand…
Unless a woman is still secretly in love with her ex and is hoping that they will eventually get back together again, she’s almost certainly not going to care if he doesn’t contact her and try to get her back.
Additionally, if she is able to find a replacement guy (or guys) quite easily, then she isn’t going to care if her ex (that she is no longer attracted to anyway) isn’t contacting her.
She’s just going to get on with enjoying sex, love and good times with new guys, rather than pining for her ex that she is no longer attracted to.
Of course, she may wonder something like, “Hmmm….he’s not contacting me. I really thought he’d be calling me or at least texting me by now. I wonder why he’s being so silent all of a sudden?” but if she believes that he can’t change and become the kind of man she needs him to be (e.g. more emotionally independent, confident, assertive, not easily swayed by others), she’s just going to continue moving on.
So, what should you do instead?
Focus on actively re-sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you during interactions (e.g. via text, social media and over the phone).
Then, meet up with her and actively guide her back into a relationship with you, before it’s too late.
The next No Contact Rule mistake to avoid making is…
2. Hoping that no contact will make her forget why she broke up with him
Time apart can help ease the pain of a break up and make a guy’s mistakes seem less terrible than they were before.
However, in a lot of cases, the longer a guy ignores his ex, the more she starts to resent him.
She begins thinking things like, “Why is he ignoring me like this? Is he trying to make me chase him? Is he trying to act like he doesn’t care, when I know he does? This is just another thing to add to my list of reasons for breaking up with him. Not only did he… (runs through a list of mistakes that he made during and directly after the break up), but now he’s also being childish and immature and trying to play mind games with me. Well, I’m glad I dumped him. He’s clearly not the guy for me. I’m going to get myself a real man who can handle a woman like me.”
She then closes herself off to her ex and opens herself up to new guys.
By the time her gets around to contacting her 30 or 60 days later her, she’s built up so much negative emotion towards him (e.g. anger, annoyance, contempt), that she doesn’t feel bad about hurting him emotionally by saying, “Why are you contacting me? I want nothing to do with you” or, “Why are you calling me? Haven’t you moved on already? I have a new boyfriend now and I’m happy. Please respect that and leave me alone.”
The next mistake to avoid making is…
3. Ignoring any attempts she makes to reach out to him
Sometimes, after a few weeks of not hearing from her ex, a woman might contact him to see what’s happened to him (e.g. because she’s curious, she still cares about him and wants to make sure he’s okay, she wants to be friends with him now, she wants to find out if he still misses her so she can feel good about herself).
Yet, when a guy is serious about ‘going No Contact,’ he will often make the mistake of ignoring any attempts from her to communicate with him.
For example: A guy might think, “Wow! She contacted me! The No Contact Rule worked! She missed me and now she’s the one chasing me to get me back. This is fantastic! The best thing to do now is for me not to blow it by coming across as being too eager to get back together. So, I’ll be unavailable to her and ignore her for a little while longer. That way, she will really, really want me and eventually, when I feel the time is right, I will contact her. By that stage she will be so desperate to get me back, that she will be the one begging me to take her back. Haha! Yayy! The No Contact Rule is the best!”
Yet, in almost all cases, this plan of attack backfires.
If a woman makes the move to reach out to her ex and he ignores her, she will usually worry that if she keeps contacting him, he will gain the position of power in the relationship.
So, she will decide to stop contacting him, hook up with other guys to make herself feel better and eventually get revenge on her ex by allowing him to find out about it (e.g. via social media, through friends).
When her ex finds out, all of his grand plans with the No Contact Rule come crashing down as he realizes that he pushed it way too far.
So, if you want your ex back and she reaches out to you, don’t make the mistake of ignoring her attempts to communicate with you in the hope that it will make her miss you and want you more.
In some cases it will work that way, but in most cases, the woman doesn’t feel enough attraction for her ex to continue pursuing, or she seeks to make herself feel better by hooking up with new guys.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
4. Not improving his ability to re-attract her when he next interacts with her
Some guys assume that all they really need to do is cut off contact and wait.
No, no, no.
That’s not it.
You have to improve your ability to attract her, so when you interact with her, you are able to talk to her in a way that creates sparks of sexual and romantic attraction.
That is what counts.
Of course, a guy often doesn’t realize that, so he just cuts off contact and hopes that it works to make his ex woman miss him like crazy and want him back.
Then, when he finally contacts his ex after 30 or 60 days and she sees that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when she broke up with him (e.g. he’s still insecure and needy, he still can’t make her feel attracted), she realizes that if she got back into a relationship with him, it would be the same as before.
So, she just isn’t interested.
If he then attempts to get her back, she pushes him away and says something like, “I’ve had time to think about us these last few weeks/months apart and I’m now more convinced than ever that we’re all wrong for each other. Sorry, but it’s over between us. Please accept that and move on.”
Remember: If you want your ex back, use the time that you’re not contacting her to improve your ability to attract her (i.e. by changing and improving on the things that caused her to break up with you in the first place).
If you ignore her for 30 or so days and then attempt to get her back without first giving her what she wants from you (i.e. a new and improved attraction experience), she will simply push you away.
On the other hand, if you fix your weaknesses, add to your strengths (e.g. become more confident, self-assured, assertive, charismatic, interesting, funny, charming) and then contact her, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, her guard comes down and getting her back becomes easy, because she will want it too.
Understand that each woman responds differently to No Contact.
If your ex currently doesn’t feel much or any attraction for you, she is almost certainly not going to care if you don’t contact her anymore.
The best way to get her back is to actively make her feel attracted to you during interactions, so she then has a reason to get back with you now.
If you don’t use that approach, you run the risk of her moving on without you and being happy that she did.
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