To make your ex regret dumping you and want you back, follow these 5 steps:
1. Discover Her True, Hidden Reasons For Leaving You
Some guys know exactly what caused their ex to break up with them (e.g. the guy cheated on her, he lied to her, he was abusive towards her).
However, in most cases, a guy isn’t fully clear on what caused his ex to dump him and often just accepts the reasons she gave him.
For example: A guy might say, “My ex broke up with me because she said she needed some space to focus on her career.”
He might then think to himself, “If I give her some space to focus on her work, she will realize what a great guy I am and she will then regret dumping me and want me back.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
To begin with, most women will rarely come out and say exactly what is turning them off about a guy’s behavior.
So, when a woman says things like, “I need some space,” or “I just don’t feel the same way about us anymore,” or “Things have changed” or “I don’t know what I want anymore,” it’s usually her way of letting the guy down gently.
She doesn’t want to come right out and reveal her true, hidden reasons why she is dumping him because:
- She doesn’t want to tell him her secret reasons (e.g. he’s not manly enough, he’s too emotionally sensitive) because she doesn’t want him to quickly start acting like he’s fixed those things.
- She’s afraid that if she tells him what he’s doing wrong, he might become angry or possibly even violent.
- She doesn’t want to give him a chance to talk her out of her decision (e.g. by begging and pleading with her, promising her he will change, telling her how much he still loves her).
- She doesn’t want to teach him how to be the kind of man she needs in her life.
- She doesn’t want him to take her feedback the wrong way (e.g. one of her secret reasons might be that he’s too much of a pushover and let’s her get away with disrespecting him. She fears that if she tells him that, he might take to too far and become too assertive, controlling and aggressive in an attempt to show her that he’s not a pushover anymore).
Rather than telling him how to get her back, a woman will usually just try to cut her losses and move on in the hope that she can find a man who already has the ability to maintain her respect, attraction and love in a relationship.
So, if you want to make your ex regret dumping you and want you back, you need to be able to show her that you understand her secret reasons for breaking up with you, without her needing to explain them to you.
If you are unsure about what those reasons are for you, check out the list below and see if any of the following apply to you and your relationship.
- Were you both after the same kind of relationship, or did you want different things (e.g. one of you wanted to have fun together, but the other was focused on work or finishing university, or one of you want to get married and start a family, while the other was more focused on career)?
- Were you making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, or did you allow her to take on a more masculine role in the relationship (e.g. by letting her make all the decisions, letting her push you around, becoming the more emotionally sensitive one)?
- Did you make her feel loved and appreciated, or did she feel you were taking her for granted (e.g. you stopped noticing her efforts to look good, stopped telling her how much you loved and appreciated her, you put her in second place to your friends and expected her to put up with it)?
- Were you always respectful towards her, or did you get into a habit of criticizing or belittling her (e.g. making fun of her in front of other people, disregarding her opinions or ideas, making her feel stupid in comparison to how intelligent you are)?
- Did you live a balanced lifestyle that she was a part of, or did you become clingy and needy and mostly focus all of your time and attention on her?
By answering these questions, you will begin to get a better understanding of what caused your ex to dump you in the first place.
Then, when you interact with her (e.g. via text, on social media, on a phone call and especially in person) you can show her via your body language, behavior, the way you talk to her and the way you respond to her, that you have now changed.
She will be able to see that are no longer the guy she dumped and you have already improved in the days or weeks since the break up.
When that happens, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
She will then start to regret dumping you and will begin to imagine how good it would feel to be back in your arms again, kissing you, having sex with you and telling you that she loves you.
On the other hand, if you don’t fully understand what has been turning her off about you, chances are high that you will keep making the same old mistakes in your communication style, or will keep offering to fix the wrong things that she doesn’t even care about (e.g. a guy might say, “I will treat you so much better, I promise,” but what she really wants is for him to be more manly and not be such a hopeless romantic).
If you offer her the wrong things, she will just keep saying things like, “Sorry, I’m not interested,” or “Just accept that it’s over.”
2. Begin Fixing Those Things About Yourself
Understanding what caused your ex to dump you is a great start, but that alone isn’t what will make make her want you back.
Neither will texting, e-mailing or calling her up, to say things like, “I’ve really changed. I’m a different guy now. I promise I won’t make the same mistakes again if you just come back. Please give me another chance and you can see for yourself that I’m a changed man.”
Remember: Actions speak louder than words.
If your ex has lost respect and attraction for you as a man, regardless of how sincere you might be, she is likely going to assume the worst about you and think that you’re still the same guy and won’t be able to change how she feels.
To make your ex regret dumping you and want you back, you need to show her via your behavior, the way you think and act, what you say to her and the way you respond to what she says, that you’re now at a different level from when she broke up with you.
For example: Ask yourself…
- How do I usually react when my ex says that she doesn’t want to be with me?
If she says things like, “My feelings for you are dead,” or “You mean nothing to me anymore,” do you remain and think to yourself, “It’s fine. I accept that she feels that way right now, but I also know that feelings can and do change all the time, so how she feels now is not permanent. I can change how she feels and make her love me again” or do you get upset or angry with her and possibly beg and plead by saying things like, “Please give me another chance! I can’t live without you! Don’t do this to us. We can make it work.”
- How do I react when she talks about other guys?
Do you lose hope and think, “Oh no! She’s talking about other guys. This means that she will have sex with them, enjoy it and never want me back,” or do you remain confident in yourself and focus instead on making her smile, laugh and feel attracted to you again?
When your ex sees that she can no longer make you react in the ways that you used to when you were together, she will feel respect for you and begin to feel drawn to you again.
You don’t need to be perfect to get her back, just better.
Actions speak louder than words, so rather than trying to convince her with words (e.g. “I will change”), convince her by how you now think, feel, talk, behave and act around her and in life.
3. Improve Your Ability to Attract Her During Interactions
When a woman breaks up with a guy, chances are high that she’s not going to want to interact with him much, or at all after they part ways.
So, to make your ex regret dumping you and want you back, you can’t sit around hoping she will somehow wake up one morning and think to herself, “I miss my ex so much. I think I want to get back together with him. I should call him and ask him to come and see me so we can get back together.”
The chances of her doing that are just way too low.
I’ve personally helped 100s of men to get women back and the fastest, easiest way to get a woman back is to actively re-attract her.
You need to use every chance you get, whether it’s via text, on social media, e-mail, on a phone call, or in person, to show your ex that you’ve changed and make her feel like she’s losing out if she continues to stay broken up with you.
For example: When you interact with her and she’s being cold towards you, you need to get her to smile and laugh, and let her experience your newfound confidence based on how you think, feel, talk and behave around her now.
The more that she can see that you’re not responding to her like she’s expecting you to, the more she will begin wondering, “What’s going on here? Why isn’t he getting upset or angry like he used to when we were together? Something is really different about him,” and she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
However, if you keep making the same old mistakes in your communication style, she will likely just keep pushing you away like she always has.
So, to avoid turning her off even more, here are some mistakes to avoid making when you’re interacting with her.
- Lying about moving on when you haven’t.
Sometimes a guy will pretend that he’s moved on with his life, even though he hasn’t, in the hopes that it makes his ex regret dumping him and then want him back.
For example: When a guy interacts with his ex, he might say things like, “I’m totally fine about us breaking up. I mean, I would never get back together again anyway because I’m so over you now,” or “I’m actually glad that we broke up. I’ve been going out a lot lately and there are so many women interested in dating me, so things have been fun. I would hate to be stuck in a relationship now. Single life is way more fun.”
If that’s his honest opinion, then he can go ahead and say that if he wants to be rude and get some revenge by hurting her feelings a little.
However, if a guy wants her back, he shouldn’t make up lies about being over her when he isn’t.
Why? A woman can easily catch him in a lie by showing interest in him and then pulling back to see how he reacts.
For example: She might say, “Actually, I was thinking that maybe we should catch up. I’ve missed you. I don’t want to be single anymore. I want you back” and then when he starts saying, “Yeah, well maybe we could do that. I’ve been missing you too” she might say, “Hhhh…I don’t know…I need time to think about it” and then string him along to get revenge for lying about being over her.
Lies just don’t help in an ex back situation, so whatever you do, just be honest.
In life in general, it’s way easier (and less stressful) to just be honest all the time because you then have nothing to hide.
If you try to lie to her to make her regret losing you and she catches you out in that lie by showing interest and then pulling it away when you show interest back, she’s just going to lose respect for you and that will make it harder to get her back.
- Bragging about what you have achieved since the break up to hopefully make her feel like she’s let a great man go.
Another way that some men try to make their ex woman regret dumping them is by bragging about all the great things they’ve been doing since the break up.
For example: A guy might say to his ex, “I’ve been so busy since we broke up. I got promoted at work and I’m now earning so much more money, so I’m planning to tour through Europe next summer. Oh, and did I mention… I’ve got a brand new car as well. You’d love it!”
Yet, in most cases, a woman will know if he insecure and is only saying those things to hopefully impress her.
So, rather than making a woman think, “Hmmm… my ex sure has become very successful since we broke up. He’s such a great guy. I never realized what a great catch he really is. I wonder… maybe we should get back together again,” she may think, “Lame…I can’t believe he’s bragging to me about those things. Doesn’t he realize that what matters to me is who he is as a man? Like I care how much he earns now or that he has a great car. I’m not going to be in a relationship with those things; I will be in a relationship with him and it is him and his thinking and behavior that turns me off. He still doesn’t get it.”
- Trying to make her feel guilty for how bad she made you feel.
It’s only natural that when a guy gets dumped, he might feel hurt and betrayed by his woman.
After all, she probably once said to him, “I love you so much. I want to be with you forever” or something along those lines.
So, if a guy is a man of his word and he said the same thing back to her at the time, it’s only natural that he would feel betrayed.
He might then try to make his ex feel guilty for going back on her promise and making him feel so angry, depressed, lost and confused as a result.
For example: A guy might call up his ex and say something like, “How can you do this to me?! How can you be so cold and heartless? After everything we’ve been through and how much we loved each other, how can you just throw me out like an old pair of shoes? I’m a person you know? I have feelings? Doesn’t it matter to you that I love you?”
Secretly, he might be hoping that if she feels guilty enough about hurting him so badly, she might think to herself, “My ex is right…I really have been a heartless bitch towards him. He must really love me if he’s feeling so hurt and sad about the break up. I regret making him feel that way, so maybe I should just give him another chance.”
Yet, it rarely works that way.
When a woman sees a man behaving in a desperate, insecure, emotionally weak way, it only turns her off even more.
She begins to wonder, “If he can’t cope with a break up, what will happen if he has to face other serious problems in life? Will he need me to guide him and protect him like I’m his mother?”
Most women don’t want to take on that role in a relationship with a guy, which is why they are primarily attracted to men who are emotionally strong, confident and able to cope with whatever life throws at them.
Guys who are insecure, self-doubting, needy or too emotionally sensitive feel like more of a burden than a benefit to women, so women usually close up, break up and try not to look back.
• Telling her that no other guy will love her as much as you do.
When a woman doesn’t have feelings for her ex, hearing him say, “You will never find a guy who will love you as much as I do. You mean the world to me. Why can’t you see that I’m the right guy for you? I love you so much. No other guy will treat you as good as I do” isn’t going to matter that much to her.
Why? A woman just won’t care much at all that a guy loves her, if she doesn’t feel respect and attraction for him.
The feelings have to be mutual for her to care.
So, if you want to make your ex regret dumping you and want you back, don’t waste a lot of time telling her how much you love her, because she’s not going to care how much you love her compared to other guys if you don’t re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you first.
4. Call Her to Let Her Experience the New You
Some guys believe that texting an ex is a safe, non-threatening way of interacting with her and will ensure that he can slowly get her back without putting too much pressure on her by calling her or talking to her in person.
A guy may think, “My ex is likely still angry with me, so if I call her up on the phone she will probably just hang up on me or tell me to get lost. If I stick to text messages, she won’t feel pressured and will appreciate that I’m taking things slow. She will gradually see that I’ve changed and will then be more open to the idea of getting together again.”
Yet, hiding behind texts is usually the worst thing that a guy can do to get an ex woman back.
Why? If she currently perceives him in a negative way (e.g. she’s angry with him, she feels resentment and disappointment about who he became in the relationship and how that made her feel), it’s unlikely that she will perceive anything he texts her in a positive light.
Even if has really changed and is more confident, mature and emotionally strong than ever before, she can’t really determine that because she isn’t able to see his body language or hear the tone of his voice.
So, anything he says via text will potentially be seen by her in a negative way because she will imagine that the text is coming from the kind of guy he was when she dumped him.
If you want to regain your ex’s respect for you, you have to let her experience the new you in a more substantial way than just text, e-mail or social media message.
The best way to do that is by getting her on a phone call where you can make her laugh, smile and feel your confidence via your tonality.
From there, you need to arrange a meet up with her, where you can continue to actively re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
5. Meet Up With Her and Allow Her to Experience the New You, But Don’t Try to Get Her Back
When you meet up with your ex, continue saying and doing the types of things that have been turning her on (e.g. be confident, self-assured, make her smile and laugh, flirt with her).
At this point, it might be very tempting to want to push your ex to agree to giving your relationship another chance, especially if she seems to be having fun and is possibly even saying things like, “Wow…you’ve really changed,” or “I can’t believe that I’m having so much fun with you again like this. Maybe we should do this again sometime?”
However, although you might be tempted to say, “Yes! Let’s get back together again!” if you push her to get back into a relationship with you right away, she might change her mind and go back to playing hard to get.
If you want her to fully regret dumping you, the best approach is to say something like, “Well, let’s take it slow and see how we feel” or, “Let’s agree to catch up in a few days and if we still want to get back together, we will do it then” so you can build up her desire to want to get back with you.
Just make sure that you aren’t the one pushing to get back together with her if you haven’t yet fully reactivated her feelings of respect and attraction and made her want to give it another try.
If she’s not feeling it and you push to get back together, she may say something like, “Yes, I’ve enjoying hanging out with you but that doesn’t mean I want to be your girlfriend (fiancé or wife) again. You hurt me/disappointed me/really turned me off and I don’t know if I can forgive you for that yet.”
So, make sure that you play your cards right.
Instead of trying to get her back when you meet up with her, focus instead on reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
You want to get her thinking, “Wow…my ex is so different now. I really enjoy his company. I’m having so much fun. Being around him now is even better than it was when we first met. I want us to be back together. I regret breaking up with him now. I want this. I want him back.”
Once she is thinking that way, getting her back and keeping her in a relationship will be very easy for you.