Here are 4 ways to do it:
1. Make her feel it, not think it
In general, men are thinking creatures who prefer to understand things on an intellectual level.
So, for a man, a well designed explanation about something is enough to either convince him that it’s a great idea, or that it’s a waste of his time.
This is why, when a couple breaks up but the guy feels that it shouldn’t have happened in the first place, his first instinct is to talk to her and convince her to see things from his point of view.
In a case like that, the guy is usually 100% sure if he explains to her why things went wrong between them and gives her a list of valid reasons why they belong together, she will start to think about the break up the same way as him (i.e. that they shouldn’t have broken up).
Yet, what most guys don’t understand is that women in general are feeling creatures and no matter how convincing the argument, if a woman’s heart isn’t in it, she’s not going to be convinced.
So, if you want to get your ex to see that you shouldn’t have broken up, don’t waste time trying to convince her with logic, because she’s probably going to remain closed off and disinterested.
In her mind she may even be thinking things like, “All I hear is him telling me how we belong together and how wonderful things used to be between us, but that’s not how I feel about it. In fact, I feel sad and disappointed and like nothing turned out the way I wanted it to. All I can think about is how he stuffed up and made me lose respect, attraction and love for him over time, not how nice things used to be in the beginning. I know he means well, but if he wants me to give him another chance, he’s going to have to do more than tell me that he believes we shouldn’t have broken up. He needs to show me that he can be the man that I want him to be and that this time around he can make me feel the way I want to feel when I’m with him. Only then will I consider getting back together again.”
Here’s the thing…
After a break up, a woman doesn’t want to have to put in loads of effort to make a relationship work with a guy that she no longer feels respect, attraction or love for.
Instead, she wants to be left alone so she can move on and make a fresh start with someone else who sparks those feelings inside of her.
This is why, you have to stop focusing on what you want and start giving her what she wants (i.e. to feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you based on your new and improved behavior).
It can’t be all about how much you believe that you and her shouldn’t have broken up.
It has to be about her feeling that way for her reasons (e.g. she likes how confident you are now rather than insecure and needy, she likes how manly you are and how you stand up to her in an assertive, yet loving way when she’s being difficult or putting you down, she likes how you are able to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman when she’s with you rather than neutral or like a friend).
Focus on that and you will naturally get her to see that you shouldn’t have broken up.
Keep pushing her to logically accept that you and her are meant to be together and she will almost certainly keep pushing you away and saying things like, “Forget it! I don’t feel the same way as you do. Please accept my decision to be broken up and move on.”
Yet, when you focus on attraction, she will naturally feel drawn to you again.
You won’t have to convince her with long discussions.
She will want you back for her own reasons (i.e. she feels attracted to you again and doesn’t want to end up regretting letting you go if she can’t find a guy who makes her feel the same way).
Another way to get your ex to see that you shouldn’t have broken up is to…
2. Level up as a man
Basically what this means is that you fully understand all her reasons for breaking up with you (even the secret, hidden ones that she never told you about), and then taking action to improve yourself in some of the ways that are important to her.
This is not about changing yourself to become a perfect man for your ex, it’s simply about becoming a better, more well-rounded version of yourself.
For example:
- If you’re confident in certain situations (e.g. at work, when doing something you love and are really good at), but insecure in others (e.g. in your relationship with her, in social situations), you now focus on becoming more confident and self-assured no matter what the circumstances.
- If you’re a great leader in the workplace, but in your relationship you tend to be a bit of a pushover and you allow your woman to call all the shots, you now become more emotionally dominant and can stand up to her in an assertive, yet loving way when she tries to boss you around.
- If your habit is to treat your woman like she’s your best friend, making her feel neutral, friendly feelings towards you, you now focus on flirting with her and creating so much sexual tension between you and her that not only does she feel sexy and desirable again, she also can’t wait to kiss and have sex with you again.
- If you’ve been drifting along and taking things slow when it comes to your goals in life, show her that you’re now making progress a lot faster than before and are moving up through the levels of life like a real man.
The more your ex can see that you’ve transformed yourself into the man she always wanted you to be, the more respect she will start to feel for you again for leveling up as man.
When she respects you, she will also start to feel attracted to you again and from there, reconnecting with her feelings of love will happen pretty quickly from there.
As a result, she drops her guard and opens up to interacting with you on the phone and in person.
You can then easily build up her feelings and get her back.
Another way to get her to see that you shouldn’t have broken up is to…
3. Let her see that she can still smile, laugh and feel good when talking to you
After a break up, most couples feel a lot of tension and uncertainty when interacting with each other.
As a result, conversations end up being strained and filled with seriousness and anxiety.
Yet, that’s not going to help bring down a woman’s defenses and make her start seeing her ex in a more positive light.
This is why, it’s very important that you avoid serious discussions about the relationship and how you believe that you and her shouldn’t be broken up and focus instead on making her laugh, smile and feel good every time she’s talking to you.
For example: Imagine you’re on a call with your ex and she says something like, “You really do need to accept that we’re broken up now and stop calling me whenever you feel like it.”
Rather than turn this into a serious discussion about how you think you and her shouldn’t have broken up in the first place, use it as an opportunity to lighten the mood and make her feel happy that you called her instead.
You can do that by jokingly saying something along the lines of, “What are you talking about? I never call you unless it’s a special occasion. Today is Tuesday, so happy Tuesday!” and then have a laugh.
She is most likely going to laugh too and will know that you’re only joking.
She’s also going to feel more relaxed and happy to be talking to you again, because you’re being funny and care-free, rather than pushing her for a relationship again.
The more you use humor to make your ex laugh, and smile, and feel good when interacting with you, the more it gets rid of her focus on the negatives.
Suddenly your mistakes don’t seem as important anymore because she is feeling good around you.
When she interacts with you now, she can laugh, and smile, and feel good, rather than feeling tense or awkward or weird.
It just feels comfortable, happy and positive.
Of course that doesn’t mean you should go overboard and crack jokes all the time.
Instead, just add some humor to your interactions with her.
Get her laughing and smiling because it just relaxes the vibe between you and that then causes her to start seeing you in a different light.
She starts to feel drawn to you in a way that feels good to her and she then becomes open to the idea of getting back with you again.
Another way to get her to see that you shouldn’t have broken up is to…
4. Re-attract her and then let her miss you for a few days
One of the best ways to make an ex want you back is to spark her feelings for you and then to ignore her for a few days.
Dan Bacon (founder of The Modern Man) explains why you should re-attract her BEFORE you ignore her, rather than just ignoring her…
Essentially, what happens is that when you interact with her and make her feel surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again and then stop calling her, she naturally starts to miss you.
She felt attracted, she felt a spark and now you’re gone.
As a result, she begins thinking things like, “Why isn’t he calling me? Did I push him too far and he suddenly decided that I’m serious about the break up, so he’s decided to move on? I hope not! I don’t want him to get out of my life anymore. I actually want to see if we can work things out after all.”
When she’s thinking like that, all her resistance begins to fade away and getting her back becomes easy, because she’s now the one worried about losing you.
So, get your ex on a phone call or to a meet up with you and begin re-sparking her feelings for you.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Showing her that you’re much more confident than you used to be, especially when she tries to make you feel unsure of yourself by being cold, distant or by telling you that she doesn’t want to get back together again.
- Using humor to bring down her guard and make her feel good to be talking to you and seeing you again (especially if she’s initially being closed off towards you).
- Flirting with her to create a sexual vibe between you.
- Turning her negative feelings about the break up into something you can both laugh about together.
- Making her feel like a feminine, girly woman around you by being more emotionally masculine than before, rather than making her feel neutral or friendly feelings towards you by being too nice, sweet or submissive with her.
The more you re-awaken her feelings for you, the more she will want to talk to you and see you again.
From there, cut off contact with her for a few days (3 to 7), so she can begin to miss you.
During that time, or after a week, she might call you to say hi, or if she’s a bit shy, she may send you a text instead and wait to see how you respond.
Whatever happens, you need to call her and arrange a meet up so you can fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
By the way…
Even if she doesn’t contact you, it doesn’t mean she’s not missing you.
Instead, she might be feeling too unsure of herself to reach out to you in case you reject her, especially since you were the one who cut off contact with her this time around.
So, to protect herself from being hurt if you’re not interested in her anymore, she might stay quiet and wait for you to make the next move.
This is why, if she doesn’t contact you within a week, just go ahead and call her again and arrange a meet up.
If you don’t make a move and instead wait from a sign from her, you stand the risk of making her think that you’re not interested in her anymore.
She may then force herself to completely disconnect from her feelings for you and maybe even finds herself a replacement guy to help her get over you faster.
3 Common Mistakes to Be Aware of When Trying to Convince Your Ex to Get Back Together
You can get your ex to see that you and her shouldn’t have broken up when you approach the ex back process in the right way (i.e. interact with her, reactivate her feelings, get her back).
However, if you make attraction mistakes at this very crucial time, you may end up turning her off more and convincing her that she made the right decision by breaking up with you, instead.
This is why, it’s important that you avoid making any of the following mistakes:
1. Trying to make her understand how much she means to you, in the hope that it changes her mind about the break up
Right now, how you feel about your ex is pretty obvious.
You care about her and you want her back.
However, her feelings for you are likely not that obvious.
Instead, she will probably be feeling a range of emotions and generally speaking, most of them won’t be positive.
So, if you then start pushing her and telling her all about your feelings for her, rather than make her realize her mistake and quickly get back with you, she may instead end up thinking things like, “How dare he talk to me about how much I mean to him and how he still loves me! He should have thought about that before he stuffed everything up. Now he wants me to get over it and give him another chance, but he doesn’t realize that I don’t feel the same way about him, and until he can prove to me that he’s truly changed and that things will be different this time, I’m not interested in any of his sweet talk!”
She then closes herself off and refuses to listen to you, making it even more frustrating for you.
This is why, you need to forget about your feelings for her and focus on making her have feelings for you.
When she can respect you and feel attracted to you again, she will be happy to know that you still care for her and want her back, but not before that.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Offering to change things that she doesn’t really care about
For example: A guy might offer to be a more attentive boyfriend or husband to his woman.
In his mind he’s likely thinking, “All women want more attention. I’m sure this will calm her down and make her happy again.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that what she really wants is for him to become more manly and stop being such an emotional wimp around her, or in life.
Alternatively, a guy might improve his physical appearance because in the past he noticed that his woman made positive comments about guys who had big muscles, wore fancy clothes or had a specific hairstyle.
However, what really turned her off about him was his lack of confidence.
Here’s the thing…
If you don’t get clear on what turned your ex off about you (even the secret, subtle things she never told you about), you will almost certainly offer to change the wrong things.
She will then take that as a sign that you don’t understand her and as a result, she will be even more convinced that you and her are wrong for each other.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Bringing up good memories from your past together in a long email, letter or social media message
This can work if a woman is still in love with her ex guy.
However, most guys who need help to get a woman back aren’t in that fortunate position.
Most guys are trying to get an ex woman back who no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to justify being in a relationship.
He really wants to be with her, but she isn’t feeling it.
So, when he writes to her about good memories, she isn’t fooled by that trick and sees exactly what he is up to.
She also doesn’t feel like she is missing out on much because she no longer feels attracted to him.
Instead, she likely thinks something along the lines of, “Those were different times. I was in love with him then, but I definitely am not now. All that is in the past and I don’t really want to think about it. What’s important for me at this point is to move on and make a fresh start, not fantasize about happier times that no longer exist.”
So, if you want your ex to care, you need to make her care.
That means you need to interact with her every chance you get (especially over the phone and in person) and make her feel strong surges of respect and attraction for you again.
When you do that, remembering the good times you and her had before takes on a special significance, because she begins to hope that maybe you can make more happy memories together.
She then becomes open to seeing that you and her shouldn’t have broken up after all.
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