If she wants space, you should give her a bit of space before contacting her again.
However, don’t wait too long to contact her.
Giving 3 to 7 days of space after a break up is usually more than enough to let her see that you are respecting her wishes and aren’t desperately trying to force her into a relationship with you again.
Watch this to understand why waiting for longer than a week is usually a waste of time and leads to her moving on…
So, here’s what a guy should do, based on the reason why she dumped him:
1. If he got dumped for being insecure and then desperately tried to get her back after the break up
After a week of space, where he allows for things to calm down between him and his ex, he needs to call her on the phone (not text her) and say something along the lines of, “Hey, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now, but I just wanted to apologize to you for the way I behaved in the relationship with you and when you asked for space. I see now that I made a bunch of silly, desperate mistakes because I didn’t want to lose you. I don’t blame you for pushing me away the way you did. However, I want you to know…I accept that you want space and I promise not to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want. We can just be friends for now, okay?”
Of course, saying that to her doesn’t mean she’s going to immediately say, “Oh, okay. I believe you. I’m sure you’re no longer insecure and needy. That’s so great! All is forgiven, so let’s just forget about this whole ‘I want space’ thing and get back together again right away.”
Instead, she will likely test him to see if what he’s saying is actually true, or if he’s only putting on an act to try and get her back.
For example: She might say something along the lines of, “I don’t care whether you accept my wanting space or not. You behaved like a real jerk and you convinced me that what I actually want is to break up with you. So please leave me alone. It’s over between us.”
Naturally, if he’s only pretending to be more confident and emotionally strong, her saying that she wants to break up will almost certainly shock him, thereby confirming her suspicions that he hasn’t changed.
However, because he used the time apart to quickly transform himself and is now genuinely more confident and self-assured, he responds by laughing at her (in a loving way) and saying something along the lines of, “Stop being such a drama queen. Yes I made a mistake, but nobody is perfect, not even you. So, let’s stop making a big deal out of what happened and let’s just be focus on being friends for now.”
Initially, she might be a bit shocked that he’s now actually talking to her in that way and not taking her drama seriously.
Yet, even if she doesn’t show it, she will be feeling a burst of respect and attraction for him for not behaving like the insecure, needy guy she used know.
She then naturally becomes open to meeting up with him in person as friends, to see for herself that he’s really changed.
At the meet up, she’s almost certainly going to test him some more (e.g. pretend that she’s over him, ask for more time apart, flirt with other guys in front of him or tell him that other guys have been asking her out on dates) to see how he will respond.
When she sees that nothing she says or does makes him feel insecure anymore and instead, he remains calm, relaxed and confident around her, her guard will come down and she starts wanting to be around him again.
He then needs to use interactions with her to fully reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, until she’s the one saying things like, “I miss you and I’ve changed my mind about wanting space. What I really want now is to work on our relationship and get back together again.”
Another example of how a guy can approach it is…
2. If he got dumped for taking her for granted. Then, then apologized and begged for another chance
He needs to give her a week of space where he no longer calls her or tries to make her change her mind.
Then, after a week, he needs to call her on the phone and apologize to her again, but this time without groveling and make it clear to her that he now fully understands how he messed up.
For example: He might say something along the lines of, “I know I apologized to you before, but I made a mess of it. This time, I just want to say I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I realize that I wasn’t a very good man to you and I understand that my actions caused you to feel unloved, unappreciated and taken for granted. Of course, I don’t expect you to change your mind about wanting space just because I’m apologizing to you. Instead, I just want you to know that I really do care about you, even though my past actions didn’t make you feel that I do.”
He then needs guide the conversation towards the mutual understanding that it’s okay for a guy (and a woman) to make mistakes in a relationship and that it doesn’t always mean the end
He can then say something like, “I know that actions speak louder than words, so I’m not going to tell you that I’ve learned from my mistakes and have become a better man as a result, I’m going to show you.”
By saying something like that to her and taking responsibility for his actions, he automatically sparks some of her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
She then stops being so defensive and closed off and becomes more open to interacting with him more.
He can then get her to meet up with him in person, so that she can experience the new him for herself (by the way he behaves and interacts with her).
When she realizes that he really is a better man and that he’s no longer taking her for granted, while at the same time not sucking up to her or groveling, she will automatically feel attracted to him again.
She will then naturally open up to forgiving him for real and agree to giving the relationship another chance.
Another example of how a guy can approach it is…
3. If he accepted the break up right away and ended things on good terms
He needs to give her 3 days of space and then call her on the phone where he focuses on making her laugh and smile and feel good to be hearing from him again.
For example: When she says something along the lines of, “So, how has your day been so far?” rather than reply with something mundane like, “Oh, I’ve been busy at work mostly. How about you?” which will do nothing to spark her feelings for him, he instead says something that makes her laugh like, “It’s been great so far and it’s about to get even better.”
She will then likely respond with something along the lines of, “Oh, really? Why?” and he then replies by saying, “Well, because I’m waiting for this really beautiful woman to invite me to lunch.”
She will then probably feel a bit disappointed and ask something like, “Well good for you. So, why are you telling me this?” and he can then jokingly say, “Well because that girl is you and I’m starving to death here waiting for you to invite me. What’s taking you so long?”
At this point, she will naturally laugh and she will also feel flattered that he’s calling her beautiful.
As a result, her guard will come down and rather than feeling tense about talking to him again, she feels relaxed and open to catching up with him in person.
Then, when she meets up with him and experiences the new him face-to-face (e.g. he’s more confident and self-assured around her, he’s more emotionally masculine and doesn’t let her dominate him during conversation, he treats her like a feminine woman rather than like a neutral friend), she naturally changes her mind about needing space and wants to be his girl again.
3 Mistakes to Avoid Making When Giving a Woman Space
If you want to get your woman back into a relationship with you, you need to be able to understand what aspects of your thinking, behavior and attitude will turn her on, or turn her off.
This is why, it’s very important that you don’t make the following mistakes and end up pushing her out of your life for good:
1. Giving her 30 to 60 days of space and hoping that it magically fixes everything between them
Giving a woman a lot of space is not the magic ingredient for fixing a relationship.
Instead, if a woman comes back after a few weeks or months apart from her guy and notices that he’s still making the same attraction mistakes he made before, she will usually walk away and this time, permanently.
Here’s the thing…
More time apart doesn’t fix a relationship.
Instead it gives a woman time to get over her guy and move on.
Even if she doesn’t do that, if after 30 or 60 days she interacts with her guy and she discovers that he’s just been sitting around waiting to get her back without changing or improving anything about himself in that time, she’s more than likely just going to walk away; this time for real.
This is why, if you intend giving your ex space, make sure that you don’t think that’s all you have to do to make things right between you and her.
You need to improve on some of the things that are important to her, so that when you interact with her and she notices you’re at a different level than you were before, she will feel motivated to work things out and get back together again.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Accepting her request for space and deciding to never contact her again unless she reaches out first
When a woman asks for space, it’s usually because she has either totally disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her guy, or she’s very close to it.
Basically, she’s distancing herself from him to decide if it’s worth it to try and fix the relationship, or if she should just cut her losses and find herself a new man.
So, if the guy then completely disappears from her life and doesn’t call or even text her, it makes it so much easier for her to decide that he’s not the one for her anymore.
Note: If you want to keep your girl, you can’t sit around waiting for her to hopefully realize that she still cares about you and wants you back.
You have to make her care.
You have to get her to realize that even though you and her experienced some problems, what you have together is worth it and losing you would be the biggest mistake of her life.
That’s why, it’s important that you don’t give her more then a few days of space, before you begin interacting with her again and reactivating her feelings for you (e.g. by using humor to dissolve resentments, showing her that you’ve already started transforming yourself into a better man, flirting with her to create sexual tension between you and make her want to release that tension through kissing and sex).
The more she starts to miss you when you’re not around (i.e. because you’ve sparked her feelings on a call or at a meet up and then didn’t contact her again for a few days), the more open she’ll become to working things out as quickly as possible so that you can get back together again.
On the other hand if you don’t reach out to her at all, chances are, she’ll begin thinking about all the things you do that turn her off (e.g. you’re too insecure and this makes you clingy and needy, you take her for granted, you make her feel like the man in the relationship because you were too emotionally sensitive and this makes her feel like she’s always taking care of you rather than the other way around) and as a result, she ends up deciding that a break up is inevitable.
Don’t let that happen to you.
You need to stay in contact with her if you want her back.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Not giving her any space at all
The opposite of giving your woman too much space and losing her because she moves in, is not giving her any space at all and annoying her instead.
As a result, she feels like not only aren’t you being respectful of her wishes, you’re also behaving in an immature, childish way, which gives her one more reason to consider breaking up with you for real.
If you don’t give your ex any space to allow for things to calm down and make her miss you, it makes it more difficult for you to break through her defenses and get her to open back up to you.
This is why, the rule of thumb is: Give her 3 to 7 days of space.
Then, contact her, preferably over the phone and arrange a meet up so that you can begin reactivating her feelings for you.
In the meantime, use the time apart to begin improving yourself, so that when you interact with her, she’s bowled over by the positive changes she experiences (e.g. you’re more confident and self-assured, you’re more manly around her, you’re less unsure of yourself when she’s being cold or unresponsive).
When she sees for herself that you really are a different man, she will likely be the one saying something along the lines of, “You know what… I don’t want any more space. I want to be with you. Let’s just be together again. I’ve missed you.”
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Not understanding her real reasons for wanting space
A woman who is blissfully happy in her relationship with her guy won’t want to spend even one day away from him.
So, if your girl is asking for space, it generally indicates that there are certain things about you, and her relationship with you that aren’t fulfilling her emotional needs.
This is why, if you want to resolve this problem once and for all (i.e. make sure she never wants space again), you need to understand what aspects of your thinking and behavior is turning her off and undertake to improve on those things (e.g. Do you make her feel feminine and girly or does she feel more like a friend around you? Are you confident with her or do you feel unsure of your value to her? Are you manly enough for her or does she feel like she’s the boss in the relationship?).
It’s not about becoming some perfect, robot boyfriend (or husband) to your woman, but rather about showing her that you’re serious about making the relationship work.
When she can see for herself that you’re putting in the effort, she will automatically want to respond by being a good, loyal, loving, devoted woman to you.
That’s how it works.
You make her feel loved and appreciated and emotionally safe and she tries to be the best woman she can be in return, because she knows she’s lucky to have you.
So, focus on that and she’ll be back in your arms again within a very short time.