So how can you impress your ex-girlfriend, fiancé, or wife and show her that you really have changed and improved?
Essentially, you need to show her that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
If you try to get her back at the level you were at when she broke up with you, you’re most likely going to fail because it’s not going to satisfy her. She’s had enough of the guy who is stuck at your level.
Her guard will start to come down when she sees that you have begun to change in the ways that are important to her.
For example: If a man was dumped by a woman because he was too emotionally sensitive and insecure (e.g. he became very jealous, he was clingy, he needed her constant reassurance that she felt attracted to him and loved him, etc), she isn’t going to want him back if he still hasn’t worked out how to be emotionally strong and emotionally mature.
Most women will put up with that a guy’s insecurity for a while, but if it keeps going on and on and on, a woman will lose respect for the guy.
She will then start to lose attraction for him, because a woman really can’t maintain her feelings of attraction for a guy that she doesn’t respect.
So, if a guy like that wants his ex-girlfriend, fiancé or wife to drop her guard and become open to interacting with him in person, talking about the relationship and giving him another chance, he needs to show her that he really has moved beyond that level as a man.
She’s not going to feel happy taking a guy back who’s still stuck at the same level that he was at when she broke up with him. She wants to see that he has become a better man as a result of the break up.
A lot of women go through life saying, “A leopard can’t change its spots” or “If a man makes a mistake once, he’ll never be able to change. They’re all the same, they can never change. If he stuffs up, just dump him and move on.”
Women will have those sort of mindsets because they come across guys who don’t change.
Yet, you can be the exception.
You can be one of the rare men who actually do change as a result of a breakup, by going beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
Another example of is where a guy has been broken up with because he took his woman for granted. How can he move beyond the level of taking her for granted (e.g. treating her like crap or not being willing to commit)?
The obvious answer sounds like, “Okay well, he must start showing her lots of appreciation and attention. He must tell her that he wants to commit to her. He must really go above and beyond to show her how committed he is to her.”
No, that’s not it at all.
When I’ve helped phone-coaching clients to get their women back, the guys who have taken their women for granted are intelligent enough to have already tried that.
The woman says, “You treated me like crap” or “You weren’t willing to commit to me,” and the guy then starts treating her really, really well, proposing to her or being willing to basically do anything for her. So he’s already tried that, and it’s not working. Why? Because that is not the next level.
The next level in a case like that is to simply show her that he now understands and to get her to understand that it’s okay for a guy to make mistakes in a relationship and then become a better man as a result.
The next level is a mutual understanding that mistakes do happen and it doesn’t mean the end of a relationship.
For example: A guy has taken his woman for granted because he didn’t see her very often. She wanted to see him and he was always too busy doing other things, and he just thought, “Well she’ll stick around, she’s my girlfriend or fiancé or wife. She’ll put up with it because we’re in love.”
She then eventually gets to the point where she says, “Look, I’m sick of this. I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. You take me for granted,” etc.
If he then starts showing her loads of affection and pleading with her and saying, “I’m sorry! I’ll do anything to make you happy! Please! Please! Please!” that actually makes her lose some respect for him because she sees him in desperation mode.
Women don’t want to see a man in desperation mode.
Women want to see a man who is in control of his emotions and he’s able to use these bumps in the road in a relationship to actually deepen the respect, attraction, and love that they both feel for each other.
So rather than going into desperation mode, what a guy needs to do is show her that he knows that he’s made a mistake, but then guide the conversation towards a mutual understanding that it’s okay to make mistakes in a relationship and it’s not the end of a relationship.
He needs to get her to understand that for a couple to stay together for life, they both need to love each other patiently. They need to constantly forgive each other for these minor mistakes that really can be fixed.
A guy taking his woman for granted is not the end of the world.
If they both loved each other and they had a great relationship, but there was the problem of him taking her for granted, that’s not the end of the world, that’s not the end of the story, that’s not unfixable.
It’s simply an example of him learning a lesson of how to have a happy, successful relationship. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, even her.
So, at that point, he can say to her, “Hey, I get it. I’ve been taking you for granted. You’re always wanting to catch up and things, and I’ve been too busy with work. I’ve been too focused on that. Clearly, you’ve gotten to the point now where you’re just sick of that. I get it. One thing I want you to understand, though, is that we both have made some mistakes in this relationship. You remember the time you did that and you did this? Well, it turns out that I’ve done this. I’ve taken you for granted, and that isn’t the right way to go about having a happy, successful relationship. I get that now, but I also get that you are probably at the point where you’ve had enough. You don’t even want to consider giving me another chance right now. That, I understand, because you’re hurt right now and you’ve gotten to the point where you’ve had enough of it.”
After saying that to her, it then calms things down.
He’s not asking her to take him back; he’s simply stating that he understands where he went wrong, and also helping her understand how relationships actually work.
When faced with problems in a relationship, the immature thing to do is to run from those problems.
Yet, the mature thing to do is to work on those problems and use them as an opportunity to deepen the respect, attraction and love that you feel for each other.
Of course, when a woman is at the point where she’s breaking up with a guy, she usually doesn’t want to talk about deepening any feelings.
She wants to get away from him because she’s had enough, but by having that type of conversation with her, it calm things down and he can then go through the rest of the process of getting a woman back, which is to rebuild her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
In every interaction that he has with her from then on, he has to use it as an opportunity to rebuild her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him again.
He can get some of that back via text, but the biggest impacts happen when you talk to your ex on the phone and when you interact with her in person.
It’s in those moments that she can really hear and see that you have changed; you have gone beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
Next Level Respect and Attraction
To recap, here are the two examples of next level of respect and attraction.
The first example was if a guy was insecure and emotionally sensitive. What he needs to do is show her that he’s become confident and emotionally strong when he interacts with her. He can then start to rebuild her feelings.
In the other example where a guy has taken his woman for granted, he needs to give her a relationship reality check to let her know that everyone makes mistakes in a relationship and a mistake like that isn’t something that’s unfixable.
People can learn from mistakes and a guy can become a better man as a result of learning from his mistakes in a relationship. It is then possible for the relationship to get better from then on and be better than it ever was before.
After the relationship reality check, he needs to then start rebuilding her feelings.
He also needs to make her feel appreciated, loved, and wanted, but not in a desperate way.
When a guy gets dumped for taking a woman for granted, he often makes the mistake of just going straight for making her feel really appreciated, loved, and wanted, and he comes across as desperate.
For example: He starts buying her gifts, offering to take her on holidays, proposing marriage to her, and basically treating her like a princess. There’s nothing wrong with treating a woman really well, but if you don’t go through the other steps first, it just doesn’t have the same impact.
In some cases, it will also be good to give the woman anywhere from 3-7 days of space where you’re not contacting her or hassling her. However, it’s not always necessary to do that and in many cases that I see, a guy is able to get his woman on the phone right away, sort things out, meet up with her, and start rebuilding her feelings for him.
So, in most cases, rather than ignoring the woman, what a guy really needs to do is let her experience respect and attraction for the new and improved version of him, and then guide her back into a relationship with him.
If you don’t know exactly what to say or do to get your woman back, and you need help with that, I do have an amazing program called Get Your Ex Back Super System.
It’s a step-by-step system; it’s 10 hours of video training and by the end of the 10 hours, you’ll be ready to contact your ex, get her to meet up with you, bring her guard down, start rebuilding her feelings for you, and guide her back into a relationship with you.