The secret of how to win back your ex-girlfriend is to focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
If she is feeling turned off by you right now and you’re trying to get her back, but aren’t saying or doing anything to make her feel respect and attraction for you, then you’re not going to win her back.
More Classic Mistakes to Avoid
Getting a girlfriend back can become unnecessarily difficult when a guy makes one or more of the following mistakes…
1. Bombarding her with text messages so he is never out of her mind
I get a lot of emails from guys who tell me that they’ve tried everything they can think of to try to win back an ex-girlfriend. When I ask them to tell me what they’ve tried, it very often comes down to one thing – texting.
Not just a few texts…a LOT of texts. Most guys text the crap out of ex girlfriends because it feels like it is working.
Yet, in most cases, texting an ex-girlfriend simply turns her off even further because she looks at the texts and assumes that you are still the same guy she broke up with and haven’t really changed.
Some guys feel as though staying on her mind with regular texts means that she will be less likely to move on because she will be thinking about him. If she texts back, it can feel like she is maintaining a line of communication because she is interested.
Yet, just because woman texts back in a nice, friendly way, it doesn’t mean that she is actually rolling her eyes and thinking, “Hhh…why is he sending me this crap?”
Nothing that you can say to your ex girlfriend via text will convince her that you are going to think, act and behave differently from now on. It’s easy to write something in a text, but actions speak louder than words.
If she can hear your sincerity on a phone call and then see the changes in you when you meet up with her in person, that is what will convince her that you have changed.
2. Pleading with her for another chance, even though he hasn’t changed
A woman will often give her boyfriend one or two chances when she is ready to break up with him, especially if she still has hope for the relationship. However, if he never seems to change and ends up making her feeling the same way after she has given him a chance, she will become colder and more able to completely break up with him.
When a woman gets to that point, she will often say cold things like, “I feel nothing for you now” or “I don’t love you anymore” to really get the message across that she has lost all hope for the relationship and has disconnected herself from the love that she used to feel for him.
It doesn’t mean that the love is dead, but that she has simply closed herself off to it.
At this point, most guys don’t know how to react. The correct way to react is to accept her decision and then leave. After that, you need to quickly begin fixing any issues (e.g. insecurity) and improving yourself (e.g. becoming more masculine in your thinking, behavior and actions).
After doing that, you then need to contact her and arrange to see her in person. When you see her in person, you need to let her experience the new, improved version of you so that she can feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t focus on fixing their issues and improving themselves and often make the mistake of pleading with their girlfriend and trying to convince her to give him another chance.
When a guy pleads with a woman or even begs her to give him another chance (even though he doesn’t know how to change, fix his issues and improve himself to be more attractive to her), she realizes that he is clinging onto a relationship that he doesn’t know how to handle.
She feels as though he just isn’t emotionally mature enough or experienced enough as a man to be the boyfriend that she needs. Instead of giving him yet another chance and having to go through another break up in a few days, weeks or months time, she just ends it.
The more he pleads with her, the more respect and attraction she loses for him because she realizes that he is lost, confused and doesn’t know what he needs to do to fix the situation.
3. Writing her a love letter to let her know how he feels
Some guys find it difficult to express how they feel in person, so they pour their heart out in a letter, e-mail, Facebook message or a series of texts instead.
In cases like that, a guy feels like it’s important to make sure that his girlfriend understands just how much she means to him and how much he wants her back. He assumes that if the break up was a result of him not being open enough with his emotions, she’ll get a chance to see what he’s really feeling but was unable to express…and that might make her rethink her decision.
Yet, it almost always turns a woman off. Words on a screen are nothing compared to watching you say that in person. According to most studies, non verbal communication (e.g. body language, tone of your voice, vibe, etc) makes up 93% of communication when two people are talking in person.
This means that only 7% of what is really being communicated between people is based on the words. Everything else is about who they are, how they are behaving and what their vibe and attitude is like.
When your girlfriend cannot see you in person and assess your non-verbal communication, she has to GUESS what you would be acting like if you said that type of thing to her in person.
If your girlfriend currently sees you in a negative light and she then gets a long letter where you are pouring your heart out in a soppy, romantic or sensitive way, she is going to imagine negative things about you (e.g. you were feeling insecure when you wrote it, you rewrote certain sections over and over again, you are a wimp for not saying that to her in person before, etc).
However, when you say those things in person and she can see that you’re confident, relaxed, masculine and emotionally secure, she will actually feel a lot of respect and attraction for you.
Without a real emotional connection in a relationship, a woman will feel uneasy about connecting physically (i.e. sex, kissing, hugging, etc). It just won’t feel right to her. If you can’t connect with your girlfriend in person, she will always remain partially or fully closed off you to no matter what you try to do to win her back.
4. Calling her friends and/or relatives and asking them to help him change her mind
Sometimes, when a guy realizes that his own efforts aren’t going to win his girlfriend back, he will try calling on her friends or family to help him convince her that he is serious and is willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.
For example: If she is ignoring his text messages and not answering his calls, he may then try to get friends or family to pass on a message for him. He may ask her friends or family to add in that he is a “mess” without her and are really desperate to talk to her and sort out the problems between them.
Calling her friends is a bad idea because women aren’t attracted to guys who behave like a boy would by getting other people (e.g. parents, adults, etc) to stand up for him.
The moment that a guy runs to her friends for help, all respect for him as a man is lost. Without respect, there can be no sexual spark and the very fact that he put her in an embarrassing situation with her friends will make her want him to get out of her life completely.
5. Avoiding other women to show her that he only has eyes for her
Many of the guys who ask me for advice on how to win back an ex girlfriend tell me that they’ve deliberately avoided social situations or avoided being seen with any other women because they don’t want their ex-girlfriend to think that they are “over her” when all they really want is to win her back.
The thinking behind this approach is that by showing her that he is totally unhappy without her and not interested in anyone but her, she will be willing to give him a second chance because he has proved how much she means to him.
However, avoiding other women is a bad idea because all women (even if they don’t admit it to your face) want to be with the type of man that other women want. Women yearn to be with what they refer to as a “real man” and they know that when they finally find him, they’re going to have to fight other women for him.
Women love the thrill of the chase and competing with other women to win a man’s affection is all part of the chase. If your ex-girlfriend gets the sense that other women don’t even like you and aren’t interested in you, she is going to be quite happy to let you be the one that got away.
You don’t have to go out and pick up other women to make her feel that way. You simply have to start being the type of guy that she KNOWS other women would want to be with…