Here are 4 possible reasons why she didn’t feel the same way.
Which do you think applies to her and your relationship with her the most?
1. Your approach to the relationship didn’t make her feel the all- important, sexual spark that is needed to keep it together
Most guys are good guys, so it’s only natural that they will want to treat their woman very well when in a relationship with her.
Yet, where a lot of guys go wrong, is by putting in way more effort than their woman into the relationship than the woman does, to hopefully get her to love him and treat him well in return.
For example: A guy might focus on being extra nice to his girl and letting her have her way all the time (e.g. he always does what she likes to do, he lets her make most of the decisions in the relationship, doesn’t stand up to her when she’s being unreasonable, puts her needs ahead of his own, tries to make her life as easy as possible).
He may think, “I really like her and want her to see that via my actions. If I treat her better than other guys have, she will realize how much I care, know that she has found the one and will then love me and feel like she needs me.”
Yet, that’s not how love and attraction works in a relationship.
Although most women do like a man who is good to them, they don’t like the idea of being more emotionally dominant than him to the point where he becomes soft around her.
So, if a woman gets a sense that she can boss her guy around and he won’t do anything about it, she immediately stops respecting him as a man.
When she can’t respect him, she also stops feeling sexually attracted to him and then the idea of remaining in a relationship with him starts to feel wrong to her.
She will usually then break up with him and focus on finding herself a guy who can create the kind of spark between them that she’s looking for (i.e. where she feels feminine in comparison to his masculine approach, she looks up to him and respects him, feels like his girl rather than feeling like his mother or big sister).
Here’s the thing…
Even though you might have good intentions and be a great guy, without that all important sexual spark, it just doesn’t work.
If a woman can’t fully respect you and feel sexually attracted to you, everything else starts to fall apart.
Essentially, you end up in the friend zone with her…
It’s only when you can make her feel the all-important, sexual spark for you that she will feel motivated to get back with you.
It doesn’t matter how much you like her.
She doesn’t care about that.
It’s just not enough to keep a relationship together.
Another possible reason why your ex didn’t feel the same way as you is…
2. You made her feel like you needed her way more than she needed you
A woman definitely wants to be loved, appreciated and even a little bit needed by her man when in a relationship.
Yet, in most cases, a woman doesn’t want to be her man’s main reason for living, or main source of happiness to the point where he becomes needy (i.e. he regularly needs to get her reassurance that she loves him, he needs to be around her to feel okay about himself, he is always worried about what she is thinking or feeling).
So, if a woman gets a sense that her man has become needy, rather than think, “That’s so sweet. I feel so flattered that he needs me so much and that he can’t do anything without my input or say so,” she instead feels turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
Here’s the thing…
Even though a woman does want to be with a guy who is loving, caring and devoted to her, she also needs him to be his own man (i.e. be emotionally independent).
Unless a woman is unattractive and wants to keep a needy, emotionally dependent guy around, being emotionally needy just doesn’t work.
You’ve got to be emotionally independent, so she can see that you don’t need her pat on the back or encouragement to feel good about yourself.
You don’t need her to be really nice to you, show you love all the time and reassure you of her commitment to you to feel confident.
Instead, you know that she is attracted to you, know that she loves you and know that she wouldn’t want to lose you.
As a result, she naturally feels attracted to you and loves you, which results in her showing you love all the time, being nicer, more attentive and affectionate.
Yet, when a woman realizes that her man needs her more than she needs him, she will feel like pulling away, being closed off and treating him with less and less respect over time, which then causes him to become even more needy and insecure.
This turns her off even more, which inevitably leads to her breaking up with him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you must show her that even though you still care about her and want her back, you don’t actually need her back to feel okay about yourself again.
Of course, you shouldn’t tell her that via text, on a phone call or in person.
Instead, you need to show it to her by living a happy life without her and making progress on goals and ambitions that are important to you.
Let her see that you’re confident and moving forward in life now and you don’t need her to feel emotionally fulfilled.
That doesn’t mean you don’t want her back.
You do and that is fine.
However, the big difference is that you don’t need her back to feel good about yourself again.
You already feel good about yourself and your life (i.e. you are emotionally independent), which is attractive to her.
When your ex notices that about you (e.g. during conversations), she won’t be able stop thinking about you in a more positive way, because you’re now behaving like the kind of man she can truly look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love.
All of a sudden, she feels drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her and you can get her back.
Another possible reason why your ex didn’t feel the same way as you is…
3. You weren’t enough of a challenge for her
Sometimes, a guy will do everything he can think of to make his woman feel happy in the relationship with him.
For example: He might…
- Always be nice and sweet to her, regardless of the way she treats him (e.g. she’s closed off, tells lies, disrespects him, couldn’t care less about his life, always talks about herself and doesn’t listen when he talks).
- Allow her to lead and make most or all the decisions for the both of them (e.g. she picks where they go and what they do, she gives or denies him permission to go out with friends).
- Shower her with attention.
- Spoil her with gifts.
- Never stand up to her, or disagree with her because he fears annoying her and then getting dumped.
In his mind, he’s being the perfect boyfriend.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that just being nice, obliging and compliant isn’t the secret to maintaining a woman’s respect, attraction and love in a relationship.
Even though a woman might appreciate it when a guy is being nice to her and when she gets her way from time to time, she doesn’t want to feel like she is the boss, the leader, or the most dominant one in the relationship.
Instead, she wants him to make her feel as though she needs to do her best to keep him happy and interested in her, rather than feeling as though she doesn’t have to put in any effort in the relationship because he will put up with anything just to be with her.
In other words, she wants him to be more of a challenge.
If he can’t offer her the challenge she secretly wants in a relationship, then she will naturally begin to feel bored and indifferent towards him.
When that happens, she will stop feeling respect and attraction for him and without those two feelings, her motivation to stick with the relationship will begin to fade away.
She will then break up with him (even though he’s treating her really well) and find herself a man who is more of a challenge.
So, if you want to make your ex like you as much as you like her, you need to focus on approaching her in a completely new way that is going to be more attractive and appealing to her.
This new way involves you creating a relationship dynamic where you’re good to your ex and treat her with love and respect, but you also make her feel motivated to be good to you, treat you well and make you feel loved.
When she begins to feel that losing you will be something she will end up regretting (i.e. you will be the one that got away), she will naturally open back up to being your girl again, or at least hooking up with you sexually to see how she feels afterwards.
Another possible reason why your ex didn’t feel the same way as you is…
4. She hoped that you would transform when in a relationship with her, but you didn’t
Sometimes a woman will get into a relationship with a guy that she’s not 100% attracted to.
Yet, because the guy is really nice at the start, which she initially sees as being cute and romantic, she feels flattered and she tells herself something along the lines of, “He’s a really nice guy and I could definitely do a lot worse than him. I should at least give him a chance with me. Who knows what might happen.”
She hopes that he will be able to switch a lot of the mushy, Mr. Nice Guy stuff off in a relationship and start showing her more of his masculine side (i.e. being more ballsy, making her feel feminine in comparison to his masculine approach, making her want to be submissive around him at times).
When he doesn’t transform or begin to show that side of himself, the relationship starts to feel boring to her.
When that happens, she might initially try to push the guy into changing in some of the ways she wants (e.g. by telling him that she wants to take the lead sometimes, or be more confident and assertive with her or around other people).
If he doesn’t get it and continues to act, think and behave in the same old ways as before, she will gradually get fed up with it and decide to end the relationship.
So, if your ex broke up with you because you weren’t able to transform and become the kind of man she wanted you to be, to get her back, you need to quickly make some changes and improvements to yourself and then let her experience those changes every time you interact with her.
The more she can see that you’re not the same guy she broke up with (e.g. you’re no longer always on your best behavior around her, hesitant, insecure, boring, predictable), her curiosity will get the better of her.
She will want to interact with you more, over the phone and in person to experience the new and improved you for herself.
She will want to see how it feels to hug you, kiss you and have sex with you now that you’ve become more manly.
If that feels good, her defenses automatically come down and she opens back up to the idea of giving the relationship another chance.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get an Ex Back Who Didn’t Feel the Same Way
You really like your ex, right?
It would be awesome if you got her back, right?
Well, the good new is that you can.
However, there’s a catch…
To get her back you need to start behaving in the ways that will turn her on (e.g. being confident regardless of what she says to put you off, taking the lead in the ex back process rather than waiting for her to give you crystal clear signs, being emotionally masculine in a way that makes her feel feminine and girly around you), and stop saying and doing the types of things that turn her off.
For example: Some of the things that turn an ex woman off when she wasn’t very attracted to you in the relationship, are…
1. Telling her how much she means to you in a letter or e-mail
Sometimes a guy doesn’t know how to properly express himself when he’s interacting with with his ex woman, so he will make the mistake of unloading on her in a long letter or e-mail.
Essentially, he pours his heart out and tells her how much he cares for her, how he doesn’t want to lose her and how he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get her back.
So romantic, right?
Nah, not really.
In fact, in most cases, rather than making a woman feel happy that he’s so devoted to her and the relationship, she feels annoyed that he’s not seeing things from her point of view (i.e. that she doesn’t have sexual or romantic feelings for him).
As a result, she feels as though he’s pressuring her to overlook her feelings, wants and needs and to instead give him another chance based on what he wants.
It’s like her feelings and what she has been experiencing with him doesn’t matter.
All that matters to him is getting her back.
Of course, that’s not how the guy means to come across, but because he’s only focusing on his feelings for her and not actively doing anything to change her sexual feelings for him, that’s the impression she gets.
She sees his letter or email as him trying to manipulate her into giving him another chance with cleverly written, romantic lines and attempts to make her feel pity for him, or feel guilty for leaving him.
As a result, she closes herself off even more.
She feels like she needs to go and find a new man, have amazing sex and fall in love with him, so she can justify to herself that she was right to break up with her ex.
So, whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of trying to convince your ex to give you another chance in a letter or e-mail.
Another thing that turns an ex woman off who wasn’t very attracted to her guy in the relationship, is…
2. Looking at her as being out of his league
Sometimes a guy will get into a relationship with a woman who is a lot more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than any other woman he has ever dated.
As a result, he might think, “She’s so perfect. I can’t believe my luck that a woman like her would even consider being with a guy like me. I just hope that I will be enough for her and that she won’t realize I’m not good enough for her.”
Then, when he gets broken up with, it only reinforces what he always believed about himself (i.e. he wasn’t good enough for her and she was out of his league).
Here’s the thing though…
She’s not out of his league.
He is good enough for her, but his approach to attraction wasn’t effective (i.e. he gave her the impression that she was too good for him and that he was lucky to be with her, which gave her a false sense of superiority over him).
She would have loved him and stayed with him for life, but he made her feel like she was trading down by being with him, even though she wasn’t.
This is why you have to believe in yourself and your value to your ex, so you can then sincerely project the kind of confidence that will re-attract her and make her want to be your girl again.
You’ve got to get to the point where you honestly believe that you are good enough for her and then interact with her, re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.
You can do it, but you have to believe that you can.
Another thing that turns a woman off is…
3. Hoping that she will come to her senses one day and realize that she lost a good guy who really loved her
Although most women appreciate it when a man is a good guy, goodness isn’t what makes a woman crave a man sexually and romantically.
She has to feel sexually and romantically attracted to you.
It doesn’t matter how good of a guy you are.
What matters is that warm, fuzzy feeling she gets down there when she thinks of you.
If she feels that, she will want to be with you.
If she doesn’t, she won’t.
It’s as simple as that, even though some guys don’t want it to be.
Some guys want it to be about sweetness, niceness, loyalty, generosity and so on.
Women only care about that kind of behavior from a guy that makes them feel that warm, fuzzy feeling downstairs.
Without that, her primal instincts tell her not to get involved with a man sexually and romantically.
It’s as simple as that.
So, don’t sit around hoping that your ex will one day say to herself, “I think I made a mistake. He was such a nice, sweet guy and he always made me feel like a princess. Who cares that I didn’t feel attracted to him. That doesn’t matter. As long as he is nice and sweet and devoted to me, I don’t need to feel like a desirable, sexy woman around him. I don’t need to feel attracted. All that matters is that he is a good guy” because she probably won’t.
Instead, she will hook up with another guy (sometimes even with someone that seems to be a bit of a bad boy), so she can feel the all-important feeling of sexual attraction.
This is why, if you want your ex to really like you in the same way you like her, you’ve got to ignite her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction first.
When she interacts with you and feels sparks of excitement surging through her body, she will also appreciate the fact that you’re a good guy and want to get back with you.
She will know that you are one of the rare, good men who also knows how to make a woman feel that warm, fuzzy feeling down in her little, love pocket.
She will begin to imagine you sliding inside of her again and her loving it.
Before you get to that though, let’s look at the final example of what can turn a woman off when her ex is trying to get her back…
4. Being unwilling to use a different approach on her
If your original approach didn’t work on her, don’t keep using it.
You’re a smart guy, right?
If so, then use your high level of intelligence to realize that a new approach to her is needed.
You can’t use the same old approach to attraction that you used in the past and expect her to be excited about it.
You’ve got to try something new.
It’s the only way.