Yes, you can.
Here’s what you need to do.
1. Understand her less obvious reasons for breaking up with you
You probably already know the obvious reasons why your ex broke up with you, right?
For example: She might have said, “I’m tired of your insecurity,” or “I’ve had enough of trying to make things work between us,” or “We just keep fighting and arguing all the time. It’s stressful and I don’t want to live that way anymore.”
If she told you something like that, then you know about the obvious reasons why she left you.
However, is it possible that she also broke up with you for one or more of the following reasons too:
- You didn’t make her feel girly and feminine enough (i.e. because you stopped being masculine, started acting a bit like her at times, or became neutral around her like a friend).
- You lacked confidence around other guys, which made her lose trust in your ability to protect her and succeed in life if up against challenging people or opponents.
- You lacked purpose in life and hid from your ambitions behind her, so she felt more like your protector, which was a turn off.
- There was too much of a gap between her relationship intelligence and yours, so she felt like she always had to teach you or help you along to make things work.
- You kept trying to change her core personality and identity, which made her feel like she wasn’t being herself and had to put on an act to make you happy (or to stop you from getting angry at her).
- You were too jealous and controlling.
- You weren’t able to create a light-hearted, easy-going vibe in the relationship, so you and her always ended up fighting or arguing.
- She didn’t feel like you ever understood her, what she wanted from you or how to give it to her.
At this point, it’s only natural if you are wondering, “Damn! How was I supposed to know what was bothering her if she didn’t tell me? Why couldn’t she just explain what was wrong and help me fix it? Why did she have to go through with the break up?”
Here’s the thing…
In many cases, a woman isn’t 100% clear on what she wants you to change and how you could do it.
She can’t fully explain what is bothering her, but she just knows that something doesn’t feel right.
Even if a woman does know how to explain it, she usually won’t because she just wants to be in love, rather than trying to make a relationship work with a guy who doesn’t yet understand how to be the kind of man that she needs.
If she has to explain to him how to be a man, she would end up feeling attracted to more emotionally mature men who don’t need her to explain it.
Her boyfriend will then start to look like a confused guy who still hasn’t fully grown up and needs her help to become a man.
She just doesn’t want to be in that position because it’s not attractive to a woman.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she is emotionally stronger, more mature and wise than her man.
She wants a man that she can look up to, respect and feel proud to be with, not a guy that she has to drag along with her for life, constantly teaching how to be a man in various situations.
She just wants a man who gets it, or a guy who is willing to learn on his own and then start being a real man that she could consider dating once again.
So, if you don’t already understand your ex’s less obvious reasons for breaking up with you, it’s important for you to find out before you try to get her back.
You can’t just guess and hope that if you apologize to her enough, or beg and plead with her enough, she will eventually give in and say yes.
Some women do give in to that kind of pressure, but if your girlfriend has already given you chances in the past, or if she has had experience with break ups, she will stick to her decision and begin to move on without you, unless you change and re-attract her properly.
You need to be sure that when you interact with her from now on (e.g. via text, e-mail, on social media and most importantly, over the phone and in person), it’s clear that you understand where you went wrong in the past and are no longer like that.
Note: Don’t get into a long speech about how much you’ve learned and how much you’ve changed because a woman will usually see that as a desperate attempt to convince her to give you another chance.
Instead, you’ve just got to let her naturally pick up on the changes in you based on how you now talk, behave and react to her during conversations and interactions.
If she needs clarification, she will ask.
However, most women are able to pick up on the changes simply by listening to you and observing you.
When she notices that you have already changed the subtle things about you that were turning her off, she automatically feels sparks of respect and attraction for you.
Her guard then comes down and it becomes possible for her to believe that you and her might be able to start again as a couple.
2. Make real improvements in the areas that were previously turning her off
Understanding where you went wrong won’t matter if you don’t do anything to improve those things about yourself.
Of course, improving doesn’t mean you have to become 100% perfect to convince her to give you another chance.
You just need to be a lot better than before and she will automatically begin to look at you in a positive light.
For example: If you were insecure in the relationship, you’ve just got to let her see that you’re a lot more confident now.
As a result, she will feel differently when she interacts with you (i.e. she will respect, attraction and sparks of love) and will start to wonder what it would be like to be with you again.
She will see you as being a different man than you were before when she broke up with you.
Important: Don’t ask your ex for another chance before you have begun to fix the real reasons why she broke up with you.
If you ask for another chance and she gets the sense that you’re the same as before, she will feel even more determined to stick with her decision to remain broken up.
So, make sure you make some changes to yourself first.
For example: If one of the reasons why your girlfriend broke up with you was that you didn’t make her feel feminine and girly anymore (e.g. because you started acting a bit like her, you became neutral like a friend or you gave her too much power over you), then you’re going to need to let her experience the new, more masculine version of you.
Likewise, if a reason why she broke up with you was that you became too emotionally sensitive, she’s going to need to see that you are emotionally strong now.
If she tests you (e.g. by talking about other guys who like her, flirting with guys in front of you), make sure that you remain confident and turn her test into something you and her can laugh about together.
For example: You can smile and say, “Oh, well aren’t you Little Miss Popular now?” and have a laugh with her about that, while letting her get the sense that you don’t feel insecure about other guys being interested in her at all.
Let her sense the fact that you now believe in your attractiveness to her and are no longer the self-doubting, insecure man that you became near the end of the relationship.
Additionally, let her also sense that you know she is feeling respect and attraction for you again, even if she’s trying to hide it to play hard to get or to test your confidence.
You can let her sense that based on how you talk to her, the eye contact you make and the way you react to her during a conversation.
She will see that you are aware of the fact that she is feeling sparks of respect, attraction and love for you.
It’s written all over her face, her body language and is noticeable in how she is talking to you and behaving around you.
She is feeling it.
Even though she is trying to play a bit hard to get, you are remaining confident and not doubting yourself around you.
You’re no longer the insecure, emotionally sensitive guy that she broke up with.
You now have the balls to turn a potentially awkward situation into a comfortable, easy-going situation that ends up with smiling, laughter and feel good emotions.
Essentially, you are in control, not her and she likes that.
She feels attracted to your emotional masculinity and ability to take the lead in a situation, rather than allowing her to control the dynamic between you and her.
You’re so much more of a man now and she likes it.
All of a sudden, she starts thinking something like, “This is not what I was expecting to feel around him. I like it. Not only didn’t become insecure when I tried to make him jealous, but he also made me laugh and smile. I’m stunned. He’s everything that I always used to wish he’d be before. It feels good to be around him again. If this is the man that he is now, then we can probably start again as a couple and make it work this time. I know that I want it. I’ve got to give this a try.”
She then tries to make it more obvious to you that she is interested in starting again and giving the relationship another try.
Another important tip to help you get your girlfriend back after ruining the relationship is to…
3. Get her to forgive you on a phone call or in person
When your ex forgives you, most of her negative memories about her past begin to change.
She sees the negative memories as being who you used to be and starts to judge you based on who you are now, (e.g. confident, emotionally strong and mature, determined).
Getting a woman to forgive you for real is not about saying something like, “I’m really sorry for ruining the relationship we had. Can you forgive me so that we go back and start again? After all, it wasn’t all bad. You have to admit that things used to be so good between us in the beginning. We can have that again. Please give me another chance to make things right again.”
Sometimes that approach might work temporarily, but if she does forgive you and then realizes that the same problems still exist between you and her, it will result in another break up.
In most cases though, saying something like that to get an ex to forgive you just doesn’t work.
A woman doesn’t want to forgive a guy based on how good things used to be before.
In fact, the more he reminds her of the past, the more likely it is that she will keep thinking about the ways he ruined the relationship, which will cause her to feel less willing to give him another chance.
Sometimes, to get a guy off her case about forgiving him, a woman might just answer, “Yeah sure, I forgive you…whatever,” but she won’t really mean it.
She will then continue moving on without him because she hasn’t forgiven his past mistakes and still looks at him as being that kind of guy.
This is why you have to get your ex to forgive you for real.
The best way to do it is by telling her that if she forgives you, it’s going to make her feel better about herself. (This is actually true by the way. She will feel better about herself afterwards and from then on).
For example: You might say, “Can you forgive the mistakes I made in our relationship? I’m not asking you to give me another chance, but just to forgive me so you can feel better about yourself from now on. Forgiving me means that you won’t have to carry all the negative baggage from our relationship around with you anymore. You will be able to start with a clean slate and not let the past cause you to feel bitter about relationships and possibly prevent you from falling in love again. You deserve to be free from the past and you can be if you forgive me. So, what do you say? Can you honestly forgive me for the mistakes I made by understanding that people do live and learn and that I have changed? I’m not asking you to give me another chance. Instead, I’m just asking you to see that who I was before is different to who I am now. If you can forgive what I did before, you can set yourself free from holding onto baggage from our relationship. You won’t have to go through life holding a grudge against me or being guarded in other relationships. You will handle our break up in a mature way and walk away healed and open to love with someone else.”
When you say something like that to her and give her the freedom to move on without you, it actually makes her feel drawn to you.
You’re not clinging on and desperately trying to hold her back from being with someone else.
Instead, you’re being a confident, loving and mature man, which automatically makes her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
She then drops her guard and opens herself up to starting over again.
Note: Don’t try to get her to forgive you via text! You must do it over the phone or in person.
Then, once she forgives you…
4. Get her to meet up with you
To make your girlfriend want to go back to the start again with you and have a new relationship, you have to meet up with her in person and let her experience the new and improved you.
When she is face-to-face with you and she can see and experience the changes in you (e.g. via your body language, the way you’re talking to her and the way you’re interacting with her) she will question her decision to remain broken up from you.
It won’t seem like it’s necessary to be broken up anymore because of how she is now feeling around you.
On the other hand, if you try to convince her to give you another chance via text or e-mail, she won’t be able to fully experience the new and improved you.
When you ask her, “Can we go back to being in a relationship and start again?” she will almost certainly doubt that things would be different and say something like, “No. It’s too late for that. It’s over between us.”
So, no matter how friendly she might seem via text, it doesn’t mean that she’s actually open to giving your relationship another chance.
If you want her back, make sure that you get her on a phone call to spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile) and then get her to meet up with you in person.
In person, she can see for herself that everything she experienced over the phone and via text (e.g. your confidence, charm, emotional strength and maturity) is actually for real now.
From there, you need to…
5. Reactivate her feelings for you
One of the most important things that you need to do to convince your ex to go back and start again, is to use the meet up as a platform to reactivate her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
The more she can see that the guy who ruined the relationship no longer exists, the less she will be able to justify to herself why staying broken up is the best thing for her.
On the other hand, if you don’t reactivate her feelings for you before you discuss giving the relationship another chance, she’s just going to keep thinking of you as the guy who messed it all up.
So, you need to make some attractive adjustments and improvements to yourself to prove to her that you really are a better man now.
More importantly, she really does feel differently around you now.
When you interact with her in ways that reactivate her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, everything changes in her mind.
She stops trying to get away from you and opens up to being with you again.
When you have made her feel that way, you then need to…
6. Confidently guide her back into a relationship
This is a very important step that most guys mess up, which is why they don’t get their ex back.
You have to get this right.
You have to remain confident all the way, even if she is giving you mixed signals or playing hard to get to test you.
You’ve got to focus on the fact that both you and her will feel amazing when you kiss, have sex and fall in love again after getting back together.
Use that as motivation to keep pushing along until you and her are in a relationship once again.
So, at this point, you have two main options.
Option #1 is to follow the steps I’ve outlined above (i.e. you understand your girlfriend’s less obvious reasons for breaking up with you, make improvements in those areas, get her to forgive you, meet up with her in person and reactivate her feelings for you).
On the other hand, Option #2 is to do nothing and hope that she comes back to your on her own.
So, which option would you rather choose?
If you chose Option #1, congratulations!
You’ve just proven to yourself, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are truly a new man now.
You rise up and meet challenges in your life and use them as stepping stones to become an even better man.
Women know how valuable and rare a man like that is, so when your ex senses that you are now truly like that in every way, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you again.
So, if have been feeling down about yourself lately, you need to stop that.
Stop beating yourself up about ruining the relationship and feeling unworthy of her.
The old version of you got dumped.
The new version of you is now in charge, has made changes and is now ready to guide her back into a relationship and show her that things really are different now.
You can do it.
Don’t be afraid to get her back.
So many men start off in your situation and get their girlfriend back in a matter of days or, in extreme situations (e.g. where she hates him), it can take a couple of weeks.
Whatever the case is for you, the fact is that you can get her back.
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