Here are 5 steps that you can use to get her back:
1. Accept the break up and give her 3 to 7 days of space
This takes away her feeling of power over you at the moment.
Right now, she knows that you want her back, so don’t give her the satisfaction of trying to convince her to change her mind.
Just accept the break up and then give her 3 to 7 days of space to be on her own.
If you make the mistake of getting into an argument about her wanting to be single, or worse, beg and plead with her by saying things like, “Please don’t do this! I love you! Can’t we just try and work things out first? I promise I will do anything you say if you give me another chance. Just give me a chance” she will feel even more determined to be single and do whatever she wants to do.
So, just casually and confidently just accept her decision and then give her a few days to a week of space.
For example: You can say in an easy-going, relaxed tone of voice, “I still care for you and wish we could work things out, but if that’s what you want, then I respect your wishes. I wish you only the best. Goodbye,” and then walk away, or hang up the phone.
This clearly demonstrates to her that you’re not being needy and trying to force her to change her mind.
Instead, you are in control of your emotions, which automatically makes her feel a rush of respect for you.
She feels as though you and her have ended things in a mature way, but for some reason, she also feels a bit drawn to you again, based on the way you reacted.
From there, avoid contacting her for a few days to a week and allow her some time to cool off and miss you.
Important: Make sure that you don’t give her more than 3 to 7 days of space.
Giving her that bit of space proves the point that you’re not needy.
You don’t need to go overboard and avoid her for many weeks or months to prove that point.
Additionally, if you wait too long, she may feel as though she needs to start hooking up with new guys to get over you and move on.
2. Use the 3 to 7 days to prepare to get her back
When giving an ex woman some space after a break up, a guy might make the mistake of sitting around at home moping, missing her and feeling depressed.
It’s understandable that he is hurting and wants her back, but using the 3 to 7 days to feel those emotions is a huge waste of time.
It also doesn’t prepare the guy to re-attract her and seduce her the next time he interact with her.
So, when he does interact with her, rather than attracting her in new and exiting ways, he ends up turning her off because she can sense that he is lost, hurting and sad without her (even if he tries to hide it).
Just like you can tell when someone is hurting, but trying to act happy, your ex can sense that as well.
So, don’t use the time apart to sit around missing her, feeling sorry for yourself and worrying that she might be hooking up with a new guy.
Use the time to prepare yourself to re-attract her…
When you re-attract her, she naturally feels drawn to you again and begins to wonder whether she should move on and be single, or give you another chance.
Based on how drawn she feels to the new and improved you, she will begin to worry that if she doesn’t give you another chance, she will end up regretting it and it may then be too late to get you back.
That’s how you want to make her think during this time.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t approach the ex back process in that way, so a guy will end up giving his ex woman the impression that he needs her back to feel better about himself.
She then thinks something like, “I see that nothing has changed with him. He’s still the same guy I broke up with. I guess he’s just not the right guy for me after all. What I really need to do now is move on and find myself a man who can make me feel the way I want to feel when I’m with him. I don’t wan to get back with an ex who needs me to make him feel whole again. I don’t want a broken man. I want a man who is confident, happy and forward moving in life, regardless of whether I like him or want him. My ex simply doesn’t get that.”
If her ex then starts talking about getting back together, she just says something like, “Sorry, but I’ve already told you that I want to be single for now. Please accept that and give me a few months of space to explore myself and figure out what I want. Maybe after that we can discuss getting back together again, but for now, I don’t want you contacting me anymore. Please leave me alone.”
So, if you want to prevent that from happening to you, make sure that you use your 3 to 7 days wisely by preparing to re-attract her.
The next step is to…
3. Interact with her on a phone call and make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you
After a few days to a week, you need to get your ex on a phone call and start re-attracting her by making her feel sparks of respect, sexual attraction and love for you again.
You can do that by using humor to break down her defenses and make her smile, laugh and feel good to be hearing from you again.
You can also do that by flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you and get her thinking things like, “What’s going on here? Talking to him on the phone has made me realize how much I missed him over this past week. Even though I said I wanted to be single, I now want to see him again. I’m so confused. Maybe I should just give him one more chance, or at least hook up with him to see how I feel after that.”
From there…
4. Get her to meet up with you in person
Once you have reawakened some of her feelings and she seems open and happy to be talking to you, go ahead and arrange a meet up with her.
Remember: You can’t get your ex girlfriend back for real until she has interacted with you face-to-face and gotten the proof she’s looking for that you are now a new and improved man.
So, make sure that you get to a meet up and are fully prepared to re-attract her, seduce her and get her back.
Don’t go to the meet up using the same old approach to attraction that got you dumped.
That won’t work.
You need to level up your ability to make her feel attracted to you as you talk to her.
Without that, she’s probably not going to feel enough attraction for you to feel motivated to ditch her dream of being single.
So, after a bit of conversation where you have been making her feel sparks of respect, attraction and love for you, say something along the lines of, “Anyway, so it’s been great chatting. Let’s continue our conversation over a cup of coffee this afternoon or tomorrow. Just as friends of course. We can do that, so what works best for you – this afternoon, or tomorrow?”
If she agrees, then go ahead and arrange a meet up.
If she doesn’t initially agree and says something like, “No. I told you I want to be single for now,” just remain calm.
Maintain your confidence and say, in a light-hearted voice, “Hey, who said anything about you not being single? Of course you are still single. All that I said was it would be good to chat as friends over a cup of coffee. It doesn’t mean we’re getting back together again. Besides, we’re friends, aren’t we? That means we can meet up and say without it being a big deal, right? So how about it? When is a good time for you?”
If she doesn’t agree, just say, “Okay, well let’s approach it this way instead. Let’s catch up to say hi over a cup of coffee and if you don’t ever want to talk to me again after that, I promise not to contact you ever again. So, the coffee can be a chance to say goodbye if that’s what you want. I promise that I will accept that and we can say goodbye in a mature way. So, let’s catch up today or tomorrow.”
When she agrees, go ahead and arrange the meet up.
At the meet up …
5. Make her want you back, but don’t ask for a relationship
When you see her again for the first time, make sure that you continue focus on re-attracting her and making her feel drawn to you the new and improved you.
For example:
If she’s being reserved or withdrawn at the meet up, rather than let that make you feel insecure (and possibly cause you to babble too much or try too hard), simply use humor to make her relax and open up.
If she tries to test your confidence by saying something along the lines of, “I like being single. So many guys are interested in me now,” rather than doubting your attractiveness to her, just laugh and say in a confident way, “That’s great! I’m happy for you.”
The more she can see that nothing she says or does causes you to react in the ways she is expecting (e.g. feeling insecure, annoyed, doubting your chances with her), the more respect and attraction she will feel.
When that happens, her barriers will dissolve and she will naturally become open to getting back together, or at least hooking up with you again to see how she feels.
Important: When you notice her opening back up to you, don’t start asking, “So, can we fix things? Are you open to giving our relationship another shot?”
If you ask for a relationship before you get to sex, it will almost certainly make her put her guard back up.
So, make sure to approach this one step at a time and you will successfully get her back.
Where Guys Go Wrong When an Ex Girlfriend Says She Wants to Be Single For Now
Your ex girlfriend saying that she wants to be single now, is not the end of the world.
You really can change how she feels if you maintain a positive attitude and focus on saying and doing the types of things that will re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
To ensure that you succeed at doing that, be sure to avoid the following mistakes that other guys often make when in your shoes…
1. Pouring his heart out to her in the hope that she takes pity on him and changes her mind
A guy might say, “Please don’t do this to me. I really love you and I’m willing to do anything to make you happy. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Give me one more chance to prove to you that what we have is worth fighting for. Please don’t throw away what we’ve built together. I know that you might be feeling confused and may think that being single is what you need, but it’s not. Let me show you that. I love you more than anything. I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix things between you and me. I need you in my life. I love you. Please don’t do this to me.”
Essentially, he’s hoping she will feel guilty about the pain she is causing him and will then change her mind.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, she’s not going to really care how he feels about her anymore.
He has feelings for her, but she doesn’t have feelings for him, so she will now focus on taking care of herself and her needs, rather than trying to look after him.
Additionally, a woman doesn’t want to feel as though she is being forced to stay in a relationship with a guy out of pity.
It’s just not attractive to a woman.
So, although a woman might feel sorry for how much the break up is hurting her ex, she usually won’t allow those feelings to force her back into a relationship that doesn’t make her feel the way she wants to feel.
In fact, when she realizes that her ex is trying to manipulate her into staying with him out of pity, she will lose even more respect for him and want to stick to her decision to be single.
So, don’t bother trying to make your ex girlfriend feel pity for you in any way whatsoever.
Instead, just focus on sparking her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, so the idea of being in a relationship with you again becomes more appealing to her than being single.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Accusing her of being selfish
Another tactic some that guys use to make a woman change her mind about being single, is to accuse her of being selfish.
A guy might say, “All you think about now is what you want, but I invested just as much into this relationship as you did. Why don’t I get a say in this? I can’t believe you haven’t even taken my feelings into consideration here. You’re just so self-absorbed and selfish now.”
Although what he is saying is partially true (i.e. she’s only thinking of herself now and doesn’t care what he wants), it just doesn’t work.
Why?
A woman isn’t a man’s property.
He doesn’t own her and if she decides that she wants to be single, she is allowed to go ahead and do that.
Yes, it sucks and it feels like a huge betrayal, but you have to understand the reality of modern life.
Modern women are allowed to get out of a relationship if they want to.
So, getting annoyed with your ex girlfriend and accusing her of being selfish isn’t going to change her mind.
In fact, she will just lose respect and attraction for you, which will make getting her back even more difficult.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Saying that she will never find a guy who loves her the same way he does
If a woman has disconnected from her feelings for her ex, hearing something like, “You will never find another man who will love you the way I do. Why can’t you see that I’m the right guy for you and that we’re made for each other? Can’t you see that my love for you is rare and that you won’t find it again? Other guys are just going to use you for sex. I love you for you. I am completely committed to you. You won’t find that out there easily,” just isn’t going to matter that much to her.
The truth is, a woman stops caring about what her ex thinks when she stops feeling respect, attraction and love for him.
If her ex doesn’t do anything to reawaken her feelings, then she’s not going to care how much he loves her.
A woman doesn’t want to run back to a guy that she no longer loves.
This is why, if you want your ex to value your love, you need to reactivate her feelings of respect and attraction for you first.
Only then will she start to care, as she begins to reconnect with her feelings of love for you.
If you don’t approach it that way and another guy comes along and makes her feel the kind of respect and sexual attraction for him that you are currently unable to, she’s going to value him more than she does you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Constantly texting her, e-mailing her, messaging her or calling her to stay on her mind
After a break up, a guy might gradually lose touch with his ex (i.e. because she’s no longer texting him, calling him on the phone or interacting with him in any way).
This might cause him to panic, “It’s like the old saying, ‘Out of sight out of mind.’ She is forgetting about me. I can’t let that happen. I need to do whatever it takes to stay on her mind, so she doesn’t get a chance to move on without me. If I don’t stay in constant contact with her, she will enjoy being single and move on.”
He will then begin to text, e-mail, send her messages via social media or call her on a daily basis, as a way of staying on her mind and hopefully stopping her from moving on.
Yet, here’s the thing…
She will most likely feel turned off by what she perceives as his clingy, needy and insecure behavior.
So, when she gets bombarded by messages and calls from him day after day, she will begin to think, “What part of ‘I want to be single for now’ doesn’t he get? Why is he bothering me all the time with endless texts? I feel so smothered by him now. This is exactly why I wanted to be single. I hate being in a relationship. It’s too stressful and demanding.”
She might then block his number, mark his email as spam and unfriend him on social media, making it difficult for him to interact with her and get her back.
Important: This doesn’t mean that you should ignore your ex for many weeks or months.
It just means that you shouldn’t bombard her with texts and calls to hopefully stay on her mind, so she doesn’t move on.
If you are going to interact with her via text, on a call or in person, make sure to use the interaction as a way to reawaken her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
When you approach it in that way, while being confident and calm about it, she will naturally begin to feel drawn to you again and being single will seem less appealing to her.
When that happens, you can seduce her by getting to a hug, kiss and then sex.
Finally, another mistake that other guys make when in your shoes is…
5. Thinking that it’s impossible to get her back in his case
It’s understandable that when a woman is saying, “Look, it’s over between us, okay? I want to be single for now and nothing you can say will make me change my mind,” a guy might begin to believe that he has no chance.
He may even say to himself, “I know that other guys have gotten an ex woman back, but my case is impossible. Her mind is clearly made up and I just can’t convince her to change it. I guess I will just need to accept that and give up, because I don’t stand a chance with her anymore.”
Yet, thinking in that way only makes him lose confidence in himself and in his value to her.
Then, when he interacts with her again (e.g. after he’s given her 3 to 7 days of space) and she picks up on his self-doubt and insecurity and feels even more turned off by him.
She then begins to think of him as an emotionally weak guy who can’t handle life’s challenges like a man.
As a result, she becomes even convinced that her decision to break up with him was the right thing to do.
Here’s the thing…
Just because your ex girlfriend said that she wants to be single for now, it doesn’t mean that her feelings are set in stone (even if she says they are).
When you reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you, she will begin to feel drawn to you again and her desire to be single will start to fade away.
So, if you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you have to believe that you can get her back.
The more you believe in yourself, the more attractive you will be to her, even if she doesn’t initially admit it.
Once you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, proceed to the next step in the ex back process and get her back.
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