Yes, you can get in the way of your ex’s new relationship.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Understand what part of the attraction experience he is giving her that you didn’t
Guys often find themselves wondering, “What can she possibly see in him? He’s not her type. I’m such a better guy than him!” when thinking about their ex’s new guy because he is usually very different in style, personality and behavior to themselves.
Yet, one of the main reasons why her new guy is attractive to her at the moment is because he is so different.
The thing is, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because certain things about his thinking and behavior has caused her to lose too much respect and attraction for him to justify remaining in a relationship.
She will then try to find a guy who isn’t like her ex, in the hope that he will offer a better relationship and attraction experience.
For example: If her ex was too emotionally weak around her and couldn’t stand up to her when she was moody or treating him badly, her new guy will usually be more assertive, emotionally strong and able to put her back in her place (in a loving way) when needed.
Her ex might feel like he is a better guy because he is nicer, loves her more and only has good intentions with her.
He may think something like, “How can she even love a guy like him? He’s always telling her what to do and pushing her around. When she was with me, I treated her like a princess and never denied her anything. I just don’t understand what she sees in him. Does she want to be treated badly? Is that it? Is that what she wants?”
What he doesn’t realize is that being too nice and submissive around a woman isn’t attractive.
A woman wants a man she can look up to, rely on and depend on to be the man all the time.
This is important to a woman because it makes her feel safe in the knowledge that if he and her encountered any challenging, mean or bad people in life, he would be able to handle the situation.
It’s not about getting into a fight or anything like that.
It’s simply about having the type of confidence and emotional masculinity to let people see that he’s not someone to be messed with.
When a guy lacks that, he attracts the attention of bad people (i.e. because he looks like an easy target) and that makes a woman feel unsafe.
So, if he wasn’t able to stand up to her in the relationship (e.g. when she was being difficult, throwing a tantrum, disrespecting him) and put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way, she just couldn’t feel safe with him.
Putting her back in her place isn’t about being aggressive, screaming at her or threatening her.
It’s not about that at all.
Instead, it’s about having the balls to laugh at her when she is being a bitch, rather than getting upset about it or cowering and letting her walk all over you.
A real man doesn’t feel intimidated by his woman’s outbursts and he also doesn’t get upset and demand that she stop.
He looks at her as being a girl, regardless of how old she is.
He’s a man, she’s a girl and anything that she says or does to try and intimidate, insult or anger him is just funny.
It’s like a little kid trying to tell off an adult and make the adult feel intimidated.
That’s the sort of energy a man needs to have.
It’s not about actually saying to the woman, “Hah! You’re like a little girl. I’m not intimidated.”
That would be just insulting to her.
Instead, it’s about having the confidence and energy of a masculine man, so she can see that nothing she says or does makes you feel intimidated, upset or angry.
You are always in control.
That’s what she really wants.
So, if a guy can’t handle his woman’s outbursts, she will lose faith in his ability to protect her.
She will think something like, “He can’t even stand up to me and make me feel like I should respect him, so what are the chances of him being able to hold his own around other men? Is he going to crumble and be wimpy and weak around challenging men? That’s not the kind of man I want to be stuck with for life. I need a man who is confident and emotionally masculine. A guy that other men respect and treat well. I don’t want to be stuck with a guy who needs me to protect him from the big, bad world out there. I need a real man.”
She will lose respect for him, stop feeling attracted to him and if he can’t man up, she will eventually fall out of love and break up with him.
Then, when she meets a new guy who is emotionally strong and more dominant than her ex, she will feel attracted to him and want to be with him.
It doesn’t mean that her new guy is perfect though.
He’s probably got a whole bunch of flaws that will turn her off.
So, if you want to get in the way of her new relationship, make sure that you don’t sit around feeling like her new guy is better than you.
He’s just offering her parts of the attraction experience that were missing with you.
If you can up your game and get ready to offer her a full attraction experience the next time you interact with her, you will have a very high chance of getting her back, or at least just hooking up with her to begin with, so you can mess up her new relationship.
Another example is where a woman’s ex approach life more like a teenager than a grown man (e.g. he spent way too much time playing video games o hanging out with friends and doing nothing, rather than following through on his big goals, dreams or ambitions).
If she then meets a man who has drive, determination and is working towards achieving his big goals in life, she’s naturally going to feel drawn to him.
He will give her what was missing with her ex (i.e. she can feel secure about her future with him vs. feeling like she’s stuck with a guy who is going nowhere in life) and therefore, she will appear to be very happy with him initially.
It doesn’t mean that their relationship will last though.
Most guys aren’t able to guide a relationship through all the stages, so it ends in a break up like approximately 50% of relationships and marriages out there.
Additionally, most rebound relationships (the relationship a person has immediately or shortly after breaking up another relationship) don’t last very long because the new person seems attractive initially in comparison to the ex.
However, the new person usually has a whole lot of flaws that ruin the relationship quickly or gradually.
So, if you want to get your ex back even though she is getting serious with her new guy, it’s important that you prepare to attract her in ways that will actually matter to her.
If you try to get her back by offering her things that she doesn’t care about (e.g. being extra nice and sweet around her, promising to change whatever she tells you to), she’s just going to keep saying things like, “You need to stop contacting me. Can’t you see that I’m with someone else now? I’m happy and I’m not going to dump him for you. Please accept that it’s over between us and move on. Leave me alone.”
So, make sure that you understand what part (or parts) of the attraction experience her new guy is giving her that you either didn’t give her or stopped giving her over time.
From there, you need to…
2. Be ready to let her experience that side of you when you next interact with her
For example: Imagine that a guy got broken up with by his woman because he was too soft with her.
She could walk all over him, intimidate him and generally get her way all the time.
If he calls her up and she tries to put him off by being cold and distant, he needs to show her that he is now able to maintain his confidence and be the man.
No matter what she says or does, he remains in control and even has the presence of mind to joke around with her and get her smiling, laughing and feeling good.
Now imagine that her new guy is too serous all the time and isn’t really the sort of guy to joke around and get her laughing.
So, she has started to feel annoyed or frustrated by the one-dimensional experience in the relationship (i.e. her new guy is confident, but he’s actually kind of boring).
When she talks to her ex, she finds herself smiling, laughing, feeling good and feeling impressed at his ability to stay confident under pressure.
She is then left thinking, “What’s happening? Not only is my ex being emotionally strong and confident (things that she likes about her new guy), but he’s also being so much fun and making me laugh, even when things are so tense between us. On the other hand, my new man is always so serious about things. He never really makes me laugh and feel happy the way my ex can. I’m confused. I don’t know what to do. I feel like my ex is the better man and I’m losing out by being with this new guy. Maybe I need to give my ex another chance.”
Her guard then comes down and she becomes willing and open to interact with you again on the phone and in person.
You then need to…
3. Contact her to arrange a meet up as friends, or ex’s who are going to say goodbye over coffee
The best way to show your ex that you are now the man she always wanted you to be, is by interacting with her in person.
Talking to her over the phone will definitely spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. when she hears the confidence in your voice, you make her smile and feel good to be talking to you again), but the best results will happen when she sees you face-to-face.
So, you need to contact her and get her to agree to meet up with you in person.
Don’t worry about the new guy.
He’s with your woman.
Just do what you need to do to get your woman to meet up with you, so you can re-attract her and get her back.
Here’s how you can do it:
Call her (don’t text her) at a time when it will be easy for her to talk to you (e.g. when her new guy most likely isn’t around, when she’s not at work).
Get her smiling and laughing as soon as you can.
Aim to have a brief conversation with her and keep things light and relaxed.
Don’t get into long discussions about what went wrong in the relationship, or ask her if she is getting serious with her new guy.
After 1-2 minutes (or when you feel the moment is right based on the vibe between you and her), say something like, “Anyway, I probably should get going now. It was good to chat again” and let her answer (e.g. “Yes, it was”).
Then add in, “By the way…I know that you’re in a new relationship now and I respect that. I don’t ever expect you and I to get back together, but I did want to ask you to do one last things for me” and let her ask, “What is that?”
Then add in, “Well, I think it would be nice for us to be able to have a coffee just as friends to say hi and say goodbye in person. I’m going to be busy tomorrow and Thursday, but I have Wednesday and Friday open at the moment. So, you are in for just a coffee? Which of those days suits you best?” and let her answer.
She might initially be resistant and say something like, “I’m not sure. I have a boyfriend now and I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Regardless of her excuses, just stay calm and say, “Hey, it’s only a quick cup of coffee. I’m not asking you to cheat on your new guy or anything like that. We can have coffee as friends without it being a big deal, right? Besides, if we meet up and you decide that you never want to see me again, we can say goodbye there and I promise to never contact you ever again. So, how about it? Can we at least part ways on good terms with a coffee as friends?”
In most cases, a woman will agree and you can then go ahead and make plans to meet her at a time that suits you both.
You then need to…
4. Re-attract her at the meet up
At the meet up, make sure that you reawaken her feelings for you (e.g. being confident, charismatic and charming, making her laugh and smile, being emotionally strong and masculine, flirting with her, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculine vibe and conversation style).
When you do that in person, it instantly makes her begin to look at you in a completely different light.
She realize that you aren’t the same guy she dumped.
You have leveled up…and fast.
All of a sudden, her walls come down and she starts to doubt how strong her commitment is to her new guy.
She may then start thinking things like, “I feel so confused. I thought that things were getting serious with my new guy, but I’m not so sure anymore. Meeting up with my ex in person has made me realize that I do still have feelings for him…and even worse, now that he’s changed so much I think find him even more attractive than before. I don’t know what to do. All I know for sure is that I like my ex again. I feel like kissing him. What is going on?”
When you make her feel that way, it becomes easy to mess up her new relationship and get her back.
Of course, not all guys learn what you are learning her right now.
As a result, a guy will head to a meet up with his ex and waste the opportunity by making some or all of the following mistakes:
- Asking lots of questions about the new guy because he is insecure about his attractiveness to her.
- Asking her to remember the good times that she had with him as a reason for her to want to come back to him.
- Asking if it’s a rebound relationship and whether he should wait for her or not.
- Appearing to have an inactive or unhappy lifestyle since the break up (e.g. he hasn’t been doing anything to move on, he’s been posting up lonely, sad or depressing things on social media, he’s avoiding going out with friends or has become a bit of a loner).
- He’s lost the confidence that attracted her to him in the first place.
- He is afraid to flirt with her and create a sexual spark because he’s worried that it would ‘cross the line’ or be inappropriate now that she has a new guy.
- He appears to feel unworthy of her now because she seems happy with the new guy.
Some guys hope that their ex woman will take pity on them and feel guilty for having a new guy and moving on so easily.
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “Awww…he’s so lost and lonely without me. I feel so flattered that he has simply been waiting around for me to come back. I should dump my new, confident, forward moving, emotionally strong guy and hook up with my sad, insecure ex again. Yes, that’s what I should do!” she just feels even more turned off by him.
If she wants to tell her ex where he messed up, she might say something like, “Look. I met up with you because I thought you had changed, but I see now that you’re still stuck at the same level as you were at before. I’ve moved on and I’m getting serious with my new guy now, so please don’t ruin that for me. Let’s just accept that this meet up was our last goodbye and go our separate ways. Please don’t call me again because I won’t answer next time, okay. You and I are officially over now. Goodbye.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
Remember: At the meet up, you must allow her to experience the new and improved you (i.e. via the way you talk to her, behave and interact with her), so she can begin to feel respect and attraction for you again.
When she feels that way, her guard will automatically come down and she will begin to feel unsure about her new guy.
At that point, you can…
5. Get a goodbye hug and kiss and if possible, hook up sexually to mess with her feelings about him
If you have successfully reawakened your ex’s feelings for you at the meet up, she will be feeling relaxed and happy by the time you and her are ready to say goodbye.
So, rather than letting the opportunity to get physical with her pass you by, make sure that you get a goodbye hug.
For example: As you both start getting ready to part, you can say to her, “Hey, this was pretty cool. We actually managed to get through a cup of coffee together without causing a big scene. I’d say we passed the “ex’s can be friends” test with flying colors, don’t you think? So, how about we go for gold now and give each other a goodbye hug?”
Alternatively, you might say, “Okay, well I should head off now. It was great catching up as friends. Come here. Bring it in for a goodbye hug.”
She might be a little resistant at first and say something like, “No, I don’t think I should do that. I have a boyfriend and I don’t think he’d like it if he found out.”
If she does, just remain relaxed and say, “Heyyyy…it’s just a hug. We’re friends now. Friends can hug without it being a big deal. Come on…bring it in for a hug” and approach her with your arms open and let her come into the hug.
When she does, be relaxed and confident and pull her in close.
Give her a nice, warm hug and then, if you are confident enough in the moment, lean in and give her a quick kiss on the lips.
If she responds positively, deepen the kiss and then either go to her place or yours to hook up sexually.
If she is unsure about going, just say, “Don’t worry. Let’s just hang out. If we get there and you want me to leave (or she wants to leave your place), just say the word and I will go right away.”
When you have sex with her again, she will really begin to doubt her feelings for the new guy.
By the way…
If you try to go in for the initial kiss and she pulls away and seems a little uncertain, just say, “Hey, it’s just an innocent goodbye kiss. We can do that,” and she will almost certainly then go along with it.
However, even if she doesn’t want to kiss right away or hook up with you sexually, don’t worry about it at all.
As long as you have successfully made her feel a renewed sense of respect, sexual attraction and love for you at the meet up, she will go away doubting her feelings for the new guy and missing you.
All it takes is a little bit of doubt to get in the way of your ex’s new relationship and before long she’ll be thinking, “I don’t know what to do. I thought I was over my ex, but I can’t get him out of my mind. I don’t want to rush into another serious relationship when I’m still in love with my ex.”
When that happens, all that’s left for you to do is confidently guide her back into your arms where she belongs.