To stop yourself from feeling jealous and hurt when your ex talks about her new life without you, I recommend that you follow these 6 steps:
1. Become emotionally independent of her
Essentially what being emotionally independent means is that although you want your ex back, you don’t actually need her back to feel good about yourself and your life.
It doesn’t mean that you have to ignore her for months or even talk to or date other women.
None of that.
You just have to quickly get yourself to a point where you are no longer depending on her for your sense of confidence and happiness.
You want her back, but don’t need her.
Do you think you can do that?
Right now, the idea of getting over the break up and living a happy, productive, independent life without her might seem almost impossible, right?
You want her back so bad.
Don’t worry, I understand.
However, becoming emotionally independent of her is not only something that you can do (very quickly), but it’s also something you must do if you want her back.
The more time you waste remaining stuck thinking things like, “How can I stop myself from feeling jealous and hurt when my ex talks about her new life without me? How can she have moved on so quickly? Didn’t what we had together mean anything to her? Why doesn’t she care? I want her back so bad. I need her in my life. I miss her so bad. Why does this hurt so much?” the more you actually ruin your chances of getting her back.
Women aren’t attracted to guys who are emotionally dependent on them.
A woman feels attracted to a man who loves her and wants her, but who doesn’t actually need her for his sense of identity, happiness and confidence in life.
If a guy is emotionally dependent on his woman, she is going to pick up on that based on how he talks to her, behaves and takes action.
She can even pick up on it while texting back and forth with him, based on how he replies, the effort he puts into impress her, what he focuses on about what she is texting, how confident or insecure he seems and so on.
She can see it…and it’s not attractive at all.
Look at it this way…
Imagine that a woman calls her ex boyfriend (or husband), has a bit of a chat and then tells him about how she is planning on going to a party on the weekend with her friends.
She then asks, “So, what about you? Are you doing anything interesting this weekend?”
If he then responds with something like, “No. I’m not doing anything. I’m just staying home. Maybe I’ll watch TV, but I’ll probably just catch up on some work for Monday,” what will she think?
Will she think something like, “Oh, how sweet! He’s just sitting around doing nothing now that we’ve broken up. I feel so flattered that he is still dedicated to me, even though I don’t plan on getting back wit him. Maybe I should give up all the fun that I’m currently having to get back with him,” or will she be more likely to think negatively of him for not having the confidence to get on with his life in the meantime?
Here’s the thing..
To show her that he’s moving on, he doesn’t need to go and date other women or get over her completely.
Instead, he just needs to get on with life and feel confident, happy and forward moving without her.
Women don’t respect and feel attracted to guys (especially ex’s) who are emotionally dependent on them.
It’s just not attractive to women.
A woman doesn’t want to feel responsible for a guy’s confidence, happiness and sense of self worth in life.
She wants a man who has all that without needing her support.
Ironically, when you take ownership of your confidence, happiness and sense of self worth, a woman actually cheers you on and wants to support you.
She feels proud to have you as her boyfriend (or husband) because she knows how difficult it is to find a confident, emotionally independent, good man loves her and cares about her.
It’s so difficult for women to find that.
It’s super easy for a woman to find an emotionally dependent (e.g. clingy, needy) guy, but to find a real man is next to impossible for most women.
So, when a woman finds a real man, she just doesn’t want to let go.
She feels so much respect, attraction, love and pride about being with him that there’s no benefit to her to break up with him.
However, with an emotionally dependent man, she feels embarrassed, annoyed, turned off and unhappy, so there is plenty of benefit for her to break up with him and try to find someone new.
How about you and your ex?
Are you read to interact with her and let her sense your emotional independence, or do you still feel needy of her love, attention and approval?
Do you want her back, or do you need her back?
If your ex interacts with you and senses that you need her back to feel better about yourself, she will close up and feel turned off by you.
So, make sure that you are prepared to properly re-attract her by letting her see that you are no longer dependent on her for your emotional security.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should put on an act and pretend that you don’t care about her anymore either, to hopefully hide your pain.
If she currently doesn’t have feelings for you and is already getting on with her life, it won’t matter much to her if you’ve also moved on.
Sure, her ego might feel a bit bruised, but if she’s busy partying and possibly even hooking up with and dating other guys, she will most likely feel relieved that you’re not desperately trying to get her back anymore.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t bother pretending to be over her in the hopes that she will care.
Instead, focus on becoming emotionally independent and getting to the point where you genuinely believe that it’s possible for you to live a happy and fulfilled life without her.
The best way to do that is by making your purpose in life (i.e. your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions) the most important thing to you, rather than putting your ex on a pedestal and seeing her as your main reason for living.
Sure, you still care for her and want her back, but you don’t need her to give you a sense of identity and purpose in life.
Some guys worry that if they give their ex woman that impression, she will feel annoyed that he doesn’t need her and is doing fine without her.
That’s not how women work though.
Women want an emotionally independent, emotionally strong, forward moving guy that they can go along with.
A woman doesn’t want to have to be the strong one in the relationship or be the leader, so don’t think that you will be turning her off by being a strong, leading man who is getting on with and enjoying his life without her.
It will attract her.
She might test your confidence by pretending to be annoyed by it, but that is only a test.
She just wants to see if your newfound approach to being a man is real, or if you’re just putting on an act to impress her.
The fact, a guy who has a bigger purpose in life (other than his relationship with a woman) is naturally more confident, has a higher self-esteem and is emotionally independent.
As a result, he is naturally more attractive to women.
You can’t lose by being that way.
So, don’t worry about her potentially feel upset about you getting on with your life without her.
She won’t be upset.
She will be impressed.
She will also feel regret for breaking up with you and start to feel like she is losing the man she should be with.
As a result, she will begin to feel drawn to you and her new life will stop feeling as fun without you in it.
The next step is to…
2. Improve your ability to attract her during interactions
When some guys read about improving their ability to attract their ex during interactions, they often make the mistake of thinking about attraction in terms of the physical.
Don’t do that.
Physical attraction is the least important thing to your ex right now when it comes to you.
What matters is emotional attraction (i.e. how she feels when she interacts with you, based on your confidence level, approach to the conversation, behavior).
Not all guys know that though.
So, when a guy focuses on making superficial improvements to himself (e.g. going to the gym, buying new clothes, getting a new haircut), he is simply wasting precious time, money and energy on the wrong things.
For example: Imagine that a guy spends a month improving himself physically by losing some weight (or putting on some muscle) and getting himself a new wardrobe.
He then calls his ex on the phone and convinces her to meet up with him to show off his new, attractive look, which he hopes will make her want him back.
At the meet up, his ex says things like, “You look so great,” or, “I like your new style. It really suits you.”
He then thinks, “Cool! She likes my new look. It’s only a matter of time before we get back together again.”
Then, just when he thinks everything is going well, she says, “By the way…I’m going away for a few days with some friends for a beach party vacation. I’m so excited about it. My friends are bringing along some guys who are really good at surfing. One of them has promised to teach me how to surf. I can’t wait! It’s going to be so much fun.”
Suddenly, all the things about him that initially turned his ex off come to the surface (e.g. his insecurity, self-doubt, jealousy).
He starts feeling like he did when they were a couple (i.e. overly protective, clingy, suspicious of her).
He then says, “Why are you meeting up with me then? You’re obviously going to be sleeping with other guys this weekend. Why would you even waste my time by coming to meet me? Did you just want to rub it all in my face and hurt me even more?”
She is then left thinking, “He’s still the same. He’s so insecure. This meet up was a mistake” and she then leaves and it becomes even more difficult for him to her back.
Here’s the thing…
It’s totally natural and normal for a guy to assume that his ex woman is going to potentially sleep with one of the surfer guys.
That’s totally normal.
However, verbalizing it, complaining about it and making a big deal about it is not helpful to his cause of getting her back.
If he had just said something like, “Cool…sounds like it will be fun. I’ve always wanted to give surfing a try. People say it’s hard to stand up on the board and keep your balance” and let her talk about it with him, she would have relaxed and opened up further.
He could have then attracted her by being confident and using some humor like, “Well, you’re a bit of a clumsy girl, so you’ll probably be falling off most of the time” or something like that.
As a result, she could have relaxed and opened up a little bit more, rather than having to close up completely because he was being insecure, jealous and controlling.
When she relaxed and opened up, he could have continued to build on her attraction for him.
If he did a good enough job of it, the meet up may have ended in a kiss and maybe even sex.
Then, she might have cancelled plans to go on the beach party weekend.
Of course, there’s no guarantee of that, but it’s a much better approach to take than being a turn off.
So, don’t make that mistake of turning your ex off when you interact with her.
Remember: How you make her feel during interactions from now on is what matters most to her.
For example: When you talk to your ex on the phone or in person…
- Do you make her feel feminine and girly, or are you always on your best behavior and treat her more like a neutral friend or big sister when she’s with you?
- Do you make her laugh and feel happy to be interacting with you, or does she feel tense, stressed out and like she can’t wait to get away from you as quickly as possible?
- When she is being cold or distant, do you remain confident and self-assured, or do you become nervous, anxious and start doubting your attractiveness to her?
- Are you more emotionally dominant than her, or does she walk all over you with her confident personality?
Those things matter way more to a woman than a guy’s appearance.
It’s about how you make her feel when you interact with her.
That is what counts.
So, if you’re serious about getting your ex back, you have to improve your ability to attract her during interactions.
The more she can see that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with, the more interested she will be in including you back into her new life.
3. Reactivate her feelings for you
Ever interaction that you have with your ex from now on will be an opportunity for you to reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love.
Whether you’re sending her a quick text, e-mail, a message on social media, calling her on the phone or meeting up with her in person, it’s a chance for you to reawaken and build on her feelings for you.
So, make sure that you’re not avoiding her.
To get an ex woman back, it’s essential that you interact with her, so you can have opportunities to re-attract her.
So, don’t ignore her because it’s too painful for you to hear her talk about her new life without you.
You have to be stronger than that.
You have to take control of the ex back process, by interacting with her and making her feel attracted to you again.
One of the best ways to do that is to make her laugh and smile every time you interact with her.
For example: Imagine that you’re on a phone call with your ex and she says something like, “I’m taking a cooking class next week.”
Rather than give her a boring response like, “Oh, that’s nice,” which will do nothing to spark her feelings for you, you can instead say (in a joking way), “At last! You’re finally admitting that you need help! You’re the only person I know who can’t even boil water without burning it!” and have a laugh.
Note: That kind of humor will still work if a woman is a bad cook or not.
If she’s a bad cook, she will laugh and feel a bit self-conscious about the fact that she’s hopeless in the kitchen.
If she’s a great cook, she will know that you’re just teasing her and will appreciate the balls you have to joke around with her in a moment like that, rather than being on your best behavior and being Mr. Nice Guy to suck up to her.
So, don’t be afraid to joke around with your ex and let her feel your confidence as a man.
Women thrive on a man’s confidence.
When you are confident enough to make a woman laugh and smile (especially in moments where other guys would be nervous, hesitant and cautious), a woman naturally feels respect and attraction for you.
The same applies to your ex.
She will feel it, even if she doesn’t openly admit it to you.
Once you have reactivated some of her feelings, her guard will come down and she will feel much happier to talk to you on the phone and see you in person more often.
4. Make her feel jealous that you are living a great life without her, or are at least very happy without her
At the moment, you can’t stop yourself from feeling jealous and hurt when your ex talks about her new life without you.
You feel attracted to her and want (or need) her back, but she isn’t interested and is happy without you.
That’s a horrible feeling.
Don’t worry though…
The good news is that you can transfer that feeling to her and make her feel horrible about not having you in her life anymore.
Even though she might not openly admit to you, when she sees that you’re happy without her, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling twinges of jealousy.
You don’t have to go out and date other women.
However, it will be helpful if you can be around friends where women are included in the group.
If your ex is attracted to you again, even just the idea of you being around other women will send her imagination running wild.
She will start imagining you feeling confident around other women and women feeling attracted to you as a result.
She will then imagine you kissing and having sex with a new woman and then beginning to forget about her.
If she wants you back, it will make her feel the horrible feeling of losing the one you really love.
You know the feeling.
It’s the worst.
Give that feeling to her by letting her see that you’re happy and enjoying life without her, AFTER you have re-attracted her.
It’s important that you interact with her and re-attract her first, otherwise she won’t really care about what you’re up to and won’t feel the pain of losing you.
So, make sure that you do it right.
Re-attract her first by interacting with her and making her feel attracted to the new and improved you (e.g. more emotionally intelligent, more emotionally masculine, charismatic, funny, confident).
A lot of guys don’t know what you’re learning right now, so they try to show their ex woman how sad, lonely and confused they are without her.
A guy does that in the hope that his ex woman will take pity on him, stop moving on with her life and come back.
Yet, in most cases, that tactic only backfires and causes a woman to think, “I’m so glad I dumped him! What a wimp! I can’t believe that he’s still stuck in the same frame of mind as he was when we broke up. He hasn’t made any progress and has just been wallowing in self pity. If I had any doubts about breaking up with him before, I don’t anymore. I can now see that I’m definitely better off without him.”
As you would know if you’ve read this far, a woman doesn’t want a guy who is emotionally dependent on her.
She doesn’t want to have to soften up and be a certain way to compensate for a guy’s insecurity and lack of manliness.
A woman wants a man who is confident, happy and forward moving in life whether she is in his life or not, or whether she supports him or not.
A woman doesn’t want to have to take on a supporting, encouraging role for an insecure guy…especially an insecure ex!
So, if you focus on being happy, fulfilled and more successful in life without your ex, you naturally become more attractive to her.
All of a sudden, she stops feeling like she made the right decision by breaking up with you and starts feeling like it was a mistake.
The next step is to…
5. Make her miss you
The best way to make your ex miss you is by interacting with her over the phone (or in person if you can) and creating a newfound spark of respect and sexual attraction inside of her.
Once you relight the spark and bring her feelings back to life, she naturally starts to think about you and miss you.
So, after interacting with her and making her have feelings for you again, I recommend that you give her 3 to 7 days of space so she can miss you.
When she doesn’t hear from you, she can then start thinking, “Why isn’t he calling me? What is he up to? Could he be out with another woman? Why do I even care? I hate to admit it, but I really miss him.”
She might then text or call to say hello and possibly even suggest meeting up again in person.
Of course, in difficult cases where a woman really hates her ex, it might take 3 to 4 cycles of sparking her feelings and then giving her a few days space before she will really miss him and starts texting and calling him on her own.
However, from what I’ve seen by helping guys get women back for many years not, in most cases, 1 or 2 cycles (of interacting with her, reactivating her feelings and then giving her a few days of space) is enough.
Note: A mistake that some guys make is thinking that if ignoring a woman for 3 to 7 days will make her miss him, then avoiding her for 30 or even 60 days will work even better.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
If a woman doesn’t have much, or any feelings for her ex, not hearing from him will be a relief in most cases.
She can think, “Okay…well, I guess it’s truly over between us then,” and she will continue moving on with her life.
So remember, you just have to trigger your ex’s feelings for you and then only ignore her for 3 to 7 days, if you want her to miss you enough to want you back.
Waiting any longer than that is not only a waste of time, but it might also backfire on you if she finds herself another guy while you’re ignoring her for a long period of time in the hope that she comes running back.
6. Believe in your value based on the improvements you’ve made to yourself
Yes, you made some mistakes in the past, but you’re not that guy anymore.
You’ve changed and improved and are now the kind of guy that any woman would feel proud to call her man, right?
If not, get to work on that right away…
Make sure that you improve, adjust or change the things that turned your ex off and lead to the break up.
If you can show her that when she interacts with you, she will be impressed and begin to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
So, don’t beat yourself up the mistakes you made in the relationship.
Get past that.
Level up as a man and get ready to re-attract her.
When you do that, you will automatically begin to feel confident and believe in your value and attractiveness to her.
It will stop being about you trying to get her back and start being about you and her feeling attracted to each other and wanting to be together again.
By the way…
She wants to see that you believe in yourself and your value to her.
She might not admit that openly to you, but it’s a very important part of re-attracting her.
The more you can believe in yourself and your attractiveness to her, the more you will exude the type of confidence and emotional masculinity that will make your ex (and other women) want to be with you.
She will be able to sense that you’ve changed (e.g. you are truly confident and emotionally independent and don’t need her to feel good about yourself) and as a result, she will automatically feel surges of respect and attraction for you again.
7. Work on getting her back, but also work on making progress with your big ambitions and goals in life
One of the best ways to stop yourself from feeling jealous and hurt when your ex talks about her new life without you, is by getting busy on making progress on your big goals, dreams and ambitions.
This doesn’t mean that you must go out and find random things to do to keep your mind off your ex.
Instead, it has to be about your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions.
For example: Ask yourself…
- What is my biggest ambition in life outside of a relationship with a woman?
- What do I dream of being able to do, become, be, achieve or create?
- What is the one, big thing that I’ve always wanted to do with my life, but had been putting off because of the relationship with my ex?
The answer might come to you right away, but if it doesn’t, just keep thinking about it.
Most guys get a gut instinct feeling of what they know they should be doing with their life.
If you get that feeling, follow through on it.
Start making progress and push yourself to rise through the levels of your true potential as a man.
You don’t need to achieve it overnight (you can’t anyway).
Just start making real progress towards it, so you can see that you don’t actually need your ex to feel confident, happy and worthy in this life.
That’s what she wants to see from you.
When she sees that you are emotionally independent of her and are happy, confident and forward moving in life, she will automatically feel a newfound spark of respect and attraction for you.
As long as you have interacted with her and made her feel attracted to you, she will start wanting to become a part of your life again.
Important: You don’t have to make huge progress and achieve your ambitions to make her feel respect and attraction for you.
You just have to start making some progress, so she can see that you are emotionally independent of her.
When she sees that, her guard will come down and she will allow herself to start feeling attracted to you again.
When that happens, she will naturally start to love you, miss you and want you.
As a result, getting her back happens naturally, easily and quickly.
So, don’t waste anymore time.
Do what you have to do and you will not only get her back, but you will become an even greater man in the process.
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