Here are 7 of the most common reasons why a woman will say that to her ex boyfriend and what he can do to get her back:
1. She doesn’t want to seem impressed because she’s still playing hard to get
Even if a woman still cares for her ex and secretly wants to get back together again, in most cases, she won’t act like she’s impressed with the efforts he’s made to level up and become a better man.
Instead, she will likely act cold, aloof and even bitchy towards him and even say things like, “You’re still the same as you were before. Nothing has changed about you, so I’m not going to give you another chance.”
Naturally, when a guy has put in so much effort into changing and improving and gets rejected in that way, he may begin to doubt himself and his attractiveness to her.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that he’s actually playing into his ex’s hands.
Basically, he’s proving to her that it’s not worth it to open her heart back up to him again, because he’s not man enough for her.
What a guy like that doesn’t understand is that his ex is likely just putting on an act and playing hard to get to see if he really has the emotional strength and the confidence to pursue her, even when she’s not making it obvious to him that she wants him back.
So, when he loses confidence and doubts his attractiveness and value to her, he actually becomes more unattractive to her.
She then puts up more walls between them and pushes herself to get over him and move on.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman senses that a guy needs her to be nice to him and say something obvious like, “Well done. I’m so impressed with you for changing. Okay, now we can get back together again,” for him to feel confident enough to get her back, it will turn her off even more.
The fact is, women are attracted to men who are confident in themselves and in their value to a woman, without needing her approval, niceness or support to make them feel that way.
In other words, a woman wants a man who feels confident and good about himself, with or without her giving him a pat on the back for changing and becoming the man he should be anyway.
This is why it’s very important that you maintain your confidence, no matter how hard to get your ex is playing.
When she can see that regardless of what she says or does to rattle you, you remain confident and emotionally strong, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again.
As a result, her defenses come down and she opens backup to interacting with you more often, both over the phone and in person so that she can experience the changes in you for herself.
You can then use those interactions to fully reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.
2. You have changed, but not in the ways that matter to her
Sometimes, when a woman breaks up with a guy and he wants to get her back, he makes the mistake of thinking if he improves his physical appearance (e.g. changes his wardrobe, gets a new haircut, goes to the gym to build up some muscle, loses weight), she will feel attracted and give him another chance based on that.
Yet, when he then interacts with her, rather than her feeling attracted, she says something like, “I don’t know why you keep bothering me, when nothing has changed about you. Just accept that I’m not interested in you anymore and leave me alone.”
He’s then feeling confused and wondering why she’s not impressed with all the changes that he’s made.
What he doesn’t realize is that he has wasted time changing things about himself that she doesn’t really care about.
Sure, she might notice and even be impressed by his new appearance, but it’s not the main thing that’s going to make her want him back.
The truth is and something you need to get clear on, is that what matters most to a woman is how a guy makes her feel when she’s interacting with him.
For example: Some of the things that are much more attractive to women than how a man looks on the outside are…
- Does he make her feel feminine and girly in his presence, or does she feel more like a neutral friend around him?
- Can she look up to him, respect him and feel proud of him because he’s confident, emotionally masculine and going places in life, or does she look down on him a little bit and feel embarrassed to be seen as his girl?
- Does he create a relationship dynamic that makes her want to be a good, loving, attentive woman to him, while he’s a good man to her too, or does she instead feel like pulling away and treating him with less and less respect over time?
- Is he a bit of a challenge, thereby making her feel as though she needs to work hard to impress him and maintain his interest in her, or does he desperately chase after and accept any bad behavior from her just to keep her?
Those types of things are the changes a woman really wants to see in a man before she will give him another chance.
So, if you want to reconcile with your ex, you need to offer her what she really wants, which usually isn’t obvious or superficial.
Only when you do that, will she feel a renewed sense of respect for you for being smart enough to understand her and man enough to face up to your problems and fix them.
She will then naturally feel compelled to open up to you and give the relationship another chance, because she’ll know that it will feel a lot better than it ever did now that you understand her and what she really wants.
Another reason why your ex may have said that nothing has changed about you, is…
3. You are trying to sell yourself to her to get a relationship
If every time you interact with your ex over the phone or in person, your approach to her during conversation is essentially saying, “Okay, I’ve made these changes. Now will you give me another chance?” she’s naturally going to pull away.
The reason why, is that the guy is assuming that him changing is all that’s required to get her back.
Yet, it’s not.
That’s only one part of the process.
However, the other and most important part, is reactivating her sexual and romantic feelings for him.
So, even though he feels that he’s done the work required to get her back (i.e. he’s changed in certain ways that he hopes will impress her), it’s not enough to make her want him back, because she’s still not attracted to him.
This is why you need to approach the ex back process with your ex in a way that will open her up and make her want to interact with you over the phone and in person more, rather than less.
In other words, you need to make the feelings between you and her mutual, or at least close to mutual.
When you re-spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you again, she will also notice and be impressed by all the changes you’ve made to yourself.
She then feels motivated to work things out with you and get back together again for her own reasons.
On the other hand, if you continue coming across as wanting a relationship, without first reawakening her feelings for you, she will likely keep pushing you away and saying hurtful things such as, “Leave me alone. I’m not interested. Nothing has changed about you. It’s over between us. You need to move on.”
4. You have lost the challenge, mystique or coolness about you that she original fell for
One of the things that a woman finds most attractive in a man, is his ability to be a bit of a mystery to her.
In other words, she doesn’t always know what he’s thinking, feeling or doing.
He also doesn’t suck up to her and tolerate her bad behavior or disrespect and that’s a challenge she enjoys.
It makes her want to be on her best behavior around him and work hard to impress him, so that she can maintain his interest in her.
So, if after they break up, her guy stops being like that and instead becomes nice, sweet, predictable and unchallenging, she’s automatically going to feel turned off by him.
She may then think to herself something like, “Not only has nothing changed about him, he’s now lost his coolness along the way too. If I wasn’t sure before that breaking up with him was the right decision, I am now.”
She then pulls away from him even more and refuses to give him another chance.
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to appreciate that you’ve changed and open back up to being in a relationship with you, you need to continue being a challenge to her.
You need to make her feel as though she needs to be on her best behavior around you and try to please you, rather than you being obvious and predictable, so she feels like she can push you around and treat you like dirt without you doing anything about it.
So, focus on being your former mysterious, challenging self the next time you interact with your ex over the phone, instead of continuously trying to convince her that you’ve changed.
You’d probably be surprised to see how effective a bit of coolness towards her can make her feel surges of respect and attraction for you again.
5. She’s testing to see how you will react
Before a woman will take the risk of getting back together again with an ex, she wants to be sure that she will be making her life better in the long term (i.e. because she will be gaining a man who she can look up to, respect, feel proud of and love and who will make her life with him better and better over time).
What she doesn’t want, is to invest more of her time and emotions into a guy who will let her down again.
So, rather than accept that he’s changed right away, she may decide to put him to the test first.
As a result, she might say something along the lines of, “Why would I get back together with you, when nothing has changed about you?” and then wait to see how he will react.
- Will he instantly give up and walk away, or will he persevere until he can fully reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for him and get her back?
- Will he lose confidence in himself and in his attractiveness to her, or will he remain calm, knowing that he’s good enough for her?
- Will he lose control of his emotions and begin begging, pleading and pouring his heart out to her, or will he remain emotionally strong and use humor to make her laugh and smile when he interacts with her?
- Will he maintain all the changes he’s made to himself, or will he revert back to his old patterns of thinking, acting and behaving when he assumes that he doesn’t have a chance of getting her back?
Depending on what he does, she will either continue being closed off and not interested, or she will drop her guard and open herself up to being guided back into a relationship with him.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t let it bother you the next time she says that nothing about you has changed.
Instead, use it as an opportunity to spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by turning the seriousness of her statement into something you can laugh about together.
When she can see for herself that you’re not falling apart because she’s not acknowledging that you’ve changed, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect for you.
When she respects you, she also starts to feel attracted to you and then getting her to reconnect with her feelings of love becomes easy for you to do.
6. She doesn’t yet feel motivated to care about the changes
Right now, your ex probably doesn’t feel like she’ll be losing out if she doesn’t get back with you.
Even though you may have changed and improved in many ways, she doesn’t see the value of that, because in her mind, she probably still takes you for granted.
That is why, you have to make her feel motivated to care that you’ve changed.
How can you do that?
By making her feel as though she will be losing you, if she doesn’t give you another chance right away.
Here’s the thing…
Women (even if they won’t openly admit it) want to be with the type of man that other women want.
So, if your ex gets the sense that other women suddenly feel sexually and romantically attracted to you and that you can have your pick of high quality women if you want to, she’s not going to be happy to let you be the one that got away.
Instead, she’s going to want to get back with you as quickly as possible to make sure that she doesn’t lose you.
Then, when she also realizes that you really have changed and improved in some of the ways that are important to her, she’s going to become fully devoted to you and be a good, loving, adoring woman to you.
So, don’t be afraid to go out and have fun with other people, especially other women and post it on your social media for your ex to see.
Before long, she will start to want you back for her own reasons (i.e. she doesn’t want to lose you and regret it later on).
7. You’re still offering her the same old relationship dynamic that she is bored of
Sometimes, a guy will go to a lot of trouble to improve himself, so that he can convince his ex to give him another chance.
Yet, the one thing he fails to change is the dynamic between him and his ex.
For example: A guy might have a habit of always letting his woman call all the shots in the relationship with him.
Regardless of whether she takes his wants and desires into account or not, he never contradicts her and always gives in to her.
From his perspective, he likely thinks he’s being the perfect boyfriend.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that the relationship dynamic is out of sync.
As a result his woman feels more emotionally dominant than him.
Then, after the break up, he might put in a lot of effort to change and improve, but what he fails to do is change the relationship dynamic.
So, when he then interacts with his ex again, he reverts back to being submissive to her more dominant personality.
She then takes that as a sign that nothing has changed about him, not because he hasn’t made changes, but rather because she still feels like she has power over him and that feels wrong to her.
Here’s the thing…
Women are attracted to men who have the confidence, emotional strength and emotional masculinity to take the lead and do whatever it takes to make her feel safe and protected in the relationship with him, as well as in life in general.
This is why, when a man fails to do that, she instinctively starts to lose respect and attraction for him, which usually leads to her breaking up with him.
So, when it comes to getting her back after a break up, she wants to know that he’s the one leading the way in the ex back process, rather than sucking up to her and hoping she will guide him through the steps and help him get the job done.
If he can do that, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
She will then open back up to the idea of being his girl again.
However, if he continues to offer her the same relationship dynamic that she got bored of and dumped him for, she will almost certainly reject him by saying something like, “No. I’m not interested in getting back together with you, because nothing has changed about you.”
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