4 possible reasons why your ex said that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you and feels like you and her are better off as friends are that:
1. Your relationship turned into a friendship
Sometimes a relationship might start off with a bang, where there’s a whole lot of sexual attraction between a man and a woman.
Every time they get together, sparks fly and it feels like the kind of sexually passionate romance that you see in the movies and on TV.
Yet, over time, the excitement fades away as the guy starts treating his woman in a neutral way, or like a friend, rather than making her feel like she is his feminine girl.
For example: At the beginning of the relationship, a guy might…
- Regularly compliment his woman and show her, via his actions and what he says that he finds her sexually desirable (e.g. he enjoys touching, kissing and holding her hand, he says things like, “You’re so sexy! You look good even after being at the gym where you’ve been sweating and your hair is all over the place. In fact, you look even hotter that way to me.”)
- Have sex with her often, regardless of the time (e.g. morning, afternoon or night) or place (e.g. in bed, on the sofa, in the kitchen, in the car).
- Take her on romantic dates (e.g. candlelit dinners, picnics on the beach, weekends away).
However, as time goes by, a guy might sometimes become so comfortable in the relationship with his woman that he stops treating her like a sexy, feminine woman and starts treating her more like a neutral friend.
Alternatively, she might continue to feel like a sexy woman in his eyes, but he stops being a sexy man in her eyes.
For example: He starts acting neutral (like a friend) around her or worse, acting feminine like her or one of her girlfriends might act.
She then stops looking him as her man and starts thinking of him as more of a friend, or worse, as one of her girlfriends.
When that happens, her sexual attraction is switched off and she no longer feels right about being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with him.
There are many different paths to the old, “We’re better off as friends” line from a woman, but the solution to fix the problem is always the same.
You’ve got to re-attract her.
You’ve got to make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction whenever you interact with her from now on.
When you do that, she will naturally start looking at you as a potential lover and boyfriend again, rather than just thinking of you as a friend.
For example: Other ways that guys end up causing the old, “We’re better off as friends” line from their woman include…
He stops complimenting her in a sexual way and if she tries to get him to notice something about her (e.g. a new outfit, her hairstyle) by asking, “How do I look?” he usually just says, “Fine” or, “Okay.”
She then feels like there isn’t much of a sexual attraction between him and her.
It feels like she is sexy and attractive, but he’s not even feeling it, so she then thinks that she’s being undervalued.
In many cases, she will then start flirting with guys at work (or university if she’s still studying) or when she goes out with her girlfriends.
When she notices that other men find her very sexy and are able to make her feel attracted (e.g. because they are being confident, emotionally masculine, charismatic), she then starts to think that she shouldn’t be in a relationship with her guy and should use the old, “We’d be better off as friends” line.
Another example is where romantic dates between him and are now a thing of the past and most evenings and weekends are spent eating takeout and watching TV, hanging out with friends or playing video games.
The sex is no longer regular or exciting and consists mainly of a few minutes in bed at night before falling asleep.
Essentially, the thrill and excitement of the relationship has faded away and rather than being a couple in love, they are now more like two roommates hanging out together and paying bills together.
She then starts to wonder why she is sticking with a relationship that lacks the romance and passion that other people experience when in love and attracted to each other.
She then might try to shake him up a bit by giving herself a makeover and dressing in even sexier clothes.
If that doesn’t work, she might plan romantic getaways for the two of them.
However, if the guy still doesn’t get the message and continues to make her feel neutral feelings around him (i.e. because he’s not being very masculine and is treating her more like a friend), her feelings of respect and attraction for him will begin to fade.
When that happens, she might say something like, “I don’t have romantic feelings for you anymore. I feel like we’d be better off as friends now,” and then break up with him.
In most cases, a guy will be completely devastated when a woman says that to him because he will really love her and want to be with her.
He didn’t really know how else to keep the relationship together, other than being like a good friend to her.
Yet, now that she has broken up with him, he is becoming aware of the fact that to keep a relationship together, the feelings of respect, attraction and love have to be mutual and strong.
It’s not enough to just have attracted her in the beginning and made her love you back then.
You’ve got to build on a woman’s feelings, so you and her can experience the higher levels of a relationship and get to a point where you never want to break up or be with anyone else.
So, if your ex currently sees you as more of a friend than as her sexually attractive man, you need to ensure that you use every interaction that you have with her from now on to make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
How can you do that?
Some of the easiest ways are by creating sexual tension between you and her via flirting, making her smile, laugh and feel excited to be around you again and making her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculine vibe and behavior.
Remember: If you continue to only make her feel neutral, friendly feelings for you, she won’t see any reason to want to get back together again.
Without romantic and sexual attraction, she’s going to continue looking at you as just a friend, or as an ex that she once felt attracted to, but now feels neutral around.
Another reason why your ex may have said that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you and feels like you and her are better off as friend is that…
2. You lacked emotional masculinity in the relationship
Regardless of a woman’s achievements in life (e.g. she has a successful career), she wants to know that when it comes to her relationship, her man is emotionally masculine enough to take the lead, be strong and be someone that she can always rely on.
She wants to know that he has a plan and a direction for their future together, while also having the confidence, drive and integrity to see it through.
Why is this important to her?
Essentially, because it allows her to feel safe knowing that she has a man who doesn’t need her to keep pushing him and encouraging him along like a mother would have to do for her boy.
He is his own man and he will remain strong, keep moving forward in life and overcome any challenges that he encounters along the way to success.
As a result, she can then relax into her feminine role and be his woman (e.g. be girly, get emotional, focus on the love she feels for him, put time and effort into looking pretty for him), rather than feel like she has to take control, boss him around or make decisions about most things because he lacks the emotional masculinity of a real man.
Here’s the thing…
When a guy lacks emotional masculinity, it causes a woman to lose respect for him.
Without respect, she also stops feeling sexually attracted to him and when those two emotions are gone, she then disconnects from her feelings of romantic love for him.
It’s no longer a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife relationship and now becomes more like a friendship or partnership.
Yet, that isn’t the way to keep a sexual, romantic relationship together for life with a woman.
The sexual, romantic spark has to be there at the core of your relationship with her.
It cannot about being friends or “partners” (a word often used by politically correct, confused people).
It has to be about the man clearly being the man and the woman clearly being the woman.
In other words, they are completely different to each other.
One is a masculine man and the other is a feminine woman.
If the guy is unable to take on the role of being the man and ends up being like a neutral friend or partner, the spark will die out and the woman will want to get out on the relationship.
These days, a woman doesn’t have to put up with being in a friendly, neutral relationship with a guy who lacks emotional masculinity.
She knows that she wants and deserves a man who will allow her to be his girly woman, rather than a guy who expects her to be happy with being his neutral friend in life.
So, what are some examples of a guy lacking emotional masculinity?
A guy who lacks emotional masculinity might…
- Be afraid of getting rejected or failing if he tries to follow through on his big dreams in life. So, he just talks about his dream and wishes it would happen, but he doesn’t actually set goals and make progress towards those goals.
- Cry openly during movies. This is unattractive to most women because he’s behaving more like a girl than a masculine man.
- Cry when life gets tough (e.g. he experiences problems at work, is struggling to pay his bills).
- Complain about other guys bossing him around, but doesn’t do anything to improve the situation (i.e. understand how to be a good guy alpha male who gets respected and is liked by pretty much everyone he meets).
- Get stressed out by simple things, which other men can handle with ease (e.g. he has to take his car in to be serviced, grocery shopping, work responsibilities, etc).
Most women yearn to be in a relationship with a man who has the emotional toughness of a real man, while also being loving, kind and considerate towards her.
So, if your ex is saying that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you and feels like you’re better off as friends, it could be because you’ve allowed her to feel emotionally stronger than you.
To change how she feels, every time you interact with her from now on, you need to show her that you’re now much more emotionally masculine in the way you think, feel, behave and take action in life.
She needs to be able to see that she can relax and trust that you really are the man now.
When she sees that, she will begin to respect you again and when that happens, she will naturally become open to feeling romantic feelings for you again, rather than seeing you as only a neutral friend.
Warning: To test whether your newfound emotional masculinity is real, she will almost certainly test you.
She might act as though she doesn’t care, isn’t impressed or doesn’t believe the changes in you.
She will do that to test your reaction.
Do you remain confident and laugh at her (in a loving way, not a sarcastic way) for doubting you and then continue on being confident, or do you suddenly lose confidence in yourself based on her little test?
How you react to her tests are so important and will be the real difference in whether she believes in you or not from now on.
Another reason why your ex might have said that you and her are better off as friends is that…
3. You haven’t been able to give her the kind of attraction experience that really she wants
To change how your ex currently feels about you, it is very important that you give her the attraction experience she really wants.
For example: A woman might want her ex to be more of a challenge to impress, which then maintains her interest.
However, he just wants to be easy for her, be nice and make her feel like she doesn’t need to do anything to impress him.
Yet, that’s not what SHE wants.
It’s what HE wants.
He wants to treat her that way and expects that she should be happy with it, even though it’s not something that she could possibly be happy with for life.
In other words, he doesn’t really care if she wants him to be a challenge because he thinks that being a challenge (i.e. a man that she has to impress) is wrong.
Yes, to him, it is wrong, but not to her and billions of other women on the planet.
Women love the thrill of the chase.
Of course, I’m not talking about playing way too hard to get to the point where you become arrogant and don’t treat her well.
I’m simply talking about letting her earn your affection, respect and attention, rather than just giving it to her on tap without any effort needed on her part.
A guy who doesn’t understand that his woman wants him to be more of a challenge, might make the mistake of begging and pleading with her for another chance when she breaks up with him.
Yet, that’s just another example of him not being a challenge for her to win over.
If he doesn’t realize that and keeps using the same old approach on her, she will think, “He just doesn’t get it. He thinks that letting me walk all over him is what I want, but the opposite is true. The more he lets me get away with behaving like a brat towards him, the more I see that he’s just not man enough for me. I can’t feel respect and sexual attraction for a guy who would let a woman treat him so badly like I am now. I need a real man, not a wimp. He just doesn’t get it. I have to get away from this relationship and find myself a new man.”
When she then pulls away, he will be confused at how she could walk away from someone who loves her so much.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that his approach to the relationship has not been making her feel sexual and romantic attraction for him.
Instead, he’s been turning her off and making her feel like she’s with a guy who probably doesn’t deserve her.
Even though he’s a good guy and does deserve her, his approach makes her feel like he doesn’t.
She just has way too much power over him and doesn’t feel any need to impress him or maintain his interest.
Another example of a guy not being able to give a woman the attraction experience that she really wants, is where he fails her confidence tests.
For example: She pretends to lose interest, teases him about things that he’s sensitive about (e.g. his weight, his thinning hair) and he becomes insecure, or she comes up with unreasonable demands that seems to expect that he should meet.
If he doesn’t meet her demands, she gets angry and if she notices that he falls for it and believes in her anger, she can see that he just isn’t man enough to handle a woman like her.
Note: A woman will always test her man. She wants to know if he is worthy of her submission.
If she is going to submit and be the girl in the relationship, she has to be able to see that he doesn’t crumble under her pressure.
This is one of the real gifts from women to men.
Their tests make us stronger, more powerful and more capable of succeeding in life.
It’s beautiful how it works when a man has the confidence to pass her tests.
However, if a guy either isn’t aware that she is testing or doesn’t have the emotional toughness to laugh off her tests, then it’s a disappointing, annoying and sometimes stressful experience for both the man and the woman.
So, how can you pass her tests more easily from now on?
In most cases, to pass a woman’s test, a guy needs to simply relax and turn her test into something to laugh about, rather than taking it so seriously.
For instance, if she teases him about his bald head (e.g. she calls him “baldy”), the confident way to respond would be for him to say in a joking way, “Mmmm… sexy isn’t it? Admit it, you love my bald head” and then laugh about that with her.
She will then actually find the baldness sexy and attractive because it’s part of the confident, emotionally masculine man that she loves.
I know, it’s weird, but that’s just how attraction works for women.
If you are confident about who you are and own it, women then find it attractive because women are attracted to confidence in men.
By the way…
The way to fail for a guy to fail her “baldy” test (and prove to her that he’s still the same guy she broke up with) is to lose confidence in himself, feel self-conscious and possibly even try to hide his baldness (e.g. by always wearing a hat or beanie, wearing a toupee or hairpiece).
If a woman notices that her man has lost confidence in himself purely based on a random comment from her, she will feel turned off by him because he will reveal himself to be a guy who needs her constant reassurance to feel okay about himself.
Women don’t want that.
Women want a man who is confident in himself and his attractiveness no matter what a woman or anyone else says about him to bring him down.
If a man has that type of confidence, women flock to him.
Note: I’m not talking about arrogant confidence here.
I’m talking about having a relaxed, easy-going and unwavering confidence in yourself no matter what anyone says about you.
That’s what women love.
Okay, so those were two examples of how a woman could lose interest in a guy who wasn’t able to give her the kind of attraction experience that she really wants.
If you want to get your ex back, you have to make sure that you understand what pieces were missing in the puzzle of the attraction experience in your relationship (e.g. You became too insecure, but she wants a confident man. You acted like more of a friend, but she needs a man that creates a sexual vibe and makes her feel girly in comparison to his emotional masculinity).
Next, you have to also make sure that you adjust your behavior, so that when you interact with her, you’re flicking her sexual and romantic feelings for you back on, rather than making her feel neutral, friendly feels and confirming to her that she made the right decision by breaking up with you.
Another reason why she might have given you the old, “I don’t have romantic feelings for you anymore” line is that…
4. You stopped trying to turn her on and just took her presence in your life for granted
Most guys would never intentionally take their woman for granted.
However, a lot of guys fall into the trap of believing that the love will happen all by itself when in a committed relationship.
They believe that if their woman really loved them at the beginning, she will remember that forever and never leave him because of it.
Yet, that’s just not how relationships between men and women work.
For example: At the beginning of the relationship a guy is usually very loving and attentive towards his woman.
He never forgets to compliment her on her appearance and he always notices when she’s wearing a new dress, has changed her hairstyle, or has done something nice to please him.
At the same time, he flirts with her to create sexual tension between them, which he then releases with touching, kissing and wild, passionate sex.
Yet, over time, the more comfortable they become with each other, the more he starts to take her presence for granted.
Now, rather than compliment her on her appearance, he might become a bit critical of her (e.g. say things like, “You’re putting on weight” or “Your hair looks weird” or, “I liked how you looked when we first met. You don’t look good anymore.”)
Then, if she tries to look good for him, he doesn’t really notice or care because he doesn’t really see her as being very attractive anymore.
If she asks him what he thinks of her new look or when she’s wearing a new outfit, he usually responds with something, “Fine” or, “You look nice.”
Yet, being just fine or being nice isn’t what a woman wants to hear from her boyfriend or husband.
She wants to hear him genuinely say something like, “Oh, don’t you look sexy today?” or, “Wow, look at you. Come here” and then bring her in for a hug and kiss.
In other words, she wants to be able to feel sexy in his eyes.
Note: Being a challenge for a woman is not about never giving her sexual compliments.
You have to love and appreciate your woman.
Instead, it’s about making her want to impress you and seek compliments like that from you.
It’s never about making her feel ugly, unimportant or unloved.
You’ve got to flirt with your woman and let her see that you look at her in a sexual way, rather than in a neutral way.
So, when a guy stops flirting with his woman and takes her presence in his life for granted, problems start to emerge in their relationship.
The sex is less exciting and less frequent and he naturally starts to treat her more like a roommate or a male friend than like a sexy, girly woman.
He might also stop being helpful towards her (e.g. become a slob around the house, stop pulling his weight around the house, expecting her to do everything for him).
As a result, she then starts feeling like he is taking her for granted.
She may then try to get through to him (e.g. by hinting at her unhappiness, getting into arguments and fights with him about his behavior, sulking, complaining and throwing tantrums).
If he just ignores her and consoles himself by thinking, “She’s just being an emotional woman. Deep down she knows that I love her and that she means everything to me. She might be throwing a tantrum now, but our love is strong. She would never leave me. She will put up with it. She’ll tire herself out with all these tantrums and realize her mistake,” she will begin to lose respect for him as her man.
When that happens, she will also stop feeling sexually attracted to him and then it’s just a quick hop, skip and a jump to her saying something like, “I don’t have romantic feelings for you and I feel like we’re better off as friends.”
Then, a guy might panic and try to get her to have romantic feelings again by being very romantic or sweet towards her all of a sudden.
However, that’s not what she wants because he now seems desperate, which is always a turn off for a woman.
I know what you’re probably thinking, “Why are women so difficult?!”
In reality, women are so damn easy to please, get along with and keep, BUT you have to use the right approach.
If you use the wrong approach, a woman will make your life feel like a living nightmare.
If you use the right approach, a woman will make your life feel like the softest, warmest, sweetest, most enjoyable dream you’ve ever had.
You’ve just got to understand how women operate.
If you don’t understand it or think that women are so annoying and you shouldn’t have to put in any effort to understand them, then prepare for a life of misery when it comes to women.
However, when you know how to make a woman love you, respect you and feel attracted to you for life, you can relax and enjoy a peaceful, fulfilling life with a woman who will work her butt off to make you happy and please you.
That’s how it works.
It’s kind of like how some people struggle with a certain area of their life for their entire life because they keep using the same old approach that has gotten them that result.
They refuse to change and so does the laws of life, so they are in a constant battle against the thing that they can’t seem to get under control.
Yet, when they have finally had enough and start to change, their struggle suddenly begins to disappear.
What used to be difficult, now becomes natural and easy.
The same rule applies to getting your ex back.
If you want her back in a sexual, romantic way, you absolutely have to be willing to change your approach to her.
If you don’t, she will reject you and resist your efforts to get her back no matter what you say to her or promise her.