Telling your ex girlfriend that you and her should be ‘just friends’ from now on is a great way to remain in her life, so you can then re-attract her sexually and romantically.

However, if you only ever act like a ‘friend’ to her (i.e. neutral, nice, helpful, sweet) and don’t focus on attracting her sexually (i.e. flirting with her, being a challenge, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculinity), then you will almost certainly just remain in the friend zone and she will move on with a new guy who focuses on making her feel sexually attracted.

So, if you and your ex are going to be ‘friends’ now and you want her back, then you need to use the ‘friendship’ an opportunity to re-attract her sexually and romantically.

To help you understand why, here are 5 reasons why you can’t just be ‘friends’ with your ex girlfriend if you want her back:

1. Being a nice, friendly guy isn’t what turns a woman on sexually

Being a nice, friendly guy isn't what turns a woman on sexually

Wouldn’t it be great if being a nice, friendly guy was what made a woman feel turned on and want to stick with him for life?

If that was how life worked, all the nice guys out here would be dating beautiful women and the bad boys would be single and alone.

Yet, it simply doesn’t work out that way.

Here’s the thing…

Although a woman will usually appreciate good things about a guy (e.g. he’s nice to her, he’s reliable, he gets along well with her family and friends, he’s stable), it takes more than niceness and friendliness to keep her interested in him in a sexual and romantic way.

She might like him and care about him as a person, but without that special spark of sexual attraction, the relationship will feel more like a good friendship, rather than a lust-filled romance.

Of course, from the guy’s perspective, he will feel the spark and the lust even if the woman is only being nice to him.


A man’s attraction for a woman works differently to a woman’s attraction for a man.

Women get turned on by guys who are a challenge (i.e. she has to impress him, put in effort to maintain his effort, win more of his love) and they get very bored with guys who offer no challenge.

Yet, for a man, he doesn’t need a woman to be a challenge and in many cases, he will assume that guys who are a challenge are just playing stupid mind games.

He will say things like, “Love should be based on kindness, care, commitment and connection” because he wants women to like him and love him based on his nice side.

Yet, women can’t stop themselves from feeling attracted to what he might see as the ‘bad’ side to men (i.e. making a woman feel the need to impress him, occasionally behaving in a masculine way when interacting with her so she feels feminine and girly, playfully teasing her to keep her off balance, making her feel nervous (in a good way), not chasing after her when she is moody, not putting up with her tantrums and instead, putting her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way).

The same applies to men and what we feel attracted to about women.

We can’t stop ourselves from feeling more attracted to women who are slim or slender and less attracted to women who are overweight.

Women may complain and say, “Men should want women for who they are on the inside, not what they look like on the outside” but it’s just not the way our attraction to women works.

We can’t turn off the fact that slender or slim women are more attractive than overweight or obese women.

Likewise, with women, they simply can’t feel turned on (in the long run) by a guy who is just being nice to them.

This is why many women reject nice guys upfront, because they know how boring the relationship will end up feeling.

So, if a guy wants to get his ex girlfriend back, he has to understand that just being a nice, helpful friend who is there for her, isn’t going to make her want him back, especially if she can sense that he would still make the same kind of relationship mistakes that lead to the break up (e.g. he is still kind of insecure, he doesn’t know how to make her respect him or want him, he can’t handle her tantrums or moods and doesn’t know how to get her to be a good girl to him).

If a guy is trying to get his ex girlfriend back and is just being a nice friend to her, then she is still going to be a normal human being who occasionally feels horny and wants to have sex, or at least kiss a guy.

If she doesn’t feel that desire with her ex, then she will push herself to interact with new men and if she feels a sexual spark with them, she will open herself up to dating and having sex with them, rather than going back to an ex that she doesn’t feel much or anything for anymore.

This is why, if your intention is to get your ex back, only being nice and friendly with her just won’t cut it.

If you’re only nice, friendly and ‘being there’ for her, then you’re almost certainly going to end up in the friend zone.

Of course, you can still be friendly and nice to her.

However, you also have to step up your game by making her feel real sparks of sexual attraction for you again.

If you fail to do that and she just sees you as a friend, she may just decide to keep you around as a friend while she secretly moves on behind your back.

Another reason why you can’t just be friends with your ex girlfriend if you want her back is…

2. Just being her friend can make her assume that you no longer look at her in a sexual way

Just being her friend can make her assume that you no longer look at her in a sexual way

Imagine this…

After a break up, a guy hangs out with his ex girlfriend often, but is only nice and neutral towards like a friend, coworker or big brother.

He rarely (or never) flirts with her or uses ballsy or challenging humor to spark her sexual feelings for him.

Instead, he’s pretty much always just a polite, helpful, nice, generous and agreeable, good friend to her.

Secretly, he hopes that she will eventually realize how good of a guy he is (for treating her so well after the break up) and will then want to get back with him, because no one will ever treat her as good as he does.

Yet, although a woman may feel relieved that the break up went well and they’re not angry ex’s who hate each other, his behavior can cause her to assume that whatever they had together is now over (i.e. there’s no spark anymore, he doesn’t seem to want her sexually, they seem more like brother and sister, coworkers or good friends).

As a result, she focuses on fully switching off her feelings for him and begins opening herself up to dating new men (who want her sexually), so she can move on and get on with her romantic life.

Then, if he happens to mention how he still wants her back, she might respond with something along the lines of, “Huh? Why didn’t you let me know sooner? I assumed that you only wanted to be friends, so I started moving on. You should have done something to let me know how you felt sooner. It’s too late now though. Sorry. I’m already dating a new guy and I’m happy. I’m sure you will find someone else too.”

If she didn’t tell him about the fact that she was dating a new guy, he might then be left feeling hurt, betrayed and wondering what went wrong.

What went wrong is pretty simple.

A friendship is different to a sexual, romantic relationship.

A woman will naturally feel horny and want a sexual relationship, or want to be in love romantically and if she isn’t getting that from her ‘friendship’ with her ex, she will get it from a new man instead.

So, if you don’t want your ex moving on because she assumes you only want to be her friend, then make sure that you’re not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.

Spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you again (i.e. by flirting with her, building up sexual tension, being a challenge, making her feel girly in comparison to your masculinity) and when you do, the relationship will naturally get back together, or you will at least start sleeping with each other again and can take it from there.

Another reason why you can’t just be friends with your ex girlfriend if you want her back is…

3. If you’re just friends, she won’t feel like she has to remain loyal to you

If you are just friends, she won't feel like she has to remain loyal to you

When a guy breaks up with a woman and only acts like a platonic friend to her (i.e. a friend who doesn’t want her sexually or romantically), he can’t expect her to remain loyal to him and not date other men.

At the end of the day, she is an individual and has the freedom to whatever she wants with other men now that she’s not in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with you.

She is also human and will naturally feel horny, or want to pursue a romance so she can move towards an actual relationship that may lead to an engagement, marriage and then family.

It’s a natural drive that women have and it doesn’t stop just because an ex is a good friend to her.

If you just act like a friend and then get mad, seem upset or try to make her feel guilty is she starts sleeping with new guys, she might say something like, “It’s none of your business who I date or decide to sleep with. You are no longer my boyfriend, so you don’t have a say in what I do anymore.”

She might then decide that remaining friends with you is a bad idea for now, so she will ask for space or cut you out of her life.

So, if you want her back, don’t just pretend to be her nice, neutral friend who wants to ‘be there for her’ and then expect her to avoid all other men based on that.

You have to make her feel sexually attracted and romantically to you, so she doesn’t want to be ‘just friends’ with you anymore and instead, wants to be your girlfriend again.

Another reason why you can’t just be friends with your ex girlfriend if you want her back is…

4. If she senses that you’re afraid of getting rejected by her, it will turn her off big time

If she senses that you're afraid of getting rejected by her, it will turn her off big time

Sometimes, a guy will pretend to be friends with his ex girlfriend because he doesn’t have the courage to try and get her back.

He might try to convince himself that he’s doing the right thing by thinking something like, “There’s no rush to get back together. We can just hang out as friends for a while. I will help her out with whatever she wants and be there for her like a good friend should. When she notices that no other guy is as dependable and devoted to her as I am, she will naturally want to get back with me.”

Yet, what a guy like that often doesn’t realize is that by thinking in that way, he is seriously reducing his chances of ever getting her back.


Firstly, if he sticks around pretending to be her friend, then he’s almost certainly just going to end up in the friend zone because she won’t feel enough of (or any) spark with him anymore.

Of course, she might turn to him when she needs something (e.g. to run an errand for her, help her fix something at her house, be her emergency date for an important function, help her pay bills or rent).

Yet, she will be secretly moving on by dating new guys behind his back. .

Secondly, when a woman senses that a guy has feelings for her (e.g. based on the way he talks, acts, behaves and responds to her), but is too afraid to make a move, she will lose a lot of respect and attraction for him.

His inability to be a man of action and go after what he really wants in life (i.e. in this case, her) will be a clear a sign that he’s not going to be the kind of man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love for life.

Women instinctively want to be with a good man who has balls, not a good man who is afraid of the world around him, or of what a woman might say, think or do.

So, if a woman senses that her ex is probably too emotionally weak for a woman like her, she will begin to distance herself from him as much as possible.

He may then find that the friendship he’s been relying on to interact with her, starts to fade away (i.e. she ignores some of his texts, takes a long time to reply to others, doesn’t answer when he calls or doesn’t return his calls, makes excuses not to meet up with him in person and generally avoids him whenever she can).

Eventually, she will tell him that she is in a new relationship now and that her new man doesn’t want her talking to him anymore.

Here’s thing…

In life and with women, if you allow fear to stop you from going after what you want, you may not like the results you get.

Right now with your ex and for the rest of your life, courage is what’s needed a man.

You’ve got to man up and make a move.

In terms of your ex, man up and do whatever it takes to re-attract her, seduce her into hugging and kissing you and then have sex with her again.

When you get to that point, you and her will naturally get back together in a relationship, or at least start sleeping with each other again and see how things go.

On the other hand, if you sit around feeling afraid to take action and pretending that you only want to be her friend, she will probably just move on without you.

If that happens and you secretly do still love her and want to be with her, it will hurt you.

Many men end up missing an ex woman for years or even decades after a break up.

They wish that they would have just manned up and made a move while they could.

Another reason why you can’t just be friends with your ex girlfriend if you want her back is…

5. She has sexual needs too, so she will probably start dating other guys pretty quickly

She has sexual needs too, so she will probably start dating other guys pretty quickly

Imagine a woman who has just broken up with a boyfriend who she no longer feels enough attraction for to be in a relationship with.

She may love him in a way and even miss what they had, but it’s over and she is now single.

As a result, she will feel like she’s on her own again and will want to do something about that.

Soon enough (or right away in some cases), she will start going out with her single friends to parties, bars and clubs.

She may end up drink a little bit too much and guys are likely going to be ready to flirt with her and try to hook up with her.

If she happens to meet a guy who makes her feel more sexually attracted and turned on than her ex did, then she may end up opening herself to hooking up with him that night, or at least giving him her phone number and going on a date with him.

Alternatively, she might end up going on a date and then kissing and hooking up with one of the guys who have been waiting in the wings for her to be single again (e.g. coworkers, friends who have a crush on her, ex boyfriends).

She has sexual needs too, so she will start dating again

Many guys are often surprised at how quickly their ex girlfriend kisses or has sex with a new guy after they break up.

I’ve been contacted by so many guys over the years who assumed that their girlfriend wouldn’t ever do something like that because she was different to other girls.

Yet, to their surprise, she was already sleeping with a new guy days after they broke up, or went out the night after they broke up and passionately kissed a guy.

That doesn’t mean she is slutty.

It just means that she has sexual desires like any woman and if she is trying to help herself get over a break up, she knows one of the fastest ways to do that is to passionately hook up with a new guy.

Additionally, if a woman hasn’t felt very attracted to her ex in a long time, or if her ex didn’t make her feel very sexy and attractive, then she will be ripe for the taking if a confident guy interacts with her and makes her feel sexy and desirable.

Additionally, her ex is only treating her as a neutral friend and not doing anything to re-spark her sexual feelings for him.

She hasn’t felt that way in a long time, so she will be craving that kind of attention and those type of feelings, so she will just go for it.

Meanwhile, her ex who is being a nice, good friend to her and ‘being there’ for her during the break up, is left feeling shocked and often betrayed and angry at how quickly she began dating, kissing or sleeping with new men.

This is why, you can’t just be nice friends with your ex girlfriend if you actually want her back.

If you pretend that you only want to be her nice, neutral friend, then she’s almost certainly going to seek to fulfill her sexual needs with other men.

3 Mistakes to Avoid When You’re Friends With Your Ex But You Want More Than That

1. Assuming that she will eventually realize how honorable and loyal of a guy you are and want you based on that

Sometimes a guy assumes that if he sticks around and proves his loyalty to his ex (e.g. he’s always available to her no matter what, he doesn’t move on with other women, he continues to put her first in his life, he doesn’t go out to socialize because he doesn’t want her worrying that he might meet another girl, he stays in regular contact as a friend), she will fall back in love and want him back.

Yet, here’s the thing…

While your ex might appreciate the fact that you’re being a really good guy to her after the break up, appreciation is not the same feeling as sexual and romantic attraction.

If you want her back, you really have to understand what motivates a woman to want to be with a man in a relationship.

It’s not just niceness, feelings of appreciation or gentlemanly behavior.

It’s that feeling in her you know what, where she wants you to put something of yours inside of her.

It’s that desire she feels where she feels turned on and excited when she imagines you and her having sex, kissing, holding hands, hugging and spending time together.

If she doesn’t have those feelings for you, then you’re just a friend.

Of course, she might not directly say that she only sees you as a friend and may hint at seeming like she wants you to be a permanent part of her life.

For example: She might say things like, “I can’t tell you how happy I am that we remained friends after we broke up. You’re an amazing guy and I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. You’re special to me and I’m so grateful that we can still rely on each other.”

Yet, that doesn’t mean she wants to be your girlfriend again.

Instead, it usually means that she only sees your new relationship as a brother-sister type relationship, where you are there for each other, take care of each other and love each other in a friendly way.

It’s not a sexual thing and it’s not going to result in you and her becoming boyfriend and girlfriend again, but it is convenient for her (i.e. because she doesn’t have to feel like she is losing you) as she moves on without you.

Another mistake to avoid is…

2. Texting like just a friend, to the point where she gets bored and starts texting with other guys who want her sexually

Regardless of how open your ex is about texting back and forth with you, if you don’t ever progress to a phone call and then a meet up in person to seduce her sexually, you will probably just remain a texting buddy to her while she moves on behind your back.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys mistakenly believe that texting is their way back into a relationship with their ex girlfriend or wife.

As a result, a lot of guys remain stuck texting back and forth with their ex woman for weeks or even months, without ever getting past that point.

They try very hard to ‘be there’ for her, to be funny, to be interesting and to cool via text, but it doesn’t ever progress past texting.

The guy is somehow hoping that if he just keeps texting her, she will eventually say that she misses him and wants him back.

Yet, in almost all cases, a woman simply gets bored of waiting for her ex guy to man up and do something, so she starts dating new guys and moves on without him.

Alternatively, she gets bored of texting with him and gradually responds less and less, until she pretty much goes cold.

So, if you want her back, don’t make the mistake of becoming her texting buddy while she dates, sleeps with and then falls in love with a new man.

If you want her back, you’ve got to take control of the situation and get her back.

That means, call her on the phone, reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you, get her to meet up with you, hook up with her sexually and get her back for real.

If you don’t, another man will take her and she may end up really loving him and even marrying him.

So, get her back while you still can.

3. Feeling unworthy to be more than just a friend of hers

When a man feels like he is mostly to blame for the break up (e.g. he became too insecure, he turned her off in many different ways), he might fall into the trap of romanticizing about how perfect she was and how he was so lucky to have her.

Yet, by thinking like that, he naturally begins to put himself down in comparison to her.

For example: He may think, “She’s just too good for me. I was lucky to have her and she probably knows that. Maybe I should be grateful for the fact that she is still willing to be friends. I can’t expect anything more than that. I had my chance and I blew it.”

Unfortunately, what he doesn’t realize, is that feeling unworthy of his ex’s love only makes him seem less attractive to her (and to other women as well).


Women are instinctively attracted to the kind of man who can always remain confident and believe in himself, no matter what happens.

So, if his ex woman senses his self-doubt, insecurity and feelings of unworthiness, she will instinctively feel turned off by him, regardless of how much of a good friend he has been to her.

She might continue to be nice to him as a friend, but if he can’t even believe that it’s possible for him to get her back, then he has already lost.


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