5 possible reasons why she’s saying that she loves you, but wants to be on her own for a while, are:
1. She loves you as a person, but isn’t in love with you in a romantic, sexual way
There are many different types of love.
For example: There is the love between a parent and a child, the love between friends, the love between a sports team and its fans and then there’s also romantic love between a man and a woman.
If your ex loves you as a person, but isn’t in love with you, it means that she no longer feels sexually attracted to you, or doesn’t feel enough sexual attraction to justify remaining in a relationship with you.
In a relationship, if there is love without attraction, it stops feeling romantic and starts to feel like a friendship.
So, if your ex said that she loves you, but wants to be on her own for a while, it’s much more likely that she just doesn’t feel a spark with you anymore.
So, how can you make her feel that spark again?
The best way is to make her feel feminine and girly in comparison to how masculine you think, talk, behave and take action around her and in life.
Essentially, you make her feel like your girl, rather than making her feel like your friend or like she is the more dominant one in the relationship.
Here’s the thing…
It doesn’t matter how smart, successful or independent a woman is, she still wants to be able to feel girly and feminine in comparison to her man.
A lot of modern women are embarrassed to admit that, but just pay attention from now on and you will notice that the women who are the happiest and most in love with their man are the ones who get to feel girly around him.
When a woman ends up feeling like a friend to her guy, or feels like the more dominant one in a relationship, you will see a distinct change in her energy, attitude and happiness.
A lot of people aren’t comfortable talking about the whole masculine vs. feminine thing in today’s society.
It’s more politically correct to just pretend like men and women are the same.
Yet, they’re not.
For a man and a woman to continually feel sexually attracted to each other in a long term relationship or marriage, their energy has to be completely different to each other.
In other words, the man has to clearly be masculine (e.g. emotionally tough, driven by the desire to reach his true potential as a man and fulfill his purpose, practical and able to get things done) and the woman has to clearly be feminine (e.g. emotionally sensitive, driven by love, free to be silly and helpless at times like a girl).
So, if a guy makes the mistake of treating his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) more like a friend, her sexual feelings for him will gradually fade away.
She will then start to focus on things about him that she doesn’t like (e.g. he’s too needy and clingy, he breaks his promises to her, he puts her in second place to his work/friends/family).
She will then begin thinking things like, “I don’t really know why, but our relationship doesn’t feel right anymore. I know that I still love him, but something is missing. The spark has gone. I just don’t feel the same way about him as I used to. Maybe it’s a sign that we’re not meant to be together.”
She will then break up with him by saying something along the lines of, “I love you, but I want to be on my own for a while.”
Her guy might then try to convince her to give him another chance by explaining that he will try harder, but it just won’t feel right to her.
The spark just isn’t there, so she doesn’t feel the need to give him another chance based on the promise that things might get better later on.
She wants to feel sexual and romantic attraction now, not later and not maybe later.
She wants it for sure.
She wants to feel it when she talks to him now.
If it isn’t there, she just has to leave.
Here’s the thing…
Unlike in the distant past where a woman had to endure a sad, lonely, sexless, unhappy relationship for life (because it was shameful to break up), today’s woman can do whatever she wants.
She is free to leave a relationship if she’s not feeling they way she wants to feel (i.e. attracted, feminine, girly, respectful towards her man, in love).
So, if your woman is saying that she loves you but wants to be on her own for a while, it may be because you stopped making her feel like a feminine, sexy woman and treated her more like a friend or a buddy.
Even though she may still love you as a person, she’s no longer in love with you in a romantic, sexual way.
The good news is that you can change how she feels.
If she felt desire and sexual attraction for you in the past, then you can definitely make her feel that way again.
You simply need to change the way you interact with her from now on.
For example: Stop being so nice and sweet and stop being afraid to flirt with her and build sexual tension between you and her.
Make it happen.
Make her experience sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
One way to do is to maintain your confidence around her, no matter what she says or does to make you doubt yourself or feel unworthy.
Another way to do is to making her laugh and smile, especially when she is being cold or distant.
Another way to do is to make her feel feminine and girly in your presence, by being very masculine in the way you talk, feel, behave and act around her.
The more respect and attraction you make her feel, the more she begins to think, “I feel different now. Why don’t I want to be on my own anymore? When we’re not together I miss him too much. I want us to be together again. What has changed? Why am I feeling this way? I don’t want to lose him. I want him back.”
On the other hand, if you continue treating her like a neutral friend and fail to create sparks between you and her, she will simply use the time apart to get over you.
Then, when another guy comes along and sparks her feelings of sexual attraction, she will hook up with him and leave you behind wondering, “What did I do wrong? Why did she leave me? How could she do this to me? She said she loved me!”
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want her back, you have to change her friendly feelings of love to romantic, sexual feelings of love.
If you do that, she will naturally want to get back with you.
Another reason why she might have said that she loves you, but wants to be on her own for a while is…
2. She is going to try and move on without you
She won’t tell you that, but she will do it.
She will use the time apart to get over you and try to move on as quickly as she can.
Sometimes a woman decides that she wants to move on from a relationship, but doesn’t want to get into a deep debate or discussion about it with her man.
So, rather than saying something like, “I want to break up with you because I don’t think you and I want the same things from this relationship,” and risk him trying to talk her out of her decision, she will say something like, “I do still love you, but I want to be on my own for a while. Can you give me some space to sort myself out? Then, after I’ve sorted out my issues, we can discuss getting back together again. I would really appreciate that.”
By saying that to him, he is then left thinking something like, “Okay, I don’t like it, but at least she isn’t fully breaking up with me. She said she still loves me and just wants some time on her own. I can give her that. In fact, if I stay out of her way and don’t try to change her mind, it will show her what a loving, understanding guy I really am. She will come running back to me again sooner rather than later.”
He might then give her 30 (or even 60) days of space where he doesn’t contact her at all.
He hopes that she will get bored of being on her own, call him and want to get back together.
Yet, in most cases, a woman simply uses the time on her own to get over her ex guy and move on.
So, should you give her any space at the moment?
There’s nothing wrong with giving her a bit of space, but anything longer than 3 to 7 days is usually a bad idea.
Giving her more than a week of space (before you start re-attracting her and getting her back) just provides her with too much time to get over you and find a replacement guy.
Many guys assume that their woman would never hook up with or start dating a new guy right after their relationship, but they’re wrong.
If a woman is saying things like, “I love you, but I just need some time on my own” it means that she’s no longer romantically attracted.
If she happens to meet a new guy who makes her feel attracted, or if she has secretly been flirting with a new guy behind his back, she’s just going to move on without him.
Loyalty to the relationship goes out the window when sexual and romantic feelings are dead or too weak to justify sticking around.
A woman may even promise her guy not to hook up with any new guys and to remain completely faithful, but she doesn’t actually have to stick to that promise.
Believe me, I’ve heard all the horror stories.
I’ve been helping men get women back after a break up for years now.
I’ve heard all the things that women say to guys during and after a break up.
Your girl might seem sweet, innocent and loyal to you and the relationship, but if she wants to be on her own, she’s almost certainly going to be opening herself up to feeling attracted to new guys.
She doesn’t want to tell you that though because it would only cause unnecessary drama and potentially make you start pleading with her to give you another chance.
So, if your woman has said that just wants to be on her own, don’t assume that she will remain alone.
She could go out and party with her girlfriends, go on a date with the guy at work (or university) who has a crush on her, get on Tinder or start flirting with random guys she meets.
If she meets a guy who makes her feel sexually attracted, she is within her rights to go ahead and do something with him.
That would suck, I know.
Yet, you have to prepare for the reality of this situation.
That’s why I don’t ever recommend that a guy give his woman more than a week of space, before he begins re-attracting her and getting her back.
Another reason why a woman might say that she loves you, but wants to be on her own for a while is…
3. She doesn’t think that you will ever understand the kind of attraction experience she really wants
What are her real, erotic desires?
Were you able to get her to bring out her honest sexual identity in the relationship, or did she only show you half or even less of who she really wants to be in the bedroom?
What kind of behavior does she really want to experience from a man inside and outside of the bedroom?
Will she be happy with a normal, good guy who treats her in a fairly neutral way, or does she really want to be with an edgy, good guy who treats her like his girl and makes her feel submissive because he’s so masculine in his behavior and approach to life?
These are the kind of things that you really need to think about it.
You might not care about that because it’s not important to you, but what about her?
When getting a woman back, you have to focus on making her feel the way that she wants to feel.
You can’t just expect her to get back with you because you want it and then offer her the same kind of attraction experience that didn’t inspire her before.
It’s not about being someone that you’re not.
Instead, it’s about rising up to the challenge and showing her that you are capable of being the kind of man that she secretly wants, but is too embarrassed to admit.
That is what gets an ex woman’s attention.
You might just want her to love you for you (i.e. because you’re a good guy, you’re smart, you have good intentions), but that isn’t fair to her if she isn’t getting what she really wants from the relationship.
Another reason why she might have said that she loves you but wants to be on her own for a while is because…
4. You’ve been pressuring her to get back with you before changing what she secretly wants you to change
One of the most common reactions that guys have to a break up is to try and convince their woman to change her mind.
He will try to engage her in long, deep discussions about the relationship, in the hope that he can understand her.
Yet, trying to understand a woman is a losing game.
Most women don’t even understand themselves and those who do, tend to change their mind about what they want from day to day, month to month or year to year.
The secret to success with women is not about following them and trying to understand them.
If you do that, they will lead you around in circles that go nowhere and get frustrating for both of you.
The secret is to lead the way by actively making her have feelings for you.
When a woman respects you, feels attracted to you and is in love with you, she doesn’t want to leave you.
She might change her mind all the time about what she wants to do with her life, what she is interested in outside of work and so on, but she will consistently remain in love with you and committed to you.
That’s how it works.
If a woman is feeling attracted and in love, she doesn’t feel the need to get away from her man.
Yet, if her feelings for him are dying or dead, she will want to be ‘alone’ for a while, so she can get over him or find a replacement guy and move on.
It’s as simple as that.
So, don’t waste time trying to convince your ex to change her mind about leaving you if you haven’t even fixed some of the things that have been turning her off about you.
If you’re not sure what those things might be, ask yourself the following questions and see what you come up with.
- Did you and her grow apart (e.g. because you wanted different things in life, the sexual attraction between you fizzled out, you didn’t see each other often enough)?
- Did you spend too much time with her to the point where you ended up making her feel smothered by the relationship?
- Did you stop giving her the emotional support that she really needed from you and just expect her to be strong like you (i.e. like a man)?
- Did you cause her to lose trust in you by breaking your word to her on many different occasions?
- Did you become insecure or too emotionally sensitive?
- Did you become clingy, needy, jealous or controlling?
- Were you too serious and tense about the relationship all the time and as a result, she couldn’t relax and feel happy around you anymore?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you should now have a pretty good idea of what she wants you to change about yourself.
What you need to do now is get to work on those things, so you are prepared to re-attract her when you next interact with her.
A final reason why she might have said that she loved you, but wanted to be alone for a while is because…
5. How you behaved near the end of the relationship really turned her off, so she now wants to see if time apart will change her feelings towards you
When a guy notices that his woman is close to breaking up with him, it may cause him to become even more insecure, clingy, jealous and controlling.
As a result, it simply speeds up the process of her wanting to break up with him.
When she begins to break up with him, he might start begging and pleading with her, offering to change whatever she wants and telling her how much he loves her and needs her in his life.
He’s hoping that if she sees him falling apart at the idea of losing her, she will realize how much he cares for her and will then choose to stay in the relationship.
Yet, rather than make her change her mind and think, “How can I do this to him when he loves me so much? I’m just being silly. He’s a nice guy and he cares about me so much. That should be enough. Okay, I will stick with him” she will usually be thinking something like, “All of his begging, pleading, crying and going on and on about the same old things is making me want to be on my own even more. I want a man that I can look up to, respect and depend on, not someone who is so emotionally sensitive and weak that he falls apart when things get a bit challenging in his life. I need a break from him for a while. Maybe being apart will change how I feel, but based on my feelings right now, I think it’s over between us. We’ll have to wait and see. For now though, I want to be on my own.”
She will then tell her guy that she wants to be on her own for a while, to see if her feelings towards him will change.
Not knowing what else to do, a guy might trying to win her back with gifts, holiday offers, or offers to be a helpful friend in her life if she needs him for anything.
Alternatively, he might try to guilt her back into a relationship by showing her how sad and depressed when she contacts him.
Yet, in most cases, rather than make a woman change her mind and come running back, seeing him behaving in such an emotionally weak and desperate way only convinces her more that she made the right decision to end the relationship.
By the way…
If you behaved in ways that were unattractive to your ex leading up to and after the break up, don’t worry about it.
That’s all water under the bridge now.
What matters now is how you make her feel from now on.
You need to interact with her and change her friendly, neutral feelings of love into romantic, sexual, passionate feelings of love for you.
When you do that, she won’t want to be on her own.
She will want to be with you.