Here are 4 things you can do to convince your ex to attend counseling to fix your relationship…
1. Show her that you have already improved some of the things she wants, but isn’t telling you about
If a guy keeps nagging his ex to go to counseling with him, but she can see that he still hasn’t changed, she’s not going to feel like going.
Going to counseling will feel as though she is helping him to overcome his issues to get her back.
In other words, it’s all about him getting what he wants.
Rather than think, “Okay, maybe counseling will help him improve, so he can then get me back,” she will most likely think, “He doesn’t even know how to fix his own problems. It shouldn’t be this difficult. Other couples get along so well and stay together, without having to go to counseling. Why would I want to help him get me back when he doesn’t even really know how to be the kind of man that I want anyway? No thanks. He can go to counseling if he wants, but he can count me out. I’m not interested. I’m going to find myself a man who doesn’t need a counselor to help him understand how to make me happy or keep a relationship together. He needs help, but I’m not going to be the one who helps him. I’m done.”
It might seem like she is being selfish by not attending, but she isn’t.
She is an individual and can do whatever she wants.
Regardless of how close they were in a relationship or if she promised to stick with him for life, she is still an individual at the end of the day.
If she is getting what she wants from a relationship, she can decide to change her mind and leave.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman breaks up with a guy, she usually doesn’t do it over night.
In most cases, a woman will have tried to make the relationship to work for a long time and it eventually gets to a point where she’s just had enough of it.
She’s tired of all the stress and hard work that is required to keep the relationship together.
So, she ends it and walks away.
After ending it, she doesn’t want to now attend counseling to help him understand how to be a complete man in a relationship and get her back.
From her perspective, she has done enough.
So, at this point, he has to figure that out on his own and if he can’t, she will move on.
Of course, you don’t have to figure this out on your own.
I am here to help.
Watch this video to understand how you can impress your ex and let her see that you really have changed…
She is going to be way more impressed if you can improve without seeming to get any help from other people.
Just let her see that you have changed and don’t go on and on about how much you’ve been learning, or how messed up you are and how much help you need.
She doesn’t want to hear that.
What does she want?
She wants to naturally feel respect, attraction and love for who you are now.
She doesn’t want to have to listen to you go on and on about your problems or issues and feel like she needs to help you through it all.
She doesn’t want to help anymore.
She just wants you to get on with being the kind of man that she can naturally respect, feel attracted to and love.
Here’s an example of where a guy went wrong and what he would need to change to re-attract her…
A guy became very insecure in the relationship and as a result, he began to display unmanly behavior around his woman.
He became jealous, clingy and controlling and started to need her to reassure him of her love and commitment to him, which really turned her off.
She eventually got to the point where she’d enough of feeling like she had to take care of him, so she left the relationship.
So, how can he get her to go to counseling and fix the relationship?
To begin with, he needs to interact with her and let her experience the changes in him.
He has to be able to show her that he’s no longer the insecure, emotionally sensitive guy that she left and he has now become an emotionally strong man.
To be clear: He has to show it to her, not tell her.
It’s not about saying things like, “Hey, I’m not insecure anymore, I promise. I’m confident now.”
She doesn’t want to have to take care of him by saying, “Oh, good on you. I’m proud of you” and give him a pat on the head about it.
She just wants him to get on with being the kind of man that she can naturally respect, feel attracted to and be in love with now.
When a woman can see that her ex guy understands where he went wrong, without needing her to explain it all to him, she feels respect for him.
When she also sees that he’s made an effort to improve on those things, she will begin to relax her guard a little.
She will then stop being stubborn about not wanting to attend counseling and will just open up to giving it a try.
After all, he has been making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him, so she is starting to feel a bit more hopeful now.
In summary, if you want to convince your ex to attend counseling to fix your relationship, you need to show her that it is worth her while and isn’t all just about you.
- Understand what she really wants you to change but isn’t telling you about (e.g. Did she feel like you weren’t giving her the emotional support she needed? Did she feel more like a neutral friend than a feminine woman around you? Did you and her grow apart because you wanted different things in life? Did the spark die out because you ended up treating her more like a friend than your woman?).
- Begin fixing those things about yourself so she will be able to sense that you’ve changed when you next interact with her on the phone or in person.
- Improve your ability to attract her (e.g. focus on making her smile and laugh, make her feel girly and feminine in your presence), so you can reactivate her feelings when you next interact with her.
- Make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, so she feels willing the next time you bring up the idea of attending counseling together.
In other words, don’t make it all about what you want (i.e. you want her to attend counseling to you can fix the relationship problems and get her back).
Instead, make it all about her feelings.
Actively make her have feelings for you.
If you do that, she will naturally want to give you and the relationship another chance.
When your ex is feeling attracted to you again, she will begin to miss having you around and being with you in a relationship.
She will start to focus her memories on the good time and on your good qualities.
As a result, her excuses about not wanting to attend counseling will begin to fade away and she will go along with it to avoid losing you completely.
Another thing you need to do if you want to convince your ex to attend counseling to fix your relationship is to…
2. Give her an out
In a relationship, a woman doesn’t want to feel trapped into making a decision that she’s not ready to make.
So, when a guy is saying things like, “Please, let’s just go see a counselor together. Maybe he can help us work things out,” his ex woman may think, “What makes him think that I want to work things out? What if I’m happy being broken up? I’m not even sure if I ever want us to get back together again. He’s pushing me into something I’m just not ready for right now. So, I have to stand my ground and refuse to go to counseling. He needs to learn to respect me and my needs.”
This is why, the best approach to convince your ex to go to counseling is by making sure she doesn’t feel pushed into doing it just because you need it.
It has to be something that she feels compelled to do because she is experiencing renewed feelings of respect and attraction for you.
So, how can you put her mind at ease and let her know that you’re not forcing her into it?
Say something along the lines of, “Hey, I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you into something that you’re not comfortable with. I tell you what… if we do one session and you don’t want to do another, we will stop right then and there. We can fully break up for good if that’s what you really want. I promise to then stop contacting you completely if that’s what you want. You have my word on that. So, let’s just do one session. It’s either going to go well and give us something to work with, or we will decide to break up. Whatever happens, I promise to accept it.”
By saying something like that to her, you should see an immediate shift in how she reacts to your suggestions.
It takes the pressure off her because she has an exit strategy now.
If she attends the counseling session and decides that she wants to remain broken up, she has your word that you will leave her alone.
Of course, she’s not going to want that because you are going to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
You are going to continue making her feel relaxed, open and attracted and as a result, she’s not going to want it to be the last time you and her talk.
She is going to open back up to you and be willing to catch up with you again.
Of course, that’s if you approach it correctly.
If you want her to open back up, you need to make sure that you are prepared to properly re-attract her.
Don’t go using the same old approach you’ve used in the past and expect her to be excited about it.
You’ve got to approach attraction in a new and interesting way now, so she feels interested in you again and compelled to explore the new feelings she now has for you.
Another point to remember when trying to convince your ex to go to counseling to fix your relationship is to…
3. Stop making it seem like a stressful event
Right now, you might feel as though the only way to get her back is to convince her to go to counseling with you.
Yet, try to look at it from her point of view.
Imagine what goes through a woman’s mind when she has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her ex and he is desperately trying to talk her into attending counseling with him.
Can you imagine it?
She is feeling turned off by him and doesn’t want to give him another chance.
Yet, he is pleading with her to attend counseling, so he can work out how to get her back.
It just doesn’t feel right to her.
For example: He’s begging and pleading with her to go and saying things like, “Please babe. Just give it a shot. A professional counselor will help us fix our problems and get back to where we used to be. We used to be so happy. Please don’t throw what we had together away. I care so much about you and I want us to work. I mean, think about it…doesn’t me wanting to go to counseling prove to you how sorry I am for everything? Doesn’t it show you that I’m 100% committed to doing whatever it takes to get you back? I’ll even pay for the counseling session if you want. Please just give me a chance. Just attend one session. I beg you. Please.”
Alternatively, he might get angry at her for not wanting to go and say something like, “How can you be so heartless and cold?! I’m trying to fix our relationship here and it’s like you don’t even give a crap. Why am I the only one who cares about us? Why are you being such a bitch? You should be grateful that I’m even willing to go to counseling. Most guys would just say to hell with it and forget about trying to make things better. I’m not like that. I love you more than anything and I am willing to do what it takes to fix any issues we’ve been having. I know we can make it work. How about you? You don’t even seem to care. It’s like what we had meant nothing to you. So, come on…after all we’ve been through together as a couple and all the love we shared, you owe it to me to go to counseling and just give our relationship a chance.”
She then feels like he is pressuring her into counseling because he needs it so badly.
Without counseling, he feels lost and has no idea how to make her happy.
This annoys her because it confirms to her that she’s been with a guy who doesn’t even know what she wants.
He’s just been doing whatever he wants and hoping that she would put up with it and not leave.
Now that she has left him, he wants to get a professional to help him in front of her.
He doesn’t realize how unattractive that can be for a woman.
When a man and a woman go to a counselor and it’s the man who wants her back, what do you think will happen?
In almost all cases, the counselor will blame everything on the man and tell him that he needs to be nicer or more understanding.
The counselor won’t say things like, “Hey, you’re being too much of a wussy with her. You need to man up and start putting her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way. You’re letting this woman walk over you.”
That would be politically incorrect of the counselor to say, so the advice is pretty much always, “It’s your fault. She’s innocent and perfect. You need to do a whole bunch of things to hopefully make it up to her. If she doesn’t want you after you’ve done all those things, then you have to accept it and leave her alone.”
This is why I never recommend that guys take an ex woman to counseling as the main plan of attack to get her back.
A counseling session almost always ends up being an attack on the guy.
The counselor makes it out to be all his fault, or pretty much all his fault, which turns his ex woman off even more as she realizes how ineffective of a boyfriend (fiance or husband) he has been.
However, if you are determined to go to counseling, then you are free to go ahead and do that.
It’s your choice.
I’m just telling you what I know after helping 100s of men to get their woman back.
I’ve heard all the different approaches that guys have used to try to get their woman back and I’ve never heard positive things happen after a session with a counselor.
It’s up to you though.
If you really want to get her to go to counseling with you, then let’s keep talking about that…
Here’s what you can do to get her to relax and open up to counseling…
Instead of always having serious, stressful, emotional conversations about the relationship and how important it is to get counseling, just try to start turning things into something to laugh about together.
For example: If your ex says something along the lines of, “I just don’t know if I’m ready to go to counseling right now,” rather than getting upset about it, you can laugh and say (in a joking way), “Okay, so you’re not ready right now…how about 30 seconds from now? Will you be ready then? Maybe we need to give you 5 minutes to be ready.”
Then laugh and say, “Hey, look, we don’t have to decide right now. Let’s just stop talking about counseling for now and think about it later. It’s fine.”
If you are talking to her in person in that moment, continue to make her laugh and smile (e.g. use more humor, tickle her, play wrestle her onto the bed or couch and tickle her and then kiss her, tell her that she has something stuck to the back of her pants and tell her to turn around and then spank her on the butt and laugh).
Just get her attention away from the stress of trying to fix things with you.
Make getting back together feel fun, natural and easy, rather than making out to be a huge ordeal that will require you and her sitting down with a professional to talk through your issues.
Be more playful with her.
Make her feel good.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t ever take anything seriously, or that you have to constantly crack jokes around her.
Instead, it simply means that you’re getting rid of stressful emotions and replacing them with more enjoyable emotions, so she can relax and open up to you again naturally.
When you can make your ex smile, laugh and drop her guard around you, she will be less likely to say, “No” to attending counseling.
She will begin to think something like, “At least we can still have a laugh together. Maybe attending counseling to fix our relationship is not such a bad idea after all. Maybe it’s not too late to actually work things out between us.”
Of course, that’s if you still want to go to counseling.
Remember: Counseling usually ends up being an attack on the guy because all counselors are too politically correct to speak the truth.
In today’s society, it’s frowned upon to blame anything on women.
Women are made out to be perfect, innocent princesses who can do no wrong, even though, in most cases, they make just as many mistakes as men do in relationships.
Don’t expect a counselor to take your side though.
You are trying to get her back and to protect the counselor’s reputation and business, he/she will almost always take the woman’s side to protect her safety.
So, go to counseling if you want.
However, if you want to get her back in an easier, quicker and more natural way, then…
4. Get the relationship back together first and then decide if you and her need counseling
Every day, all over the world, guys get their girl back without going to counseling.
You can do that too.
By using every interaction that you have with her from now on as an opportunity to trigger her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
Don’t ask for her to give you another chance and don’t start going on and on about your issues and how you’re seeking help on your own.
Just get on with being the sort of man that she can naturally feel respect, attraction and love for.
That’s how it’s done.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t ever find that out until it’s too late.
For example: When a guy feels as though he has tried everything to get his ex back and it hasn’t worked (e.g. he begged and pleaded, he offered to change whatever she wanted, he bought her gifts, flowers and in some cases even paid for her bills and expenses), he might then assume that his only option is to get her into a counseling session.
He hopes that the counselor will be able to talk to some sense into her, make her see that he is a good guy and get her to give him another chance.
Yet, that’s just not how it works.
In addition to mostly (or totally) blaming the guy for what went wrong in the relationship, a counselor will also begin to dig up other problems in the relationship that she wasn’t even thinking about.
This just causes the woman to want to get out of the relationship even more.
For example: The counselor points out that a real man makes his woman feel appreciated by doing this or that, which then reminds her of the fact that her ex guy wasn’t doing that for her.
Alternatively, the counselor digs deep into the guy’s psychology and starts talking about his childhood issues, which makes him feel upset and emotionally sensitive.
She then feels even more turned off by him and feels like he needs a lot of work before he will be capable of being a real man for her or for any other woman.
So, you can go to counseling with her if you want, but I don’t recommend it.
What do I recommend?
Getting her back in an easier, more natural way.
Actively make her have feelings for you again.
Interact with her and get her to feel sparks of respect, sexual attraction and love for you based on the way that you now talk to her, behave around her and react to her.
When you do that, she will naturally start to relax her guard and allow herself to begin reconnecting with the love she used to feel for you.
You can then build up the sexual tension between you and her and make her begin to have strong, romantic feelings for you again.
It’s very easy to do.
You simply have to rise up to the challenge and attract her in the ways that really matter to her.
Don’t go offering her things that she doesn’t care about (e.g. offering to be nicer or to buy her things, when she really just wants you to be more ballsy and make her feel like a girl who is in love again).
You have to interact with her and get her feeling attracted to you in ways that actually matter to her.
When you do that, she will automatically relax her guard, open back up to you and go along with it when you guide her back into a relationship.
Every day, all over the world, guys get their girl back by using that approach.
It’s up to you though.
You can go to counseling if you want.
However, be warned: The counselor will almost certainly make it all your fault and bring up problems between you and her that you didn’t even know existed.