4 common reasons why a woman will use that as a reason to break up are that:
1. She has realized that her ex made her feel more respect, attraction and love and she misses that
Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy (her ex) because certain aspects of his thinking and behavior turn her off and make her feel unhappy in the relationship.
For example: A woman might have initially felt a lot of respect and attraction for her ex guy and may even have though something like, “He makes me feel so wonderful when I’m with him. I think things could get serious between us. Maybe he is the one.”
Yet, over time she may realize that even though he makes her feel good when she’s with him, what she wants in the relationship and what he wants are two very different things (e.g. she wants him to commit to her and be more serious, while he prefers to keep things casual and enjoys living a carefree life).
She might then decide to break up with him (her ex) and hook up with another guy (you), who is more down to earth, stable and willing to commit to her.
Yet, even though you might be a great guy who is kind and gentle and reliable, something about the relationship just doesn’t feel right to her.
She realizes that you don’t make her feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that her ex did.
You are a good guy, but something is missing and it makes her want to stop being so affectionate with you and start pulling back.
She becomes confused about her feelings and starts focusing on things about you that she doesn’t like (e.g. you let her walk all over you, you’re too emotionally sensitive or you’re not manly enough with her).
She then compares you to her ex and may start thinking, “Well, my ex didn’t want to settle down, but at least he knew how to make me feel like a feminine woman when I was in his presence. My new guy is really sweet, but I just don’t feel girly and turned on as easily when I’m with him. In fact, I feel more like a neutral friend or big sister when we’re together. There’s just no spark between us anymore. I hate to admit it, but I think I made a mistake by breaking up with my ex. I miss the way he made me feel. I want to feel rushes sexual attraction and love for my man again. This new relationship is nice, but I’m bored.”
At this point she will likely say, “I haven’t healed from my previous relationship. I need time alone,” and break up with you.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though her ex makes her feel a more compelling type of attraction and love, it doesn’t mean that he’s perfect for her, or that you can’t get her back.
When you make some attractive adjustments to the way you think, act and behave around her (e.g. treat her more like a sexy, desirable woman than like a platonic friend), you will be ready to properly re-attract her.
Remember: Right now, she’s focusing on all the missing pieces of the attraction experience that she didn’t get with you (e.g. her ex was more emotionally strong, he made her feel more feminine and girly, he was more assertive and confident, he didn’t let her walk all over him).
However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things about you that are more attractive to her than what her ex can give her (e.g. you’re more emotionally mature, you have drive and determination, you’re loving and caring, you don’t take her for granted, you have good intentions).
So, if you want to make your girlfriend see you as better than her ex, it’s very important that you find out what she secretly wanted from you that you weren’t giving her and start improving on that right away.
In most of the cases that I’ve worked on where a guy told me that his woman needed to “heal,” it turned out that he was being too much of a softie with her.
In other words, he needed to man up and get into the position of power, rather than being way too nice and sweet to her all the time.
If that applies to you, then make sure that you don’t try to get her back by being even nicer and sweeter.
That will not work.
You have to be prepared to attract her in the ways that really matter to her.
Then, when you interact with your ex from now on and she sees for herself that, not only are you great in so many ways that she really loves and respects (e.g. you’re caring and loving, you’re ambitious and forward thinking), but that you’ve also changed and improved on some of the things that caused her to feel more attracted to her ex (e.g. you’re more confident now and believe in your value to her, you’re more assertive and emotionally dominant).
As a result, she won’t be able to stop herself from doubting her decision to break up with you.
She will look at you in a positive light and realize that you aren’t so bad after all and probably the one for her.
She will then start comparing you to her ex and possibly begin seeing that he’s not really as great as she’s been making him out to be (e.g. he might be more emotionally strong, but he’s not supportive of her dreams and ambitions. He might make her feel more feminine and girly in his presence, but he’s also jealous and controlling, or he’s abusive or arrogant).
When this begins to happen, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again because you are now giving her the attraction experience she always wanted from you.
By changing and letting her experience a different type of attraction for you, it also highlights her ex’s flaws, which makes the ex back process even easier for you.
All of a sudden, she begins to think something like, “How could I possibly have thought my ex was a better man than my current boyfriend? I let myself believe in fairy tales by getting back with the ex who doesn’t really care about me as much as I care about him. I allowed the best man to slip through my fingers because I thought I hadn’t healed from the break up. Will he ever be able to forgive me for being such so selfish and give me one more chance?” and then the idea of being with you again feels like something she really wants to do.
Warning: Where a lot of guys go wrong in cases like this is by trying to help her heal by discussing the problems of her past relationship.
It seems like a good idea, but it usually only highlights to her the attractive differences between her ex and you and usually, not in your favor.
What women feel attracted to, doesn’t always make 100% logical sense.
For example: How women feel more sexually attracted to bad boys than to really nice guys.
It seems crazy, but if you think about it, men do the same thing when they feel attracted to bad girls (e.g. pornstars, strippers).
So, if you try to point out his bad qualities and show her that you are so much nicer than him, it’s like a plain, unattractive woman trying to convince you that she is more attractive than your favorite female pornstar that you’ve jerked off to plenty of times.
Attraction doesn’t always make 100% logical sense, so you have to be careful and avoid trying to convince a woman to have feelings for you based on your nice, good qualities.
Instead, focus on making her feel attracted to you by displaying personality traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, charisma, humor).
Rather than trying to convince her to not feel attracted to her ex, you should focus on making her feel so attracted to you now that she naturally loses interest in her past attraction for him.
Another reason why a woman might say that she still hasn’t healed from her previous relationship is because…
2. She’s trying to come up with a reason for the break up that he can’t fix
Most women know that if they come right out and reveal their true, hidden reasons why they want to break up with a guy (e.g. he’s not manly enough, he’s too emotionally sensitive, she doesn’t feel much of a spark with him), he might try to change her mind by offering to change those exact things.
Some of her concerns are that…
- If she tells him that he’s not emotionally strong enough for her and that he’s too needy, clingy and dependent on her, he might suddenly pretend that he’s fixed those things (e.g. by acting tough around her and treating her with indifference), even though deep down he’s the same guy and will gradually revert to his old behavior after getting her back.
- He might try to talk her out of her decision (e.g. by begging and pleading with her, promising to do whatever she wants, telling her that he can’t live without her).
- She doesn’t want to feel like she is going to be responsible for shaping him into the man that he needs to become throughout life.
- He might become angry and in some cases, even violent.
So, rather than have to deal with an emotional man (who is either begging, pleading, crying, or getting emotional) a woman will sometimes say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s too much for me to handle. I haven’t healed from my previous relationship. It’s not you, it’s me. I need time to be alone so I can figure myself out and heal.”
She knows very well that giving her guy a reason like that will make it difficult for him to come up with a way of making things right between them.
Of course, as a desperate measure to make her change her mind a guy might then try to get her to counseling by saying something along the lines of, “Why don’t we go to counseling first and see if that will help you heal before you make any rash decisions about breaking up with me? Maybe you should seek help. I will take you if you want. I will pay if you want. Please, just don’t give up on us now. I love you so much. I will be patient. I will help you through this.”
Yet, since a woman is simply trying to let the guy down easy, she’s not going to be open to counseling and might then say, “Look, I need some time apart to sort my feelings out. Just give me some space and maybe, sometime in the future, we can get back together.”
Then, when the guy agrees (because he thinks he still stands a chance of getting her back by simply waiting), she will use that time apart to find a replacement guy, or get back with her ex.
Another reason why a woman might say that she still hasn’t healed from her previous relationship is that…
3. She’s just being a drama queen and making her life more stressful than it needs to be
Some women are addicted to failing at relationships and in life, so they will continue to ruin relationships and push perfectly good guys away.
It’s just the way they are and it usually has nothing to do with the guy.
The mistake that some guys make is being extra sweet and supportive to a woman like that when she doesn’t even need it (because ruining good relationships and getting caught up in the drama of it is the way that she likes to live her life).
A guy might try to please her by buying her flowers, helping her out financially (e.g. paying for some of her bills) and making himself available to her every beck and call, in the hopes that she will change her mind and realize that he is the one for her.
Yet, rather than make her think, “I’m being so unreasonable and I almost lost the perfect guy. I should be more sensible and just stop creating drama” she’ll likely be thinking of still more reasons why she feels turned off by him (e.g. he’s too easy, he’s wimpy and weak-minded, she feels more emotionally dominant than him) and she will then pull even further away from him than she already has.
She knows that pretty much every other guy has reacted in the same way when she has created drama.
Yet, what she is really looking for is a guy who doesn’t get dragged into her drama because he doesn’t allow his time to be wasted by that kind of silly behavior from a woman.
Of course, most guys who get dumped by a woman who needs to “heal” are not the kind of guy who will say, “Okay, fine. See ya later. Enjoy your healing.”
Instead, they are the type of guy who will try to reason with her, fix the non-existent problem and suck up to her in any way possible to avoid being dumped.
What she wants is a guy who just doesn’t get tricked by her silly drama and instead, can make her chase him.
If he can’t make her feel that way, she will continue on and ruin other relationships until a guy finally doesn’t take her drama so seriously and make her become the one who chases.
So, although it might be hard for you to admit that your ex might be the kind of woman who is in the habit of ruining perfectly good relationships, it’s a possibility you need to consider.
For example: Some questions you can ask yourself right now are…
- Does my ex have a history of failed relationships where the guy seems to be a decent guy, but she just isn’t satisfied with him for some weird or random reason?
- Were there things about my thinking and behavior that turned her off in the relationship (e.g. I was too needy and clingy, I took our love for granted, I allowed her to wear the pants in the relationship), or did she just create drama over insignificant things to see if I’d fall for it and lose confidence in myself?
- Can I easily get myself a replacement woman who is more loyal, respectful and beautiful than her, or do I secretly believe that she’s as good as it gets for me?
Finally, another reason why a woman might say that she needs to “heal” as a reason to break up with a guy is that…
4. The relationship was a rebound and it has now served its purpose
If your woman got into a relationship with you immediately or shortly after breaking up with her ex, then you were the rebound.
A rebound is usually the guy who is used as a way of getting over her ex and hopefully moving on.
Some rebound relationships work (i.e. if the guy is able to make her feel more respect, attraction and love than her ex), but most fail because the new guy (the rebound) isn’t everything a woman really wants (e.g. he’s too nice, not manly enough, puts up with her drama).
So, even though the rebound may be a great guy with good intentions, it doesn’t mean that his approach will make the woman even happier than she was with her ex.
For example: A woman’s ex boyfriend might have cheated on her and dumped her after treating her badly throughout the relationship.
In most cases (to make herself feel better), her rebound guy is going to be someone who is really nice, supportive, generous and caring.
This allows her to feel appreciated, safe and loved after being treated so badly by her ex.
Yet, when her self-esteem is boosted back up by all the nice treatment from her rebound, she realizes that although he is sweet and kind, he’s just too much of a pushover.
She wants a guy who is a good man, but isn’t such a wimp around her.
So, even though she doesn’t want to be with a guy who is exactly like her ex (e.g. domineering, untrustworthy bad guy), she also doesn’t want to be with a really nice guy who doesn’t have the balls to stand up to her when necessary.
She wants a man who is somewhere in between her two previous exes.
A guy who loves her and cares about her, but also makes her feel like she needs to continually impress him and live up to his standards.
In other words, a guy who is more of a challenge than a super sweet, supportive nice guy who puts up with her bad behavior and bad treatment of him just to spend time with her.
So, rather than get into long debates and discussions with him about why she wants to break up, she will usually just say, “You know how bad things were between me and my ex. The truth is, I still haven’t healed from that relationship and I need time to do that first before I consider committing again. Please understand. You’re a great guy, but I’m just not the right woman for you. I’m messed up and I need time to heal.”
He might then tell her that he will wait for her no matter how long it takes or that he doesn’t care that she is messed up.
He doesn’t realize that she’s breaking up with him because she secretly isn’t attracted to him anymore and is planning on moving on.
The poor guy, right?
That’s why I write so many of these articles and create so many videos.
I hope to reach guys like you and him, so I can help you avoid the pain of trying to get her back in the wrong way (and being continually rejected) and just get her back the easy way.
What is the easy way?
To focus on making her feel attracted to you for real.
Make her have strong feelings for you, so that her ex and other guys no longer seem appealing.
She looks at you and realizes that you have everything she has been looking for.
You are the complete man that she has been looking for her entire life.